A lot has happened over the past week, and it would be really tough for me not to let you all in on what went down. Just a word of advice: you might want to break this one up into sections if you don't have that much time on your hands because it's pretty long. I don't want to hear any complaining, so tough it out if you want to read the whole thing.
First things first, I was told by Sam Pinecone, who is the 3rd fastest, that I had the 5th fastest 800 time in the school, according to PennTrackXC.com. For those of you who are saying "Wow, only 5th fastest. That's really not something to be showing off about," you don't even know the half of it. First of all, I am not the 5th fastest 800 time in the school. I am probably around 11th or 12th. That's not the most important thing that came out of this situation, however. You see, this website allows the athletes to make their own personal profiles. While most people would blow this off as a waste of time, I am a web sensation, so I had to personalize it. At first, I made my picture George Clooney. Then I changed my athletic achievements to the following:
Gym Class Hero: Straight A+'s 2 years running. PR's: Flex Arm Hang- 33.2 seconds. Yeah, 33.2... wasn't even trying. Pushups- 93. In 60 seconds. I showed off my bulging muscles for the last 10. A member of the International Curling Hall of Fame for innovative techniques now used across the sport. Has thrown 3 no-hitters, including one perfect game, in wiffleball. Nolan Ryan should probably watch out. Recorded the game-winning hit in first round Texas League Baseball Playoff game (Note: Highlight of baseball career). Shot a course record of 9 strokes at Pirate Putt-Putt Golf in Avalon. This was done over 18 holes.
Unfortunately, Jeffrey J. caught wind of this and made me take them down. I did leave up my personal information, as follows:
Enjoys wearing a nice pair of slacks. Has a hit blog, a web sensation. Witty, great personality. Traveled across the world last year and has a profound view on life since his trip. Now refers to himself in third person. Lack of modesty dully noted. Hopes to live on the moon, not for the advancement of world technological gains, but rather to use it as own personal golf course as seen in Tiger Woods Gatorade commercial.
Unfortunately, it is impossible to view my personal information regardless of whether you are a member or not. Thanks a lot, PennTrackXC, for providing me with humor for at least a few minutes.
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Besides creating a profile that no one can see, the Sobel Soup also got his haircut. Trying to stay cool for the summer, I went with a bit of a shorter cut. Somehow, this resulted in me receiving an uptown fade, similar to the one 'Nique can be seen sporting in that fantastic cartoon drawing. This of course drew the ire of many of my friends, mostly O-Star Superstar. I have learned to ignore the criticism and to love my uptown fade.
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Late one night this week, I saw Jeffrey J. jamming out to a song on his laptop. Now, he had his earphones in, and was totally getting into it, so I just had to see what it was. I walked over and asked what he was listening to, while grabbing the mouse to click on iTunes to see for myself. Jeff was unprepared to say the least when he squeaked out a "Just..." I would finish his sentence myself after seeing what it was. My father was listening to How To Save a Life by The Fray (of course I gave the Grey's Anatomy version, what else would you expect.) I was shocked and ashamed, and at the same time gave Jeffrey J. non-stop grief for the unspeakable act he had just committed. He tried to play it off by saying it just landed on that, but the song was clearly just clicked on, considering it had the dark blue line on it. I came back later and checked on him again, and he was listening to The Boss, also known as The King to a fool known as Colin Campies (By the way, check out Clarence in the orange jumpsuit in that video). Not even that could make up for Jeff's indulgence in a popular but awful pop rock group.
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On Friday, Strath Haven students all received their yearbooks. I was pretty happy with it, except for one HUGE mistake. I am of course talking about the Celebrity Look Alikes section. I know what you are thinking, and yes, they did neglect to put in the Sobel Soup and Michael Phelps. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it. To add insult to injury, there were some weak matches in there too. Julia Reitenbach and Ali Lohan?!?!? Seriously?!? (To quote Keller/K-Smoove, "The question mark/exclamation point combo is just genius. It's like, I really want to know your answer!!!") If the Sobel Soup doesn't get in there next year, he will have some problems to take up with the Yearbook Staff, to say the least.
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The most enjoyable part of my week had to be the weekend. This was spent in Maryland for a soccer tournament. Friday night, I went out to eat at Longhorn Steakhouse with two of my teammates, Nick Maillet (also known as 1-Ball, don't ask) and Kelsey Beck-Cullen. While ordering my food, I was interrupted by loud clapping and a ridiculously long chant about food that somehow had to do with birthdays at another table. To say the least, we laughed heartily about the chant for a few minutes. Kelsey then got up, I assumed it was for a trip to the restrooms. He came back and informed us both that it was my birthday tonight. This was obviously a lie, considering my birthday is not for another 2 and a half weeks. Kelsey, however, told the waiter that it was just so he would be able to see the chant done to me. He was considering not telling me, but thankfully I was notified so I wasn't totally shocked. We ate maybe half of the delicious food that we ordered, they serve them big over at Longhorn, and awaited the moment of truth. We heard the clapping start from all the way across the restaurant and knew it was coming. It turned out not to be as long or as embarrassing as I thought it would have been, and I got a free dessert out of it. The whole experience was, however, ridiculously funny. That would just be the beginning of interesting eateries in Maryland. The following night I went to The Cheesecake Factory, accompanied by Nick, Kelsey, Xander Rizzello (of previous Soup Kitchen fame), and his parents. Our waitress started off by asking us if we could see alright. It being very dark in the restaurant, we asked for some more light, a candle maybe. Judging by her supremely awkward response and by the fact that she didn't bring us any light, she clearly used this as a comedic opening line that most people probably don't think is funny. At all. This waitress also loved the menu. We could tell because after each of us ordered our stuff, she would say "Oh, that's really good, one of my favorites." Not only that, but she had a nickname for everything on the menu. For example, she asked us how we enjoyed the Spicy Buffalo Chicken Fingers, and we said they were quite good. She responded by saying that "Oh good, I love The Blasts." Towards the end of the night, we were all making comments about her very portly figure. Xander's dad said it best when he emphasized that "she can't resist the Cheesecake!!!!" Unfortunately for all of us, the waitress was standing very close to our table and may or may not have heard the comments. We probably deserved spit in our cheesecakes at the end, and we probably got it anyway. They were delicious nonetheless.
Not only did The Cheesecake Factory have great food, the trip there also taught me a number of lessons. The first one was that The Cheesecake Factory does not only serve cheesecake. Judging by the name, I had previously thought that they sold cheesecake there, but nothing else. I was totally wrong. It probably had the biggest selection of food I have ever seen. Besides learning not to judge a book by its cover, I found out about how to get parmesan cheese put on your dish by an employee. A helper came over with parmesan cheese and asked if anyone would like it on their meal. I said I would, and she proceeded to grate the cheese onto my plate. Now, I had no idea that you were supposed to tell the person when to stop putting it on. Because of that little mix-up in communication, she grated cheese for literally 25 seconds while I looked around in wonder at the others at my table. Finally she stopped and walked away, but by that point I probably had more parmesan cheese on my plate than I did pasta. I will never forget that valuable lesson that was taught to me at Cheesecake. The meal was still pretty good, too.
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This video was sent in by The Big Kit, Ankit Prasad, a huge fan of the Soup Kitchen. He has been waiting for a while for me to put in this video, and he is pretty obsessed with the guy in it. While not loving it on Kit's level, I do think his rendition of Lollipop is excellent.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
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