I think it is time for me to start addressing the readers of this blog by a nickname. While Titus may have the Trillion Man March, I have come up with a name that is slightly less catchy, slightly more clever, and significantly less politically correct. I deem you, the loyal followers of my blog, as the homeless. I'm not sure whether this name will stick or not, but I have been thinking about putting out there for a while, and I feel this is just the best time for it.
I promise you, the next post will be a guest post by none other than TBD, Jake Enterlin (I have reverted back to my old form, Snake just doesn't work for me. I think he is fine with the multiple nicknames anyway). While on the topic of guest posters, I was looking over Jack's work and realized how much of a lying fiend he truly is. Even though he supposedly chose teams by the better mascot, his championship winner ended up being the Pitt Panthers. I love the scent of the magical cologne that 60% of the time works every time about as much as the next guy, but there is no way a panther was the best mascot in the whole tournament. Since Pitt didn't win, it just gave me another face to rub Villanova's success into. And just as a follow up, I ended up beating Run, meaning it isn't even close to unstoppable anymore.
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Onto the true purpose of this post. The reason I haven't posted in a while was because I just got home from a family vacation. You may be thinking "Well, he brought Jeffrey J. and O-Star Superstar, so it must have been a great time!" While Papa Jeff brought the baller level up to a max, and Omar didn't quite cross that line from being fun to annoying, it was possibly the worst vacation any of us had ever been on. We traveled to Lake Owasco in upstate New York, and it is pretty beautiful there this time of year. There was one little problem that we encountered. It starts with an H, rhymes with mouse, and is the namesake of a popular television show/character. Yes, the house was awful, and I will now explain to you why.
First of all, the house was maintained about as well as Carrot Top's hair is. It was so poorly managed in fact that there were actual plants growing out of the gutters, I kid you not. They did make a few changes to the house, though. One of these was taking out a light in a bedroom and replacing it with a smoke detector. Needless to say, this caused some confusion for me and O-Star when we turned on the light switch and a loud buzzing noise started to go off. In the same bedroom, presumably to separate it from the loft in the other room, was a wooden window. You may doubt that there is such a thing, but let me assure you, there is. While it may defeat the purpose of a window because you can't actually see through it, a barrier is provided. The last change they made simply astounded me, for it was probably the junkiest and simultaneously hilarious thing I have ever seen. Instead of putting an actual lock on a sliding door, they instead lock it by lodging a piece of wood in between the door and the adjacent frame. I am not embellishing at all; this was actually the improvement that the homeowner once made.
While I was certainly not embellishing in that last paragraph, the person that rents out the house might have just a tad bit. Usually "a comfortable fit" means that you will be able to stand up in the upstairs. This was sadly not the case for this house. Omar had to bend over at all times and was constantly hitting his head, while I only faced trouble a few times. The worser of the exaggerations was that the house slept nine. Apparently there being two bedrooms, which hold three people combined, account for sleeping space for nine. The other unfortunate six have to sleep on pull-outs, which is exactly what me and Omar had to do.
Since the house was so awful, we decided to cut it short one day, but not before stopping at Cornell for a visit. Since the U.S. vs. Spain soccer game was on, and it would have been a five hour car ride home with no way to see what was happening in the game, Jeff, Omar, and I decided to stay and watch in the Cornell Campus Bookstore. I am proud to say that I am the only one that saw the first goal by Jozy Altidore, who has an eery likeness to DeJuan Blair. Around the time of Clint Dempsey's goal, Jeff, Omar and I were fully tuned into the game. Jeff had quite a hilarious outburst after Michael Bradley's bogus red card. He jolted up in his seat, clapped, and yelled "You've got to be kidding me!" The best was yet to come, however, when Jeffrey J. shocked all those in the bookstore by proclaiming "That's Horse----" Needless to say Omar and I "dogged him" for that the whole car ride home.
The cursing was not the only dogging Jeffrey J. received on the trip home. He also became a murderer. Of birds. The bird was minding its own business in the middle of the road when Jeff sped up to almost hit it. Trying to avoid the car, the bird flew up, but to no avail, as it hit the bumper of the car. Judging by the smell of blood on the car, I'm fairly certain that Jeffrey J. killed that bird. I will never let him hear the end of it.
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I would be doing the world a disservice if I neglected the death of Michael Jackson. I would be lying to you all if I told you he didn't creep me out a lot, but then again he is the King of Pop, he invented the Thriller Dance, and he is a human being. MJ will be missed by many, and for good reason, because he could sure rock the mic.
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This video was sent in by the next guest poster, Jake Enterlin. He was an ambitious young man from the start and made this killer video. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, June 26, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Palace, The Present, and Facebook: A Ballad of My Birthday
This past week, the Sobel Soup celebrated his 16th birthday. I know what you are thinking: sweet sixteen and the permit. I have received none of those, even though I still have a hunch that I'm getting a surprise party. Anyway, I had three goals for my birthday. One was to get killer presents, another was to drop a deuce, take a smash, whatever you want to call it, in The Palace, a.k.a. the best bathroom in school. I can't tell you what the third was, but many of you probably know anyway. It is a shame that I did not achieve any of the goals.
Going number 2 in the palace was probably the easiest goal, and the one that I had the most control over. It just didn't work out for me, and I decided to let it go. At the time, I thought I would get tons of killer presents, and that would cancel out the lost goal. I ended up being wrong about the presents too. While Judy takes me out every year, and I got everything I could have asked for from my grandparents, I didn't take into account my mother, who is the worst manager of money that I have ever encountered. I asked for a few things for my birthday, but only got one. The thing I got was a hammock, which is pretty cool. Unfortunately, it also costs the same as some inter-city homes. I couldn't even get those slick boat shoes I had wanted for a while.
Everyone knows what comes along with every birthday. No, I am not talking about birthday punches. Instead, I'm talking about having everyone write on your Facebook wall. It's common knowledge that when it is someone's birthday, you tell them happy birthday on his or her wall. If it's someone you don't know very well, a simple "happy birthday dude" or "yo man happy bday" will do. Exclamation points may be inserted when necessary. When you are friends with the person, another message should be attached. An inside joke or something that is significant to both persons involved would do the trick. Sometimes a person (Gabrielle Nichols) crosses the friend/no-friend line and writes a long and unnecessary message, to which the person whose birthday it is has to respond to or else it would make the person who wrote it feel really bad. This is Facebook etiquette at its finest; I suggest taking notes.
Anyway, if it's your birthday, you can respond by doing one of several things. You could do nothing, seemingly ignoring all of the notifications and emails you undoubtedly received about people all telling you the same exact thing. That's reserved for the people who are too cool for school; Jake Enterlin, for example, is known for this sort of thing. (An interesting tidbit of information showing how "too cool for school" Jake actually is: He got in a fight with a teacher and then dropped out of school. Rebel) What I chose to do was to only respond to the select few who actually cared to write something meaningful on my wall. The highlights were my boy J-EZ Smith (Just so you know, Jordan, I'm innocent) writing me a fresh poem and the aforementioned Gabrielle Nichols telling me about a lot of fun facts that had occurred on my birthday. The key to this strategy is setting your status to a "Thank You" of some sorts after you've written on all the walls, just to let everyone who wrote a simple happy birthday that you still remember them. Some people choose to write something on everyone's wall who writes on theirs. I did this last year, and believe me, it took a while. It is typical for you to write a simple "thanks" (exclamations/smileys inserted if necessary) for the people that you don't know very well. You can do this, or you can take the bold route. I was considering going bold myself, but decided I didn't have the time. If you really feel like messing with people who you don't know, you can always fabricate stories about times you shared with said person, and write about them on their wall. I imagine that it would be quite entertaining. For example you could say "Thanks man (try to come up with a random nickname, it will add to the confusion), we should totally go out smashing mailboxes just like we did last weekend. Remember that one time you drank that urine????" This would cause a lot of confusion and embarrassment. Another one could be "Thanks :) Your the best (enter name here, hold down the last letter if you're a girl) Vacation last year was so fun!!!! Oh and I'm really sorry about accidentally stapling your head last week!" Quite Frankly, I have no idea how someone would respond to something like this.
This birthday was actually an amazing occurrence. For the first time ever, my Uncle Kevin, who you all know from the Easter Sunday post, actually called me on my birthday. Technically it was the day after, but close enough. He said happy birthday and went through the whole deal with me, and then he got to the real reason that he was calling for. He wanted me to tell everyone on the Soup Kitchen that he actually owns two boats. We then went into a discussion about how I had to specify that one was a house boat, so it's not nearly as obnoxious as owning two regular boats is. Anyway, it was a real pleasure talking about my birthday around the actual date, and not at Christmas time. NFL.com also sent me birthday wishes as well. The only problem was that they came a day early, and they were titled "Happy Birthday, Ronald." I'm not sure if it was a mistake, or if they actually think my name is Ronald. Either way, I found it hilarious.
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This video was sent in by Fat Dub, and I find it, like the rest of the videos up here, very funny. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Going number 2 in the palace was probably the easiest goal, and the one that I had the most control over. It just didn't work out for me, and I decided to let it go. At the time, I thought I would get tons of killer presents, and that would cancel out the lost goal. I ended up being wrong about the presents too. While Judy takes me out every year, and I got everything I could have asked for from my grandparents, I didn't take into account my mother, who is the worst manager of money that I have ever encountered. I asked for a few things for my birthday, but only got one. The thing I got was a hammock, which is pretty cool. Unfortunately, it also costs the same as some inter-city homes. I couldn't even get those slick boat shoes I had wanted for a while.
Everyone knows what comes along with every birthday. No, I am not talking about birthday punches. Instead, I'm talking about having everyone write on your Facebook wall. It's common knowledge that when it is someone's birthday, you tell them happy birthday on his or her wall. If it's someone you don't know very well, a simple "happy birthday dude" or "yo man happy bday" will do. Exclamation points may be inserted when necessary. When you are friends with the person, another message should be attached. An inside joke or something that is significant to both persons involved would do the trick. Sometimes a person (Gabrielle Nichols) crosses the friend/no-friend line and writes a long and unnecessary message, to which the person whose birthday it is has to respond to or else it would make the person who wrote it feel really bad. This is Facebook etiquette at its finest; I suggest taking notes.
Anyway, if it's your birthday, you can respond by doing one of several things. You could do nothing, seemingly ignoring all of the notifications and emails you undoubtedly received about people all telling you the same exact thing. That's reserved for the people who are too cool for school; Jake Enterlin, for example, is known for this sort of thing. (An interesting tidbit of information showing how "too cool for school" Jake actually is: He got in a fight with a teacher and then dropped out of school. Rebel) What I chose to do was to only respond to the select few who actually cared to write something meaningful on my wall. The highlights were my boy J-EZ Smith (Just so you know, Jordan, I'm innocent) writing me a fresh poem and the aforementioned Gabrielle Nichols telling me about a lot of fun facts that had occurred on my birthday. The key to this strategy is setting your status to a "Thank You" of some sorts after you've written on all the walls, just to let everyone who wrote a simple happy birthday that you still remember them. Some people choose to write something on everyone's wall who writes on theirs. I did this last year, and believe me, it took a while. It is typical for you to write a simple "thanks" (exclamations/smileys inserted if necessary) for the people that you don't know very well. You can do this, or you can take the bold route. I was considering going bold myself, but decided I didn't have the time. If you really feel like messing with people who you don't know, you can always fabricate stories about times you shared with said person, and write about them on their wall. I imagine that it would be quite entertaining. For example you could say "Thanks man (try to come up with a random nickname, it will add to the confusion), we should totally go out smashing mailboxes just like we did last weekend. Remember that one time you drank that urine????" This would cause a lot of confusion and embarrassment. Another one could be "Thanks :) Your the best (enter name here, hold down the last letter if you're a girl) Vacation last year was so fun!!!! Oh and I'm really sorry about accidentally stapling your head last week!" Quite Frankly, I have no idea how someone would respond to something like this.
This birthday was actually an amazing occurrence. For the first time ever, my Uncle Kevin, who you all know from the Easter Sunday post, actually called me on my birthday. Technically it was the day after, but close enough. He said happy birthday and went through the whole deal with me, and then he got to the real reason that he was calling for. He wanted me to tell everyone on the Soup Kitchen that he actually owns two boats. We then went into a discussion about how I had to specify that one was a house boat, so it's not nearly as obnoxious as owning two regular boats is. Anyway, it was a real pleasure talking about my birthday around the actual date, and not at Christmas time. NFL.com also sent me birthday wishes as well. The only problem was that they came a day early, and they were titled "Happy Birthday, Ronald." I'm not sure if it was a mistake, or if they actually think my name is Ronald. Either way, I found it hilarious.
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This video was sent in by Fat Dub, and I find it, like the rest of the videos up here, very funny. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I Love Mammals... I Love 'Em!
I have totally outdone myself this time. You all know what I'm talking about. I haven't posted for over two weeks. I do have good reason for doing so, however, so don't tell me I blew it, like Billy did to Mr. I Pee My Pants. The reason I haven't posted in a while is because I have been working on a project for biology class to finish of the year. You could call me White and Nerdy (I hate that kid) but not because I am a nerd. It is because I am a parody champ; in this case it was of Asher Roth's I Love College. The reason I am not linking you to that video is because it was not our true inspiration. First, for some background information.
A few years back, a few students in Ms. Szeliga's bio class made a parody of the song Lose Yourself about DNA replication, and other such things. She shows this to each of her classes and said it was the best she had ever gotten. A few of us fellows from class got together and decided to one-up the movie with a pure one of our own. The cast of characters is a regular Soup Kitchen lineup: Jack Eiel, Jake Enterlin, and Omar Randall. The project had to be about a phylum, so the natural choice was mammals, after all, that's what humans are. You will believe me later on when I show you the video, but it is one of the finest pieces of film on the net.
The true inspiration for I Love Mammals was a video by the Davidson Show, I Love Commons. Now, I'm not sure if Mammals tops Commons, only because Commons is straight up legendary. We modeled the video and the lyrics off of it, but we have outtakes at the end that will just blow your mind. Contrary to what my good friend Kara Nac thinks (There is your shout-out, happy now #1 fan?), I was not wearing a woman's shirt during part of the filming. It is actually called a wife beater, similar to the one my favorite bandleader was seen wearing at the VCU-UCLA game. The straps on mine were thinner than the rest of the beater's straps because I got a raw deal. Nonetheless, a wife beater it is. And just so everyone knows, while Gossmar may have seemed like a legit rapper, which he was, your opinion would be a bit different had you heard and seen the million other takes in which he was horri-awful. The outtakes were all him, especially the voice-overs, so AMPAP to O-Star Superstar (Take special note of this, because it will most likely be the last time I will ever give AMPAP, make that any props, to Gossmar.)
We are planning on becoming full-fledged Youtube stars, and considering the 172 views in the first two days, we are on track to do so. We already have a second song/video planned, but I refuse to give it away on here. Maybe on a later Soup Kitchen post I will slip something in about it, so look out. But other than that, our lips are sealed. Just so everyone knows, in my voiceover, I wasn't there, it was Omar, not me, speaking, and I actually do love Greg Oden's Beard. Without further ado, I Love Mammals (I included the link if any of you were so inclined to comment or favorite it on youtube.)
(Editor's Note: After I posted this, it was brought to my attention that the embedded video below is off center, so I highly suggest you click on the link above. Thanks and sorry about the error, I will work on getting it fixed.)
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
A few years back, a few students in Ms. Szeliga's bio class made a parody of the song Lose Yourself about DNA replication, and other such things. She shows this to each of her classes and said it was the best she had ever gotten. A few of us fellows from class got together and decided to one-up the movie with a pure one of our own. The cast of characters is a regular Soup Kitchen lineup: Jack Eiel, Jake Enterlin, and Omar Randall. The project had to be about a phylum, so the natural choice was mammals, after all, that's what humans are. You will believe me later on when I show you the video, but it is one of the finest pieces of film on the net.
The true inspiration for I Love Mammals was a video by the Davidson Show, I Love Commons. Now, I'm not sure if Mammals tops Commons, only because Commons is straight up legendary. We modeled the video and the lyrics off of it, but we have outtakes at the end that will just blow your mind. Contrary to what my good friend Kara Nac thinks (There is your shout-out, happy now #1 fan?), I was not wearing a woman's shirt during part of the filming. It is actually called a wife beater, similar to the one my favorite bandleader was seen wearing at the VCU-UCLA game. The straps on mine were thinner than the rest of the beater's straps because I got a raw deal. Nonetheless, a wife beater it is. And just so everyone knows, while Gossmar may have seemed like a legit rapper, which he was, your opinion would be a bit different had you heard and seen the million other takes in which he was horri-awful. The outtakes were all him, especially the voice-overs, so AMPAP to O-Star Superstar (Take special note of this, because it will most likely be the last time I will ever give AMPAP, make that any props, to Gossmar.)
We are planning on becoming full-fledged Youtube stars, and considering the 172 views in the first two days, we are on track to do so. We already have a second song/video planned, but I refuse to give it away on here. Maybe on a later Soup Kitchen post I will slip something in about it, so look out. But other than that, our lips are sealed. Just so everyone knows, in my voiceover, I wasn't there, it was Omar, not me, speaking, and I actually do love Greg Oden's Beard. Without further ado, I Love Mammals (I included the link if any of you were so inclined to comment or favorite it on youtube.)
(Editor's Note: After I posted this, it was brought to my attention that the embedded video below is off center, so I highly suggest you click on the link above. Thanks and sorry about the error, I will work on getting it fixed.)
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
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