The Man, The Myth, The Legend- Jeffrey J. Sobel

With the blog reaching new heights, almost all verbal contact I have had with someone has had some mention of "Can you please give me a shout-out in your blog?" (I am talking to you, girls lacrosse team) I suspect this came about because of the Clay Packel shout-out, but one can never be sure. Anyway, all of this whoring for face time on my blog has even trickled down to the one place I never thought I would see it: my own house. After completing the last post about sweater vests (which I will get to later), I told my father, affectionately known as Jeff, about my new post. Keep in mind, it was rather late and I was not expecting him to get that much of a kick out of it (he is getting a little old and needs his shut-eye). He finished reading the blog and went straight upstairs. The next thing I knew he was downstairs again, only with a sweater vest on. I thought it was beyond my father to throw on a sweater vest to get on my blog, but apparently not. This situation was just too good for me not to blog about it. This brings me to letting you all know about your friend and my favorite, Jeffrey J. Sobel.

Jeff has many interesting facets about his life. The first are his trips to the grocery store. Instead of shopping like a normal person would do, he stocks up on maybe five items and brings them all home. This would be fine if he did not get the same five items each and every time. I sware he owns his own a monopoly on Chewy Bars and Barilla pasta. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the luscious taste of S'mores Chewy Bars as much as the next guy, but when your collection of Chewy Bars rivals the Terrific Tower of Tasty Tar, it is time to stop buying them. Maybe he is just being prepared for any type of national emergency that might force our family to survive off only Chewy Bars and the three packs of Poland Spring he bought last.

Jeff also has a somewhat respectable sense of style. After all, it was him who got me hooked on the sweater vests. I'll admit it myself that he does have an excellent selection of them up in his closet. His pathetic choice of shoes almost cancels out the positives of the sweater vest. Jeff owns many a pair of Merrills, which, if you aren't familiar with them, are maybe the ugliest shoes mankind has ever laid an eye on. It puts me to shame that my father actually puts these atrocious objects on his feet. Jeff is known as an American Boy Doll, mostly because I believe my mother fills out his closet for him. I firmly believe that my mother dresses him each and every morning and that he gets his clothes from Ken's wardrobe. Besides the sweater vest, almost everything he wears puts me to shame.

Another thing you will learn about Jeff is that he never smiles. When posing for a picture, he squints his eyes and slightly forces his lips to move, but not enough for it to qualify as a smile. Jeffrey J. does not even smile when he laughs. Instead, he decides to stick his tongue out, bob his head up and down, and make absolutely no noise whatsoever. Also, whenever someone is poking fun at him, Jeff asks "Are you dogging me?" This causes an extra amount of "dogging" for him for the use of that ridiculous word.

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With the NCAA Tournament just around the corner, I would like to proclaim that March Madness has already begun. No, I do not mean Arch Madness, Missouri Valley Conference. I mean the Syracuse-Uconn game in the Big East Tournament's quarterfinal. You would probably have to be living in a cave not to hear about this six overtime game. I'll have all of you know that I stayed up for every last second of it, and that I have no idea why I did such a thing. Each overtime felt like Groundhog Day, each ending with me silently yelling about UConn's inability to win the overtime in which they held the lead the entire time. Finally, at around 1:30, Syracuse allowed me to get some much needed beauty sleep. This game came on the same day that my Villanova Wildcats beat Marquette on a buzzer-beating layup by the D.A., Dwayne Anderson, which I watched with my boy Fat Dub. Let's just say that our reaction rivaled this guy's.

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I have a separate announcement that I would like all of you to know about before it happens. Once I reach my 500th reader (as of now I am at 300), I will let none other than Mr. Jack Eiel on here for a guest post. If you are not familiar with his work, Jack has twice been on Bill Simmons' mailbag, so I'm giving him an opportunity to write for the Soup Kitchen. We'll see how it goes, and maybe he will post again for the 1,500th and the 2,500th reader (if the blog ever gets there). I'm letting you know all of this because the blog could quite possibly go over the 500 mark before my next post, which would mean Jack would be writing, not me.

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The first Sweater Vest Thursday was somewhat of a success, considering the insinuating circumstances in which it was announced under. There were two people, besides Jeffrey J., that I saw wearing them. As promised, a shout-out goes to Bennet Hickok, who I appropriately share my first name with (except for a different spelling).

Sweater Vest Spottings: 2 to date (2 last Thursday)

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Always Serving,

Sobel Soup