Coach Ed: Baller Fo' Real

To whom it may concern: Jack will not be posting every 500 hits. If you may recall, I stated that he would post at 500, 1500, 2500 and so on. So, for those of you arithmetically challenged, it is every odd multiple of 500 hits. I know, its more complex than the time warp in Lost, but you get the picture. As you may have also noticed, it is Thursday. The reason this is significant is not because it is an easy Big Mac's birthday (Just kidding, happy birthday mortal enemy). As is often the case, people all around probably sported their sweater vests today. I, however, did not rock it. I have a perfectly good reason for this. You see, last week was the big matchup versus the Dukies so I had to wear my Villanova gear. My boys won, so I have to continue to do it. I'm more superstitious than Stevie Wonder. I did see an absolute boss wear a sweater vest in one Mr. P (the coolest teacher ever according to Jack). I appreciate the support, Señor.

I would imagine many of you are presently wondering who this Coach Ed character is, and I'm going to explain it to you with the help of my good friend Fat Dub. You see, Fat Dub is a very ambitious young man. He once wrote an article about our favorite coach on the track team. Before I let you know about this glorious man, I have to give you a bit of background information. This spring, I tried out for the baseball team. Now, since I can't throw 92 with movement, I was cut. This presented a great opportunity in itself, for I was able to now run track. I was assuming this would be a stay-in-shape season for me, where I could just spend my weekday afternoons with Fat Dub. This is precisely where my calculations went wrong. I did not take into account the Coach Ed factor.

Besides being our track coach, Coach Ed is one of Fat Dub's three favorite people ever. The man puts Tyler Durden to shame. Some of you may tell Fat Dub "Will, you hardly even know Coach Ed, he has barely been your coach for a month." To that, Fat Dub just says to you "Stop complaining and go back to giving me sweet birthday presents." Believe me, that's a direct quote. Fat Dub has broken down the Coach Ed aura into 8 categories, which I will explain for you. Just to get you in the right frame of mind, Coach Ed is in his thirties (it's the new twenty!!!), is about 5'4 - 5'8'' and is a track and field coach extraordinaire. He also has some killer pictures with famous runners, pictured below. If you couldn't guess he is the good looking guy in the left-hand corner.


Favorite TV Show: Dhani Tackles the Globe- While this is an honorable mention of mine, it is one of Coach Ed's favorite shows. It just screams out Coach Ed probably because it is based off the premise of being an international show. Coach Ed is foreign as well, according to Fat Dub he is originally from Iran. Another reason why Coach Ed is all about this show is that he probably thinks he can do each and every stunt better than the bowtie can.

This is a facet of Coach Ed's life that me and Fat Dub do disagree on. I think his favorite shows are the many Gordon Ramsay cooking shows. Coach Ed only has basic cable, simply because he gets home too late from doing activities only Baller Fo' Real's can pull off. He ends up watching his shows online. These include Kitchen Nightmares and Hell's Kitchen. Believe me when I tell you this, but Coach Ed is straight up wild about these. I also have a theory that his love for Gordon Ramsay is fueled by his hate for Bobby Flay, who Ed calls "a total D-Bag."

I would have to be pretty crazed not to tell you about Coach Ed's now former love for Survivor. Last year, Coach Ed sent in his cast video requesting to be on the hit reality show Survivor. Now, I'm not a big follower of the show, but just from first-hand knowledge I can honestly say that Coach Ed would be the grand-prize winner. I'm certain he could survive simply by eating ants and telling his favorite anecdotes. There are too many for me to explain right now, but my favorite is about how big of a bully Coach Ed was, and how he used to make the sophomores carry his books for him in high school. Anyway, Coach Ed was not accepted to be on the show, probably because the producers knew another network would make a show all about Coach Ed after he was done with the show, and attention would be shifted from Survivor to "Coach Ed: Bona Fide Baller."

I'm not sure about any of the other things Fat Dub wrote about for Coach Ed, simply because I have no idea what any of them are.

Favorite Movie: House Party 4
Favorite Band: African Tribal Orchestra
Favorite Sport: Wheelchair Rugby (I can see this being his favorite pasttime, even more so than track)
Favorite Book: Mission Earth by L. Ron Hubbard
Favorite French Impressionist Painter: Frederic Bazille
Favorite Middle Earth Species: Ents
Least Favorite Member of the Starship Enterprise- Mr. Spock (Only Coach Ed)

Fat Dub and I have yet to ask Coach Ed's opinion on sweater vests. The bet was that if Coach Ed said that sweater vests were awesome, Will (Fat Dub's alter ego) would have to wear a sweater vest to school. If Coach Ed said sweater vests sucked, then I would have to take out my sweater vest counter at the bottom of my blog. If all goes well, I'll have a picture of Fat Dub in a sweater vest for all to see.

If there is one thing to remember about Coach Ed, besides the fact that he is a Baller Fo' Real, it's that he is the same man who today said "You've never ran in a hurricane, until you've ran in a hurricane." Never has a more true statement been truly stated. This single breath embodies everything that Coach Ed lives for, which, consequently, is all that matters in the world.

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Sweater Vest Spottings: 45 (1 Last Thursday)

Because of a lack of participation from all, including me, I'm considering stopping the Sweater Vest Thursday counter, but not before we get Coach Ed's opinion on sweater vests.

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Following after my inspiration, Mark Titus, I'm going to try to put in sweet videos at the end of my posts. This first video was recommended by Nate Parker. Any future requests can be proposed to me at any time in the comments section, in person, or emailed to me at sobelsoupkitchen@gmail.com.




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Sobel Soup