TBD Takes His Shot at a Guest Post

I'm guessing you've all seen the title of this post, and have probably had a bigger freak-out than the present swine flu scare. I have some explaining to do as to why I am letting a guest post on now, reaching no significant hits number. My reasoning is that I haven't been posting at all recently, and I would just like to give the people what they want. Apparently that means voting for TBD over Fat Dub, who was shockingly beat out on the last day. Before I let (the former) TBD take over, I would just like to say that I do not condone his opinions on old people. As in Jack's guest post, I will be inserting my two cents where necessary, in the form of Editor's notes. Without further ado, here is The Former T.B. Deegy.
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Hello readers, you probably know me as TBD, but that is in my past. You guys can call me Jake. I would like to thank all of those who have voted for me in Soup's poll...especially Mr. Miraglia, aka Coach. I appreciate that you took time away from your girlfriends to vote for me. First, I would like to give a little b-round information on myself.

Most of what you need to know about me is listed on my Facebook in the activities section. Here they are: MLB Showdown, Quarterbacking football teams, going to Acme, playing golf, heckling the piss out of division three athletes (Editor's Note: except Swat athletes, they are our boys), going to cross country meets (I don’t run in them), and frisbee. Another activity that I partake in is baseball, which brings me to my first point.

This past Saturday, right after I ate some nice burgers from Burger King, (who knew that there was a difference between small fries and value fries? I certainly didn’t, but now I do thanks to the fat cashier worker who freaked on me) I went to my little brother’s baseball game. We like to call my little brother Fats or Crisco, FYI. So anyway, we were sitting behind the left field wall which is right in front of a different field. After fats grounded out to third we heard a roar. This was no ordinary roar, it was an extremely high pitched roar. So I turn around and what do I see? A bunch of little kids enjoying the game of baseball. They were in the league where instead of a pitcher or a tee, there was a pitching machine. Normally, I would just turn back around thinking to myself, wow these kids have nothing, everyone knows you can’t be any good at baseball until your balls drop (Ed. Note: That's why I love TBD). But I was drawn into the game. I was drawn by the love that the kids had for the game, and the fun that they had while playing. After the end of the inning, the home team was trotting in to their bench to hit. That is when I noticed the bench players from the away team. Each and every one of them was sitting on the bench with their helmets on. They wouldn’t have been hitting for another 15 minutes, but I just loved the dedication. I also love the different outfits I see during these little little league games. One kid had on shorts, one was wearing sweatpants, one wearing jeans, and always the true ballers that were wearing baseball pants. I continued to watch the game and I continued to love what I saw. The first batter of the inning grounded out to first base, and before he was half way to the base, the first baseman stepped on the bag for an out. The batter was cheering for himself the entire way to first, along with his whole entire bench. They were absolutely loving that fact that he had made contact with the baseball. A couple groundouts, flyouts, and hits (not really they were all errors) later, the final batter of the inning stepped in. He swung at three straight pitches and did not hit a single one of them. Now I think, the batter would have been a tad more successful if he had not swung his bat in the same spot every pitch. No matter how high or low the pitch was, the kid would always swing in the same spot, right down the middle. I came to the conclusion that any contact that was made was pure luck. Anyway, as he was running back to the bench his team was cheering for him and then he said, “That pitcher is throwing too hard!” which made me lol.
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The next topic that I would like to discuss is old people. Old people are one of a kind, or should I say one in a generation (I don’t even know if that makes any sense). One thing is that they don't like and aren't used to change. Back in their day defective things or people were just done away with. Today midgets roam the earth. Old people do not like this. (Ed. Note: Debatable, I'm not going to support this claim) A perfect example is this.

On the same subject, old white people do not like black people (Ed. Note: Also debatable. Ditto from the last editor's note, I don't support this claim either. Sorry, T.B.). Last year at one of my baseball games a very insensitive yet funny moment occurred. A young black boy from the middle school came up to the bench and stole one of the player’s glove. What he did not know is that the team manager, Porkchop (very old) was watching him. He got up and yelled at the boy: (Editor's removal: What Porkchop said was unbelievably racist, which is why I can't really say it on here. We on the Soup Kitchen are kind and courteous to all.) Luckily my coach restrained Porkchop from doing any serious damage to the boy. (True story folks).
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Old people have that distinct smell that only they have. I always thought this was true until my friend came over to my house. It was the day after Christmas and he came over in a fleece, baby blue North Carolina sweat suit. Kid smelled exactly like old people. I was astonished. I kicked him out of my house a few minutes later because of the smell. This friend goes by the alias of “X”.
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Old people can get away with whatever they want whenever they want. One time I saw an old man get caught stealing applesauce at the acme. The acme worker yelled, “Hey geezer, you have to pay for that applesauce.” The old man replied, “But I’m ooooooold. I am really old.” The acme worker thought about what the old man said and let him go. Soon after the old man left the store, he defecated in his pants. Most likely, somebody else would have to clean him up. What a beast. I wish I could just drop a deuce in my pants and make someone else clean it up. (not really…not at all actually) Old men also graced us with this pure entertainment. (Ed. Note: This is probably the funniest thing I have ever seen that has to do with old people, you need to click on this link.)
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I love Bobby Flay, but if I hated him, this is what I would say. Wow Bobby you are a (Editor's removal: see jerk). Your show THROWDOWN is a win/win situation for you, and a lose/ "ehh" situation for your opponent. You challenge them at their own game. If you beat them at their own game, you come off as a genius while your opponent feels like complete crap because they just let some chef come in out of nowhere and beat them at their own game. If you lose, you don’t lose any reputation because you can always say, "Whatever, I don’t even cook this stupid food," while all your opponent can say is "ehh" I was supposed to win anyway. For all of you out there that don’t really watch the show and just watch like the first ten seconds of the intro, don’t get confused. Throwdown isn’t really a fighting show, it is not even close. So I really don’t know why Bobby would be doing this at 0:49. Come on now, you aren’t looking for fights, you’re looking to perfect other peoples dishes, which is a d-move in and of itself. Honestly, Bobby, nobody is scared of that 2 piece (punch combo). Who are you trying to kid. You’re a cook. You’re not tough. Come to my house, we can “throwdown” whenever you want. (Ed. Note: TBD has been known to be a knock-out perfectionist in his hay-day, so if I were Bobby Flay, I wouldn't take him up on the offer)

Yours truly,

Jake Enteriln (Ed. Note: I could have fixed Jake's name, but I found it hilarious that he misspelled his last name at the end of the post)

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This video was sent in by Fat Dub. I would have let Jake pick, but this video is just too funny to pass up. It really made me want to visit Cleveland. You can check out the second video of the tour here. Trust me, you want to check this video out, but not before you see the first one. I could write so much more about these videos, but it would take probably three other posts to cover it all.



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