I hope you all appreciated Jack's first guest post. Despite a few heated comments, the majority of the readers loved the post. Don't worry, he will be back. Now as you all know from my last post, I went to the NCAA Tournament in Philadelphia yesterday. I will break down each game for you in this post. Except instead of actually talking about the games, I will tell you everything that you didn't see on the television Thursday.
BYU v. Texas A&M- The first game of the afternoon was certainly an entertaining one. Texas A&M won for a few reasons. First was that BYU did not come to play. Their multiple wives must have all had problems, or maybe their religious leader was escaping persecution by moving to Utah. I'm not really sure. Another reason for their loss may be because of my boy, Jimmer Fredette. I don't personally know any Mormons, but that is a Mormon name if I have ever heard one. It was destiny that he ended up playing at BYU. There is one more reason why BYU lost, and there is no way someone can tell me otherwise. I am of course talking about the game's X-Factor, the Texas A&M manleader. This is purely speculation, but I'm guessing the job of a manleader is just to lift up the cheerleaders so they can do super-cool stunts in the air. This was not the case for A&M. The manleaders were the main part of the show. If you can look in the picture, I'm fairly certain that he is the one standing in the middle. The first thing I learned about this guy was that he loved to point his finger, almost as much as The Wiggles do. I don't think he once stopped pointing his abnormally large fingers at the Texas A&M crowd. He also loved to do a flamboyant dance with his other manleaders. I felt it was a cross somewhere between this and this. It seemed like as soon as this game started, with all of the antics of my favorite manleader, it ended.
UConn v. Chattanooga- This game started out somewhat eventful, what with Chattanooga taking the lead in the early going. The crowd was sensing the first 16-1 upset in the history of the tournament and UConn promptly went on about a 30-0 run, ending all hopes that I had of actually seeing a good game. This led me to partake in a couple of my favorite past times: Sweater Vest Spottings and Big Screen Games. First the Big Screen Games. The Wachovia Center has a rather large scoreboard, underneath of which during the game they ran the telecast on CBS. The TV timeouts were when it got juicy. You see, the NCAA made up a nice little game called MEAN MARBLESC. Now, if you don't have the unscrambling skills of a champ like I do, you would probably have trouble understanding what the game is all about. For those of you that are unscrambling-ly challenged, it means NAME SCRAMBLE. For this game, they would scramble a name of a famous basketball player and put it on the board. The great players, such as myself, did not need that much time to unscramble the names. VIAREN NOHNOSJ, for example, could easily be deciphered as Earvin Johnson. The toughest one probably had to be HISTRICAN TALETNER, which translates to Christian Laettner. Other big screen game favorites included the Who Am I? Puzzle, which gave facts and slowly removed puzzle pieces to reveal who the person indeed was, and the NCAA Tournament Trivia. I was a baller at all of these games except for the "Which NCAA Logo is the Ball Under" Game, which was not completely fair because I was looking for sweater vests at the start of it. This brings me to sweater vest spottings. Apparently I have a big fan of the blog in one Jerome Dyson, who clearly knew that it was Sweater Vest Thursday and came out to support the cause. I guess a lot of other people read the Soup Kitchen as well because, believe it or not, I spotted 41 sweater vests yesterday, including your friend and my favorite and Jerome Dyson, of course. Besides spotting sweater vests and completely out-performing my counterparts in scoreboard games, I thoroughly enjoyed watching Stanley Robinson and his ponytail perform an impressive array of dunks that would have the Texas A&M manleader jump for joy, and probably point a little more.
The time in between sessions left some time for me to sit back and read a Sports Illustrated. I guess you can say that this kept me thoroughly entertained because of the 3-D glasses included with it. Jeff sneakily snapped some pictures of me using the glasses, maybe because he thought it was amusing. I have to say the best picture to look at with the 3-D glasses was the McDonald's one, which pretty much shoved the Big Mac right in my face. This got me thinking of how big a failure I have been at eating Big Macs lately. For those of you unfamiliar with the term "Eating a Big Mac," it is really quite simple. If you are hungry for some healthy conversation with a lady, you go over and talk to a young woman of your choice. It is just like macking on a lady, except it gives the man's associates a chance to give the guy an "Eating the Big Mac" symbol. This is when they place an imaginary Big Mac right up to their mouth and wiggle their fingers, showing that their friend is indeed eating the Big Mac. Eating and digesting the Big Mac is the best option, for it leaves you full and completely satisfied. That is what we at Strath Haven like to call the "Jenna Frost." She is probably the easiest to eat a Big Mac on and serves it to mostly anybody. Now I'm not inferring that this is a bad thing or that she is easy. I'm simply stating that she enjoys a good conversation. She is like the drive-thru. The worst option is what we call "Getting Your Big Mac Spit On" or the "Kerri Ann Raimo." This is also known as getting completely shut down. Kerri Ann is bitter, and unless you bring your A game, she will let you have it. Anyway, I have been largely unsuccessful in my attempts to eat Big Macs lately and will be attempting a rebound soon. It has left me very hungry. As you can see, you can take this metaphor and go too far (Just so you all know, I have never listened to this song before. I just picked it because it is called Go Too Far, and I was looking to link for about the 8,000th time this paragraph)
Villanova v. American- I really have nothing to offer about this game because I was so nervous that Villanova would have actually lost this game. I just have to say my boy, the D.A., Dwayne Anderson (sorry Dwayne, but I had to go there), came up huge. American received an out-of-this-world performance from Garrison Carr, who I grew to hate as the game went on.
UCLA v. VCU- The battle of letters may have been the best game Jeffrey J. and I saw all night. First of all, the game was great (VCU came up short on a buzzer-beater attempt). The real story, however, even more so than the Aggie manleader, was the VCU bandleader. Apparently he goes by the name Ryan Kopacsi, and he is the most BA person I have ever met. He got down and funky all game long and had better stamina with his clap than the Texas A&M manleader did with the finger pointing. His style was what set him apart. He came in wearing a black and yellow cape. He promptly took that off revealing a nice, white button-down shirt. He soon removed that, only wearing a wife beater. He led the VCU pep band well, which if it is not TBDBITL, it is certainly The Grooviest/Funkiest Band in the Land. Yeah, I realize TGFBITL is not as catchy as TBDBITL, but it certainly is close.
Jeffrey J. and I got home at 1:00 in the morning, so that meant it was 13 hours of basketball. Well maybe it was closer to 2 and half hours, with the other 10 and half hours spent noticing obscure things for the blog's sake.
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Sweater Vest Spottings: 43 (41 Last Thursday)
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Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
It was a glorious day, soup. Definitely beat school.
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