The Speech

I would just like to say, I am apologetic to each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart for not posting with the frequency that I would like to over the past few weeks. You see, I am what is normally regarded as a procrastinator. It has now sunk in that I should start studying for an important exam that I have in a few weeks instead of spending my free time posting, so that is why my posts have been few and far between. The early predictions are that Fat Dub will be the next guest-poster on the Soup Kitchen, but as of now there is still one day to vote. A lot can change in a small amount of time, so we shall see. Besides posting, my schedule has been kept somewhat busy by watching the playoff teams and doing nefarious activities such as the one I am about to describe to you. The following was written by yours truly, and it has been regarded as quite possibly the greatest pump-up speech mankind has ever laid eyes on. First, for some background information: Saumon Oboudiyat, a huge fan and somewhat frequent subject of some Soup Kitchen fame, entered a dodgeball team into the tournament at school. Although the team was set, Saumon asked me to participate by being the coach/inspirational speaker. Because I had a track meet the day of the tournament, however, I could not attend. I figured I would send the team my little bit of spirit and inspiration through a well-crafted speech, which would incorporate a little pump-up from the great speeches of yesteryear. Saumon informed me only that the team was called Team Thriller (O-Star Superstar's idea) and that the team uniforms would be a white tee with some high socks. With that information, I set off on a journey only a privileged few are allowed to make. I am fully expecting about half of these lines to end up on those quote sites under the category of either greatness, BA-ness or Sobel Soup quotes. Without further ado, I give you The Speech.

To Whom It May Concern (I refuse to write “To Team Thriller,” that is the stupidest name ever),
Today, you young lads may have a chance to achieve greatness only a privileged few are able to reach. I am of course talking about the dodgeball tournament at stake on this fine April evening. As Lou Holtz once appropriately said, with his cute little lisp of his, “I can’t believe that God put us on this Earth to be ordinary.” I’m now paraphrasing with the line after that when he said “And I’ll be damned if (Team Thriller) isn’t (victorious in this dodgeball tournament).” Look, you guys just had a Lou Holtz pep talk. Yeah, it was pretty cool watching him give it in his personalized white tee, with his high socks of course. Let me assure you, he put more heart and soul into this speech than in the song, and believe me, that’s a lot. I literally felt like I was watching Braveheart. Now, I know exactly what we are thinking. You are going to save all of this heart and soul for the games that matter, and you will take it easy on the little guys. Well men, there would be no great ones if there were no little ones, like my main man George Herber used to say. That means I want you to step on the competition's throat. Castrate them if you must. Show no mercy. I don’t care if you have to kill someone in order to win. That is because sacrifices must be made in order to achieve greatness. I’m sure any one of you would be ready and willing to kill a man and spend your lifetime plus 20 years in prison to win this, simply because I know how committed to a man you are. If you do not win, I can guarantee a week won’t go by in your lives that you won’t regret letting them get the best of you. But I’m not worried about that because failure is not an option. Let no man, woman, or unknowing passer-by forget how menacing we are, we are lions. We are like a big bear, man. Nothing can stop this group, and you know why? Because he who reigns over his own domain, he who is the master of his own destiny, can conquer all burdens of which The Almighty may place upon him and emerge victorious. (Editor's Note: I totally made up that line for the sole purpose that it end up on a great quote page, so someone please do the Sobel Soup the favor of sending that in. If you do I will most definitely give you a personal shout-out.) So guys, this is your time. Victory or Death. At the end of the day, I want to be able to say to you fellas "Yo Adrian, we did it." And look guys. It’s not about how hard you hit them, it’s about how much of a hit you can take and keep going forward. It’s about the fundamentals: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge. THE FUNDAMENTALS!!!!! THAT’S HOW WINNING IS DONE!!!!!!! And as I leave you gentlemen and let you go out on that court today, I firmly believe that you will become winners on that battlefield. So fellas, do us all a favor, and win one for the Sobel Soup.

If you want to tell me to my face that my speech is neither inspiring nor stirring in any way, my reaction would be more emphatic than a Dikembe Mutumbo finger wag. It turns out the dodgeball tournament was cancelled because of a lack of participation. Some may view this as a wasted endeavor. Let me assure you, it was. The positive of this situation is that if I ever need an inspirational speech, I can just use this. Also, for those of you planning on using this, this speech has been trademarked by the Sobel Soup, so don't get any ideas.
___________________________________________________

As you may recall in my last post, I challenged Saumon Oboudiyat to complete Definition by Blackstar. Although you may think Saumon rapping Mos Def is more out of place than a Big Butts Spongebob Squarepants commercial, think again. I was quite impressed by his performance and have given it a passing grade. Congrats Saumon, I look forward to more great work.
___________________________________________________

As many of you have probably noticed, the Flyers have been knocked out of the playoffs. This is supremely disappointing, especially since I am subject to listening to Marc-Andre Fleury spew what some believe to be a primitive form of the English language out of his mouth for at least a few more weeks. As you may have guessed, the playoff beard has changed a bit. Although I am still growing for the Sixers, it would have been beyond me to not shave at least part of it of in honor of the Flyers. I ended up shaving off the 'stache, which I had nicknamed the trash 'stache, because it pretty much made the beard, and the Flyers were pretty much the reason why I started growing in the first place. I still have my chin stubbles, which are starting to become darker, growing out for the Sixers with my boy Fat Dub.

___________________________________________________

This video was sent into sobelsoupkitchen@gmail.com by an anonymous reader. While they didn't include their name and the email address was quite confusing, they did pick out an excellent clip from Seinfeld, which is probably in my top 10 favorite Seinfeld moments (believe me I have a lot of them).



Always Serving,

Sobel Soup