I know, it's been a while, but you are lucky you are even reading this right now. I've decided to take a break from my normal Sunday afternoon activities (which typically involve several hours spent napping, making historically-accurate raps, or playing Minesweeper) to blog on all of your faces for a little bit. I would be lying to you if I said I was just doing this out of the goodness of my heart; I have a legitimate reason for posting.
In Friday's issue of the Philadelphia Inquirer, Bob Ford wrote an article explaining why fighting is hockey's problem. On first glance, some of you may agree, while others may say that hockey is the only thing drawing people to the NHL. I don't officially fall in either of those groups, so I decided to just make my own category. It goes something along the lines of "This article is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read so I'm going to email you and tell you how bad it was, and dish out several low blows while doing it." If you are doubting me right now, you really shouldn't. I'm not one to worry about wasting time, after all I did make a track-athlete profile that no one could see, and there was that inspirational dodgeball speech for the tournament that never happened. So yes, I did email Bob Ford and tell him how much of a moron he was for writing something like that. Of course I'm not satisfied just telling you about this, that's why I'm copying the email below.
Mr. Ford,
I have read your article on fighting in hockey, and I find it utterly preposterous that you would claim that it is the reason the NHL is only the "4th sport," as you put it. First of all, I neither find something wrong with fights, nor do I support them. For the record, I would not be totally opposed to taking fights out of the game, at least to the extent that the Olympics does. But to claim that fighting keeps fans from watching is ludicrous, not to mention a complete fallacy.
Your entire argument is based on the premise that people watched the Olympics, yet they do not watch the NHL and that the difference between Olympic hockey and the NHL is the prevalence of fighting. Because of those two factors, you claim fighting is the problem. The ratings variance is not related to fighting; it so clearly hinges upon the disparity of players' abilities that it makes me question whether you were thinking sanely when writing up this article or if you simply had nothing to write about and decided upon this. Can you name an NHL team that has a player as good as Mike Richards or Jonathan Toews on its fourth line? How about Bobby Ryan? Drawing blanks? Me too. The fact is, the level of play for international hockey so far surpasses that of the NHL, that it is irrational to think the same people would tune in to watch a full, 82 game hockey season if fighting were banned. If the Olympics had the same rules for fights as the NHL did, the viewership Sunday may have dipped ever-so-slightly, but it would not be as low as NHL playoff games currently are. To claim otherwise insults not only your intelligence, but the intelligence of your readers as well.
Thank you for hearing me out.
Respectfully yours,
Bennett J. Sobel
I read the email off to Jeff, and needless to say, he was loving it. His favorite parts were "it makes me question whether you were thinking sanely when writing up this article" and "Drawing blanks? Me too." He claimed I was "dogging" Ford, but I think he deserved it. I offset that by calling him Mr. Ford and ending the letter with a respectfully yours. I can criticize him all I want, but at the end of the day, his article probably got slightly more hits than my blog. Plus he writes for the Inquirer, so he is technically my superior, which is why I addressed him as Mr.
He probably has no idea that I am a 16 year old blogger with nothing better to do, which may explain why he hasn't answered me yet. Or it could be that he hasn't recovered from being schooled several times by a random emailer. Either way, if he ever does respond I'll be sure to put it on the blog.
___________________________________________________
During my two and a half month leave of absence, the NCAA basketball season has been going on. It doesn't really need to be said, but I've been following my Villanova Wildcats as faithfully as ever. It was smooth sailing in the beginning of the season, they were 20-1 and had a No. 2 national ranking. Unfortunately, the Wildcats have limped into the Big East tournament, going 4-5 in their last 9 games, including 2-4 in their last 6, making for an overall record of 24-6. I'm disappointed to say the least, and not feeling very confident of success in the NCAA tournament for my Wildcats. But with a good showing in the Big East tournament, all of that can easily change, and I really hope it will. At the end of the day, we still have the Big East player of the year (at least he should be) Scottie Reynolds, a solid starting lineup with accomplished guards, and great depth. I'm not backing out of my prediction of NCAA champions that I made way back in the summer, I would just like to see them play well in the Big East tournament so I can feel good again.
In more exciting news, two people I know have seen/met a Villanova basketball player in recent weeks. The first was O-Star Superstar, who was getting a shape-up while Reggie Redding walked into the same barbershop as him. Of course he didn't say anything, because O-Star would obviously make a fool out of himself, and he knows it. So wisely he kept his mouth shut. The second person to meet Villanova basketball players was my sister, Lizzie (better known as Sizzie) who met and had a conversation with Antonio Pena and Reggie Redding in a Lids store. She happened to be buying me a Villanova hat at the same time they were getting other hats customized, and Antonio sparked up conversation. Only knowing that would have made my day, but she hunted down a Sharpie and got the two guys to sign it for me. I'll probably make a shrine in my room for the hat, not to mention the receipt they also signed.
___________________________________________________
I should also add that the Soup Kitchen will be home to a new poster, Fat Dub. Because my posts are few and far between, and because he is a far superior writer than I am, I invited him to be a co-poster. This will suffice all of your Soup Kitchen fixes and add some variety to the blog. This isn't to say there will be posts everyday, but there will certainly be more than there had been before. I look forward to sharing this domain with my boy, Fat Dub. I just hope he doesn't blog about Duke.
___________________________________________________
I would be remiss if I didn't mention the release of Brian Westbrook. I can't help but think about when the Eagles released B-Dawk last year, which is one of the main reasons I started the Soup Kitchen in the first place. He was the greatest Eagles running back of all time, and I will root for him to have success anywhere he goes. As a tribute to B-West, I am including a some highlights of him for the awesome video of this post. My personal favorite moment is the punt return touchdown he had in the waning moments vs. the Giants.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Showing posts with label O-Star Superstar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label O-Star Superstar. Show all posts
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sunday, September 20, 2009
The Best Beards in Baseball: The 2009 Philadelphia Phillies
It certainly has been a while since my last post. In fact, it has been five weeks by this Monday. I'm sure most, if not all, of you thought this blog was dead, but I'm here to quell those rumors. This post is probably going to be very rusty, but the potential of this comeback is limitless. Come to think of it, I feel eerily similar to Michael Vick. Except instead of being away for almost two years, it's only been a month. And instead of spending my time in federal prison, I spent it in the comfort of my own home and unfortunately, school.
That brings up another thing that has happened since I last posted. Summer has ceased to exist and the dreaded school year has started up again. I, for one, find it ironic how everyone painfully awaits the end of school to get here, only to do mostly nothing once it actually comes. All that talk is moot now, though, since summer is over.
One reason I like baseball is because the season goes from the end of one school year, through the summer months, and through the start of the new school year. Another reason why I like baseball is the facial hair stylings of my hometown Philadelphia Phillies.
It is no secret to anyone that I love beards. Whether it be Greg Oden's beard, in all its mystical glory, or Kurt Warner's buzz beard, I have repeatedly been mesmerized by beards, and my lack of ability to grow them, in the blog. It may be a coincidence that I am subject to viewing the team with the greatest collection of facial hair in the league. For example, if someone asks me Phillies or Yankees, you all know what I will answer (TBD has been notorious for asking this question, with the answer being a little different than mine. Think almonds). It will of course be the Phillies, just because of their beard-growing ability. The Yankees aren't even allowed to have facial hair. In fact, they robbed the world of viewing a real-life Geico caveman from playing in baseball. Even if Johnny Damon didn't shave, the Phillies could do them one better, leading us to the first Fightin' on our list: The Wolfman.
1. Jayson Werth. Although he isn't as close to being "Big Sexy with the Glasses" as he was with the Orioles (if you didn't click on that link, trust me, you want to), he still makes looks damn good with his skinny goatee. That along with his beard (when he wants to have it) make for a look anyone would be jealous of.
"I love em', I don't leave em'. I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed em'"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
That brings up another thing that has happened since I last posted. Summer has ceased to exist and the dreaded school year has started up again. I, for one, find it ironic how everyone painfully awaits the end of school to get here, only to do mostly nothing once it actually comes. All that talk is moot now, though, since summer is over.
One reason I like baseball is because the season goes from the end of one school year, through the summer months, and through the start of the new school year. Another reason why I like baseball is the facial hair stylings of my hometown Philadelphia Phillies.
It is no secret to anyone that I love beards. Whether it be Greg Oden's beard, in all its mystical glory, or Kurt Warner's buzz beard, I have repeatedly been mesmerized by beards, and my lack of ability to grow them, in the blog. It may be a coincidence that I am subject to viewing the team with the greatest collection of facial hair in the league. For example, if someone asks me Phillies or Yankees, you all know what I will answer (TBD has been notorious for asking this question, with the answer being a little different than mine. Think almonds). It will of course be the Phillies, just because of their beard-growing ability. The Yankees aren't even allowed to have facial hair. In fact, they robbed the world of viewing a real-life Geico caveman from playing in baseball. Even if Johnny Damon didn't shave, the Phillies could do them one better, leading us to the first Fightin' on our list: The Wolfman.
1. Jayson Werth. Although he isn't as close to being "Big Sexy with the Glasses" as he was with the Orioles (if you didn't click on that link, trust me, you want to), he still makes looks damn good with his skinny goatee. That along with his beard (when he wants to have it) make for a look anyone would be jealous of.
2. Eric Bruntlett. This is truly a beard that Greg Oden would be jealous of. The fact that it covers his whole face makes for a wonderful piece of facial hair, not to mention that the consistent thickness of the beard makes it fit for a lumberjack. Call me crazy, but Bruntlett being blonde makes for a unique, yet much appreciated change-up from dark beards everywhere. (Honorable mention for this type of beard: Pedro Feliz. Pete Happy's beard is neither as full nor is it as recognizable, but I applaud his effort.)
3. Raúl Ibáñez. Rauuuuuuuuul (which originated with Raul G. Ordoñez, the greatest player in Swarthmore basketball history) is more of a classy guy, so he doesn't have any absurd looking goatees or full beards like his counterparts. Instead, he goes all class, with a simple soul patch. It says "I'm a gentleman, but I know how to show a lady a good time." In particular, I imagine said good time going down at some type of 70's disco.
4/5. Brad Lidge and Scott Eyre. The reason I am grouping these two relievers together is because they are both Greg Oden beard wanna-be's. There is a downside to this pursuit, seeing as Eyre is on the disabled list and Brad Lidge is having a worse season than, well, I can't really think of anyone who has had a worse season than Brad Lidge right now.
6. Brett Myers. I'm not showing this beard on the blog because honestly, it is atrocious. I do not want to make the readers of this blog simultaneously vomit and laugh hysterically, even though I would like to see what something like that would look like. Anyway, it's almost as bad as Ryan Franklin's beard, which I'm not even going to link here. It's half out of laziness, and half out of the policy that I'm not allowed to link something that I can't even look at myself on the blog.
Honorable Mentions: Chad Durbin (just as much neck as it is chin), Chase Utley (rugged), and Ryan Howard (all chin).
___________________________________________________
With the start of school also comes the start of football season. Don't be mistaken by my lack of talk about the Eagles, they are my team. By "my team," I mean my favorite team. Come to think of it, they aren't as beloved as the Swarthmore Garnet Men's Soccer team, but besides that, there is no team that rivals them. Not even the Villanova Wildcats.
Also coming with football is fantasy football. This was previously my territory, probably even more so than blogging. I figured out that I had literally won 40 straight games on Yahoo. That is before last week, when I was taken down by O-Star Superstar. It was only because of Drew Brees, who faced the Detroit Lions, and their pathetic secondary. I was thinking of having me, Fat Dub, Jeffrey J. and my Grandmom (the one that can dunk) guest start for the Lions' secondary just to stop Drew Brees in Week 1. I probably should have, since he threw for 6 touchdowns and all. Anyway, what's done is done, and the loss is overwith. I'll recover somehow. When I realized I had lost on Tuesday morning, I listened to my favorite post-loss song at least 1,341 times. Something tells me my three-headed running back tandem of Michael Turner, Steven Jackson, and LaToeInjury Tomlinson were listening to it as well.
___________________________________________________
It has been a while since I've posted, so I'm bypassing the video requests this post in favor of one of my favorite videos. Ever. Shaq got a raw deal for this rap, because in my opinion (and in TBD's), it is one of the illest freestyles ever.
"I love em', I don't leave em'. I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed em'"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, August 14, 2009
A Guide to the Internet- Part One: AIM
With the internet taking over our everyday lives now more than ever, I figured there would be no better time than now to help the homeless out in gaining important knowledge about the Internet. Technically, I could go all Video Professor on you, but I'm going to cater to the people on this one. Since the majority of my readers are of the younger generation who use Facebook and AIM, I'll talk mostly about that. Originally, I was only going to do one post guiding the use of the Internet. Since seeing how much information I can put in just on AIM, this is going to be Part One of a Two (or maybe more) part series.
AIM stands for AOL Instant Messenger, and it is a useful way for young people, such as myself, to interact among each other. You have to be at least 13 years old to sign up for it, but everyone and their mother knows that if you don't sign up for it before you're 13, you're a square. I'm not certain if there is a maximum age you can be, but I've never seen a person over 25 use AIM. So to all of you older folks out there, if you don't want to be arrested by your local police force for child molestation, I whole-heartedly advise against the use of AIM.
That being said, the rest of this advice goes for those who are of age to be using such a tool. First things first: picking a screenname. I'm 100% sure that anyone reading this blog has made at least one screenname in their lifetime, but the number of you that have made a foolish one is probably a high one as well. I too am subject to abuse when it comes to bad choices of names. I once made one named, and I'm not kidding when I tell you this, "accheeriosbox913." That's right. Apple Cinnamon Cheerios Box. As my screenname. It humiliates me to this day that I made that, albeit in the seventh grade. What was going through my head you may ask? I have no idea. Other screenname failures include whosurdady82 and oxocrashintomeoxo. Putting any saying in your name, in this case an extremely ridiculous one, is never a good idea. Not only that, but the misspelling of "your" makes this abismal name worse. This masterpiece was thought up by none other than O-Star Superstar, basking in all of his glory. The other bad idea is a song name, or any other thing that could go with it. Crash into me is probably the cheesiest thing this side of nachos. This beaut of an sn was courtesy of Val Keller. Another bad idea for a screenname is using an athletes name. A perfect example of this is Fat Dub's adrianpeterson1. Even though he did make this way back in AP's freshman year at OU, it could confuse some people, maybe tricking them into thinking they are talking to the actual Adrian Peterson, and not just a rabid fan. Just clarification, if you would possibly make it something to the effect of PurpleJesus, or a different cool nickname, that would be totally fine. But the full name of an athelete just doesn't cut it.
That's the worst of the worst for bad screennames. But how do you make a good screenname? It usually involves some portion of your name and/or nickname and your favorite numbers. In my own case, I use my initals and my favorite numbers, as does Joe Raymond (who was the only other person I could find that did this). Other acceptable things to put in are a certain sport you play, a favorite sports team or anything concerning money. For guys, you are done making your screenname. For the females, you have a choice to make. You can keep it plain and simple or you can add a few variances to yours, just to add that special something that you presumably bring to the table. This can be done by putting x's or o's at the beginning and/or end of the screenname. If one chooses to put any x's or o's in the screenname, it is recommended that you align them from beginning to end. For example, xorandomgirlox is better than just xorandomgirl or randomgirlxo. Alignment of the x's and o's are key. Another choice a female can make is the adding of multiple letters to any part of the screenname she feels requires emphasis. Adding any of these features by a male could be harmful in more ways than one, and I forewarn all of you males to not do it.
That covers the screennames. Next is the lingo. Whether you are young or old, surely you have heard of an acronym of some sort. The most famous one is obviously lol, standing, of course, for laughing out loud. I have had countless arguments with Ali Lohan look-a-like Julia Reitenbach (I probably spelled that last name wrong, but I like it that way. It shows more disrespect) about the use of lol as an -ing or -ed verb. She seems to think if she is currently laughing out loud or if she just laughed out loud, she should describe it as loling or loled. As you can see, this is complete mockery of the english language. That translated out would be Laughing out loud-ing or Laughing out loud-ed. If you wanted to stress that you are laughing out loud at the current time, you can simply say lingol, or you could just not use it. But for the translations sake, it makes no sense. That is why I stay away from the lol's. I feel they are too impersonal anyway. This is why I suggest the use of haha's. Lol is too short of a saying to have any meaning, but haha's can be extended into hahah, hahaha, or if it's really funny, hahahaha. If something is so outrageous, one can even capitalize it to HAHAH. That is usually the furthest you can go with the capitalizations of haha's, because HAHAHAHA is just a little overbearing. But if you want to embellish upon the lol, LOL really doesn't change much, and lolololol really makes no sense. This is another instance when a female's version of haha differs from the male's. While men are strictly limited to haha, girls can usually get away with a bahahahaha, but it has to be a long laugh. The origin of the b replacing the h in the haha is an oft-debated subject. Some claim that it is representative of a long, evil laugh, explaining why it would have to be long to effective. A small following has come to believe that it was the love for the Baha Men that did it. And they have a good point. Seriously, show me one person whose life was not drastically changed after listening to "Who Let the Dogs Out?" for the first time. I know mine was. Again, it is forbidden for men to use the term bahaha.
You may find yourself in an AIM situation where you are talking to a total creeper who is trying to make way too many jokes for his or her own good. This is when the use of just "ha" is necessary and essential for you to keep your sanity in check. And the use of "ha" goes both ways. When someone says ha to you, take it as a message to stop telling jokes, and stop right now. This is not to be confused with hah, which is just a break from saying haha. That one h makes a huge differenece, trust me.
The general use of acronyms is not looked upon well if you are older than 12. It's like Jeffrey J. says: "If you want to be an adult, you have to talk like one." For that reason, typing mostly everything out is a must. Some things, such as idk- for I don't know, gtg/g2g- for gotta go, and others that I will name later, are acceptable. But ik- for I know, is pushing it, and anything beyond that is really unnacceptable. I'm going to tell you the golden rule of acronyms; remember it always. Like the Sobel Soup's Inspirational Speech, this too is copyrighted. When in doubt, write it out. It's as simple as that, boys and girls.
Just clarifying here, this is one of the most important points I have to tell you about. If you are a girl, feel free to hold down any letter at any time in any word. It just adds emphasis, and you are allowed to do it whenever: happy, sad, anything. For males, any and all use of letter-holding is strongly discouraged, and should only be used in a time of great confidence or great distress. Use this wisely or don't use it at all, because it has been known to be the downfall of many great AIM users who have never since recovered.
Now that you have the screennames and the abbreviations down, it is time for you to learn how to start your conversations. This is a very special tradition that has evolved over the years. No matter if you are in sixth grade or in college, you always start out the conversation with a version of a hello. It could be hello, hi, yo, hey, or anything else (girls can again hold down any letter), whether you start the conversation or answer a message, you should use a greeting. After that is when you ask what's up. It is acceptable for the person answering an IM to say what's up, or some version of it, as a greeting. Now, there are several different ways to ask and answer the question "What's up?" You could say sup, what up, whats up, whats good, whats goin on, or even whats cookin (Uncle Don's favorite). While it is grammatically correct to include the apostrophe, you usually shouldn't do it, because it will make the person you are talking to think you care too much about the conversation you are holding. And believe me, perception is everything in this situation. If you are bold enough, or if you are nearing the age of 10, you could go with whats ^ or even w^. Believe it or not, when I first got my screenname I asked what was up by saying w^. The w stands for what's and the ^ is pointing up, obviously. If you want to get bilingual, you can always go with a que tal, or my personal favorite, que paso. If asked in a different language, it is the norm to answer in that same language.
How does one answer to this? Presumably nothing is up, or, since you are on AIM, you are just relaxing. The typically answer is nothing, nothing much, or the acronym for that, nm (which is completely acceptable). Others include chillin, chillen (spelling variation shows you don't care), just chillin, or its acronym jc (also accepted). If you are the person who was asked, it is considered rude to not ask the person what is up with them. Never, under any circumstance, ask them whats up, or sup, or something that was just described in the paragraph above. You can include a "u" on the end of nm or jc, or you can just leave it by itself following your answer. A "you?" will do just fine, as will how about you, or its acronym hbu. Going with the bilingual theme, y tu or y usted is a must for a spanish whats up. Feel free to cut out the y (spanish for and) and to hold down the last letter in all of these if you are a female.
Back in the sixth grade, these were the extents of the conversations I had with 95% of my AIM friends. Seriously, if I saw a person sign on, I would go through with this, and at the end of all of it say something like "sweet" or "cool." They would typically respond with "yeah" and that would be the end of it. I would always hope to not be the person to ask what was up, so I could say sweet or cool at the end, just to feel superior, because everyone knows it's the cool kid who gets to say sweet or something to that effect. This was usually done when people greeted me first, but even if I greeted them first, at times I waited them out so they would be forced to say what's up. It would break all rules of AIM if no what's up was said. If I really wanted to have the last word, I would follow up a "yeah" from them with a "yeah" of my own. A typical conversation went as such:
Ben: yo
Other person: yo
Ben: w^
Other person: nmu
Ben: same jc
Other person: nice
Ben: yeah
While writing this, I have just realized that I currently have these AIM conversations with Pete, or tdgeo. Besides him, the other conversations I have go a little deeper than that, but they always start out the same way. It just wouldn't feel right any other way.
Now that you know how to start/sustain conversations, you need to learn about away messages and buddy profiles. First things first, away messages. It can sometimes get annoying if you talk to people with an away message up, because it always pops up after they send an IM to you, even if you IM them first. I am notorious for this, and I have even been taken off the buddy list of my dear friend Clay Packel for this reason. For clarification purposes, away messages are not the same as statuses. You can have a status even if you are not away, and Macs allow you to put the song you are listening to as your status. That is the coolest thing ever, and those of us without Macs (me) wish we could have it that way. I strongly advise any of you with Macs to turn this feature on. Only if listening to something fruity or down-right creepy should you take it off. But other than songs, don't update your status, just go away. If you are doing something witty/fun that you want people to know about, you can put it as your away message. For example, if you are going to a sporting event or a concert, you can leave it as your away message. Inside jokes or anecdotes are also accepted. An oddity can also be an away message. For example, one time last year I was getting an outdoor haircut from Aunt Judy. Since this was the first (and hopefully only time) this would be happening, I left my away message as "getting an outdoor haircut." While this is acceptable on occasion, away messages like these get a little old after a while. Try to limit them to twice a month at a maximum. Saumon Oboudiyat is known for these away messages. Except instead of leaving them up twice a month, he leaves them up about 10 times a day. It is acceptable for him, though, because he is small and dark-haired (that didn't make sense).When you don't feel like signing off, but you aren't doing anything of note, you can always leave an away message like bbl (be back later), or brb (be right back). Another option is to leave a blank away message, like Down-C does. I've never seen anyone else besides him do it, but it is effective. Or you could go with the default one of "I am away from my computer right now." If you are having a seemingly hilarious conversation with someone who makes some funny remarks, you can leave those remarks, screenname of the buddy included, up as your away message as well. This goes under the category of "AIM camaraderie," which is always accepted.
Also accepted under camaraderie is the use of funny quotes from a buddy into your profile as well. If something someone says is "profile-worthy" as I like to say, it can go in. It is all in the eye of the beholder as to what is profile-worthy. Also popular in buddy profiles are funny videos or other links. For example, in my buddy profile I currently have a link to the Soup Kitchen and to I Love Mammals. Countdowns that are updated daily are encouraged only for females, who again may use as many letters as they please, but they are not looked upon in a positive light for males to have such a thing in said profile. Some people can even put lyrics to a song in, even though that is usually, but not always, for girls. A buddy profile is pretty much your space to express yourself in.
The last thing you should edit is your buddy icon. This is similar to the buddy profile in that it allows for personal expression, in the form of a picture for the icon. It can be anything from a favorite picture of your own to an inside joke. For example, my buddy icon is Leonardo DiCaprio. I have it set as such because I think he is one of the most ballin' actors of this generation, and I love his movies. Others, especially those with Macs, have their own pictures for the icons. Other acceptable items are sports teams, old cartoon characters, or even an animated one. Seriously, nearly anything is inbounds here, because almost everything can be looked at as a joke. So have fun with this, if anything, because it almost has no boundaries.
One last tidbit of information: try not to go into chat rooms. Unless you are having a throw-back to middle school night (like me and the former TBD, Jake Enterlin, often have), you do not want to have a chat room. Even if you are trying to work something out between multiple buddies, you can do it without creating/joining a chat. It's just not worth taking the reputation hit. Trust me.
___________________________________________________
With me just writing the longest post in the Soup Kitchen's history (does this rival any of Gusalina's posts for length? I doubt it), I figured I would end it with the shortest video in the history. Actually, I'm not sure if this counts as the shortest video, because it is 1:13. But technically these are all 1-second commercials, so it should count. Anyway, I hope you enjoy watching this guy as much as I do, because personally I think the commercial about the VIP section is one of the most HQ (high quality- an acronym for you) commercials I've ever seen ("Common Sense ain't on the guest list.")
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
AIM stands for AOL Instant Messenger, and it is a useful way for young people, such as myself, to interact among each other. You have to be at least 13 years old to sign up for it, but everyone and their mother knows that if you don't sign up for it before you're 13, you're a square. I'm not certain if there is a maximum age you can be, but I've never seen a person over 25 use AIM. So to all of you older folks out there, if you don't want to be arrested by your local police force for child molestation, I whole-heartedly advise against the use of AIM.
That being said, the rest of this advice goes for those who are of age to be using such a tool. First things first: picking a screenname. I'm 100% sure that anyone reading this blog has made at least one screenname in their lifetime, but the number of you that have made a foolish one is probably a high one as well. I too am subject to abuse when it comes to bad choices of names. I once made one named, and I'm not kidding when I tell you this, "accheeriosbox913." That's right. Apple Cinnamon Cheerios Box. As my screenname. It humiliates me to this day that I made that, albeit in the seventh grade. What was going through my head you may ask? I have no idea. Other screenname failures include whosurdady82 and oxocrashintomeoxo. Putting any saying in your name, in this case an extremely ridiculous one, is never a good idea. Not only that, but the misspelling of "your" makes this abismal name worse. This masterpiece was thought up by none other than O-Star Superstar, basking in all of his glory. The other bad idea is a song name, or any other thing that could go with it. Crash into me is probably the cheesiest thing this side of nachos. This beaut of an sn was courtesy of Val Keller. Another bad idea for a screenname is using an athletes name. A perfect example of this is Fat Dub's adrianpeterson1. Even though he did make this way back in AP's freshman year at OU, it could confuse some people, maybe tricking them into thinking they are talking to the actual Adrian Peterson, and not just a rabid fan. Just clarification, if you would possibly make it something to the effect of PurpleJesus, or a different cool nickname, that would be totally fine. But the full name of an athelete just doesn't cut it.
That's the worst of the worst for bad screennames. But how do you make a good screenname? It usually involves some portion of your name and/or nickname and your favorite numbers. In my own case, I use my initals and my favorite numbers, as does Joe Raymond (who was the only other person I could find that did this). Other acceptable things to put in are a certain sport you play, a favorite sports team or anything concerning money. For guys, you are done making your screenname. For the females, you have a choice to make. You can keep it plain and simple or you can add a few variances to yours, just to add that special something that you presumably bring to the table. This can be done by putting x's or o's at the beginning and/or end of the screenname. If one chooses to put any x's or o's in the screenname, it is recommended that you align them from beginning to end. For example, xorandomgirlox is better than just xorandomgirl or randomgirlxo. Alignment of the x's and o's are key. Another choice a female can make is the adding of multiple letters to any part of the screenname she feels requires emphasis. Adding any of these features by a male could be harmful in more ways than one, and I forewarn all of you males to not do it.
That covers the screennames. Next is the lingo. Whether you are young or old, surely you have heard of an acronym of some sort. The most famous one is obviously lol, standing, of course, for laughing out loud. I have had countless arguments with Ali Lohan look-a-like Julia Reitenbach (I probably spelled that last name wrong, but I like it that way. It shows more disrespect) about the use of lol as an -ing or -ed verb. She seems to think if she is currently laughing out loud or if she just laughed out loud, she should describe it as loling or loled. As you can see, this is complete mockery of the english language. That translated out would be Laughing out loud-ing or Laughing out loud-ed. If you wanted to stress that you are laughing out loud at the current time, you can simply say lingol, or you could just not use it. But for the translations sake, it makes no sense. That is why I stay away from the lol's. I feel they are too impersonal anyway. This is why I suggest the use of haha's. Lol is too short of a saying to have any meaning, but haha's can be extended into hahah, hahaha, or if it's really funny, hahahaha. If something is so outrageous, one can even capitalize it to HAHAH. That is usually the furthest you can go with the capitalizations of haha's, because HAHAHAHA is just a little overbearing. But if you want to embellish upon the lol, LOL really doesn't change much, and lolololol really makes no sense. This is another instance when a female's version of haha differs from the male's. While men are strictly limited to haha, girls can usually get away with a bahahahaha, but it has to be a long laugh. The origin of the b replacing the h in the haha is an oft-debated subject. Some claim that it is representative of a long, evil laugh, explaining why it would have to be long to effective. A small following has come to believe that it was the love for the Baha Men that did it. And they have a good point. Seriously, show me one person whose life was not drastically changed after listening to "Who Let the Dogs Out?" for the first time. I know mine was. Again, it is forbidden for men to use the term bahaha.
You may find yourself in an AIM situation where you are talking to a total creeper who is trying to make way too many jokes for his or her own good. This is when the use of just "ha" is necessary and essential for you to keep your sanity in check. And the use of "ha" goes both ways. When someone says ha to you, take it as a message to stop telling jokes, and stop right now. This is not to be confused with hah, which is just a break from saying haha. That one h makes a huge differenece, trust me.
The general use of acronyms is not looked upon well if you are older than 12. It's like Jeffrey J. says: "If you want to be an adult, you have to talk like one." For that reason, typing mostly everything out is a must. Some things, such as idk- for I don't know, gtg/g2g- for gotta go, and others that I will name later, are acceptable. But ik- for I know, is pushing it, and anything beyond that is really unnacceptable. I'm going to tell you the golden rule of acronyms; remember it always. Like the Sobel Soup's Inspirational Speech, this too is copyrighted. When in doubt, write it out. It's as simple as that, boys and girls.
Just clarifying here, this is one of the most important points I have to tell you about. If you are a girl, feel free to hold down any letter at any time in any word. It just adds emphasis, and you are allowed to do it whenever: happy, sad, anything. For males, any and all use of letter-holding is strongly discouraged, and should only be used in a time of great confidence or great distress. Use this wisely or don't use it at all, because it has been known to be the downfall of many great AIM users who have never since recovered.
Now that you have the screennames and the abbreviations down, it is time for you to learn how to start your conversations. This is a very special tradition that has evolved over the years. No matter if you are in sixth grade or in college, you always start out the conversation with a version of a hello. It could be hello, hi, yo, hey, or anything else (girls can again hold down any letter), whether you start the conversation or answer a message, you should use a greeting. After that is when you ask what's up. It is acceptable for the person answering an IM to say what's up, or some version of it, as a greeting. Now, there are several different ways to ask and answer the question "What's up?" You could say sup, what up, whats up, whats good, whats goin on, or even whats cookin (Uncle Don's favorite). While it is grammatically correct to include the apostrophe, you usually shouldn't do it, because it will make the person you are talking to think you care too much about the conversation you are holding. And believe me, perception is everything in this situation. If you are bold enough, or if you are nearing the age of 10, you could go with whats ^ or even w^. Believe it or not, when I first got my screenname I asked what was up by saying w^. The w stands for what's and the ^ is pointing up, obviously. If you want to get bilingual, you can always go with a que tal, or my personal favorite, que paso. If asked in a different language, it is the norm to answer in that same language.
How does one answer to this? Presumably nothing is up, or, since you are on AIM, you are just relaxing. The typically answer is nothing, nothing much, or the acronym for that, nm (which is completely acceptable). Others include chillin, chillen (spelling variation shows you don't care), just chillin, or its acronym jc (also accepted). If you are the person who was asked, it is considered rude to not ask the person what is up with them. Never, under any circumstance, ask them whats up, or sup, or something that was just described in the paragraph above. You can include a "u" on the end of nm or jc, or you can just leave it by itself following your answer. A "you?" will do just fine, as will how about you, or its acronym hbu. Going with the bilingual theme, y tu or y usted is a must for a spanish whats up. Feel free to cut out the y (spanish for and) and to hold down the last letter in all of these if you are a female.
Back in the sixth grade, these were the extents of the conversations I had with 95% of my AIM friends. Seriously, if I saw a person sign on, I would go through with this, and at the end of all of it say something like "sweet" or "cool." They would typically respond with "yeah" and that would be the end of it. I would always hope to not be the person to ask what was up, so I could say sweet or cool at the end, just to feel superior, because everyone knows it's the cool kid who gets to say sweet or something to that effect. This was usually done when people greeted me first, but even if I greeted them first, at times I waited them out so they would be forced to say what's up. It would break all rules of AIM if no what's up was said. If I really wanted to have the last word, I would follow up a "yeah" from them with a "yeah" of my own. A typical conversation went as such:
Ben: yo
Other person: yo
Ben: w^
Other person: nmu
Ben: same jc
Other person: nice
Ben: yeah
While writing this, I have just realized that I currently have these AIM conversations with Pete, or tdgeo. Besides him, the other conversations I have go a little deeper than that, but they always start out the same way. It just wouldn't feel right any other way.
Now that you know how to start/sustain conversations, you need to learn about away messages and buddy profiles. First things first, away messages. It can sometimes get annoying if you talk to people with an away message up, because it always pops up after they send an IM to you, even if you IM them first. I am notorious for this, and I have even been taken off the buddy list of my dear friend Clay Packel for this reason. For clarification purposes, away messages are not the same as statuses. You can have a status even if you are not away, and Macs allow you to put the song you are listening to as your status. That is the coolest thing ever, and those of us without Macs (me) wish we could have it that way. I strongly advise any of you with Macs to turn this feature on. Only if listening to something fruity or down-right creepy should you take it off. But other than songs, don't update your status, just go away. If you are doing something witty/fun that you want people to know about, you can put it as your away message. For example, if you are going to a sporting event or a concert, you can leave it as your away message. Inside jokes or anecdotes are also accepted. An oddity can also be an away message. For example, one time last year I was getting an outdoor haircut from Aunt Judy. Since this was the first (and hopefully only time) this would be happening, I left my away message as "getting an outdoor haircut." While this is acceptable on occasion, away messages like these get a little old after a while. Try to limit them to twice a month at a maximum. Saumon Oboudiyat is known for these away messages. Except instead of leaving them up twice a month, he leaves them up about 10 times a day. It is acceptable for him, though, because he is small and dark-haired (that didn't make sense).When you don't feel like signing off, but you aren't doing anything of note, you can always leave an away message like bbl (be back later), or brb (be right back). Another option is to leave a blank away message, like Down-C does. I've never seen anyone else besides him do it, but it is effective. Or you could go with the default one of "I am away from my computer right now." If you are having a seemingly hilarious conversation with someone who makes some funny remarks, you can leave those remarks, screenname of the buddy included, up as your away message as well. This goes under the category of "AIM camaraderie," which is always accepted.
Also accepted under camaraderie is the use of funny quotes from a buddy into your profile as well. If something someone says is "profile-worthy" as I like to say, it can go in. It is all in the eye of the beholder as to what is profile-worthy. Also popular in buddy profiles are funny videos or other links. For example, in my buddy profile I currently have a link to the Soup Kitchen and to I Love Mammals. Countdowns that are updated daily are encouraged only for females, who again may use as many letters as they please, but they are not looked upon in a positive light for males to have such a thing in said profile. Some people can even put lyrics to a song in, even though that is usually, but not always, for girls. A buddy profile is pretty much your space to express yourself in.
The last thing you should edit is your buddy icon. This is similar to the buddy profile in that it allows for personal expression, in the form of a picture for the icon. It can be anything from a favorite picture of your own to an inside joke. For example, my buddy icon is Leonardo DiCaprio. I have it set as such because I think he is one of the most ballin' actors of this generation, and I love his movies. Others, especially those with Macs, have their own pictures for the icons. Other acceptable items are sports teams, old cartoon characters, or even an animated one. Seriously, nearly anything is inbounds here, because almost everything can be looked at as a joke. So have fun with this, if anything, because it almost has no boundaries.
One last tidbit of information: try not to go into chat rooms. Unless you are having a throw-back to middle school night (like me and the former TBD, Jake Enterlin, often have), you do not want to have a chat room. Even if you are trying to work something out between multiple buddies, you can do it without creating/joining a chat. It's just not worth taking the reputation hit. Trust me.
___________________________________________________
With me just writing the longest post in the Soup Kitchen's history (does this rival any of Gusalina's posts for length? I doubt it), I figured I would end it with the shortest video in the history. Actually, I'm not sure if this counts as the shortest video, because it is 1:13. But technically these are all 1-second commercials, so it should count. Anyway, I hope you enjoy watching this guy as much as I do, because personally I think the commercial about the VIP section is one of the most HQ (high quality- an acronym for you) commercials I've ever seen ("Common Sense ain't on the guest list.")
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, August 3, 2009
Soup's 17 Degrees of Separation
I probably sound like a broken record by now, but it has again been quite a while since I last posted. It's not like any of you check this everyday anyway (besides you, Grandmom and Grandpop (Parenthetical inside of a parenthetical: Many of you may think it is harmful to my psyche that my grandparents are my biggest fans. That's quite the contrary. If you knew my grandparents, you would be the happiest person in the world, as I presently am. Just as an example to show you how baller this duo is, Lisa Leslie was actually not the first woman to dunk. That would be my grandmother.)) so I'm not doing anyone any harm. Besides, like Jeffrey J. always told me, "If you don't have anything to say that is beneficial to society, don't say it all." ("It's funny because he actually said that"- Sam Soupy Huestis (PIP: AMPAP for the nickname. I love acronyms!!)) That has certainly been the case for me over the past few weeks. Anyway, I have actually counted out the days since I last posted, and the count is officially at 17. Since it's been so long, I've decided to give you all a gift in which I'm going to go all Kevin Bacon on you, and just do some weird rambling, so just bear with me. In all likelihood, you will be lost during this entire post. Now following the rules of their degrees of separation, this first connection technically is my 0th degree. Now let's get started.
0. Not blogging for a while has been very tough for me. I love blogging even more than I love O.A.R. And hey, I love me some O.A.R. Almost as much as...
1. Terrence Williams loves him some Jay Bilas. Seriously, when I heard about this, I could see the love affair happening right in front of me. I know it's random, but I had to put it in, just because of my love for college basketball, and my Villanova Wildcats. Speaking of which...
2. Reggie Redding has recently been arrested for possession of marijuana. I know it takes a little wind out of the sails of next season's NCAA Champions (yeah, I'm guaranteeing it right now), but I could sort of see it coming, at least for Redding. I personally know him from...
3. A broadcasting camp that I attended two years ago. That's right. Along with being a blogger extraordinaire, a frequent eater of big macs, and an all around baller, I am also a broadcaster. I'm what is known as a Renaissance man. Those activities listed above are not all I am good for, however. Sometimes I even do my own laundry. As if that were not enough, I have been known to dabble on a few intruments. Much like...
4. Saumon Oboudiyat. While his biggest claim to fame is clearlyhaving his own label on the Soup Kitchen, he also has his own Facebook music page, which is starting to gain more recognition. Besides that, he has a new album coming out, and trust me, it is going to be off the chain. How do I know this? I am actually his manager, so I have heard the whole thing. Saumon is actually the second musical act I have managed, the first being...
5. The now defunct Objects At Rest, also known as O.A.R. Even though I was appointed manager, I self-admittedly did absolutely nothing. This band featured Caleb Oaks singing, Eddie Palka on the drums, B-Murr on the bass, and a certain guitarist named...
6. Russell Gelman-Sheehan, aptly nicknamed Rufus. He has been asking for a shoutout for quite a while now, and I am finally giving it to him in the most flattering form that I can think of. If Russell's talents start at guitar playing, they stop at his shoe choice. Rufus infamously rocks...
7. Starburys. These are, for those of you who don't know, possibly the worst shoes ever. While being so bad, they do offer some type of individuality, which gives perfect reason as to why Rufus would wear them. Generally, the unique shoes are the expensive ones that no one can afford. In this case, Starburys are special because they are so bad that no one wants to buy them, even though they can easily be purchased for a small price of $14.98! Just to give you reference of how low quality these shoes are, Stephon Marbury wore these shoes himself for one game as a means of promotion. In that same game he turned his ankle. Coincidence? I think not. Talking about Stephon Marbury reminds me of that feud he had with...
8. Stephen A. Smith, former host of Quite Frankly. At the time of his show's start, he was on top of the world. He had his own television show, his own column in the Philadelphia Inquirer, and his daily spot on Sportscenter. Now, he very well may be out of work. But Stephen A. has affected my life in an extremely positive manner. He was the subject of...
9. A few great Youtube videos. I'll put the 2007 one below for this post's video, and I'll link you to the 2006 one right here. These videos were recommended to me by none other than...
10. Fat Dub. That's right, this frequent subject of the Soup Kitchen is probably the best at finding videos out of anyone I have ever met. Not only that, but he is also a ghost-riding pro, much like the old geezers in that video. When he does ghost-ride, he usually does it with...
11. Bryan, otherwise known as Down-C. You may be wondering: why link his name to the picture of a hoagie? It's simple. His head is shaped like a hoagie, thus the reason he is called Hoagiehead. Usually when I make fun of people on this blog, it is just so they can have the joy of seeing their name on the internet. That is not the case with Down-C. He is one of the few people I know that has never read the blog, at least that's what I believe to be true. How a person that is such good friends with me can not even monitor what I write on here is beyond me. If this continues, I'm going to have to treat him like he is Evan Turner, and abuse him to no end on here. He is almost he complete opposite of...
12. Jake Enterlin, the former TBD. Not only does he (usually) read the blog, he even guest posts on it. He isn't the first guest poster, however. That honor would belong to...
13. Jack Eiel. You all know that he lost it because he "had nothing to write about" and because he is the laziest person the world has ever seen. I have just realized that my past guest poster, my current guest poster, and my future guest poster (at 15,000 views) were all a part of I Love Mammals. Who is this future guest poster I speak of? He goes by the name of...
14. Omar Randall. I don't need to say anything about him, you all know everything there is to know about O-Star Superstar. Another thing I just realized is that all of the guys I just mentioned were all at C-Lunch (except Fat Dub, but that's the beside the point.) A lot of things went down at C-Lunch, and I won't describe them to you. I'll leave that up to TBD on his next guest post. One thing I will say is that one of my favorite parts was when Jake would tell a young man that he was "looking good today" every day of the week. This chap's name is...
15. Mikey Henderson. "Yo Mikey! You're lookin' good today!" was the frequent call of our table, and I'm not really sure why. Anyway, I promised Mikey I would let him get in the next blog post, just so I could show all the people how much of a nice guy he was. So there you go. This shoutout is the epitome of awesome shoutouts, just because of the person that is in it. Nearly the opposite could be said about the shoutout to...
16. Nick "One-Ball" Maillett. I don't even want to relive how awkward that situation was. Hopefully it won't ever be remembered. Mr. Maillett is however looking into season tickets for the Philadelphia Union, the expansion soccer team coming to Philadelphia next March. As it happens, so is...
17. The Sobel Soup. And that's your 17 degrees of separation. I hope you know I was legitimately about to stop at 6, because I had no idea what I was going to write about.
___________________________________________________
Without further ado, here is the video for this week. As I promised, it is the Stephen A. Smith heckling video. "Spencer Hawes is gonna be a bust!"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
0. Not blogging for a while has been very tough for me. I love blogging even more than I love O.A.R. And hey, I love me some O.A.R. Almost as much as...
1. Terrence Williams loves him some Jay Bilas. Seriously, when I heard about this, I could see the love affair happening right in front of me. I know it's random, but I had to put it in, just because of my love for college basketball, and my Villanova Wildcats. Speaking of which...
2. Reggie Redding has recently been arrested for possession of marijuana. I know it takes a little wind out of the sails of next season's NCAA Champions (yeah, I'm guaranteeing it right now), but I could sort of see it coming, at least for Redding. I personally know him from...
3. A broadcasting camp that I attended two years ago. That's right. Along with being a blogger extraordinaire, a frequent eater of big macs, and an all around baller, I am also a broadcaster. I'm what is known as a Renaissance man. Those activities listed above are not all I am good for, however. Sometimes I even do my own laundry. As if that were not enough, I have been known to dabble on a few intruments. Much like...
4. Saumon Oboudiyat. While his biggest claim to fame is clearlyhaving his own label on the Soup Kitchen, he also has his own Facebook music page, which is starting to gain more recognition. Besides that, he has a new album coming out, and trust me, it is going to be off the chain. How do I know this? I am actually his manager, so I have heard the whole thing. Saumon is actually the second musical act I have managed, the first being...
5. The now defunct Objects At Rest, also known as O.A.R. Even though I was appointed manager, I self-admittedly did absolutely nothing. This band featured Caleb Oaks singing, Eddie Palka on the drums, B-Murr on the bass, and a certain guitarist named...
6. Russell Gelman-Sheehan, aptly nicknamed Rufus. He has been asking for a shoutout for quite a while now, and I am finally giving it to him in the most flattering form that I can think of. If Russell's talents start at guitar playing, they stop at his shoe choice. Rufus infamously rocks...
7. Starburys. These are, for those of you who don't know, possibly the worst shoes ever. While being so bad, they do offer some type of individuality, which gives perfect reason as to why Rufus would wear them. Generally, the unique shoes are the expensive ones that no one can afford. In this case, Starburys are special because they are so bad that no one wants to buy them, even though they can easily be purchased for a small price of $14.98! Just to give you reference of how low quality these shoes are, Stephon Marbury wore these shoes himself for one game as a means of promotion. In that same game he turned his ankle. Coincidence? I think not. Talking about Stephon Marbury reminds me of that feud he had with...
8. Stephen A. Smith, former host of Quite Frankly. At the time of his show's start, he was on top of the world. He had his own television show, his own column in the Philadelphia Inquirer, and his daily spot on Sportscenter. Now, he very well may be out of work. But Stephen A. has affected my life in an extremely positive manner. He was the subject of...
9. A few great Youtube videos. I'll put the 2007 one below for this post's video, and I'll link you to the 2006 one right here. These videos were recommended to me by none other than...
10. Fat Dub. That's right, this frequent subject of the Soup Kitchen is probably the best at finding videos out of anyone I have ever met. Not only that, but he is also a ghost-riding pro, much like the old geezers in that video. When he does ghost-ride, he usually does it with...
11. Bryan, otherwise known as Down-C. You may be wondering: why link his name to the picture of a hoagie? It's simple. His head is shaped like a hoagie, thus the reason he is called Hoagiehead. Usually when I make fun of people on this blog, it is just so they can have the joy of seeing their name on the internet. That is not the case with Down-C. He is one of the few people I know that has never read the blog, at least that's what I believe to be true. How a person that is such good friends with me can not even monitor what I write on here is beyond me. If this continues, I'm going to have to treat him like he is Evan Turner, and abuse him to no end on here. He is almost he complete opposite of...
12. Jake Enterlin, the former TBD. Not only does he (usually) read the blog, he even guest posts on it. He isn't the first guest poster, however. That honor would belong to...
13. Jack Eiel. You all know that he lost it because he "had nothing to write about" and because he is the laziest person the world has ever seen. I have just realized that my past guest poster, my current guest poster, and my future guest poster (at 15,000 views) were all a part of I Love Mammals. Who is this future guest poster I speak of? He goes by the name of...
14. Omar Randall. I don't need to say anything about him, you all know everything there is to know about O-Star Superstar. Another thing I just realized is that all of the guys I just mentioned were all at C-Lunch (except Fat Dub, but that's the beside the point.) A lot of things went down at C-Lunch, and I won't describe them to you. I'll leave that up to TBD on his next guest post. One thing I will say is that one of my favorite parts was when Jake would tell a young man that he was "looking good today" every day of the week. This chap's name is...
15. Mikey Henderson. "Yo Mikey! You're lookin' good today!" was the frequent call of our table, and I'm not really sure why. Anyway, I promised Mikey I would let him get in the next blog post, just so I could show all the people how much of a nice guy he was. So there you go. This shoutout is the epitome of awesome shoutouts, just because of the person that is in it. Nearly the opposite could be said about the shoutout to...
16. Nick "One-Ball" Maillett. I don't even want to relive how awkward that situation was. Hopefully it won't ever be remembered. Mr. Maillett is however looking into season tickets for the Philadelphia Union, the expansion soccer team coming to Philadelphia next March. As it happens, so is...
17. The Sobel Soup. And that's your 17 degrees of separation. I hope you know I was legitimately about to stop at 6, because I had no idea what I was going to write about.
___________________________________________________
Without further ado, here is the video for this week. As I promised, it is the Stephen A. Smith heckling video. "Spencer Hawes is gonna be a bust!"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, July 17, 2009
All-Star Adventures
You won't be hearing a lot about my recent vacation taken with O-Star Superstar and his family. I usually find errors in common life or complain about things; that is what makes this blog successful. The thing about this vacation is that I have very little to actually complain about. This is the first time in history that the Sobel Soup does not have a farmer's tan. With that checked off my list, I only have "Grow a beard similar to Greg Oden's (but never equal, because it is impossible for anyone to equal the mystical prowess of said beard)" and "Become Morgan Freeman's replacement by having the greatest voice known to mankind" still on my to-do list.
One of the things I loved about going to St. Maarten is the airport travel. It makes you feel like a star because you actually board the plane from the ground. The only thing that makes you feel not as special is that everyone else does it, probably because the airport is too poor to afford indoor entrances for every plane. Everyone always complains about airline food, but I find that the problem doesn't always lie there. Instead, it is the food inside the airport that is ridiculous. For a personal pan pizza from Domino's, which would be equal to about 1.5-2 regular slices of pizza, they charged 8 dollars. I don't want to sound like the stingiest person in the world, but that price is just flat out absurd. I ended up spending $20 on a lunch/dinner (linner or dunch? I'm thinking linner) in the airport, and I'm not too happy about it. Besides that, really nothing went wrong on my vacation.
___________________________________________________
It was a clear success, and it was the first successful campaign for me ever. Not only did we vote Shane Victorino into the All-Star Game, he was a starter and he scored a run. Yes, I do realize he got 15 million votes, and my impact upon him winning the Final Vote was probably miniscule at best, every vote counted, and I felt like I did my part. I am proud of my contribution, and am expecting Shane's thank you letter in the mail any day now. I do have to say that I am disappointed by the National League's performance in the All-Star game. Their 13th straight winless effort did not stop me from noticing the obscure things that I have a knack for doing. I now present my 5 favorite things about the All-Star weekend.
5. Jayson Werth's Facial Hair: I'm so glad he got chosen to be an allstar for the simple reason that I got to see his goatee/wolf hair.
4. Albert Pujols's wild child/bald head: When Phat Albert was at the plate during the home run derby, his young boy was straight up loving it. Every home run hit, he would jump around as if the song were playing. I also loved seeing Albert's bald head on TV. It was so shiny I could actually see the camera crew who was filming him.
3. Prince Fielder's Girth: Also on showcase at the home run derby, every time the Prince would swing, his chubby waist would fly around his body. It was even better when ESPN did the slow-motion replays (they did this a few times for Prince) because you could watch all of his flab fly through the picture faster than his bat did.
2. The mute button: I'm not talking about the Fox crew at all (Call me crazy but I actually like Joe Buck; McCarver is another story). My biggest complaint lies with the ESPN crew doing the Home Run Derby. It's bad enough having to suffer through a regular Chris Berman show or a Joe Morgan baseball game, but this brought out the worst in both. When you combine these two men's broadcasting abilities (if you actually call that ability) and a three hour event where there is actually action for maybe an hour of it, the going gets bad. Very bad. That's where the mute button came into play. I didn't have to listen to Chris Berman's "Back, Back, Back" calls or Joe Morgan's rants that had nothing to do with what was going on. Boomer's "WOW, THAT ONE IS WAY BACK. IT'S A HOME RUN" calls that he did at least 20 times during the broadcast (for the part that I listened to) is a huge overreaction. I mean a) it is a home run derby, home runs are supposed to be hit (unless you're name is Brandon Inge) and b) you can maybe do that call on one or two home runs the whole time. But when Ryan Howard barely inches one over the wall, it is unnecessary, trust me. The only good part about hearing them broadcast the Derby was that I got reminded of why I loved this website so much.
This last one is actually something that I disliked. No, Facebook doesn't let you do it, but it doesn't mean that I can't.
1. Ryan Franklin's disgusting goatee: Some of you may say this is similar to Greg Oden's beard. To those of you who make this vile claim, I am ashamed to have you read my blog. Just kidding, but not really. Seriously, why does it need to be that big? Is he hiding something inside of it? Maybe he lost his mirror in there. That's the only possible explanation of why he continues to allow that hideous rodent grow on his face.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by another anonymous viewer, and I thought that with the ESPY's fast approaching, I might as well put it in.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
One of the things I loved about going to St. Maarten is the airport travel. It makes you feel like a star because you actually board the plane from the ground. The only thing that makes you feel not as special is that everyone else does it, probably because the airport is too poor to afford indoor entrances for every plane. Everyone always complains about airline food, but I find that the problem doesn't always lie there. Instead, it is the food inside the airport that is ridiculous. For a personal pan pizza from Domino's, which would be equal to about 1.5-2 regular slices of pizza, they charged 8 dollars. I don't want to sound like the stingiest person in the world, but that price is just flat out absurd. I ended up spending $20 on a lunch/dinner (linner or dunch? I'm thinking linner) in the airport, and I'm not too happy about it. Besides that, really nothing went wrong on my vacation.
___________________________________________________
It was a clear success, and it was the first successful campaign for me ever. Not only did we vote Shane Victorino into the All-Star Game, he was a starter and he scored a run. Yes, I do realize he got 15 million votes, and my impact upon him winning the Final Vote was probably miniscule at best, every vote counted, and I felt like I did my part. I am proud of my contribution, and am expecting Shane's thank you letter in the mail any day now. I do have to say that I am disappointed by the National League's performance in the All-Star game. Their 13th straight winless effort did not stop me from noticing the obscure things that I have a knack for doing. I now present my 5 favorite things about the All-Star weekend.
5. Jayson Werth's Facial Hair: I'm so glad he got chosen to be an allstar for the simple reason that I got to see his goatee/wolf hair.
4. Albert Pujols's wild child/bald head: When Phat Albert was at the plate during the home run derby, his young boy was straight up loving it. Every home run hit, he would jump around as if the song were playing. I also loved seeing Albert's bald head on TV. It was so shiny I could actually see the camera crew who was filming him.
3. Prince Fielder's Girth: Also on showcase at the home run derby, every time the Prince would swing, his chubby waist would fly around his body. It was even better when ESPN did the slow-motion replays (they did this a few times for Prince) because you could watch all of his flab fly through the picture faster than his bat did.
2. The mute button: I'm not talking about the Fox crew at all (Call me crazy but I actually like Joe Buck; McCarver is another story). My biggest complaint lies with the ESPN crew doing the Home Run Derby. It's bad enough having to suffer through a regular Chris Berman show or a Joe Morgan baseball game, but this brought out the worst in both. When you combine these two men's broadcasting abilities (if you actually call that ability) and a three hour event where there is actually action for maybe an hour of it, the going gets bad. Very bad. That's where the mute button came into play. I didn't have to listen to Chris Berman's "Back, Back, Back" calls or Joe Morgan's rants that had nothing to do with what was going on. Boomer's "WOW, THAT ONE IS WAY BACK. IT'S A HOME RUN" calls that he did at least 20 times during the broadcast (for the part that I listened to) is a huge overreaction. I mean a) it is a home run derby, home runs are supposed to be hit (unless you're name is Brandon Inge) and b) you can maybe do that call on one or two home runs the whole time. But when Ryan Howard barely inches one over the wall, it is unnecessary, trust me. The only good part about hearing them broadcast the Derby was that I got reminded of why I loved this website so much.
This last one is actually something that I disliked. No, Facebook doesn't let you do it, but it doesn't mean that I can't.
1. Ryan Franklin's disgusting goatee: Some of you may say this is similar to Greg Oden's beard. To those of you who make this vile claim, I am ashamed to have you read my blog. Just kidding, but not really. Seriously, why does it need to be that big? Is he hiding something inside of it? Maybe he lost his mirror in there. That's the only possible explanation of why he continues to allow that hideous rodent grow on his face.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by another anonymous viewer, and I thought that with the ESPY's fast approaching, I might as well put it in.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Worst Vacation. Ever.
I think it is time for me to start addressing the readers of this blog by a nickname. While Titus may have the Trillion Man March, I have come up with a name that is slightly less catchy, slightly more clever, and significantly less politically correct. I deem you, the loyal followers of my blog, as the homeless. I'm not sure whether this name will stick or not, but I have been thinking about putting out there for a while, and I feel this is just the best time for it.
I promise you, the next post will be a guest post by none other than TBD, Jake Enterlin (I have reverted back to my old form, Snake just doesn't work for me. I think he is fine with the multiple nicknames anyway). While on the topic of guest posters, I was looking over Jack's work and realized how much of a lying fiend he truly is. Even though he supposedly chose teams by the better mascot, his championship winner ended up being the Pitt Panthers. I love the scent of the magical cologne that 60% of the time works every time about as much as the next guy, but there is no way a panther was the best mascot in the whole tournament. Since Pitt didn't win, it just gave me another face to rub Villanova's success into. And just as a follow up, I ended up beating Run, meaning it isn't even close to unstoppable anymore.
___________________________________________________
Onto the true purpose of this post. The reason I haven't posted in a while was because I just got home from a family vacation. You may be thinking "Well, he brought Jeffrey J. and O-Star Superstar, so it must have been a great time!" While Papa Jeff brought the baller level up to a max, and Omar didn't quite cross that line from being fun to annoying, it was possibly the worst vacation any of us had ever been on. We traveled to Lake Owasco in upstate New York, and it is pretty beautiful there this time of year. There was one little problem that we encountered. It starts with an H, rhymes with mouse, and is the namesake of a popular television show/character. Yes, the house was awful, and I will now explain to you why.
First of all, the house was maintained about as well as Carrot Top's hair is. It was so poorly managed in fact that there were actual plants growing out of the gutters, I kid you not. They did make a few changes to the house, though. One of these was taking out a light in a bedroom and replacing it with a smoke detector. Needless to say, this caused some confusion for me and O-Star when we turned on the light switch and a loud buzzing noise started to go off. In the same bedroom, presumably to separate it from the loft in the other room, was a wooden window. You may doubt that there is such a thing, but let me assure you, there is. While it may defeat the purpose of a window because you can't actually see through it, a barrier is provided. The last change they made simply astounded me, for it was probably the junkiest and simultaneously hilarious thing I have ever seen. Instead of putting an actual lock on a sliding door, they instead lock it by lodging a piece of wood in between the door and the adjacent frame. I am not embellishing at all; this was actually the improvement that the homeowner once made.
While I was certainly not embellishing in that last paragraph, the person that rents out the house might have just a tad bit. Usually "a comfortable fit" means that you will be able to stand up in the upstairs. This was sadly not the case for this house. Omar had to bend over at all times and was constantly hitting his head, while I only faced trouble a few times. The worser of the exaggerations was that the house slept nine. Apparently there being two bedrooms, which hold three people combined, account for sleeping space for nine. The other unfortunate six have to sleep on pull-outs, which is exactly what me and Omar had to do.
Since the house was so awful, we decided to cut it short one day, but not before stopping at Cornell for a visit. Since the U.S. vs. Spain soccer game was on, and it would have been a five hour car ride home with no way to see what was happening in the game, Jeff, Omar, and I decided to stay and watch in the Cornell Campus Bookstore. I am proud to say that I am the only one that saw the first goal by Jozy Altidore, who has an eery likeness to DeJuan Blair. Around the time of Clint Dempsey's goal, Jeff, Omar and I were fully tuned into the game. Jeff had quite a hilarious outburst after Michael Bradley's bogus red card. He jolted up in his seat, clapped, and yelled "You've got to be kidding me!" The best was yet to come, however, when Jeffrey J. shocked all those in the bookstore by proclaiming "That's Horse----" Needless to say Omar and I "dogged him" for that the whole car ride home.
The cursing was not the only dogging Jeffrey J. received on the trip home. He also became a murderer. Of birds. The bird was minding its own business in the middle of the road when Jeff sped up to almost hit it. Trying to avoid the car, the bird flew up, but to no avail, as it hit the bumper of the car. Judging by the smell of blood on the car, I'm fairly certain that Jeffrey J. killed that bird. I will never let him hear the end of it.
___________________________________________________
I would be doing the world a disservice if I neglected the death of Michael Jackson. I would be lying to you all if I told you he didn't creep me out a lot, but then again he is the King of Pop, he invented the Thriller Dance, and he is a human being. MJ will be missed by many, and for good reason, because he could sure rock the mic.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by the next guest poster, Jake Enterlin. He was an ambitious young man from the start and made this killer video. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
I promise you, the next post will be a guest post by none other than TBD, Jake Enterlin (I have reverted back to my old form, Snake just doesn't work for me. I think he is fine with the multiple nicknames anyway). While on the topic of guest posters, I was looking over Jack's work and realized how much of a lying fiend he truly is. Even though he supposedly chose teams by the better mascot, his championship winner ended up being the Pitt Panthers. I love the scent of the magical cologne that 60% of the time works every time about as much as the next guy, but there is no way a panther was the best mascot in the whole tournament. Since Pitt didn't win, it just gave me another face to rub Villanova's success into. And just as a follow up, I ended up beating Run, meaning it isn't even close to unstoppable anymore.
___________________________________________________
Onto the true purpose of this post. The reason I haven't posted in a while was because I just got home from a family vacation. You may be thinking "Well, he brought Jeffrey J. and O-Star Superstar, so it must have been a great time!" While Papa Jeff brought the baller level up to a max, and Omar didn't quite cross that line from being fun to annoying, it was possibly the worst vacation any of us had ever been on. We traveled to Lake Owasco in upstate New York, and it is pretty beautiful there this time of year. There was one little problem that we encountered. It starts with an H, rhymes with mouse, and is the namesake of a popular television show/character. Yes, the house was awful, and I will now explain to you why.
First of all, the house was maintained about as well as Carrot Top's hair is. It was so poorly managed in fact that there were actual plants growing out of the gutters, I kid you not. They did make a few changes to the house, though. One of these was taking out a light in a bedroom and replacing it with a smoke detector. Needless to say, this caused some confusion for me and O-Star when we turned on the light switch and a loud buzzing noise started to go off. In the same bedroom, presumably to separate it from the loft in the other room, was a wooden window. You may doubt that there is such a thing, but let me assure you, there is. While it may defeat the purpose of a window because you can't actually see through it, a barrier is provided. The last change they made simply astounded me, for it was probably the junkiest and simultaneously hilarious thing I have ever seen. Instead of putting an actual lock on a sliding door, they instead lock it by lodging a piece of wood in between the door and the adjacent frame. I am not embellishing at all; this was actually the improvement that the homeowner once made.
While I was certainly not embellishing in that last paragraph, the person that rents out the house might have just a tad bit. Usually "a comfortable fit" means that you will be able to stand up in the upstairs. This was sadly not the case for this house. Omar had to bend over at all times and was constantly hitting his head, while I only faced trouble a few times. The worser of the exaggerations was that the house slept nine. Apparently there being two bedrooms, which hold three people combined, account for sleeping space for nine. The other unfortunate six have to sleep on pull-outs, which is exactly what me and Omar had to do.
Since the house was so awful, we decided to cut it short one day, but not before stopping at Cornell for a visit. Since the U.S. vs. Spain soccer game was on, and it would have been a five hour car ride home with no way to see what was happening in the game, Jeff, Omar, and I decided to stay and watch in the Cornell Campus Bookstore. I am proud to say that I am the only one that saw the first goal by Jozy Altidore, who has an eery likeness to DeJuan Blair. Around the time of Clint Dempsey's goal, Jeff, Omar and I were fully tuned into the game. Jeff had quite a hilarious outburst after Michael Bradley's bogus red card. He jolted up in his seat, clapped, and yelled "You've got to be kidding me!" The best was yet to come, however, when Jeffrey J. shocked all those in the bookstore by proclaiming "That's Horse----" Needless to say Omar and I "dogged him" for that the whole car ride home.
The cursing was not the only dogging Jeffrey J. received on the trip home. He also became a murderer. Of birds. The bird was minding its own business in the middle of the road when Jeff sped up to almost hit it. Trying to avoid the car, the bird flew up, but to no avail, as it hit the bumper of the car. Judging by the smell of blood on the car, I'm fairly certain that Jeffrey J. killed that bird. I will never let him hear the end of it.
___________________________________________________
I would be doing the world a disservice if I neglected the death of Michael Jackson. I would be lying to you all if I told you he didn't creep me out a lot, but then again he is the King of Pop, he invented the Thriller Dance, and he is a human being. MJ will be missed by many, and for good reason, because he could sure rock the mic.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by the next guest poster, Jake Enterlin. He was an ambitious young man from the start and made this killer video. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I Love Mammals... I Love 'Em!
I have totally outdone myself this time. You all know what I'm talking about. I haven't posted for over two weeks. I do have good reason for doing so, however, so don't tell me I blew it, like Billy did to Mr. I Pee My Pants. The reason I haven't posted in a while is because I have been working on a project for biology class to finish of the year. You could call me White and Nerdy (I hate that kid) but not because I am a nerd. It is because I am a parody champ; in this case it was of Asher Roth's I Love College. The reason I am not linking you to that video is because it was not our true inspiration. First, for some background information.
A few years back, a few students in Ms. Szeliga's bio class made a parody of the song Lose Yourself about DNA replication, and other such things. She shows this to each of her classes and said it was the best she had ever gotten. A few of us fellows from class got together and decided to one-up the movie with a pure one of our own. The cast of characters is a regular Soup Kitchen lineup: Jack Eiel, Jake Enterlin, and Omar Randall. The project had to be about a phylum, so the natural choice was mammals, after all, that's what humans are. You will believe me later on when I show you the video, but it is one of the finest pieces of film on the net.
The true inspiration for I Love Mammals was a video by the Davidson Show, I Love Commons. Now, I'm not sure if Mammals tops Commons, only because Commons is straight up legendary. We modeled the video and the lyrics off of it, but we have outtakes at the end that will just blow your mind. Contrary to what my good friend Kara Nac thinks (There is your shout-out, happy now #1 fan?), I was not wearing a woman's shirt during part of the filming. It is actually called a wife beater, similar to the one my favorite bandleader was seen wearing at the VCU-UCLA game. The straps on mine were thinner than the rest of the beater's straps because I got a raw deal. Nonetheless, a wife beater it is. And just so everyone knows, while Gossmar may have seemed like a legit rapper, which he was, your opinion would be a bit different had you heard and seen the million other takes in which he was horri-awful. The outtakes were all him, especially the voice-overs, so AMPAP to O-Star Superstar (Take special note of this, because it will most likely be the last time I will ever give AMPAP, make that any props, to Gossmar.)
We are planning on becoming full-fledged Youtube stars, and considering the 172 views in the first two days, we are on track to do so. We already have a second song/video planned, but I refuse to give it away on here. Maybe on a later Soup Kitchen post I will slip something in about it, so look out. But other than that, our lips are sealed. Just so everyone knows, in my voiceover, I wasn't there, it was Omar, not me, speaking, and I actually do love Greg Oden's Beard. Without further ado, I Love Mammals (I included the link if any of you were so inclined to comment or favorite it on youtube.)
(Editor's Note: After I posted this, it was brought to my attention that the embedded video below is off center, so I highly suggest you click on the link above. Thanks and sorry about the error, I will work on getting it fixed.)
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
A few years back, a few students in Ms. Szeliga's bio class made a parody of the song Lose Yourself about DNA replication, and other such things. She shows this to each of her classes and said it was the best she had ever gotten. A few of us fellows from class got together and decided to one-up the movie with a pure one of our own. The cast of characters is a regular Soup Kitchen lineup: Jack Eiel, Jake Enterlin, and Omar Randall. The project had to be about a phylum, so the natural choice was mammals, after all, that's what humans are. You will believe me later on when I show you the video, but it is one of the finest pieces of film on the net.
The true inspiration for I Love Mammals was a video by the Davidson Show, I Love Commons. Now, I'm not sure if Mammals tops Commons, only because Commons is straight up legendary. We modeled the video and the lyrics off of it, but we have outtakes at the end that will just blow your mind. Contrary to what my good friend Kara Nac thinks (There is your shout-out, happy now #1 fan?), I was not wearing a woman's shirt during part of the filming. It is actually called a wife beater, similar to the one my favorite bandleader was seen wearing at the VCU-UCLA game. The straps on mine were thinner than the rest of the beater's straps because I got a raw deal. Nonetheless, a wife beater it is. And just so everyone knows, while Gossmar may have seemed like a legit rapper, which he was, your opinion would be a bit different had you heard and seen the million other takes in which he was horri-awful. The outtakes were all him, especially the voice-overs, so AMPAP to O-Star Superstar (Take special note of this, because it will most likely be the last time I will ever give AMPAP, make that any props, to Gossmar.)
We are planning on becoming full-fledged Youtube stars, and considering the 172 views in the first two days, we are on track to do so. We already have a second song/video planned, but I refuse to give it away on here. Maybe on a later Soup Kitchen post I will slip something in about it, so look out. But other than that, our lips are sealed. Just so everyone knows, in my voiceover, I wasn't there, it was Omar, not me, speaking, and I actually do love Greg Oden's Beard. Without further ado, I Love Mammals (I included the link if any of you were so inclined to comment or favorite it on youtube.)
(Editor's Note: After I posted this, it was brought to my attention that the embedded video below is off center, so I highly suggest you click on the link above. Thanks and sorry about the error, I will work on getting it fixed.)
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Entertaining Week That Was
A lot has happened over the past week, and it would be really tough for me not to let you all in on what went down. Just a word of advice: you might want to break this one up into sections if you don't have that much time on your hands because it's pretty long. I don't want to hear any complaining, so tough it out if you want to read the whole thing.
First things first, I was told by Sam Pinecone, who is the 3rd fastest, that I had the 5th fastest 800 time in the school, according to PennTrackXC.com. For those of you who are saying "Wow, only 5th fastest. That's really not something to be showing off about," you don't even know the half of it. First of all, I am not the 5th fastest 800 time in the school. I am probably around 11th or 12th. That's not the most important thing that came out of this situation, however. You see, this website allows the athletes to make their own personal profiles. While most people would blow this off as a waste of time, I am a web sensation, so I had to personalize it. At first, I made my picture George Clooney. Then I changed my athletic achievements to the following:
Gym Class Hero: Straight A+'s 2 years running. PR's: Flex Arm Hang- 33.2 seconds. Yeah, 33.2... wasn't even trying. Pushups- 93. In 60 seconds. I showed off my bulging muscles for the last 10. A member of the International Curling Hall of Fame for innovative techniques now used across the sport. Has thrown 3 no-hitters, including one perfect game, in wiffleball. Nolan Ryan should probably watch out. Recorded the game-winning hit in first round Texas League Baseball Playoff game (Note: Highlight of baseball career). Shot a course record of 9 strokes at Pirate Putt-Putt Golf in Avalon. This was done over 18 holes.
Unfortunately, Jeffrey J. caught wind of this and made me take them down. I did leave up my personal information, as follows:
Enjoys wearing a nice pair of slacks. Has a hit blog, a web sensation. Witty, great personality. Traveled across the world last year and has a profound view on life since his trip. Now refers to himself in third person. Lack of modesty dully noted. Hopes to live on the moon, not for the advancement of world technological gains, but rather to use it as own personal golf course as seen in Tiger Woods Gatorade commercial.
Unfortunately, it is impossible to view my personal information regardless of whether you are a member or not. Thanks a lot, PennTrackXC, for providing me with humor for at least a few minutes.
___________________________________________________
Besides creating a profile that no one can see, the Sobel Soup also got his haircut. Trying to stay cool for the summer, I went with a bit of a shorter cut. Somehow, this resulted in me receiving an uptown fade, similar to the one 'Nique can be seen sporting in that fantastic cartoon drawing. This of course drew the ire of many of my friends, mostly O-Star Superstar. I have learned to ignore the criticism and to love my uptown fade.
___________________________________________________
Late one night this week, I saw Jeffrey J. jamming out to a song on his laptop. Now, he had his earphones in, and was totally getting into it, so I just had to see what it was. I walked over and asked what he was listening to, while grabbing the mouse to click on iTunes to see for myself. Jeff was unprepared to say the least when he squeaked out a "Just..." I would finish his sentence myself after seeing what it was. My father was listening to How To Save a Life by The Fray (of course I gave the Grey's Anatomy version, what else would you expect.) I was shocked and ashamed, and at the same time gave Jeffrey J. non-stop grief for the unspeakable act he had just committed. He tried to play it off by saying it just landed on that, but the song was clearly just clicked on, considering it had the dark blue line on it. I came back later and checked on him again, and he was listening to The Boss, also known as The King to a fool known as Colin Campies (By the way, check out Clarence in the orange jumpsuit in that video). Not even that could make up for Jeff's indulgence in a popular but awful pop rock group.
___________________________________________________
On Friday, Strath Haven students all received their yearbooks. I was pretty happy with it, except for one HUGE mistake. I am of course talking about the Celebrity Look Alikes section. I know what you are thinking, and yes, they did neglect to put in the Sobel Soup and Michael Phelps. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it. To add insult to injury, there were some weak matches in there too. Julia Reitenbach and Ali Lohan?!?!? Seriously?!? (To quote Keller/K-Smoove, "The question mark/exclamation point combo is just genius. It's like, I really want to know your answer!!!") If the Sobel Soup doesn't get in there next year, he will have some problems to take up with the Yearbook Staff, to say the least.
___________________________________________________
The most enjoyable part of my week had to be the weekend. This was spent in Maryland for a soccer tournament. Friday night, I went out to eat at Longhorn Steakhouse with two of my teammates, Nick Maillet (also known as 1-Ball, don't ask) and Kelsey Beck-Cullen. While ordering my food, I was interrupted by loud clapping and a ridiculously long chant about food that somehow had to do with birthdays at another table. To say the least, we laughed heartily about the chant for a few minutes. Kelsey then got up, I assumed it was for a trip to the restrooms. He came back and informed us both that it was my birthday tonight. This was obviously a lie, considering my birthday is not for another 2 and a half weeks. Kelsey, however, told the waiter that it was just so he would be able to see the chant done to me. He was considering not telling me, but thankfully I was notified so I wasn't totally shocked. We ate maybe half of the delicious food that we ordered, they serve them big over at Longhorn, and awaited the moment of truth. We heard the clapping start from all the way across the restaurant and knew it was coming. It turned out not to be as long or as embarrassing as I thought it would have been, and I got a free dessert out of it. The whole experience was, however, ridiculously funny. That would just be the beginning of interesting eateries in Maryland. The following night I went to The Cheesecake Factory, accompanied by Nick, Kelsey, Xander Rizzello (of previous Soup Kitchen fame), and his parents. Our waitress started off by asking us if we could see alright. It being very dark in the restaurant, we asked for some more light, a candle maybe. Judging by her supremely awkward response and by the fact that she didn't bring us any light, she clearly used this as a comedic opening line that most people probably don't think is funny. At all. This waitress also loved the menu. We could tell because after each of us ordered our stuff, she would say "Oh, that's really good, one of my favorites." Not only that, but she had a nickname for everything on the menu. For example, she asked us how we enjoyed the Spicy Buffalo Chicken Fingers, and we said they were quite good. She responded by saying that "Oh good, I love The Blasts." Towards the end of the night, we were all making comments about her very portly figure. Xander's dad said it best when he emphasized that "she can't resist the Cheesecake!!!!" Unfortunately for all of us, the waitress was standing very close to our table and may or may not have heard the comments. We probably deserved spit in our cheesecakes at the end, and we probably got it anyway. They were delicious nonetheless.
Not only did The Cheesecake Factory have great food, the trip there also taught me a number of lessons. The first one was that The Cheesecake Factory does not only serve cheesecake. Judging by the name, I had previously thought that they sold cheesecake there, but nothing else. I was totally wrong. It probably had the biggest selection of food I have ever seen. Besides learning not to judge a book by its cover, I found out about how to get parmesan cheese put on your dish by an employee. A helper came over with parmesan cheese and asked if anyone would like it on their meal. I said I would, and she proceeded to grate the cheese onto my plate. Now, I had no idea that you were supposed to tell the person when to stop putting it on. Because of that little mix-up in communication, she grated cheese for literally 25 seconds while I looked around in wonder at the others at my table. Finally she stopped and walked away, but by that point I probably had more parmesan cheese on my plate than I did pasta. I will never forget that valuable lesson that was taught to me at Cheesecake. The meal was still pretty good, too.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by The Big Kit, Ankit Prasad, a huge fan of the Soup Kitchen. He has been waiting for a while for me to put in this video, and he is pretty obsessed with the guy in it. While not loving it on Kit's level, I do think his rendition of Lollipop is excellent.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
First things first, I was told by Sam Pinecone, who is the 3rd fastest, that I had the 5th fastest 800 time in the school, according to PennTrackXC.com. For those of you who are saying "Wow, only 5th fastest. That's really not something to be showing off about," you don't even know the half of it. First of all, I am not the 5th fastest 800 time in the school. I am probably around 11th or 12th. That's not the most important thing that came out of this situation, however. You see, this website allows the athletes to make their own personal profiles. While most people would blow this off as a waste of time, I am a web sensation, so I had to personalize it. At first, I made my picture George Clooney. Then I changed my athletic achievements to the following:
Gym Class Hero: Straight A+'s 2 years running. PR's: Flex Arm Hang- 33.2 seconds. Yeah, 33.2... wasn't even trying. Pushups- 93. In 60 seconds. I showed off my bulging muscles for the last 10. A member of the International Curling Hall of Fame for innovative techniques now used across the sport. Has thrown 3 no-hitters, including one perfect game, in wiffleball. Nolan Ryan should probably watch out. Recorded the game-winning hit in first round Texas League Baseball Playoff game (Note: Highlight of baseball career). Shot a course record of 9 strokes at Pirate Putt-Putt Golf in Avalon. This was done over 18 holes.
Unfortunately, Jeffrey J. caught wind of this and made me take them down. I did leave up my personal information, as follows:
Enjoys wearing a nice pair of slacks. Has a hit blog, a web sensation. Witty, great personality. Traveled across the world last year and has a profound view on life since his trip. Now refers to himself in third person. Lack of modesty dully noted. Hopes to live on the moon, not for the advancement of world technological gains, but rather to use it as own personal golf course as seen in Tiger Woods Gatorade commercial.
Unfortunately, it is impossible to view my personal information regardless of whether you are a member or not. Thanks a lot, PennTrackXC, for providing me with humor for at least a few minutes.
___________________________________________________
Besides creating a profile that no one can see, the Sobel Soup also got his haircut. Trying to stay cool for the summer, I went with a bit of a shorter cut. Somehow, this resulted in me receiving an uptown fade, similar to the one 'Nique can be seen sporting in that fantastic cartoon drawing. This of course drew the ire of many of my friends, mostly O-Star Superstar. I have learned to ignore the criticism and to love my uptown fade.
___________________________________________________
Late one night this week, I saw Jeffrey J. jamming out to a song on his laptop. Now, he had his earphones in, and was totally getting into it, so I just had to see what it was. I walked over and asked what he was listening to, while grabbing the mouse to click on iTunes to see for myself. Jeff was unprepared to say the least when he squeaked out a "Just..." I would finish his sentence myself after seeing what it was. My father was listening to How To Save a Life by The Fray (of course I gave the Grey's Anatomy version, what else would you expect.) I was shocked and ashamed, and at the same time gave Jeffrey J. non-stop grief for the unspeakable act he had just committed. He tried to play it off by saying it just landed on that, but the song was clearly just clicked on, considering it had the dark blue line on it. I came back later and checked on him again, and he was listening to The Boss, also known as The King to a fool known as Colin Campies (By the way, check out Clarence in the orange jumpsuit in that video). Not even that could make up for Jeff's indulgence in a popular but awful pop rock group.
___________________________________________________
On Friday, Strath Haven students all received their yearbooks. I was pretty happy with it, except for one HUGE mistake. I am of course talking about the Celebrity Look Alikes section. I know what you are thinking, and yes, they did neglect to put in the Sobel Soup and Michael Phelps. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it. To add insult to injury, there were some weak matches in there too. Julia Reitenbach and Ali Lohan?!?!? Seriously?!? (To quote Keller/K-Smoove, "The question mark/exclamation point combo is just genius. It's like, I really want to know your answer!!!") If the Sobel Soup doesn't get in there next year, he will have some problems to take up with the Yearbook Staff, to say the least.
___________________________________________________
The most enjoyable part of my week had to be the weekend. This was spent in Maryland for a soccer tournament. Friday night, I went out to eat at Longhorn Steakhouse with two of my teammates, Nick Maillet (also known as 1-Ball, don't ask) and Kelsey Beck-Cullen. While ordering my food, I was interrupted by loud clapping and a ridiculously long chant about food that somehow had to do with birthdays at another table. To say the least, we laughed heartily about the chant for a few minutes. Kelsey then got up, I assumed it was for a trip to the restrooms. He came back and informed us both that it was my birthday tonight. This was obviously a lie, considering my birthday is not for another 2 and a half weeks. Kelsey, however, told the waiter that it was just so he would be able to see the chant done to me. He was considering not telling me, but thankfully I was notified so I wasn't totally shocked. We ate maybe half of the delicious food that we ordered, they serve them big over at Longhorn, and awaited the moment of truth. We heard the clapping start from all the way across the restaurant and knew it was coming. It turned out not to be as long or as embarrassing as I thought it would have been, and I got a free dessert out of it. The whole experience was, however, ridiculously funny. That would just be the beginning of interesting eateries in Maryland. The following night I went to The Cheesecake Factory, accompanied by Nick, Kelsey, Xander Rizzello (of previous Soup Kitchen fame), and his parents. Our waitress started off by asking us if we could see alright. It being very dark in the restaurant, we asked for some more light, a candle maybe. Judging by her supremely awkward response and by the fact that she didn't bring us any light, she clearly used this as a comedic opening line that most people probably don't think is funny. At all. This waitress also loved the menu. We could tell because after each of us ordered our stuff, she would say "Oh, that's really good, one of my favorites." Not only that, but she had a nickname for everything on the menu. For example, she asked us how we enjoyed the Spicy Buffalo Chicken Fingers, and we said they were quite good. She responded by saying that "Oh good, I love The Blasts." Towards the end of the night, we were all making comments about her very portly figure. Xander's dad said it best when he emphasized that "she can't resist the Cheesecake!!!!" Unfortunately for all of us, the waitress was standing very close to our table and may or may not have heard the comments. We probably deserved spit in our cheesecakes at the end, and we probably got it anyway. They were delicious nonetheless.
Not only did The Cheesecake Factory have great food, the trip there also taught me a number of lessons. The first one was that The Cheesecake Factory does not only serve cheesecake. Judging by the name, I had previously thought that they sold cheesecake there, but nothing else. I was totally wrong. It probably had the biggest selection of food I have ever seen. Besides learning not to judge a book by its cover, I found out about how to get parmesan cheese put on your dish by an employee. A helper came over with parmesan cheese and asked if anyone would like it on their meal. I said I would, and she proceeded to grate the cheese onto my plate. Now, I had no idea that you were supposed to tell the person when to stop putting it on. Because of that little mix-up in communication, she grated cheese for literally 25 seconds while I looked around in wonder at the others at my table. Finally she stopped and walked away, but by that point I probably had more parmesan cheese on my plate than I did pasta. I will never forget that valuable lesson that was taught to me at Cheesecake. The meal was still pretty good, too.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by The Big Kit, Ankit Prasad, a huge fan of the Soup Kitchen. He has been waiting for a while for me to put in this video, and he is pretty obsessed with the guy in it. While not loving it on Kit's level, I do think his rendition of Lollipop is excellent.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, May 11, 2009
From the Vault: Easter Sunday
While I'm finally done with all of my busy things that I have been preoccupied with for the past two weeks, keeping me from posting, I realized that I don't have much to write about. It was that which caused me to take a story from the vault. If you may recall, I was about to do an Easter Day post when Harry the K passed. I had already written it out but decided to save it up for either next Easter, or a time like this.
___________________________________________________
Before I talk about my interesting Easter Sunday, I would just like to talk about my last post. I have been asked by several people whether I think the Phillies will be chumps throughout the year. I am guessing this came about from the title of the post, particularly the Champs to Chumps part. To answer your questions, no I do not think the Phillies will be bad this year. In fact, I am predicting another excellent season. From now on, try not to take the titles so seriously, I typically go for alliteration or something catchy, just to get the attention of my beloved viewers.
For staying with me through that unbelievably rambly paragraph, I offer this hilarious video as a reward. Onto my Easter Sunday. I woke up much too early just to beat the crowds at the 8 o'clock mass. While at first a little bitter, I realized it was well worth it. The fact that I had to get ready in 5 minutes really came back to bite me later, as I will let you know about in a bit. Back to mass, now. My mother, Jeffrey J., and I were seated right behind a young couple with two little kids. One of the kids was pretty much exactly like yours truly. He was blonde (I used to be blonde when I was a wee little tike), unbelievably loud and disruptive, and most importantly, he rocked the sweater vest. Although this little fellow of 2 years old probably did not dress himself, its pretty safe to say that he has a lot of potential. He could be my heir apparent to wearing sweater vests, or he might even surpass me. Judging by the attitude he showed while strutting his stuff, he will be a pro in no time.
After mass was over, I remembered that O-Star Superstar would be in attendance at 8 o'clock mass. I quickly seeked him out and found him, and I have to say, I was extremely taken aback by his attire. While usually seen sporting 15 junkie undershirts, O-Star was actually wearing a respectable sweater. I have a feeling his mom dressed him up that morning, because there is no way Omar would have the brains to put the sweater on. After ribbing him for it a bit, we left for home.
When we arrived back at the house, I made a casual discovery that the Easter Bunny had dropped by for a visit. While he is only my second favorite rabbit (that's right I'm talking about you, Raul), he left some mean treats this year. I found some cash money, Twizzlers, and the little Reese's Cups that everyone likes (On the subject of Reese's. Does it rhyme with pieces or does it have the pronunciation of Reesie's? I've always wondered that, especially when pronunciating Reese's Pieces. As you can see, it can be quite problematic, for me at least). After dabbling into my Easter candy, it was time to head off to Aunt Judy's house for Easter dinner.
If you don't know my family, they all read the blog and are huge fans. One such fan is my Uncle Kevin. I have to give you a little background information on my Uncle Kevin before I go into what happened at Judy's. Kevin owns a boat. He is cool. That's about all you really need to know about Kevin and you could probably spend every waking moment with him like you are best friends with him. But I'll let you know a little more about him. He has an interesting gift-giving pattern. Instead of doing the ridiculous extra work of giving gifts two times a year, one on your birthday and one during the holidays, Kevin just takes care of it all at Christmas time. Sometimes he gets a little backed up, and gives us our Christmas presents on our birthday, and our birthday presents on Christmas. No matter what he does, he always seems to be giving us a gift from a time before. I really have no idea how or when the cycle will end, but I look forward to receiving more belated gifts. Kevin is also a smart betting man. He proposed a seemingly impossible bet to win, that Penncrest would beat Strath Haven in the Media Bowl. I believe the last time this occurred was all the way back in 1983, yes even before the year 1985 inspired a hit single by Bowling for Soup, which, if you might have guessed, I have some emotional ties to. Anyway, I bet him a birthday cake since it was his birthday. Strath Haven went on to lose to Penncrest, and it still haunts me to this day. I still have not given him his birthday cake, but considering he always owes me gifts, I guess I owe him one now.
Back to the main point about Kevin. When I woke up early Easter morning, I had to throw on something very quick. While I would normally rock the sweater vest in any situation, I put on a regular sweater that day. It shames me to say that I was too negligent to take it off during my resting period at home. I walked into Judy's house and saw Kevin in a sweater vest. As you can imagine, it was more awkward than that ridiculously creepy and unbelievably sexual Quizno's commercial. I had to deal with the constant put-downs from Kevin. Even though he called me a sell-out, and probably every synonym for that in the thesaurus, he still got the shout-out that he rightfully deserved.
The best part about the dinner itself was not having to force-feed Judy's mashed potatos down my throat. No offense to Judy, but she is not the best cook. She comes over every Wednesday, with her mashed potatos as flavorless as P.J. Blands and pork as dry as the Sahara. Thankfully, Kevin came up big in more ways than one when he made the mashed potatos for the family. In reality, Kevin took no part in making the mashed potatos, that would be his wife and my Aunt Mary. But he took credit for them, and that's all that matters. Judy did do a great job with the ham, however, seeing as it wasn't too dry. Job well done indeed. I'm sure none of you care what other food we ate there, but the kielbasa was deliciously made by my Grandmom. As was the disgusting-looking orange gelatin blob. It actually looks more grotesque than it does in the picture because it has pieces of carrots in it. But believe me, it's the secret weapon because it surprises you. It's kind of like Susan Boyle: it's downright hideous on the outside, but it can really surprise you when it shows what it's capable of.
Besides dinner, the highlight of the rest of the night had to be sitting back with my Grandpop and watching Angel Cabrera, the real "El Pato," pump his fists in ecstasy after winning the Masters, only to hear a few groans from the crowd. It reminded me a lot about this video at the 2:13 mark.
That just about sums up the Sobel Soup's Easter Sunday.
___________________________________________________
Fat Dub must have been very hungry during our big test, because right in the middle of it he let out a huge bellow of the stomach, or so he claims. I thought it to be flatulence, but the world will never be sure. I'd just like to tell Ibo DeGrouchy to hang in there. He really needs help at a time like this, when he actually did his answers in a number 1 pencil instead of a number 2. Oh, Ticonderoga. Always tricking your loyal customers.
___________________________________________________
This video has been sent in by loyal fan, and beatboxer, Saumon Oboudiyat. The guy in this video is unbelievable, as you are all about to see. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
___________________________________________________
Before I talk about my interesting Easter Sunday, I would just like to talk about my last post. I have been asked by several people whether I think the Phillies will be chumps throughout the year. I am guessing this came about from the title of the post, particularly the Champs to Chumps part. To answer your questions, no I do not think the Phillies will be bad this year. In fact, I am predicting another excellent season. From now on, try not to take the titles so seriously, I typically go for alliteration or something catchy, just to get the attention of my beloved viewers.
For staying with me through that unbelievably rambly paragraph, I offer this hilarious video as a reward. Onto my Easter Sunday. I woke up much too early just to beat the crowds at the 8 o'clock mass. While at first a little bitter, I realized it was well worth it. The fact that I had to get ready in 5 minutes really came back to bite me later, as I will let you know about in a bit. Back to mass, now. My mother, Jeffrey J., and I were seated right behind a young couple with two little kids. One of the kids was pretty much exactly like yours truly. He was blonde (I used to be blonde when I was a wee little tike), unbelievably loud and disruptive, and most importantly, he rocked the sweater vest. Although this little fellow of 2 years old probably did not dress himself, its pretty safe to say that he has a lot of potential. He could be my heir apparent to wearing sweater vests, or he might even surpass me. Judging by the attitude he showed while strutting his stuff, he will be a pro in no time.
After mass was over, I remembered that O-Star Superstar would be in attendance at 8 o'clock mass. I quickly seeked him out and found him, and I have to say, I was extremely taken aback by his attire. While usually seen sporting 15 junkie undershirts, O-Star was actually wearing a respectable sweater. I have a feeling his mom dressed him up that morning, because there is no way Omar would have the brains to put the sweater on. After ribbing him for it a bit, we left for home.
When we arrived back at the house, I made a casual discovery that the Easter Bunny had dropped by for a visit. While he is only my second favorite rabbit (that's right I'm talking about you, Raul), he left some mean treats this year. I found some cash money, Twizzlers, and the little Reese's Cups that everyone likes (On the subject of Reese's. Does it rhyme with pieces or does it have the pronunciation of Reesie's? I've always wondered that, especially when pronunciating Reese's Pieces. As you can see, it can be quite problematic, for me at least). After dabbling into my Easter candy, it was time to head off to Aunt Judy's house for Easter dinner.
If you don't know my family, they all read the blog and are huge fans. One such fan is my Uncle Kevin. I have to give you a little background information on my Uncle Kevin before I go into what happened at Judy's. Kevin owns a boat. He is cool. That's about all you really need to know about Kevin and you could probably spend every waking moment with him like you are best friends with him. But I'll let you know a little more about him. He has an interesting gift-giving pattern. Instead of doing the ridiculous extra work of giving gifts two times a year, one on your birthday and one during the holidays, Kevin just takes care of it all at Christmas time. Sometimes he gets a little backed up, and gives us our Christmas presents on our birthday, and our birthday presents on Christmas. No matter what he does, he always seems to be giving us a gift from a time before. I really have no idea how or when the cycle will end, but I look forward to receiving more belated gifts. Kevin is also a smart betting man. He proposed a seemingly impossible bet to win, that Penncrest would beat Strath Haven in the Media Bowl. I believe the last time this occurred was all the way back in 1983, yes even before the year 1985 inspired a hit single by Bowling for Soup, which, if you might have guessed, I have some emotional ties to. Anyway, I bet him a birthday cake since it was his birthday. Strath Haven went on to lose to Penncrest, and it still haunts me to this day. I still have not given him his birthday cake, but considering he always owes me gifts, I guess I owe him one now.
Back to the main point about Kevin. When I woke up early Easter morning, I had to throw on something very quick. While I would normally rock the sweater vest in any situation, I put on a regular sweater that day. It shames me to say that I was too negligent to take it off during my resting period at home. I walked into Judy's house and saw Kevin in a sweater vest. As you can imagine, it was more awkward than that ridiculously creepy and unbelievably sexual Quizno's commercial. I had to deal with the constant put-downs from Kevin. Even though he called me a sell-out, and probably every synonym for that in the thesaurus, he still got the shout-out that he rightfully deserved.
The best part about the dinner itself was not having to force-feed Judy's mashed potatos down my throat. No offense to Judy, but she is not the best cook. She comes over every Wednesday, with her mashed potatos as flavorless as P.J. Blands and pork as dry as the Sahara. Thankfully, Kevin came up big in more ways than one when he made the mashed potatos for the family. In reality, Kevin took no part in making the mashed potatos, that would be his wife and my Aunt Mary. But he took credit for them, and that's all that matters. Judy did do a great job with the ham, however, seeing as it wasn't too dry. Job well done indeed. I'm sure none of you care what other food we ate there, but the kielbasa was deliciously made by my Grandmom. As was the disgusting-looking orange gelatin blob. It actually looks more grotesque than it does in the picture because it has pieces of carrots in it. But believe me, it's the secret weapon because it surprises you. It's kind of like Susan Boyle: it's downright hideous on the outside, but it can really surprise you when it shows what it's capable of.
Besides dinner, the highlight of the rest of the night had to be sitting back with my Grandpop and watching Angel Cabrera, the real "El Pato," pump his fists in ecstasy after winning the Masters, only to hear a few groans from the crowd. It reminded me a lot about this video at the 2:13 mark.
That just about sums up the Sobel Soup's Easter Sunday.
___________________________________________________
Fat Dub must have been very hungry during our big test, because right in the middle of it he let out a huge bellow of the stomach, or so he claims. I thought it to be flatulence, but the world will never be sure. I'd just like to tell Ibo DeGrouchy to hang in there. He really needs help at a time like this, when he actually did his answers in a number 1 pencil instead of a number 2. Oh, Ticonderoga. Always tricking your loyal customers.
___________________________________________________
This video has been sent in by loyal fan, and beatboxer, Saumon Oboudiyat. The guy in this video is unbelievable, as you are all about to see. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Catching Up On Lost Time
Chances are high that once you entered the Soup Kitchen, you noticed a large change about the site. Yes, I did change the background color for all of you who have been complaining to me about your eyes hurting. While it may seem like a subtle change, that is not all that will be changing on the Soup Kitchen. Jack Eiel has avoided contact with me at all costs during this entire week (not really, I see him everyday), and it seems that he is refusing to write another Soup Kitchen guest post. He says that he has writer's block, which doesn't make much sense, considering he would be writing a blog about nothing. For all of you who it so concerns, please belittle, bad-mouth, and blister Jack to no end. To take a page out of Samuel Gallu's book, "Give 'em Hell." Instead of having Jack post at every odd multiple of 500 views, I have now changed it to every 2,000 views from 500. So that means 2,500. I will be free to adjust it as I please, considering it is my blog, and I am the master of my own domain (literally).
I can make one promise to all of you, and I pinky-swear I won't go back on this one. This one takes a bit of explaining to get to, however. First, I have to let you all know that I first made this blog because of Mark Titus, the creator of Club Trillion. For those of you who do not read his blog, which I am assuming is most, if not all, of you, his arch-nemesis is Evan Turner. He received the nickname "The Villain," because, according to his Facebook status, Evan Turner is chillin'. Evan Turner somewhat resents this nickname, and calls himself "The Kid" (self-appointed nickname, mind you.) Being inspired by Mark Titus, I came to be comparing my blog situation with his own. I figured out that I was Titus, blogger extraordinaire, Jack (previously) was Keller, a not-so frequent guest poster, and Omar is Evan Turner, the arch-nemesis and receiver of much teasing from the blog. A similarity can clearly be seen between the two men* (debatable). Besides the fact that they look very similar, they both appoint nicknames for themselves (The Kid and O-Star Superstar), they are both stars on the basketball courts (but not in our hearts, like Rahlir), and are goons off of it. Furthermore, they both love Asher Roth. To quote the Villain: "OK, I know this is random, but for real y’all need to go get Asher Roth’s CD when it comes out next week. That dude opens his mouth and greatness flows out. Just a little advice from The Kid. Back to what I was saying." I also received an Instant Message tonight from none other than the Superstar saying "yo asher roth's new album is crazy, i love it." Clearly we have a case of long-lost brothers here. Recently, Club Trillion went over 1,000,000 hits, and to celebrate the occasion, Mark Titus allowed The Villain to guest post. I worked out a deal with Omar that at 15,000 views, I would let him get on and do a guest post. Yes, I realize it will most likely be awful, but you will just have to bear with it until the next post. Also, please give me your input with who you would like to have guest post on here with the poll in the right-hand column. If you want a shot, you are going to have to email me your post at sobelsoupkitchen@gmail.com. I will read over it and decide whether or not you have what it takes to make it in the Soup Kitchen.
___________________________________________________
While Sweater Vest Thursday has officially died, along with the counter, the Sobel Soup did rock the sweater vest better than Jim Tressel to one of his dances. Yeah, the ladies were impressed and yeah, I looked really good.
___________________________________________________
The playoff beard is growing strong, there is noticeable peach fuzz on my beard now and the 'stache is getting pretty junkie. I worked out a deal with Fat Dub, who is growing a Sixers playoff beard. This states that I will not shave my facial hair until both Philadelphia teams are out of the playoffs. Speaking of the playoff situation, I am thoroughly pleased with the way both teams performed today. The Flyers had won a must-win in Game 3, while the Sixers won Game 1 in thrilling fashion thanks to Andre Iguodala and my boy, Big D, Donyell Marshall. Also, I have to give AMPAP (look it up in my post to the ladies) to Xander "Cran" Rizzello for committing himself to the growth of a great playoff beard as well. His 'stache is more grown in, but his beard does not have as many peach fuzzies as mine does. Nonetheless, it takes a lot to be a team player and grow the beard, but X is doing it, and doing it big.
___________________________________________________
This video clip was sent into me by a devoted fan, Saumon Oboudiyat. He too shares the love for the Fresh Prince. I was conversing with Saumon recently when he told me he would try to do a cover of Definition by Blackstar, which includes the beginning by Mos Def. I personally thought it would be impossible, so I told him if he could pull that off, he would get a spot on the Soup Kitchen. Yes, I formally challenged him to do it, so we shall see indeed if he can complete his mission.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
I can make one promise to all of you, and I pinky-swear I won't go back on this one. This one takes a bit of explaining to get to, however. First, I have to let you all know that I first made this blog because of Mark Titus, the creator of Club Trillion. For those of you who do not read his blog, which I am assuming is most, if not all, of you, his arch-nemesis is Evan Turner. He received the nickname "The Villain," because, according to his Facebook status, Evan Turner is chillin'. Evan Turner somewhat resents this nickname, and calls himself "The Kid" (self-appointed nickname, mind you.) Being inspired by Mark Titus, I came to be comparing my blog situation with his own. I figured out that I was Titus, blogger extraordinaire, Jack (previously) was Keller, a not-so frequent guest poster, and Omar is Evan Turner, the arch-nemesis and receiver of much teasing from the blog. A similarity can clearly be seen between the two men* (debatable). Besides the fact that they look very similar, they both appoint nicknames for themselves (The Kid and O-Star Superstar), they are both stars on the basketball courts (but not in our hearts, like Rahlir), and are goons off of it. Furthermore, they both love Asher Roth. To quote the Villain: "OK, I know this is random, but for real y’all need to go get Asher Roth’s CD when it comes out next week. That dude opens his mouth and greatness flows out. Just a little advice from The Kid. Back to what I was saying." I also received an Instant Message tonight from none other than the Superstar saying "yo asher roth's new album is crazy, i love it." Clearly we have a case of long-lost brothers here. Recently, Club Trillion went over 1,000,000 hits, and to celebrate the occasion, Mark Titus allowed The Villain to guest post. I worked out a deal with Omar that at 15,000 views, I would let him get on and do a guest post. Yes, I realize it will most likely be awful, but you will just have to bear with it until the next post. Also, please give me your input with who you would like to have guest post on here with the poll in the right-hand column. If you want a shot, you are going to have to email me your post at sobelsoupkitchen@gmail.com. I will read over it and decide whether or not you have what it takes to make it in the Soup Kitchen.
___________________________________________________
While Sweater Vest Thursday has officially died, along with the counter, the Sobel Soup did rock the sweater vest better than Jim Tressel to one of his dances. Yeah, the ladies were impressed and yeah, I looked really good.
___________________________________________________
The playoff beard is growing strong, there is noticeable peach fuzz on my beard now and the 'stache is getting pretty junkie. I worked out a deal with Fat Dub, who is growing a Sixers playoff beard. This states that I will not shave my facial hair until both Philadelphia teams are out of the playoffs. Speaking of the playoff situation, I am thoroughly pleased with the way both teams performed today. The Flyers had won a must-win in Game 3, while the Sixers won Game 1 in thrilling fashion thanks to Andre Iguodala and my boy, Big D, Donyell Marshall. Also, I have to give AMPAP (look it up in my post to the ladies) to Xander "Cran" Rizzello for committing himself to the growth of a great playoff beard as well. His 'stache is more grown in, but his beard does not have as many peach fuzzies as mine does. Nonetheless, it takes a lot to be a team player and grow the beard, but X is doing it, and doing it big.
___________________________________________________
This video clip was sent into me by a devoted fan, Saumon Oboudiyat. He too shares the love for the Fresh Prince. I was conversing with Saumon recently when he told me he would try to do a cover of Definition by Blackstar, which includes the beginning by Mos Def. I personally thought it would be impossible, so I told him if he could pull that off, he would get a spot on the Soup Kitchen. Yes, I formally challenged him to do it, so we shall see indeed if he can complete his mission.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, April 13, 2009
Harry the K- Outta the Park But In Our Hearts
Just as a prelude to this post, I would just like to inform you all that I was planning on writing an Easter post. However, when the tragic news broke from Washington, I had to write about this. We are nearing 1500 views and as you all know, that means Jack will be posting. Most of the dry humor usually put into my blog posts will be all but out, at least in the Kalas section, just out of respect for Harry.
Onto the horrific news that cast a shadow over the whole Southeastern Pennsylvania region: the death of Harry Kalas. While the athletes come and go, broadcasters make a home in their cities. That is exactly what Harry Kalas did. He crossed four decades here in Philadelphia, making genuine friends out of every single person who ever watched a Phillies game. Not only did he go through decades, he was the voice for three generations of Phillies Phans. My grandfather, Jeffrey J. and I are all stunned at the loss and feel as if we lost someone special. For nearly every Philadelphian, he was a family member. People opened up their homes to him on a nightly basis. Thus, all of us feel as if we have lost a family member. In the broadcasting field he was rivaled by few, yet respected and beloved by all.
All of us have our favorite Kalas moments. I, unfortunately, was not there to witness and hear his calls of the '80, '83, and '93 teams or hear him call a game with his great friend Whitey. It was fitting that Kalas's last season ended in a world championship for the Phillies, his call of which was phenomenal, still sending chills down my back. The fact that the call does not even break my top 3 Kalas moments is a prime example of the exuberance that he displayed day-in and day-out dealing with the game of baseball. Whether it was in the dog days of July and August or a World Series game, Harry brought with him a fresh, fun outlook on the game that goes unrivaled across the sport. My personal top 3 Kalas moments are probably different from most, if not all, of you.
3. With Chase Utley on second base, Ryan Howard hit a high chopper down the first baseline. Howard was thrown out but Utley's all-out hustle allowed him to score. What followed from Harry was classic: "Chase Utley, you are the man!!!"
2. Last season, with the Phillies down 5 to 4 in the 10th inning to the Giants, Pat Burrell stepped up to the plate to face Giants closer Brian Wilson. He ended up hitting a walk-off, to which Harry gave his "Long Drive! Watch this baby, outta here! Walk-off home run, Pat Burrell!"
1. Although the Phillies ended up losing in the first round to the Rockies, the fact that they made the playoffs in 2007 was a great memory, just to know that they got there. Harry topped this off with a rendition of "High Hopes" for the ages.
I first heard this news from Omar, who interestingly enough has the best Kalas call I know with his "LOOOOOOONG DRIVE!! THIS ONE IS OUTTAAAA HERE!!! HOME RUN BOBBY ABRAY-HU!!!" (Emphasis on the -HU, just like Harry did it.)
The Phillies season, according to Mark Kram (whose name is the same forwards and backwards, isn't that super cool?), went from sweet, with the ring presentation, to bitter, with the death of Harry Kalas. The beautiful thing about baseball is that we keep playing, but we never forget the touching life of this inspirational figure. He will surely be missed, and may he rest in peace.
___________________________________________________
I do have to give a big shoutout to my boy, Davy Gross, for writing up an article about the blog in the Panther Press, the school paper. The support and publicity is greatly appreciated Davy, keep up the good work.
___________________________________________________
It is once again playoff time in Philadelphia, with the Flyers entering Stanley Cup Playoffs as the 5 seed. This of course means it is time for the Sobel Soup to grow his world-famous playoff beard. This tradition started last year, when I promised not to shave until the Flyers were out. I grew close to what growth Sidney Crosby had on his face last year. Jeffrey J. unfortunately made me shave it off before the Pittsburgh series. Of course they lost that series. For the Phillies, however, they ended up winning the World Series without me shaving. I am back to do it for the Fly-guys, and I promise, no shaving. I will keep you all updated on the status of the playoff beard/stache. For all of your sakes, you should hope the Flyers make it all the way to the finals, so I can look like a full out baller.
___________________________________________________
I again have to bypass the video requests for this week to make way for the legend that passed on today. Harry, you will always be missed and never be forgotten. I apologize for the quality of the video, but it is too good to pass up.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Onto the horrific news that cast a shadow over the whole Southeastern Pennsylvania region: the death of Harry Kalas. While the athletes come and go, broadcasters make a home in their cities. That is exactly what Harry Kalas did. He crossed four decades here in Philadelphia, making genuine friends out of every single person who ever watched a Phillies game. Not only did he go through decades, he was the voice for three generations of Phillies Phans. My grandfather, Jeffrey J. and I are all stunned at the loss and feel as if we lost someone special. For nearly every Philadelphian, he was a family member. People opened up their homes to him on a nightly basis. Thus, all of us feel as if we have lost a family member. In the broadcasting field he was rivaled by few, yet respected and beloved by all.
All of us have our favorite Kalas moments. I, unfortunately, was not there to witness and hear his calls of the '80, '83, and '93 teams or hear him call a game with his great friend Whitey. It was fitting that Kalas's last season ended in a world championship for the Phillies, his call of which was phenomenal, still sending chills down my back. The fact that the call does not even break my top 3 Kalas moments is a prime example of the exuberance that he displayed day-in and day-out dealing with the game of baseball. Whether it was in the dog days of July and August or a World Series game, Harry brought with him a fresh, fun outlook on the game that goes unrivaled across the sport. My personal top 3 Kalas moments are probably different from most, if not all, of you.
3. With Chase Utley on second base, Ryan Howard hit a high chopper down the first baseline. Howard was thrown out but Utley's all-out hustle allowed him to score. What followed from Harry was classic: "Chase Utley, you are the man!!!"
2. Last season, with the Phillies down 5 to 4 in the 10th inning to the Giants, Pat Burrell stepped up to the plate to face Giants closer Brian Wilson. He ended up hitting a walk-off, to which Harry gave his "Long Drive! Watch this baby, outta here! Walk-off home run, Pat Burrell!"
1. Although the Phillies ended up losing in the first round to the Rockies, the fact that they made the playoffs in 2007 was a great memory, just to know that they got there. Harry topped this off with a rendition of "High Hopes" for the ages.
I first heard this news from Omar, who interestingly enough has the best Kalas call I know with his "LOOOOOOONG DRIVE!! THIS ONE IS OUTTAAAA HERE!!! HOME RUN BOBBY ABRAY-HU!!!" (Emphasis on the -HU, just like Harry did it.)
The Phillies season, according to Mark Kram (whose name is the same forwards and backwards, isn't that super cool?), went from sweet, with the ring presentation, to bitter, with the death of Harry Kalas. The beautiful thing about baseball is that we keep playing, but we never forget the touching life of this inspirational figure. He will surely be missed, and may he rest in peace.
___________________________________________________
I do have to give a big shoutout to my boy, Davy Gross, for writing up an article about the blog in the Panther Press, the school paper. The support and publicity is greatly appreciated Davy, keep up the good work.
___________________________________________________
It is once again playoff time in Philadelphia, with the Flyers entering Stanley Cup Playoffs as the 5 seed. This of course means it is time for the Sobel Soup to grow his world-famous playoff beard. This tradition started last year, when I promised not to shave until the Flyers were out. I grew close to what growth Sidney Crosby had on his face last year. Jeffrey J. unfortunately made me shave it off before the Pittsburgh series. Of course they lost that series. For the Phillies, however, they ended up winning the World Series without me shaving. I am back to do it for the Fly-guys, and I promise, no shaving. I will keep you all updated on the status of the playoff beard/stache. For all of your sakes, you should hope the Flyers make it all the way to the finals, so I can look like a full out baller.
___________________________________________________
I again have to bypass the video requests for this week to make way for the legend that passed on today. Harry, you will always be missed and never be forgotten. I apologize for the quality of the video, but it is too good to pass up.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Champs to Chumps- Opening Night With the Phillies
Before I talk about my night somewhat well-spent with the Fightins, I do have to comment on the pathetic performance my Villanova Wildcats put on for the entire nation to see Saturday evening. Although they did only lose by 14, the moment my astronomical expectations came in touch with reality, I looked sadder than Queen without Freddie Mercury. I totally enjoyed Dante Cunningham's emotional locker room interview with tears running down his face: it was raw emotion at its finest. I only hope he doesn't make an NBA Live commercial proclaiming that once he gets to the NBA "more people will cry" (I think the only people that have cried because of Adam Morrison are those in Los Angeles subject to viewing the worst 'stache in history perform nightly). The fact that the Wildcats lost to the eventual national champion, North Carolina, would make it a little bit nicer, except for the fact that it has happened 4 out of the 5 last years. I'm not quite sure how I would have reacted had the Wildcats pulled off the upset and won the championship, I suppose neither the world nor this blog will ever know. One could base it off the last, and only, time a team the Sobel Soup has rooted for has won a championship.
I am of course talking about the Philadelphia Phillies, your 2008 World Champions of baseball. If you are not aware of the spring weather, baseball season has again started up. This brings a breath of fresh air with it, not for the particular reason that I get to watch the Phillies again. It is mostly refreshing because when describing the baseball season, I only have to use one year. As opposed to the other sports, where they play before and after the New Year, the baseball season avoids confusion by playing all of its season inside of new years. Besides that, Sunday's Opening Night was an exciting one, because the Sobel Soup was in attendance. That's right, Jeffrey J. pulled some stunts to get three standing room admission tickets. We had an extra ticket, so we decided to bring along O-Star Superstar, who you all know pretty well by now. Our trio's pregame buzz was all but ruined when we saw a man drop his pants and proceed to take a leak right in front of us while we walked to the stadium. I'm fairly certain that is illegal, and with all the police surrounding us, he must have had some kahonas, or he probably would have had to squat. It was quite awkward walking by him, as you can imagine none of us made eye contact. Now, I take a leaker in public as much as the next guy, but usually one does the common courtesy of positioning themselves in a somewhat concealable manner. Not this guy. He literally started to pee right on the sidewalk. Luckily he was facing the other way, so none of our eyes were permanently damaged. As for the reasoning behind this man's bold move, one can never be certain.
After looking for about five minutes for the ESPN cameras outside the stadium that show people walking around, we decided to head inside. Once we got in, a huge advertising opportunity awaited me. Standing right in front of us was a gigantic Phillies championship t-shirt ("Phinally" bore the front) that was available for Phan signature. The pressure was on when I took the Sharpie, and since I spent my time searching out a spot to write, I had no idea what to sign. I ended up putting "Sobel Soup." In retrospect, this would have been the perfect opportunity to write out "sobelsoupkitchen.blogspot.com." It would have been a mouthful, sure, but I would have gotten it done. Anyway, if someone is ever in the presence of that big shirt, look at the very bottom right hand corner and you will most likely see the Sobel Soup's signature.
The pregame festivities were all pretty fun. The best had to be when the parachuters came down. For those of you that saw it on TV, I'm guessing you didn't get to see this fine display of money well-spent by the United States government. Parachuters actually landed in the middle of the field. If you couldn't guess already by the description, it was really cool. It was also hilarious because one of the parachuters landed outside of the stadium. Either that or he somehow got lifted up into the air again and came back down onto the field, but I'm bargaining on the former. All of the parachuters stuck the landings to make it even more ballin' than it already was.
After all of this, the crowd was ready for the game to start. If you don't already know, the Phillies had lost 3 straight opening day games. The Phillies winning the World Series last year made about as much of a change to this trend as moving Sportscenter to the West Coast did for that fine piece of programming (I'll give you a hint: that means it didn't change!!). Brett Myers looked to be in his mid-season form by channeling his inner minor-league self for yet another year.
Even though the Superstar and I were displeased by the play on the field, we were thoroughly entertained by the couple standing next to us. This included several things, one of which included getting beer spilled on my shirt. I'm pretty proud of myself because I did indeed handle it very well. The woman bought me a soda to make up for it, and she probably would have offered to buy the Phillies for me if she had not had to leave, the reason of which was her boyfriend flipped the bird to a Braves reliever. This whole beer-spilling experience was worth it simply because Omar made a fool out of himself. We were leaning on a ledge when it was spilled and I took my shirt off. No, the ladies did not get a free show by getting a good, long glimpse of the Sobel Soup at his finest without his shirt on: I did have an undershirt on. I accidentally placed the tail end of it back into the mess when I was taking it off and getting it cleaned. Omar proceeded to call me "such an idiot" for this act. It was a few minutes later when he came back to eat his words when he realized he was still leaning on a part of the beer puddle, and that his sweatshirt had gotten wet because of it.
The time that we didn't spend getting beer spilled on us, we spent listening to how this girl's brother plays catcher for the Rhode Island baseball team. Apparently, like Derrick (I had to put this link in because it is the best rendition I have ever heard), he too has not had a carb since 2004. Believe me, I have searched the website for a freakish, 6-4, 250 pound catching prospect who could someday play in the majors, but I have yet to find him. He is supposedly "the biggest guy (the man next to me has) ever seen." Besides this, the man taught us many a life lesson, including do not go to Temple, major in business and earn $1 million a year because it simply is not worth it. We should go out West and enjoy the good life. The last highlight of the night with this inspiring figure was when he got in a fight with a woman named Tina, who unjustly accused him of turning around and then proceeding to talk about her with his girlfriend. When she called him out on this, he told her that she has "some kind of inferiority," but that she had to "deal with it on (her) own and not bring (him) into it." (I am doing the word-substituting thing the papers do, it's more professional that way) Score: 1 for the man with the insight, 0 for Tina.
That just about sums up the highlights of the night.
___________________________________________________
I did have a suggestion for this week which I will have in the next post. The reason I am not putting that in is because when I saw the video below, I knew that it had the Soup Kitchen written all over it. It is fairly recent, so I am imagining that some of you have already seen it. Even if you have, you probably know that it is well worth another look. Just a little note, my two favorite passengers would have to be the guy in the front left with the pen in his mouth and the guy at 2:17 that does the nice gang sign. Killer.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
I am of course talking about the Philadelphia Phillies, your 2008 World Champions of baseball. If you are not aware of the spring weather, baseball season has again started up. This brings a breath of fresh air with it, not for the particular reason that I get to watch the Phillies again. It is mostly refreshing because when describing the baseball season, I only have to use one year. As opposed to the other sports, where they play before and after the New Year, the baseball season avoids confusion by playing all of its season inside of new years. Besides that, Sunday's Opening Night was an exciting one, because the Sobel Soup was in attendance. That's right, Jeffrey J. pulled some stunts to get three standing room admission tickets. We had an extra ticket, so we decided to bring along O-Star Superstar, who you all know pretty well by now. Our trio's pregame buzz was all but ruined when we saw a man drop his pants and proceed to take a leak right in front of us while we walked to the stadium. I'm fairly certain that is illegal, and with all the police surrounding us, he must have had some kahonas, or he probably would have had to squat. It was quite awkward walking by him, as you can imagine none of us made eye contact. Now, I take a leaker in public as much as the next guy, but usually one does the common courtesy of positioning themselves in a somewhat concealable manner. Not this guy. He literally started to pee right on the sidewalk. Luckily he was facing the other way, so none of our eyes were permanently damaged. As for the reasoning behind this man's bold move, one can never be certain.
After looking for about five minutes for the ESPN cameras outside the stadium that show people walking around, we decided to head inside. Once we got in, a huge advertising opportunity awaited me. Standing right in front of us was a gigantic Phillies championship t-shirt ("Phinally" bore the front) that was available for Phan signature. The pressure was on when I took the Sharpie, and since I spent my time searching out a spot to write, I had no idea what to sign. I ended up putting "Sobel Soup." In retrospect, this would have been the perfect opportunity to write out "sobelsoupkitchen.blogspot.com." It would have been a mouthful, sure, but I would have gotten it done. Anyway, if someone is ever in the presence of that big shirt, look at the very bottom right hand corner and you will most likely see the Sobel Soup's signature.
The pregame festivities were all pretty fun. The best had to be when the parachuters came down. For those of you that saw it on TV, I'm guessing you didn't get to see this fine display of money well-spent by the United States government. Parachuters actually landed in the middle of the field. If you couldn't guess already by the description, it was really cool. It was also hilarious because one of the parachuters landed outside of the stadium. Either that or he somehow got lifted up into the air again and came back down onto the field, but I'm bargaining on the former. All of the parachuters stuck the landings to make it even more ballin' than it already was.
After all of this, the crowd was ready for the game to start. If you don't already know, the Phillies had lost 3 straight opening day games. The Phillies winning the World Series last year made about as much of a change to this trend as moving Sportscenter to the West Coast did for that fine piece of programming (I'll give you a hint: that means it didn't change!!). Brett Myers looked to be in his mid-season form by channeling his inner minor-league self for yet another year.
Even though the Superstar and I were displeased by the play on the field, we were thoroughly entertained by the couple standing next to us. This included several things, one of which included getting beer spilled on my shirt. I'm pretty proud of myself because I did indeed handle it very well. The woman bought me a soda to make up for it, and she probably would have offered to buy the Phillies for me if she had not had to leave, the reason of which was her boyfriend flipped the bird to a Braves reliever. This whole beer-spilling experience was worth it simply because Omar made a fool out of himself. We were leaning on a ledge when it was spilled and I took my shirt off. No, the ladies did not get a free show by getting a good, long glimpse of the Sobel Soup at his finest without his shirt on: I did have an undershirt on. I accidentally placed the tail end of it back into the mess when I was taking it off and getting it cleaned. Omar proceeded to call me "such an idiot" for this act. It was a few minutes later when he came back to eat his words when he realized he was still leaning on a part of the beer puddle, and that his sweatshirt had gotten wet because of it.
The time that we didn't spend getting beer spilled on us, we spent listening to how this girl's brother plays catcher for the Rhode Island baseball team. Apparently, like Derrick (I had to put this link in because it is the best rendition I have ever heard), he too has not had a carb since 2004. Believe me, I have searched the website for a freakish, 6-4, 250 pound catching prospect who could someday play in the majors, but I have yet to find him. He is supposedly "the biggest guy (the man next to me has) ever seen." Besides this, the man taught us many a life lesson, including do not go to Temple, major in business and earn $1 million a year because it simply is not worth it. We should go out West and enjoy the good life. The last highlight of the night with this inspiring figure was when he got in a fight with a woman named Tina, who unjustly accused him of turning around and then proceeding to talk about her with his girlfriend. When she called him out on this, he told her that she has "some kind of inferiority," but that she had to "deal with it on (her) own and not bring (him) into it." (I am doing the word-substituting thing the papers do, it's more professional that way) Score: 1 for the man with the insight, 0 for Tina.
That just about sums up the highlights of the night.
___________________________________________________
I did have a suggestion for this week which I will have in the next post. The reason I am not putting that in is because when I saw the video below, I knew that it had the Soup Kitchen written all over it. It is fairly recent, so I am imagining that some of you have already seen it. Even if you have, you probably know that it is well worth another look. Just a little note, my two favorite passengers would have to be the guy in the front left with the pen in his mouth and the guy at 2:17 that does the nice gang sign. Killer.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)