With the internet taking over our everyday lives now more than ever, I figured there would be no better time than now to help the homeless out in gaining important knowledge about the Internet. Technically, I could go all Video Professor on you, but I'm going to cater to the people on this one. Since the majority of my readers are of the younger generation who use Facebook and AIM, I'll talk mostly about that. Originally, I was only going to do one post guiding the use of the Internet. Since seeing how much information I can put in just on AIM, this is going to be Part One of a Two (or maybe more) part series.
AIM stands for AOL Instant Messenger, and it is a useful way for young people, such as myself, to interact among each other. You have to be at least 13 years old to sign up for it, but everyone and their mother knows that if you don't sign up for it before you're 13, you're a square. I'm not certain if there is a maximum age you can be, but I've never seen a person over 25 use AIM. So to all of you older folks out there, if you don't want to be arrested by your local police force for child molestation, I whole-heartedly advise against the use of AIM.
That being said, the rest of this advice goes for those who are of age to be using such a tool. First things first: picking a screenname. I'm 100% sure that anyone reading this blog has made at least one screenname in their lifetime, but the number of you that have made a foolish one is probably a high one as well. I too am subject to abuse when it comes to bad choices of names. I once made one named, and I'm not kidding when I tell you this, "accheeriosbox913." That's right. Apple Cinnamon Cheerios Box. As my screenname. It humiliates me to this day that I made that, albeit in the seventh grade. What was going through my head you may ask? I have no idea. Other screenname failures include whosurdady82 and oxocrashintomeoxo. Putting any saying in your name, in this case an extremely ridiculous one, is never a good idea. Not only that, but the misspelling of "your" makes this abismal name worse. This masterpiece was thought up by none other than O-Star Superstar, basking in all of his glory. The other bad idea is a song name, or any other thing that could go with it. Crash into me is probably the cheesiest thing this side of nachos. This beaut of an sn was courtesy of Val Keller. Another bad idea for a screenname is using an athletes name. A perfect example of this is Fat Dub's adrianpeterson1. Even though he did make this way back in AP's freshman year at OU, it could confuse some people, maybe tricking them into thinking they are talking to the actual Adrian Peterson, and not just a rabid fan. Just clarification, if you would possibly make it something to the effect of PurpleJesus, or a different cool nickname, that would be totally fine. But the full name of an athelete just doesn't cut it.
That's the worst of the worst for bad screennames. But how do you make a good screenname? It usually involves some portion of your name and/or nickname and your favorite numbers. In my own case, I use my initals and my favorite numbers, as does Joe Raymond (who was the only other person I could find that did this). Other acceptable things to put in are a certain sport you play, a favorite sports team or anything concerning money. For guys, you are done making your screenname. For the females, you have a choice to make. You can keep it plain and simple or you can add a few variances to yours, just to add that special something that you presumably bring to the table. This can be done by putting x's or o's at the beginning and/or end of the screenname. If one chooses to put any x's or o's in the screenname, it is recommended that you align them from beginning to end. For example, xorandomgirlox is better than just xorandomgirl or randomgirlxo. Alignment of the x's and o's are key. Another choice a female can make is the adding of multiple letters to any part of the screenname she feels requires emphasis. Adding any of these features by a male could be harmful in more ways than one, and I forewarn all of you males to not do it.
That covers the screennames. Next is the lingo. Whether you are young or old, surely you have heard of an acronym of some sort. The most famous one is obviously lol, standing, of course, for laughing out loud. I have had countless arguments with Ali Lohan look-a-like Julia Reitenbach (I probably spelled that last name wrong, but I like it that way. It shows more disrespect) about the use of lol as an -ing or -ed verb. She seems to think if she is currently laughing out loud or if she just laughed out loud, she should describe it as loling or loled. As you can see, this is complete mockery of the english language. That translated out would be Laughing out loud-ing or Laughing out loud-ed. If you wanted to stress that you are laughing out loud at the current time, you can simply say lingol, or you could just not use it. But for the translations sake, it makes no sense. That is why I stay away from the lol's. I feel they are too impersonal anyway. This is why I suggest the use of haha's. Lol is too short of a saying to have any meaning, but haha's can be extended into hahah, hahaha, or if it's really funny, hahahaha. If something is so outrageous, one can even capitalize it to HAHAH. That is usually the furthest you can go with the capitalizations of haha's, because HAHAHAHA is just a little overbearing. But if you want to embellish upon the lol, LOL really doesn't change much, and lolololol really makes no sense. This is another instance when a female's version of haha differs from the male's. While men are strictly limited to haha, girls can usually get away with a bahahahaha, but it has to be a long laugh. The origin of the b replacing the h in the haha is an oft-debated subject. Some claim that it is representative of a long, evil laugh, explaining why it would have to be long to effective. A small following has come to believe that it was the love for the Baha Men that did it. And they have a good point. Seriously, show me one person whose life was not drastically changed after listening to "Who Let the Dogs Out?" for the first time. I know mine was. Again, it is forbidden for men to use the term bahaha.
You may find yourself in an AIM situation where you are talking to a total creeper who is trying to make way too many jokes for his or her own good. This is when the use of just "ha" is necessary and essential for you to keep your sanity in check. And the use of "ha" goes both ways. When someone says ha to you, take it as a message to stop telling jokes, and stop right now. This is not to be confused with hah, which is just a break from saying haha. That one h makes a huge differenece, trust me.
The general use of acronyms is not looked upon well if you are older than 12. It's like Jeffrey J. says: "If you want to be an adult, you have to talk like one." For that reason, typing mostly everything out is a must. Some things, such as idk- for I don't know, gtg/g2g- for gotta go, and others that I will name later, are acceptable. But ik- for I know, is pushing it, and anything beyond that is really unnacceptable. I'm going to tell you the golden rule of acronyms; remember it always. Like the Sobel Soup's Inspirational Speech, this too is copyrighted. When in doubt, write it out. It's as simple as that, boys and girls.
Just clarifying here, this is one of the most important points I have to tell you about. If you are a girl, feel free to hold down any letter at any time in any word. It just adds emphasis, and you are allowed to do it whenever: happy, sad, anything. For males, any and all use of letter-holding is strongly discouraged, and should only be used in a time of great confidence or great distress. Use this wisely or don't use it at all, because it has been known to be the downfall of many great AIM users who have never since recovered.
Now that you have the screennames and the abbreviations down, it is time for you to learn how to start your conversations. This is a very special tradition that has evolved over the years. No matter if you are in sixth grade or in college, you always start out the conversation with a version of a hello. It could be hello, hi, yo, hey, or anything else (girls can again hold down any letter), whether you start the conversation or answer a message, you should use a greeting. After that is when you ask what's up. It is acceptable for the person answering an IM to say what's up, or some version of it, as a greeting. Now, there are several different ways to ask and answer the question "What's up?" You could say sup, what up, whats up, whats good, whats goin on, or even whats cookin (Uncle Don's favorite). While it is grammatically correct to include the apostrophe, you usually shouldn't do it, because it will make the person you are talking to think you care too much about the conversation you are holding. And believe me, perception is everything in this situation. If you are bold enough, or if you are nearing the age of 10, you could go with whats ^ or even w^. Believe it or not, when I first got my screenname I asked what was up by saying w^. The w stands for what's and the ^ is pointing up, obviously. If you want to get bilingual, you can always go with a que tal, or my personal favorite, que paso. If asked in a different language, it is the norm to answer in that same language.
How does one answer to this? Presumably nothing is up, or, since you are on AIM, you are just relaxing. The typically answer is nothing, nothing much, or the acronym for that, nm (which is completely acceptable). Others include chillin, chillen (spelling variation shows you don't care), just chillin, or its acronym jc (also accepted). If you are the person who was asked, it is considered rude to not ask the person what is up with them. Never, under any circumstance, ask them whats up, or sup, or something that was just described in the paragraph above. You can include a "u" on the end of nm or jc, or you can just leave it by itself following your answer. A "you?" will do just fine, as will how about you, or its acronym hbu. Going with the bilingual theme, y tu or y usted is a must for a spanish whats up. Feel free to cut out the y (spanish for and) and to hold down the last letter in all of these if you are a female.
Back in the sixth grade, these were the extents of the conversations I had with 95% of my AIM friends. Seriously, if I saw a person sign on, I would go through with this, and at the end of all of it say something like "sweet" or "cool." They would typically respond with "yeah" and that would be the end of it. I would always hope to not be the person to ask what was up, so I could say sweet or cool at the end, just to feel superior, because everyone knows it's the cool kid who gets to say sweet or something to that effect. This was usually done when people greeted me first, but even if I greeted them first, at times I waited them out so they would be forced to say what's up. It would break all rules of AIM if no what's up was said. If I really wanted to have the last word, I would follow up a "yeah" from them with a "yeah" of my own. A typical conversation went as such:
Ben: yo
Other person: yo
Ben: w^
Other person: nmu
Ben: same jc
Other person: nice
Ben: yeah
While writing this, I have just realized that I currently have these AIM conversations with Pete, or tdgeo. Besides him, the other conversations I have go a little deeper than that, but they always start out the same way. It just wouldn't feel right any other way.
Now that you know how to start/sustain conversations, you need to learn about away messages and buddy profiles. First things first, away messages. It can sometimes get annoying if you talk to people with an away message up, because it always pops up after they send an IM to you, even if you IM them first. I am notorious for this, and I have even been taken off the buddy list of my dear friend Clay Packel for this reason. For clarification purposes, away messages are not the same as statuses. You can have a status even if you are not away, and Macs allow you to put the song you are listening to as your status. That is the coolest thing ever, and those of us without Macs (me) wish we could have it that way. I strongly advise any of you with Macs to turn this feature on. Only if listening to something fruity or down-right creepy should you take it off. But other than songs, don't update your status, just go away. If you are doing something witty/fun that you want people to know about, you can put it as your away message. For example, if you are going to a sporting event or a concert, you can leave it as your away message. Inside jokes or anecdotes are also accepted. An oddity can also be an away message. For example, one time last year I was getting an outdoor haircut from Aunt Judy. Since this was the first (and hopefully only time) this would be happening, I left my away message as "getting an outdoor haircut." While this is acceptable on occasion, away messages like these get a little old after a while. Try to limit them to twice a month at a maximum. Saumon Oboudiyat is known for these away messages. Except instead of leaving them up twice a month, he leaves them up about 10 times a day. It is acceptable for him, though, because he is small and dark-haired (that didn't make sense).When you don't feel like signing off, but you aren't doing anything of note, you can always leave an away message like bbl (be back later), or brb (be right back). Another option is to leave a blank away message, like Down-C does. I've never seen anyone else besides him do it, but it is effective. Or you could go with the default one of "I am away from my computer right now." If you are having a seemingly hilarious conversation with someone who makes some funny remarks, you can leave those remarks, screenname of the buddy included, up as your away message as well. This goes under the category of "AIM camaraderie," which is always accepted.
Also accepted under camaraderie is the use of funny quotes from a buddy into your profile as well. If something someone says is "profile-worthy" as I like to say, it can go in. It is all in the eye of the beholder as to what is profile-worthy. Also popular in buddy profiles are funny videos or other links. For example, in my buddy profile I currently have a link to the Soup Kitchen and to I Love Mammals. Countdowns that are updated daily are encouraged only for females, who again may use as many letters as they please, but they are not looked upon in a positive light for males to have such a thing in said profile. Some people can even put lyrics to a song in, even though that is usually, but not always, for girls. A buddy profile is pretty much your space to express yourself in.
The last thing you should edit is your buddy icon. This is similar to the buddy profile in that it allows for personal expression, in the form of a picture for the icon. It can be anything from a favorite picture of your own to an inside joke. For example, my buddy icon is Leonardo DiCaprio. I have it set as such because I think he is one of the most ballin' actors of this generation, and I love his movies. Others, especially those with Macs, have their own pictures for the icons. Other acceptable items are sports teams, old cartoon characters, or even an animated one. Seriously, nearly anything is inbounds here, because almost everything can be looked at as a joke. So have fun with this, if anything, because it almost has no boundaries.
One last tidbit of information: try not to go into chat rooms. Unless you are having a throw-back to middle school night (like me and the former TBD, Jake Enterlin, often have), you do not want to have a chat room. Even if you are trying to work something out between multiple buddies, you can do it without creating/joining a chat. It's just not worth taking the reputation hit. Trust me.
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With me just writing the longest post in the Soup Kitchen's history (does this rival any of Gusalina's posts for length? I doubt it), I figured I would end it with the shortest video in the history. Actually, I'm not sure if this counts as the shortest video, because it is 1:13. But technically these are all 1-second commercials, so it should count. Anyway, I hope you enjoy watching this guy as much as I do, because personally I think the commercial about the VIP section is one of the most HQ (high quality- an acronym for you) commercials I've ever seen ("Common Sense ain't on the guest list.")
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, August 14, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Soup's 17 Degrees of Separation
I probably sound like a broken record by now, but it has again been quite a while since I last posted. It's not like any of you check this everyday anyway (besides you, Grandmom and Grandpop (Parenthetical inside of a parenthetical: Many of you may think it is harmful to my psyche that my grandparents are my biggest fans. That's quite the contrary. If you knew my grandparents, you would be the happiest person in the world, as I presently am. Just as an example to show you how baller this duo is, Lisa Leslie was actually not the first woman to dunk. That would be my grandmother.)) so I'm not doing anyone any harm. Besides, like Jeffrey J. always told me, "If you don't have anything to say that is beneficial to society, don't say it all." ("It's funny because he actually said that"- Sam Soupy Huestis (PIP: AMPAP for the nickname. I love acronyms!!)) That has certainly been the case for me over the past few weeks. Anyway, I have actually counted out the days since I last posted, and the count is officially at 17. Since it's been so long, I've decided to give you all a gift in which I'm going to go all Kevin Bacon on you, and just do some weird rambling, so just bear with me. In all likelihood, you will be lost during this entire post. Now following the rules of their degrees of separation, this first connection technically is my 0th degree. Now let's get started.
0. Not blogging for a while has been very tough for me. I love blogging even more than I love O.A.R. And hey, I love me some O.A.R. Almost as much as...
1. Terrence Williams loves him some Jay Bilas. Seriously, when I heard about this, I could see the love affair happening right in front of me. I know it's random, but I had to put it in, just because of my love for college basketball, and my Villanova Wildcats. Speaking of which...
2. Reggie Redding has recently been arrested for possession of marijuana. I know it takes a little wind out of the sails of next season's NCAA Champions (yeah, I'm guaranteeing it right now), but I could sort of see it coming, at least for Redding. I personally know him from...
3. A broadcasting camp that I attended two years ago. That's right. Along with being a blogger extraordinaire, a frequent eater of big macs, and an all around baller, I am also a broadcaster. I'm what is known as a Renaissance man. Those activities listed above are not all I am good for, however. Sometimes I even do my own laundry. As if that were not enough, I have been known to dabble on a few intruments. Much like...
4. Saumon Oboudiyat. While his biggest claim to fame is clearlyhaving his own label on the Soup Kitchen, he also has his own Facebook music page, which is starting to gain more recognition. Besides that, he has a new album coming out, and trust me, it is going to be off the chain. How do I know this? I am actually his manager, so I have heard the whole thing. Saumon is actually the second musical act I have managed, the first being...
5. The now defunct Objects At Rest, also known as O.A.R. Even though I was appointed manager, I self-admittedly did absolutely nothing. This band featured Caleb Oaks singing, Eddie Palka on the drums, B-Murr on the bass, and a certain guitarist named...
6. Russell Gelman-Sheehan, aptly nicknamed Rufus. He has been asking for a shoutout for quite a while now, and I am finally giving it to him in the most flattering form that I can think of. If Russell's talents start at guitar playing, they stop at his shoe choice. Rufus infamously rocks...
7. Starburys. These are, for those of you who don't know, possibly the worst shoes ever. While being so bad, they do offer some type of individuality, which gives perfect reason as to why Rufus would wear them. Generally, the unique shoes are the expensive ones that no one can afford. In this case, Starburys are special because they are so bad that no one wants to buy them, even though they can easily be purchased for a small price of $14.98! Just to give you reference of how low quality these shoes are, Stephon Marbury wore these shoes himself for one game as a means of promotion. In that same game he turned his ankle. Coincidence? I think not. Talking about Stephon Marbury reminds me of that feud he had with...
8. Stephen A. Smith, former host of Quite Frankly. At the time of his show's start, he was on top of the world. He had his own television show, his own column in the Philadelphia Inquirer, and his daily spot on Sportscenter. Now, he very well may be out of work. But Stephen A. has affected my life in an extremely positive manner. He was the subject of...
9. A few great Youtube videos. I'll put the 2007 one below for this post's video, and I'll link you to the 2006 one right here. These videos were recommended to me by none other than...
10. Fat Dub. That's right, this frequent subject of the Soup Kitchen is probably the best at finding videos out of anyone I have ever met. Not only that, but he is also a ghost-riding pro, much like the old geezers in that video. When he does ghost-ride, he usually does it with...
11. Bryan, otherwise known as Down-C. You may be wondering: why link his name to the picture of a hoagie? It's simple. His head is shaped like a hoagie, thus the reason he is called Hoagiehead. Usually when I make fun of people on this blog, it is just so they can have the joy of seeing their name on the internet. That is not the case with Down-C. He is one of the few people I know that has never read the blog, at least that's what I believe to be true. How a person that is such good friends with me can not even monitor what I write on here is beyond me. If this continues, I'm going to have to treat him like he is Evan Turner, and abuse him to no end on here. He is almost he complete opposite of...
12. Jake Enterlin, the former TBD. Not only does he (usually) read the blog, he even guest posts on it. He isn't the first guest poster, however. That honor would belong to...
13. Jack Eiel. You all know that he lost it because he "had nothing to write about" and because he is the laziest person the world has ever seen. I have just realized that my past guest poster, my current guest poster, and my future guest poster (at 15,000 views) were all a part of I Love Mammals. Who is this future guest poster I speak of? He goes by the name of...
14. Omar Randall. I don't need to say anything about him, you all know everything there is to know about O-Star Superstar. Another thing I just realized is that all of the guys I just mentioned were all at C-Lunch (except Fat Dub, but that's the beside the point.) A lot of things went down at C-Lunch, and I won't describe them to you. I'll leave that up to TBD on his next guest post. One thing I will say is that one of my favorite parts was when Jake would tell a young man that he was "looking good today" every day of the week. This chap's name is...
15. Mikey Henderson. "Yo Mikey! You're lookin' good today!" was the frequent call of our table, and I'm not really sure why. Anyway, I promised Mikey I would let him get in the next blog post, just so I could show all the people how much of a nice guy he was. So there you go. This shoutout is the epitome of awesome shoutouts, just because of the person that is in it. Nearly the opposite could be said about the shoutout to...
16. Nick "One-Ball" Maillett. I don't even want to relive how awkward that situation was. Hopefully it won't ever be remembered. Mr. Maillett is however looking into season tickets for the Philadelphia Union, the expansion soccer team coming to Philadelphia next March. As it happens, so is...
17. The Sobel Soup. And that's your 17 degrees of separation. I hope you know I was legitimately about to stop at 6, because I had no idea what I was going to write about.
___________________________________________________
Without further ado, here is the video for this week. As I promised, it is the Stephen A. Smith heckling video. "Spencer Hawes is gonna be a bust!"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
0. Not blogging for a while has been very tough for me. I love blogging even more than I love O.A.R. And hey, I love me some O.A.R. Almost as much as...
1. Terrence Williams loves him some Jay Bilas. Seriously, when I heard about this, I could see the love affair happening right in front of me. I know it's random, but I had to put it in, just because of my love for college basketball, and my Villanova Wildcats. Speaking of which...
2. Reggie Redding has recently been arrested for possession of marijuana. I know it takes a little wind out of the sails of next season's NCAA Champions (yeah, I'm guaranteeing it right now), but I could sort of see it coming, at least for Redding. I personally know him from...
3. A broadcasting camp that I attended two years ago. That's right. Along with being a blogger extraordinaire, a frequent eater of big macs, and an all around baller, I am also a broadcaster. I'm what is known as a Renaissance man. Those activities listed above are not all I am good for, however. Sometimes I even do my own laundry. As if that were not enough, I have been known to dabble on a few intruments. Much like...
4. Saumon Oboudiyat. While his biggest claim to fame is clearlyhaving his own label on the Soup Kitchen, he also has his own Facebook music page, which is starting to gain more recognition. Besides that, he has a new album coming out, and trust me, it is going to be off the chain. How do I know this? I am actually his manager, so I have heard the whole thing. Saumon is actually the second musical act I have managed, the first being...
5. The now defunct Objects At Rest, also known as O.A.R. Even though I was appointed manager, I self-admittedly did absolutely nothing. This band featured Caleb Oaks singing, Eddie Palka on the drums, B-Murr on the bass, and a certain guitarist named...
6. Russell Gelman-Sheehan, aptly nicknamed Rufus. He has been asking for a shoutout for quite a while now, and I am finally giving it to him in the most flattering form that I can think of. If Russell's talents start at guitar playing, they stop at his shoe choice. Rufus infamously rocks...
7. Starburys. These are, for those of you who don't know, possibly the worst shoes ever. While being so bad, they do offer some type of individuality, which gives perfect reason as to why Rufus would wear them. Generally, the unique shoes are the expensive ones that no one can afford. In this case, Starburys are special because they are so bad that no one wants to buy them, even though they can easily be purchased for a small price of $14.98! Just to give you reference of how low quality these shoes are, Stephon Marbury wore these shoes himself for one game as a means of promotion. In that same game he turned his ankle. Coincidence? I think not. Talking about Stephon Marbury reminds me of that feud he had with...
8. Stephen A. Smith, former host of Quite Frankly. At the time of his show's start, he was on top of the world. He had his own television show, his own column in the Philadelphia Inquirer, and his daily spot on Sportscenter. Now, he very well may be out of work. But Stephen A. has affected my life in an extremely positive manner. He was the subject of...
9. A few great Youtube videos. I'll put the 2007 one below for this post's video, and I'll link you to the 2006 one right here. These videos were recommended to me by none other than...
10. Fat Dub. That's right, this frequent subject of the Soup Kitchen is probably the best at finding videos out of anyone I have ever met. Not only that, but he is also a ghost-riding pro, much like the old geezers in that video. When he does ghost-ride, he usually does it with...
11. Bryan, otherwise known as Down-C. You may be wondering: why link his name to the picture of a hoagie? It's simple. His head is shaped like a hoagie, thus the reason he is called Hoagiehead. Usually when I make fun of people on this blog, it is just so they can have the joy of seeing their name on the internet. That is not the case with Down-C. He is one of the few people I know that has never read the blog, at least that's what I believe to be true. How a person that is such good friends with me can not even monitor what I write on here is beyond me. If this continues, I'm going to have to treat him like he is Evan Turner, and abuse him to no end on here. He is almost he complete opposite of...
12. Jake Enterlin, the former TBD. Not only does he (usually) read the blog, he even guest posts on it. He isn't the first guest poster, however. That honor would belong to...
13. Jack Eiel. You all know that he lost it because he "had nothing to write about" and because he is the laziest person the world has ever seen. I have just realized that my past guest poster, my current guest poster, and my future guest poster (at 15,000 views) were all a part of I Love Mammals. Who is this future guest poster I speak of? He goes by the name of...
14. Omar Randall. I don't need to say anything about him, you all know everything there is to know about O-Star Superstar. Another thing I just realized is that all of the guys I just mentioned were all at C-Lunch (except Fat Dub, but that's the beside the point.) A lot of things went down at C-Lunch, and I won't describe them to you. I'll leave that up to TBD on his next guest post. One thing I will say is that one of my favorite parts was when Jake would tell a young man that he was "looking good today" every day of the week. This chap's name is...
15. Mikey Henderson. "Yo Mikey! You're lookin' good today!" was the frequent call of our table, and I'm not really sure why. Anyway, I promised Mikey I would let him get in the next blog post, just so I could show all the people how much of a nice guy he was. So there you go. This shoutout is the epitome of awesome shoutouts, just because of the person that is in it. Nearly the opposite could be said about the shoutout to...
16. Nick "One-Ball" Maillett. I don't even want to relive how awkward that situation was. Hopefully it won't ever be remembered. Mr. Maillett is however looking into season tickets for the Philadelphia Union, the expansion soccer team coming to Philadelphia next March. As it happens, so is...
17. The Sobel Soup. And that's your 17 degrees of separation. I hope you know I was legitimately about to stop at 6, because I had no idea what I was going to write about.
___________________________________________________
Without further ado, here is the video for this week. As I promised, it is the Stephen A. Smith heckling video. "Spencer Hawes is gonna be a bust!"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
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