I would like to start out this post by saying that I am not necessarily voting for the Dream Ticket, not yet anyway. The Sobel Soup, being a fair and democratic-minded soul, is deciding on election day by the speeches, and I think you all should too. I am simply writing this post to let you all know about some of my favorite candidates.
First, some background information. The Dream Ticket is comprised of three upstanding gentlemen, Braden "The Executioner" Harris, Noah "Da Lil' Rag" Frick, and Will Prince, who has become very well known to all those who read the Soup Kitchen as Fat Dub. Their mission: to be elected to student council. Their slogan: Vote America. Now, if you think, judging by this slogan, that these men aren't taking this seriously, you are dead wrong. They have been planning this for over a year now and have spent a lot of time campaigning. This includes an excellent poster, which features these fellows' rugged mugs, with the slogan underneath. Don't let the short description fool you, it's probably the most professional poster I have ever seen in school. Actually, I have to correct that. Make that last sentence read "was the most professional poster I have ever seen." Apparently, an opponent of the Dream Ticket sought to it that this poster was destroyed. Braden found it defaced, folded, and spat on. I suppose this just goes to show how wary the competition is of these three lads. Onto the introductions.
Braden Harris is many things, an absolute baller being one of them. Besides having the respect of all his fellow classmates, he's a visionary with an independent soul. Seriously, he puts The Most Interesting Man in the World to shame. Just to sum it up, Braden is an all-around great guy. He is also the tallest one by a mile on this ticket.
Noah Frick is a pretty interesting fellow himself. He is a great organizer, shown perfectly in that he is the founder and most active member of the Swat Team/Strath Haven Crazies, the most loyal cheering section in America. He is also fairly small, but, more importantly, he has a perfect bone structure. When with Noah, you almost feel like you're hanging out with your own teletubby. He's a short, little guy that puts a smile on everyone's face.
You all know Fat Dub pretty well. Along with being a proactive, intelligent man, he is one of the most BA people I know. In fact, Will is so bad to the bone, I can't even tell you what he does that makes him so. Don't fret over having a criminal on your student council, I assure you he has done nothing to break the law. Trust me on this one, you would be impressed if you knew. Just to add in another two cents, Will is nearly as small as Noah,. He has him by an inch, maybe, but doesn't have the perfect bone structure to brag about.
That's about all you need to know about these guys. As you can see, you have the total package with the Dream Ticket: The ideas, the organization, and the power to get it done.
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I had an interesting day today. I'm sure all of you have wondered the question that pretty much defines life. Of course, I am talking abouthow many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Well, I have the answer. Today, it took me 653 licks to get from one side to the center of the Tootsie Pop. None other than the trustworthy Jack Eiel can attest for me. I took several pictures of me with the licked Tootsie Pop and plan on sending it into the headquarters and see if I can get a commercial out of it. I'm assuming many others have completed this feat, considering it took me one lollipop and about 20 minutes to do it, but I doubt any of those people have a blog/are web sensations, so they might take the chance.
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I have been asked to apologize for statements made in my last post having to do with my teammate, Nick Maillet (1 Ball). In fact, it was Nick's nickname (If I was writing for Freddie Mitchell's blog, this would be a perfect place for "LOL") in particular that I was asked to apologize for, by Mr. Maillet himself, of course. So Nick, I am a little sorry for letting the world know that it is your nickname. This is kind of like that thing where I'm not sorry that I did it, I'm just sorry that he found out. I know what you are thinking and yeah, this is awkward.
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I have to give a special "Happy Birthday" shoutout to the current guest poster, TBD, Jake Enterlin. While many have come to calling him T.B., he would like me to remind all of you that that's in the past. Apparently, he prefers Snake. I normally don't do these types of shoutouts, so don't come asking. It's only because he is so involved that he has his own post label.
I do have to shout out to someone else in this spot, however. I'm talking about the K-Dog, the X-Factor, Keith DeCindis. He is a loyal follower of the blog, and has constantly been asking for a shoutout. He specifically wants me to acknowledge his matball skills. Some say he is the best pitcher in the school, but today was not his best showing. The X quit after letting up quite a lot of runs today. I told him that quitters never get in, but I need to challenge him. I'll be sure to let you all know if he indeed comes up big in a matball game before the end of the year. The pressure is on, X-Factor.
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This video was sent in by another anonymous viewer and I find it hilarious. Below, you can find Kellen Winslow Jr. literally freaking out. I have no idea how those reporters contained their laughter when he belted out the part about being a soldier. Quite rich, quite rich indeed.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Entertaining Week That Was
A lot has happened over the past week, and it would be really tough for me not to let you all in on what went down. Just a word of advice: you might want to break this one up into sections if you don't have that much time on your hands because it's pretty long. I don't want to hear any complaining, so tough it out if you want to read the whole thing.
First things first, I was told by Sam Pinecone, who is the 3rd fastest, that I had the 5th fastest 800 time in the school, according to PennTrackXC.com. For those of you who are saying "Wow, only 5th fastest. That's really not something to be showing off about," you don't even know the half of it. First of all, I am not the 5th fastest 800 time in the school. I am probably around 11th or 12th. That's not the most important thing that came out of this situation, however. You see, this website allows the athletes to make their own personal profiles. While most people would blow this off as a waste of time, I am a web sensation, so I had to personalize it. At first, I made my picture George Clooney. Then I changed my athletic achievements to the following:
Gym Class Hero: Straight A+'s 2 years running. PR's: Flex Arm Hang- 33.2 seconds. Yeah, 33.2... wasn't even trying. Pushups- 93. In 60 seconds. I showed off my bulging muscles for the last 10. A member of the International Curling Hall of Fame for innovative techniques now used across the sport. Has thrown 3 no-hitters, including one perfect game, in wiffleball. Nolan Ryan should probably watch out. Recorded the game-winning hit in first round Texas League Baseball Playoff game (Note: Highlight of baseball career). Shot a course record of 9 strokes at Pirate Putt-Putt Golf in Avalon. This was done over 18 holes.
Unfortunately, Jeffrey J. caught wind of this and made me take them down. I did leave up my personal information, as follows:
Enjoys wearing a nice pair of slacks. Has a hit blog, a web sensation. Witty, great personality. Traveled across the world last year and has a profound view on life since his trip. Now refers to himself in third person. Lack of modesty dully noted. Hopes to live on the moon, not for the advancement of world technological gains, but rather to use it as own personal golf course as seen in Tiger Woods Gatorade commercial.
Unfortunately, it is impossible to view my personal information regardless of whether you are a member or not. Thanks a lot, PennTrackXC, for providing me with humor for at least a few minutes.
___________________________________________________
Besides creating a profile that no one can see, the Sobel Soup also got his haircut. Trying to stay cool for the summer, I went with a bit of a shorter cut. Somehow, this resulted in me receiving an uptown fade, similar to the one 'Nique can be seen sporting in that fantastic cartoon drawing. This of course drew the ire of many of my friends, mostly O-Star Superstar. I have learned to ignore the criticism and to love my uptown fade.
___________________________________________________
Late one night this week, I saw Jeffrey J. jamming out to a song on his laptop. Now, he had his earphones in, and was totally getting into it, so I just had to see what it was. I walked over and asked what he was listening to, while grabbing the mouse to click on iTunes to see for myself. Jeff was unprepared to say the least when he squeaked out a "Just..." I would finish his sentence myself after seeing what it was. My father was listening to How To Save a Life by The Fray (of course I gave the Grey's Anatomy version, what else would you expect.) I was shocked and ashamed, and at the same time gave Jeffrey J. non-stop grief for the unspeakable act he had just committed. He tried to play it off by saying it just landed on that, but the song was clearly just clicked on, considering it had the dark blue line on it. I came back later and checked on him again, and he was listening to The Boss, also known as The King to a fool known as Colin Campies (By the way, check out Clarence in the orange jumpsuit in that video). Not even that could make up for Jeff's indulgence in a popular but awful pop rock group.
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On Friday, Strath Haven students all received their yearbooks. I was pretty happy with it, except for one HUGE mistake. I am of course talking about the Celebrity Look Alikes section. I know what you are thinking, and yes, they did neglect to put in the Sobel Soup and Michael Phelps. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it. To add insult to injury, there were some weak matches in there too. Julia Reitenbach and Ali Lohan?!?!? Seriously?!? (To quote Keller/K-Smoove, "The question mark/exclamation point combo is just genius. It's like, I really want to know your answer!!!") If the Sobel Soup doesn't get in there next year, he will have some problems to take up with the Yearbook Staff, to say the least.
___________________________________________________
The most enjoyable part of my week had to be the weekend. This was spent in Maryland for a soccer tournament. Friday night, I went out to eat at Longhorn Steakhouse with two of my teammates, Nick Maillet (also known as 1-Ball, don't ask) and Kelsey Beck-Cullen. While ordering my food, I was interrupted by loud clapping and a ridiculously long chant about food that somehow had to do with birthdays at another table. To say the least, we laughed heartily about the chant for a few minutes. Kelsey then got up, I assumed it was for a trip to the restrooms. He came back and informed us both that it was my birthday tonight. This was obviously a lie, considering my birthday is not for another 2 and a half weeks. Kelsey, however, told the waiter that it was just so he would be able to see the chant done to me. He was considering not telling me, but thankfully I was notified so I wasn't totally shocked. We ate maybe half of the delicious food that we ordered, they serve them big over at Longhorn, and awaited the moment of truth. We heard the clapping start from all the way across the restaurant and knew it was coming. It turned out not to be as long or as embarrassing as I thought it would have been, and I got a free dessert out of it. The whole experience was, however, ridiculously funny. That would just be the beginning of interesting eateries in Maryland. The following night I went to The Cheesecake Factory, accompanied by Nick, Kelsey, Xander Rizzello (of previous Soup Kitchen fame), and his parents. Our waitress started off by asking us if we could see alright. It being very dark in the restaurant, we asked for some more light, a candle maybe. Judging by her supremely awkward response and by the fact that she didn't bring us any light, she clearly used this as a comedic opening line that most people probably don't think is funny. At all. This waitress also loved the menu. We could tell because after each of us ordered our stuff, she would say "Oh, that's really good, one of my favorites." Not only that, but she had a nickname for everything on the menu. For example, she asked us how we enjoyed the Spicy Buffalo Chicken Fingers, and we said they were quite good. She responded by saying that "Oh good, I love The Blasts." Towards the end of the night, we were all making comments about her very portly figure. Xander's dad said it best when he emphasized that "she can't resist the Cheesecake!!!!" Unfortunately for all of us, the waitress was standing very close to our table and may or may not have heard the comments. We probably deserved spit in our cheesecakes at the end, and we probably got it anyway. They were delicious nonetheless.
Not only did The Cheesecake Factory have great food, the trip there also taught me a number of lessons. The first one was that The Cheesecake Factory does not only serve cheesecake. Judging by the name, I had previously thought that they sold cheesecake there, but nothing else. I was totally wrong. It probably had the biggest selection of food I have ever seen. Besides learning not to judge a book by its cover, I found out about how to get parmesan cheese put on your dish by an employee. A helper came over with parmesan cheese and asked if anyone would like it on their meal. I said I would, and she proceeded to grate the cheese onto my plate. Now, I had no idea that you were supposed to tell the person when to stop putting it on. Because of that little mix-up in communication, she grated cheese for literally 25 seconds while I looked around in wonder at the others at my table. Finally she stopped and walked away, but by that point I probably had more parmesan cheese on my plate than I did pasta. I will never forget that valuable lesson that was taught to me at Cheesecake. The meal was still pretty good, too.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by The Big Kit, Ankit Prasad, a huge fan of the Soup Kitchen. He has been waiting for a while for me to put in this video, and he is pretty obsessed with the guy in it. While not loving it on Kit's level, I do think his rendition of Lollipop is excellent.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
First things first, I was told by Sam Pinecone, who is the 3rd fastest, that I had the 5th fastest 800 time in the school, according to PennTrackXC.com. For those of you who are saying "Wow, only 5th fastest. That's really not something to be showing off about," you don't even know the half of it. First of all, I am not the 5th fastest 800 time in the school. I am probably around 11th or 12th. That's not the most important thing that came out of this situation, however. You see, this website allows the athletes to make their own personal profiles. While most people would blow this off as a waste of time, I am a web sensation, so I had to personalize it. At first, I made my picture George Clooney. Then I changed my athletic achievements to the following:
Gym Class Hero: Straight A+'s 2 years running. PR's: Flex Arm Hang- 33.2 seconds. Yeah, 33.2... wasn't even trying. Pushups- 93. In 60 seconds. I showed off my bulging muscles for the last 10. A member of the International Curling Hall of Fame for innovative techniques now used across the sport. Has thrown 3 no-hitters, including one perfect game, in wiffleball. Nolan Ryan should probably watch out. Recorded the game-winning hit in first round Texas League Baseball Playoff game (Note: Highlight of baseball career). Shot a course record of 9 strokes at Pirate Putt-Putt Golf in Avalon. This was done over 18 holes.
Unfortunately, Jeffrey J. caught wind of this and made me take them down. I did leave up my personal information, as follows:
Enjoys wearing a nice pair of slacks. Has a hit blog, a web sensation. Witty, great personality. Traveled across the world last year and has a profound view on life since his trip. Now refers to himself in third person. Lack of modesty dully noted. Hopes to live on the moon, not for the advancement of world technological gains, but rather to use it as own personal golf course as seen in Tiger Woods Gatorade commercial.
Unfortunately, it is impossible to view my personal information regardless of whether you are a member or not. Thanks a lot, PennTrackXC, for providing me with humor for at least a few minutes.
___________________________________________________
Besides creating a profile that no one can see, the Sobel Soup also got his haircut. Trying to stay cool for the summer, I went with a bit of a shorter cut. Somehow, this resulted in me receiving an uptown fade, similar to the one 'Nique can be seen sporting in that fantastic cartoon drawing. This of course drew the ire of many of my friends, mostly O-Star Superstar. I have learned to ignore the criticism and to love my uptown fade.
___________________________________________________
Late one night this week, I saw Jeffrey J. jamming out to a song on his laptop. Now, he had his earphones in, and was totally getting into it, so I just had to see what it was. I walked over and asked what he was listening to, while grabbing the mouse to click on iTunes to see for myself. Jeff was unprepared to say the least when he squeaked out a "Just..." I would finish his sentence myself after seeing what it was. My father was listening to How To Save a Life by The Fray (of course I gave the Grey's Anatomy version, what else would you expect.) I was shocked and ashamed, and at the same time gave Jeffrey J. non-stop grief for the unspeakable act he had just committed. He tried to play it off by saying it just landed on that, but the song was clearly just clicked on, considering it had the dark blue line on it. I came back later and checked on him again, and he was listening to The Boss, also known as The King to a fool known as Colin Campies (By the way, check out Clarence in the orange jumpsuit in that video). Not even that could make up for Jeff's indulgence in a popular but awful pop rock group.
___________________________________________________
On Friday, Strath Haven students all received their yearbooks. I was pretty happy with it, except for one HUGE mistake. I am of course talking about the Celebrity Look Alikes section. I know what you are thinking, and yes, they did neglect to put in the Sobel Soup and Michael Phelps. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it. To add insult to injury, there were some weak matches in there too. Julia Reitenbach and Ali Lohan?!?!? Seriously?!? (To quote Keller/K-Smoove, "The question mark/exclamation point combo is just genius. It's like, I really want to know your answer!!!") If the Sobel Soup doesn't get in there next year, he will have some problems to take up with the Yearbook Staff, to say the least.
___________________________________________________
The most enjoyable part of my week had to be the weekend. This was spent in Maryland for a soccer tournament. Friday night, I went out to eat at Longhorn Steakhouse with two of my teammates, Nick Maillet (also known as 1-Ball, don't ask) and Kelsey Beck-Cullen. While ordering my food, I was interrupted by loud clapping and a ridiculously long chant about food that somehow had to do with birthdays at another table. To say the least, we laughed heartily about the chant for a few minutes. Kelsey then got up, I assumed it was for a trip to the restrooms. He came back and informed us both that it was my birthday tonight. This was obviously a lie, considering my birthday is not for another 2 and a half weeks. Kelsey, however, told the waiter that it was just so he would be able to see the chant done to me. He was considering not telling me, but thankfully I was notified so I wasn't totally shocked. We ate maybe half of the delicious food that we ordered, they serve them big over at Longhorn, and awaited the moment of truth. We heard the clapping start from all the way across the restaurant and knew it was coming. It turned out not to be as long or as embarrassing as I thought it would have been, and I got a free dessert out of it. The whole experience was, however, ridiculously funny. That would just be the beginning of interesting eateries in Maryland. The following night I went to The Cheesecake Factory, accompanied by Nick, Kelsey, Xander Rizzello (of previous Soup Kitchen fame), and his parents. Our waitress started off by asking us if we could see alright. It being very dark in the restaurant, we asked for some more light, a candle maybe. Judging by her supremely awkward response and by the fact that she didn't bring us any light, she clearly used this as a comedic opening line that most people probably don't think is funny. At all. This waitress also loved the menu. We could tell because after each of us ordered our stuff, she would say "Oh, that's really good, one of my favorites." Not only that, but she had a nickname for everything on the menu. For example, she asked us how we enjoyed the Spicy Buffalo Chicken Fingers, and we said they were quite good. She responded by saying that "Oh good, I love The Blasts." Towards the end of the night, we were all making comments about her very portly figure. Xander's dad said it best when he emphasized that "she can't resist the Cheesecake!!!!" Unfortunately for all of us, the waitress was standing very close to our table and may or may not have heard the comments. We probably deserved spit in our cheesecakes at the end, and we probably got it anyway. They were delicious nonetheless.
Not only did The Cheesecake Factory have great food, the trip there also taught me a number of lessons. The first one was that The Cheesecake Factory does not only serve cheesecake. Judging by the name, I had previously thought that they sold cheesecake there, but nothing else. I was totally wrong. It probably had the biggest selection of food I have ever seen. Besides learning not to judge a book by its cover, I found out about how to get parmesan cheese put on your dish by an employee. A helper came over with parmesan cheese and asked if anyone would like it on their meal. I said I would, and she proceeded to grate the cheese onto my plate. Now, I had no idea that you were supposed to tell the person when to stop putting it on. Because of that little mix-up in communication, she grated cheese for literally 25 seconds while I looked around in wonder at the others at my table. Finally she stopped and walked away, but by that point I probably had more parmesan cheese on my plate than I did pasta. I will never forget that valuable lesson that was taught to me at Cheesecake. The meal was still pretty good, too.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by The Big Kit, Ankit Prasad, a huge fan of the Soup Kitchen. He has been waiting for a while for me to put in this video, and he is pretty obsessed with the guy in it. While not loving it on Kit's level, I do think his rendition of Lollipop is excellent.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The Life and Times of Judith A. Sobel
I have been asked many a times whether or not I actually serve daily or not, and judging by the fact that I do not post everyday, the answer is no. While some have taken this news in stride, others, including my grandparents, have criticized me and sent me highly-threatening emails telling me to change the banner at the top, or else. Because it took me so long to make, however, that portion of the Soup Kitchen will not be changing.
Having my first study-free, normal week was good for a change. The most entertaining day was by far Wednesday. No, it wasn't because of the Lost season finale (which was an amazing episode, by the way). This wednesday, just like any other wednesday in fact, was so special because the Sobels were graced with the presence of our beloved Aunt Judy. She comes pretty much because she has absolutely nothing else to do with her life, considering she is now retired. Needless to say, Aunt Judy is undoubtedly one of my favorite people ever.
One of which is that she can't cook. As many of you probably know from the Easter Day post, Judy makes mashed potatos worse than your normal 2 year old. You would think that after a while, she would at least improve or seek out some advice as to how to improve these pieces of matter she calls food. This never happened. While the potatos did get a little better over time, I would probably rather consume a live animal rather than eat her mashed potatos. Fortunately for all of us involved, Judy has stopped making the mashed potatos. The bad cooking carries over to most of the other things she makes. Pasta, for example. You are all probably saying to yourself for me to stop, that it is impossible to mess up pasta. Not for Judy. A few years back, Uncle Kevin stopped by Judy's (Just so all of you know, Kevin is Judy's nephew. Aunt Judy is actually my great-aunt). She offered to make him pasta and he happily accepted. Judy put the pasta in the boiling water and went to talk with Kevin. She got a little preoccupied, and by the time she remembered that she was actually cooking something, there was no water left and the pasta was hardened, inedible, and sticking to the sides of the pot. I'm pretty sure only Judy would ever let that happen to her, but it really doesn't surprise me.
Judy is the biggest chatterbox the world has ever seen. When I said that she got a little preoccupied last paragraph, I meant that she was yapping non-stop, which is pretty typical of Judy. If you can imagine hearing this, but for all times of the day, you know what it feels to be around Judy. I have been searching all my life to find out how long it took Judy to stop talking. I finally found out this summer. Judy went with her other friends to Italy on a two week vacation. When they were going home, one of Judy's friends asked her if she was alright. Judy said she was fine. The friend told her she was concerned and asked Judy why she wasn't talking. To this Judy responded: "I guess I just ran out of things to talk about." So there it is, the question many have asked but few have ever been priveleged to know the answer to.
Not only does Judy talk a lot, but she talks extremely loud as well. It might be that her elderly ears cannot judge how loud she actually is, but either way, if Judy is in the same zip code as you, it won't be too hard for you to hear her. She isn't just loud in normal conversation either. She kicks it up a notch when attending or watching sporting events. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being an enthusiastic fan. Judy can get a little overzealous. She has a good reason for yelling when the Philadelphia teams are playing, but it's a different story with other sporting events, such as horse-racing. Even though she has probably never watched a horse race before, Judy became the number one fan of Mine That Bird on the Kentucky Derby. She lives about 30 minutes away, across the bridge in New Jersey. I kid you not when I tell you I heard her yells for the horse all the way from my house. As to why she was rooting for Mine That Bird, she had no explanation. It is this innocent enthusiasm for the game that keeps the people in appreciation of Judy.
Most believe this enthusiasm to be a product of Judy's inner child. While the children inside of us typically leave regular adults around the age of 20, Judy has actually never lost hers, and she is 66 years old. She enjoys trips to Friendly's more than I, and she doesn't even get the Happy Endings. I kid you not when telling you that she orders off of the kid menu. Not only does she love Friendly's, but she also loves amusement parks. I feel like I have to be the parent around her because she would spend all of her money on tickets if I wasn't around.
Besides all of these things, the rest of Judy's attributes are pretty standard. It is the things above that make her stand out above the rest.
___________________________________________________
I have to give a shout out to Jayson Werth for stealing four bases, three in one inning, including home, in a recent game. Even though he could have conserved his energy and actually scored from the bases being walked, it was much cooler stealing three bases on his own for one whole inning. I also have to ask J.A. Happ whether to pronounce his first name with 2 syllables or one. The one syllable would be assuming he pronounces it Jay, and I have heard rumblings concerning the fact that he does indeed do that.
___________________________________________________
The following video was sent in by a viewer who was more secretive than the Illuminati concerning their name. I do love this song, however, and am more than willing to accomodate them in their request.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Having my first study-free, normal week was good for a change. The most entertaining day was by far Wednesday. No, it wasn't because of the Lost season finale (which was an amazing episode, by the way). This wednesday, just like any other wednesday in fact, was so special because the Sobels were graced with the presence of our beloved Aunt Judy. She comes pretty much because she has absolutely nothing else to do with her life, considering she is now retired. Needless to say, Aunt Judy is undoubtedly one of my favorite people ever.
One of which is that she can't cook. As many of you probably know from the Easter Day post, Judy makes mashed potatos worse than your normal 2 year old. You would think that after a while, she would at least improve or seek out some advice as to how to improve these pieces of matter she calls food. This never happened. While the potatos did get a little better over time, I would probably rather consume a live animal rather than eat her mashed potatos. Fortunately for all of us involved, Judy has stopped making the mashed potatos. The bad cooking carries over to most of the other things she makes. Pasta, for example. You are all probably saying to yourself for me to stop, that it is impossible to mess up pasta. Not for Judy. A few years back, Uncle Kevin stopped by Judy's (Just so all of you know, Kevin is Judy's nephew. Aunt Judy is actually my great-aunt). She offered to make him pasta and he happily accepted. Judy put the pasta in the boiling water and went to talk with Kevin. She got a little preoccupied, and by the time she remembered that she was actually cooking something, there was no water left and the pasta was hardened, inedible, and sticking to the sides of the pot. I'm pretty sure only Judy would ever let that happen to her, but it really doesn't surprise me.
Judy is the biggest chatterbox the world has ever seen. When I said that she got a little preoccupied last paragraph, I meant that she was yapping non-stop, which is pretty typical of Judy. If you can imagine hearing this, but for all times of the day, you know what it feels to be around Judy. I have been searching all my life to find out how long it took Judy to stop talking. I finally found out this summer. Judy went with her other friends to Italy on a two week vacation. When they were going home, one of Judy's friends asked her if she was alright. Judy said she was fine. The friend told her she was concerned and asked Judy why she wasn't talking. To this Judy responded: "I guess I just ran out of things to talk about." So there it is, the question many have asked but few have ever been priveleged to know the answer to.
Not only does Judy talk a lot, but she talks extremely loud as well. It might be that her elderly ears cannot judge how loud she actually is, but either way, if Judy is in the same zip code as you, it won't be too hard for you to hear her. She isn't just loud in normal conversation either. She kicks it up a notch when attending or watching sporting events. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being an enthusiastic fan. Judy can get a little overzealous. She has a good reason for yelling when the Philadelphia teams are playing, but it's a different story with other sporting events, such as horse-racing. Even though she has probably never watched a horse race before, Judy became the number one fan of Mine That Bird on the Kentucky Derby. She lives about 30 minutes away, across the bridge in New Jersey. I kid you not when I tell you I heard her yells for the horse all the way from my house. As to why she was rooting for Mine That Bird, she had no explanation. It is this innocent enthusiasm for the game that keeps the people in appreciation of Judy.
Most believe this enthusiasm to be a product of Judy's inner child. While the children inside of us typically leave regular adults around the age of 20, Judy has actually never lost hers, and she is 66 years old. She enjoys trips to Friendly's more than I, and she doesn't even get the Happy Endings. I kid you not when telling you that she orders off of the kid menu. Not only does she love Friendly's, but she also loves amusement parks. I feel like I have to be the parent around her because she would spend all of her money on tickets if I wasn't around.
Besides all of these things, the rest of Judy's attributes are pretty standard. It is the things above that make her stand out above the rest.
___________________________________________________
I have to give a shout out to Jayson Werth for stealing four bases, three in one inning, including home, in a recent game. Even though he could have conserved his energy and actually scored from the bases being walked, it was much cooler stealing three bases on his own for one whole inning. I also have to ask J.A. Happ whether to pronounce his first name with 2 syllables or one. The one syllable would be assuming he pronounces it Jay, and I have heard rumblings concerning the fact that he does indeed do that.
___________________________________________________
The following video was sent in by a viewer who was more secretive than the Illuminati concerning their name. I do love this song, however, and am more than willing to accomodate them in their request.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, May 11, 2009
From the Vault: Easter Sunday
While I'm finally done with all of my busy things that I have been preoccupied with for the past two weeks, keeping me from posting, I realized that I don't have much to write about. It was that which caused me to take a story from the vault. If you may recall, I was about to do an Easter Day post when Harry the K passed. I had already written it out but decided to save it up for either next Easter, or a time like this.
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Before I talk about my interesting Easter Sunday, I would just like to talk about my last post. I have been asked by several people whether I think the Phillies will be chumps throughout the year. I am guessing this came about from the title of the post, particularly the Champs to Chumps part. To answer your questions, no I do not think the Phillies will be bad this year. In fact, I am predicting another excellent season. From now on, try not to take the titles so seriously, I typically go for alliteration or something catchy, just to get the attention of my beloved viewers.
For staying with me through that unbelievably rambly paragraph, I offer this hilarious video as a reward. Onto my Easter Sunday. I woke up much too early just to beat the crowds at the 8 o'clock mass. While at first a little bitter, I realized it was well worth it. The fact that I had to get ready in 5 minutes really came back to bite me later, as I will let you know about in a bit. Back to mass, now. My mother, Jeffrey J., and I were seated right behind a young couple with two little kids. One of the kids was pretty much exactly like yours truly. He was blonde (I used to be blonde when I was a wee little tike), unbelievably loud and disruptive, and most importantly, he rocked the sweater vest. Although this little fellow of 2 years old probably did not dress himself, its pretty safe to say that he has a lot of potential. He could be my heir apparent to wearing sweater vests, or he might even surpass me. Judging by the attitude he showed while strutting his stuff, he will be a pro in no time.
After mass was over, I remembered that O-Star Superstar would be in attendance at 8 o'clock mass. I quickly seeked him out and found him, and I have to say, I was extremely taken aback by his attire. While usually seen sporting 15 junkie undershirts, O-Star was actually wearing a respectable sweater. I have a feeling his mom dressed him up that morning, because there is no way Omar would have the brains to put the sweater on. After ribbing him for it a bit, we left for home.
When we arrived back at the house, I made a casual discovery that the Easter Bunny had dropped by for a visit. While he is only my second favorite rabbit (that's right I'm talking about you, Raul), he left some mean treats this year. I found some cash money, Twizzlers, and the little Reese's Cups that everyone likes (On the subject of Reese's. Does it rhyme with pieces or does it have the pronunciation of Reesie's? I've always wondered that, especially when pronunciating Reese's Pieces. As you can see, it can be quite problematic, for me at least). After dabbling into my Easter candy, it was time to head off to Aunt Judy's house for Easter dinner.
If you don't know my family, they all read the blog and are huge fans. One such fan is my Uncle Kevin. I have to give you a little background information on my Uncle Kevin before I go into what happened at Judy's. Kevin owns a boat. He is cool. That's about all you really need to know about Kevin and you could probably spend every waking moment with him like you are best friends with him. But I'll let you know a little more about him. He has an interesting gift-giving pattern. Instead of doing the ridiculous extra work of giving gifts two times a year, one on your birthday and one during the holidays, Kevin just takes care of it all at Christmas time. Sometimes he gets a little backed up, and gives us our Christmas presents on our birthday, and our birthday presents on Christmas. No matter what he does, he always seems to be giving us a gift from a time before. I really have no idea how or when the cycle will end, but I look forward to receiving more belated gifts. Kevin is also a smart betting man. He proposed a seemingly impossible bet to win, that Penncrest would beat Strath Haven in the Media Bowl. I believe the last time this occurred was all the way back in 1983, yes even before the year 1985 inspired a hit single by Bowling for Soup, which, if you might have guessed, I have some emotional ties to. Anyway, I bet him a birthday cake since it was his birthday. Strath Haven went on to lose to Penncrest, and it still haunts me to this day. I still have not given him his birthday cake, but considering he always owes me gifts, I guess I owe him one now.
Back to the main point about Kevin. When I woke up early Easter morning, I had to throw on something very quick. While I would normally rock the sweater vest in any situation, I put on a regular sweater that day. It shames me to say that I was too negligent to take it off during my resting period at home. I walked into Judy's house and saw Kevin in a sweater vest. As you can imagine, it was more awkward than that ridiculously creepy and unbelievably sexual Quizno's commercial. I had to deal with the constant put-downs from Kevin. Even though he called me a sell-out, and probably every synonym for that in the thesaurus, he still got the shout-out that he rightfully deserved.
The best part about the dinner itself was not having to force-feed Judy's mashed potatos down my throat. No offense to Judy, but she is not the best cook. She comes over every Wednesday, with her mashed potatos as flavorless as P.J. Blands and pork as dry as the Sahara. Thankfully, Kevin came up big in more ways than one when he made the mashed potatos for the family. In reality, Kevin took no part in making the mashed potatos, that would be his wife and my Aunt Mary. But he took credit for them, and that's all that matters. Judy did do a great job with the ham, however, seeing as it wasn't too dry. Job well done indeed. I'm sure none of you care what other food we ate there, but the kielbasa was deliciously made by my Grandmom. As was the disgusting-looking orange gelatin blob. It actually looks more grotesque than it does in the picture because it has pieces of carrots in it. But believe me, it's the secret weapon because it surprises you. It's kind of like Susan Boyle: it's downright hideous on the outside, but it can really surprise you when it shows what it's capable of.
Besides dinner, the highlight of the rest of the night had to be sitting back with my Grandpop and watching Angel Cabrera, the real "El Pato," pump his fists in ecstasy after winning the Masters, only to hear a few groans from the crowd. It reminded me a lot about this video at the 2:13 mark.
That just about sums up the Sobel Soup's Easter Sunday.
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Fat Dub must have been very hungry during our big test, because right in the middle of it he let out a huge bellow of the stomach, or so he claims. I thought it to be flatulence, but the world will never be sure. I'd just like to tell Ibo DeGrouchy to hang in there. He really needs help at a time like this, when he actually did his answers in a number 1 pencil instead of a number 2. Oh, Ticonderoga. Always tricking your loyal customers.
___________________________________________________
This video has been sent in by loyal fan, and beatboxer, Saumon Oboudiyat. The guy in this video is unbelievable, as you are all about to see. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
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Before I talk about my interesting Easter Sunday, I would just like to talk about my last post. I have been asked by several people whether I think the Phillies will be chumps throughout the year. I am guessing this came about from the title of the post, particularly the Champs to Chumps part. To answer your questions, no I do not think the Phillies will be bad this year. In fact, I am predicting another excellent season. From now on, try not to take the titles so seriously, I typically go for alliteration or something catchy, just to get the attention of my beloved viewers.
For staying with me through that unbelievably rambly paragraph, I offer this hilarious video as a reward. Onto my Easter Sunday. I woke up much too early just to beat the crowds at the 8 o'clock mass. While at first a little bitter, I realized it was well worth it. The fact that I had to get ready in 5 minutes really came back to bite me later, as I will let you know about in a bit. Back to mass, now. My mother, Jeffrey J., and I were seated right behind a young couple with two little kids. One of the kids was pretty much exactly like yours truly. He was blonde (I used to be blonde when I was a wee little tike), unbelievably loud and disruptive, and most importantly, he rocked the sweater vest. Although this little fellow of 2 years old probably did not dress himself, its pretty safe to say that he has a lot of potential. He could be my heir apparent to wearing sweater vests, or he might even surpass me. Judging by the attitude he showed while strutting his stuff, he will be a pro in no time.
After mass was over, I remembered that O-Star Superstar would be in attendance at 8 o'clock mass. I quickly seeked him out and found him, and I have to say, I was extremely taken aback by his attire. While usually seen sporting 15 junkie undershirts, O-Star was actually wearing a respectable sweater. I have a feeling his mom dressed him up that morning, because there is no way Omar would have the brains to put the sweater on. After ribbing him for it a bit, we left for home.
When we arrived back at the house, I made a casual discovery that the Easter Bunny had dropped by for a visit. While he is only my second favorite rabbit (that's right I'm talking about you, Raul), he left some mean treats this year. I found some cash money, Twizzlers, and the little Reese's Cups that everyone likes (On the subject of Reese's. Does it rhyme with pieces or does it have the pronunciation of Reesie's? I've always wondered that, especially when pronunciating Reese's Pieces. As you can see, it can be quite problematic, for me at least). After dabbling into my Easter candy, it was time to head off to Aunt Judy's house for Easter dinner.
If you don't know my family, they all read the blog and are huge fans. One such fan is my Uncle Kevin. I have to give you a little background information on my Uncle Kevin before I go into what happened at Judy's. Kevin owns a boat. He is cool. That's about all you really need to know about Kevin and you could probably spend every waking moment with him like you are best friends with him. But I'll let you know a little more about him. He has an interesting gift-giving pattern. Instead of doing the ridiculous extra work of giving gifts two times a year, one on your birthday and one during the holidays, Kevin just takes care of it all at Christmas time. Sometimes he gets a little backed up, and gives us our Christmas presents on our birthday, and our birthday presents on Christmas. No matter what he does, he always seems to be giving us a gift from a time before. I really have no idea how or when the cycle will end, but I look forward to receiving more belated gifts. Kevin is also a smart betting man. He proposed a seemingly impossible bet to win, that Penncrest would beat Strath Haven in the Media Bowl. I believe the last time this occurred was all the way back in 1983, yes even before the year 1985 inspired a hit single by Bowling for Soup, which, if you might have guessed, I have some emotional ties to. Anyway, I bet him a birthday cake since it was his birthday. Strath Haven went on to lose to Penncrest, and it still haunts me to this day. I still have not given him his birthday cake, but considering he always owes me gifts, I guess I owe him one now.
Back to the main point about Kevin. When I woke up early Easter morning, I had to throw on something very quick. While I would normally rock the sweater vest in any situation, I put on a regular sweater that day. It shames me to say that I was too negligent to take it off during my resting period at home. I walked into Judy's house and saw Kevin in a sweater vest. As you can imagine, it was more awkward than that ridiculously creepy and unbelievably sexual Quizno's commercial. I had to deal with the constant put-downs from Kevin. Even though he called me a sell-out, and probably every synonym for that in the thesaurus, he still got the shout-out that he rightfully deserved.
The best part about the dinner itself was not having to force-feed Judy's mashed potatos down my throat. No offense to Judy, but she is not the best cook. She comes over every Wednesday, with her mashed potatos as flavorless as P.J. Blands and pork as dry as the Sahara. Thankfully, Kevin came up big in more ways than one when he made the mashed potatos for the family. In reality, Kevin took no part in making the mashed potatos, that would be his wife and my Aunt Mary. But he took credit for them, and that's all that matters. Judy did do a great job with the ham, however, seeing as it wasn't too dry. Job well done indeed. I'm sure none of you care what other food we ate there, but the kielbasa was deliciously made by my Grandmom. As was the disgusting-looking orange gelatin blob. It actually looks more grotesque than it does in the picture because it has pieces of carrots in it. But believe me, it's the secret weapon because it surprises you. It's kind of like Susan Boyle: it's downright hideous on the outside, but it can really surprise you when it shows what it's capable of.
Besides dinner, the highlight of the rest of the night had to be sitting back with my Grandpop and watching Angel Cabrera, the real "El Pato," pump his fists in ecstasy after winning the Masters, only to hear a few groans from the crowd. It reminded me a lot about this video at the 2:13 mark.
That just about sums up the Sobel Soup's Easter Sunday.
___________________________________________________
Fat Dub must have been very hungry during our big test, because right in the middle of it he let out a huge bellow of the stomach, or so he claims. I thought it to be flatulence, but the world will never be sure. I'd just like to tell Ibo DeGrouchy to hang in there. He really needs help at a time like this, when he actually did his answers in a number 1 pencil instead of a number 2. Oh, Ticonderoga. Always tricking your loyal customers.
___________________________________________________
This video has been sent in by loyal fan, and beatboxer, Saumon Oboudiyat. The guy in this video is unbelievable, as you are all about to see. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Thursday, April 30, 2009
TBD Takes His Shot at a Guest Post
I'm guessing you've all seen the title of this post, and have probably had a bigger freak-out than the present swine flu scare. I have some explaining to do as to why I am letting a guest post on now, reaching no significant hits number. My reasoning is that I haven't been posting at all recently, and I would just like to give the people what they want. Apparently that means voting for TBD over Fat Dub, who was shockingly beat out on the last day. Before I let (the former) TBD take over, I would just like to say that I do not condone his opinions on old people. As in Jack's guest post, I will be inserting my two cents where necessary, in the form of Editor's notes. Without further ado, here is The Former T.B. Deegy.
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Hello readers, you probably know me as TBD, but that is in my past. You guys can call me Jake. I would like to thank all of those who have voted for me in Soup's poll...especially Mr. Miraglia, aka Coach. I appreciate that you took time away from your girlfriends to vote for me. First, I would like to give a little b-round information on myself.
Most of what you need to know about me is listed on my Facebook in the activities section. Here they are: MLB Showdown, Quarterbacking football teams, going to Acme, playing golf, heckling the piss out of division three athletes (Editor's Note: except Swat athletes, they are our boys), going to cross country meets (I don’t run in them), and frisbee. Another activity that I partake in is baseball, which brings me to my first point.
This past Saturday, right after I ate some nice burgers from Burger King, (who knew that there was a difference between small fries and value fries? I certainly didn’t, but now I do thanks to the fat cashier worker who freaked on me) I went to my little brother’s baseball game. We like to call my little brother Fats or Crisco, FYI. So anyway, we were sitting behind the left field wall which is right in front of a different field. After fats grounded out to third we heard a roar. This was no ordinary roar, it was an extremely high pitched roar. So I turn around and what do I see? A bunch of little kids enjoying the game of baseball. They were in the league where instead of a pitcher or a tee, there was a pitching machine. Normally, I would just turn back around thinking to myself, wow these kids have nothing, everyone knows you can’t be any good at baseball until your balls drop (Ed. Note: That's why I love TBD). But I was drawn into the game. I was drawn by the love that the kids had for the game, and the fun that they had while playing. After the end of the inning, the home team was trotting in to their bench to hit. That is when I noticed the bench players from the away team. Each and every one of them was sitting on the bench with their helmets on. They wouldn’t have been hitting for another 15 minutes, but I just loved the dedication. I also love the different outfits I see during these little little league games. One kid had on shorts, one was wearing sweatpants, one wearing jeans, and always the true ballers that were wearing baseball pants. I continued to watch the game and I continued to love what I saw. The first batter of the inning grounded out to first base, and before he was half way to the base, the first baseman stepped on the bag for an out. The batter was cheering for himself the entire way to first, along with his whole entire bench. They were absolutely loving that fact that he had made contact with the baseball. A couple groundouts, flyouts, and hits (not really they were all errors) later, the final batter of the inning stepped in. He swung at three straight pitches and did not hit a single one of them. Now I think, the batter would have been a tad more successful if he had not swung his bat in the same spot every pitch. No matter how high or low the pitch was, the kid would always swing in the same spot, right down the middle. I came to the conclusion that any contact that was made was pure luck. Anyway, as he was running back to the bench his team was cheering for him and then he said, “That pitcher is throwing too hard!” which made me lol.
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The next topic that I would like to discuss is old people. Old people are one of a kind, or should I say one in a generation (I don’t even know if that makes any sense). One thing is that they don't like and aren't used to change. Back in their day defective things or people were just done away with. Today midgets roam the earth. Old people do not like this. (Ed. Note: Debatable, I'm not going to support this claim) A perfect example is this.
On the same subject, old white people do not like black people (Ed. Note: Also debatable. Ditto from the last editor's note, I don't support this claim either. Sorry, T.B.). Last year at one of my baseball games a very insensitive yet funny moment occurred. A young black boy from the middle school came up to the bench and stole one of the player’s glove. What he did not know is that the team manager, Porkchop (very old) was watching him. He got up and yelled at the boy: (Editor's removal: What Porkchop said was unbelievably racist, which is why I can't really say it on here. We on the Soup Kitchen are kind and courteous to all.) Luckily my coach restrained Porkchop from doing any serious damage to the boy. (True story folks).
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Old people have that distinct smell that only they have. I always thought this was true until my friend came over to my house. It was the day after Christmas and he came over in a fleece, baby blue North Carolina sweat suit. Kid smelled exactly like old people. I was astonished. I kicked him out of my house a few minutes later because of the smell. This friend goes by the alias of “X”.
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Old people can get away with whatever they want whenever they want. One time I saw an old man get caught stealing applesauce at the acme. The acme worker yelled, “Hey geezer, you have to pay for that applesauce.” The old man replied, “But I’m ooooooold. I am really old.” The acme worker thought about what the old man said and let him go. Soon after the old man left the store, he defecated in his pants. Most likely, somebody else would have to clean him up. What a beast. I wish I could just drop a deuce in my pants and make someone else clean it up. (not really…not at all actually) Old men also graced us with this pure entertainment. (Ed. Note: This is probably the funniest thing I have ever seen that has to do with old people, you need to click on this link.)
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I love Bobby Flay, but if I hated him, this is what I would say. Wow Bobby you are a (Editor's removal: see jerk). Your show THROWDOWN is a win/win situation for you, and a lose/ "ehh" situation for your opponent. You challenge them at their own game. If you beat them at their own game, you come off as a genius while your opponent feels like complete crap because they just let some chef come in out of nowhere and beat them at their own game. If you lose, you don’t lose any reputation because you can always say, "Whatever, I don’t even cook this stupid food," while all your opponent can say is "ehh" I was supposed to win anyway. For all of you out there that don’t really watch the show and just watch like the first ten seconds of the intro, don’t get confused. Throwdown isn’t really a fighting show, it is not even close. So I really don’t know why Bobby would be doing this at 0:49. Come on now, you aren’t looking for fights, you’re looking to perfect other peoples dishes, which is a d-move in and of itself. Honestly, Bobby, nobody is scared of that 2 piece (punch combo). Who are you trying to kid. You’re a cook. You’re not tough. Come to my house, we can “throwdown” whenever you want. (Ed. Note: TBD has been known to be a knock-out perfectionist in his hay-day, so if I were Bobby Flay, I wouldn't take him up on the offer)
Yours truly,
Jake Enteriln (Ed. Note: I could have fixed Jake's name, but I found it hilarious that he misspelled his last name at the end of the post)
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This video was sent in by Fat Dub. I would have let Jake pick, but this video is just too funny to pass up. It really made me want to visit Cleveland. You can check out the second video of the tour here. Trust me, you want to check this video out, but not before you see the first one. I could write so much more about these videos, but it would take probably three other posts to cover it all.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
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Hello readers, you probably know me as TBD, but that is in my past. You guys can call me Jake. I would like to thank all of those who have voted for me in Soup's poll...especially Mr. Miraglia, aka Coach. I appreciate that you took time away from your girlfriends to vote for me. First, I would like to give a little b-round information on myself.
Most of what you need to know about me is listed on my Facebook in the activities section. Here they are: MLB Showdown, Quarterbacking football teams, going to Acme, playing golf, heckling the piss out of division three athletes (Editor's Note: except Swat athletes, they are our boys), going to cross country meets (I don’t run in them), and frisbee. Another activity that I partake in is baseball, which brings me to my first point.
This past Saturday, right after I ate some nice burgers from Burger King, (who knew that there was a difference between small fries and value fries? I certainly didn’t, but now I do thanks to the fat cashier worker who freaked on me) I went to my little brother’s baseball game. We like to call my little brother Fats or Crisco, FYI. So anyway, we were sitting behind the left field wall which is right in front of a different field. After fats grounded out to third we heard a roar. This was no ordinary roar, it was an extremely high pitched roar. So I turn around and what do I see? A bunch of little kids enjoying the game of baseball. They were in the league where instead of a pitcher or a tee, there was a pitching machine. Normally, I would just turn back around thinking to myself, wow these kids have nothing, everyone knows you can’t be any good at baseball until your balls drop (Ed. Note: That's why I love TBD). But I was drawn into the game. I was drawn by the love that the kids had for the game, and the fun that they had while playing. After the end of the inning, the home team was trotting in to their bench to hit. That is when I noticed the bench players from the away team. Each and every one of them was sitting on the bench with their helmets on. They wouldn’t have been hitting for another 15 minutes, but I just loved the dedication. I also love the different outfits I see during these little little league games. One kid had on shorts, one was wearing sweatpants, one wearing jeans, and always the true ballers that were wearing baseball pants. I continued to watch the game and I continued to love what I saw. The first batter of the inning grounded out to first base, and before he was half way to the base, the first baseman stepped on the bag for an out. The batter was cheering for himself the entire way to first, along with his whole entire bench. They were absolutely loving that fact that he had made contact with the baseball. A couple groundouts, flyouts, and hits (not really they were all errors) later, the final batter of the inning stepped in. He swung at three straight pitches and did not hit a single one of them. Now I think, the batter would have been a tad more successful if he had not swung his bat in the same spot every pitch. No matter how high or low the pitch was, the kid would always swing in the same spot, right down the middle. I came to the conclusion that any contact that was made was pure luck. Anyway, as he was running back to the bench his team was cheering for him and then he said, “That pitcher is throwing too hard!” which made me lol.
___________________________________________________
The next topic that I would like to discuss is old people. Old people are one of a kind, or should I say one in a generation (I don’t even know if that makes any sense). One thing is that they don't like and aren't used to change. Back in their day defective things or people were just done away with. Today midgets roam the earth. Old people do not like this. (Ed. Note: Debatable, I'm not going to support this claim) A perfect example is this.
On the same subject, old white people do not like black people (Ed. Note: Also debatable. Ditto from the last editor's note, I don't support this claim either. Sorry, T.B.). Last year at one of my baseball games a very insensitive yet funny moment occurred. A young black boy from the middle school came up to the bench and stole one of the player’s glove. What he did not know is that the team manager, Porkchop (very old) was watching him. He got up and yelled at the boy: (Editor's removal: What Porkchop said was unbelievably racist, which is why I can't really say it on here. We on the Soup Kitchen are kind and courteous to all.) Luckily my coach restrained Porkchop from doing any serious damage to the boy. (True story folks).
___________________________________________________
Old people have that distinct smell that only they have. I always thought this was true until my friend came over to my house. It was the day after Christmas and he came over in a fleece, baby blue North Carolina sweat suit. Kid smelled exactly like old people. I was astonished. I kicked him out of my house a few minutes later because of the smell. This friend goes by the alias of “X”.
___________________________________________________
Old people can get away with whatever they want whenever they want. One time I saw an old man get caught stealing applesauce at the acme. The acme worker yelled, “Hey geezer, you have to pay for that applesauce.” The old man replied, “But I’m ooooooold. I am really old.” The acme worker thought about what the old man said and let him go. Soon after the old man left the store, he defecated in his pants. Most likely, somebody else would have to clean him up. What a beast. I wish I could just drop a deuce in my pants and make someone else clean it up. (not really…not at all actually) Old men also graced us with this pure entertainment. (Ed. Note: This is probably the funniest thing I have ever seen that has to do with old people, you need to click on this link.)
___________________________________________________
I love Bobby Flay, but if I hated him, this is what I would say. Wow Bobby you are a (Editor's removal: see jerk). Your show THROWDOWN is a win/win situation for you, and a lose/ "ehh" situation for your opponent. You challenge them at their own game. If you beat them at their own game, you come off as a genius while your opponent feels like complete crap because they just let some chef come in out of nowhere and beat them at their own game. If you lose, you don’t lose any reputation because you can always say, "Whatever, I don’t even cook this stupid food," while all your opponent can say is "ehh" I was supposed to win anyway. For all of you out there that don’t really watch the show and just watch like the first ten seconds of the intro, don’t get confused. Throwdown isn’t really a fighting show, it is not even close. So I really don’t know why Bobby would be doing this at 0:49. Come on now, you aren’t looking for fights, you’re looking to perfect other peoples dishes, which is a d-move in and of itself. Honestly, Bobby, nobody is scared of that 2 piece (punch combo). Who are you trying to kid. You’re a cook. You’re not tough. Come to my house, we can “throwdown” whenever you want. (Ed. Note: TBD has been known to be a knock-out perfectionist in his hay-day, so if I were Bobby Flay, I wouldn't take him up on the offer)
Yours truly,
Jake Enteriln (Ed. Note: I could have fixed Jake's name, but I found it hilarious that he misspelled his last name at the end of the post)
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by Fat Dub. I would have let Jake pick, but this video is just too funny to pass up. It really made me want to visit Cleveland. You can check out the second video of the tour here. Trust me, you want to check this video out, but not before you see the first one. I could write so much more about these videos, but it would take probably three other posts to cover it all.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, April 27, 2009
The Speech
I would just like to say, I am apologetic to each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart for not posting with the frequency that I would like to over the past few weeks. You see, I am what is normally regarded as a procrastinator. It has now sunk in that I should start studying for an important exam that I have in a few weeks instead of spending my free time posting, so that is why my posts have been few and far between. The early predictions are that Fat Dub will be the next guest-poster on the Soup Kitchen, but as of now there is still one day to vote. A lot can change in a small amount of time, so we shall see. Besides posting, my schedule has been kept somewhat busy by watching the playoff teams and doing nefarious activities such as the one I am about to describe to you. The following was written by yours truly, and it has been regarded as quite possibly the greatest pump-up speech mankind has ever laid eyes on. First, for some background information: Saumon Oboudiyat, a huge fan and somewhat frequent subject of some Soup Kitchen fame, entered a dodgeball team into the tournament at school. Although the team was set, Saumon asked me to participate by being the coach/inspirational speaker. Because I had a track meet the day of the tournament, however, I could not attend. I figured I would send the team my little bit of spirit and inspiration through a well-crafted speech, which would incorporate a little pump-up from the great speeches of yesteryear. Saumon informed me only that the team was called Team Thriller (O-Star Superstar's idea) and that the team uniforms would be a white tee with some high socks. With that information, I set off on a journey only a privileged few are allowed to make. I am fully expecting about half of these lines to end up on those quote sites under the category of either greatness, BA-ness or Sobel Soup quotes. Without further ado, I give you The Speech.
To Whom It May Concern (I refuse to write “To Team Thriller,” that is the stupidest name ever),
Today, you young lads may have a chance to achieve greatness only a privileged few are able to reach. I am of course talking about the dodgeball tournament at stake on this fine April evening. As Lou Holtz once appropriately said, with his cute little lisp of his, “I can’t believe that God put us on this Earth to be ordinary.” I’m now paraphrasing with the line after that when he said “And I’ll be damned if (Team Thriller) isn’t (victorious in this dodgeball tournament).” Look, you guys just had a Lou Holtz pep talk. Yeah, it was pretty cool watching him give it in his personalized white tee, with his high socks of course. Let me assure you, he put more heart and soul into this speech than in the song, and believe me, that’s a lot. I literally felt like I was watching Braveheart. Now, I know exactly what we are thinking. You are going to save all of this heart and soul for the games that matter, and you will take it easy on the little guys. Well men, there would be no great ones if there were no little ones, like my main man George Herber used to say. That means I want you to step on the competition's throat. Castrate them if you must. Show no mercy. I don’t care if you have to kill someone in order to win. That is because sacrifices must be made in order to achieve greatness. I’m sure any one of you would be ready and willing to kill a man and spend your lifetime plus 20 years in prison to win this, simply because I know how committed to a man you are. If you do not win, I can guarantee a week won’t go by in your lives that you won’t regret letting them get the best of you. But I’m not worried about that because failure is not an option. Let no man, woman, or unknowing passer-by forget how menacing we are, we are lions. We are like a big bear, man. Nothing can stop this group, and you know why? Because he who reigns over his own domain, he who is the master of his own destiny, can conquer all burdens of which The Almighty may place upon him and emerge victorious. (Editor's Note: I totally made up that line for the sole purpose that it end up on a great quote page, so someone please do the Sobel Soup the favor of sending that in. If you do I will most definitely give you a personal shout-out.) So guys, this is your time. Victory or Death. At the end of the day, I want to be able to say to you fellas "Yo Adrian, we did it." And look guys. It’s not about how hard you hit them, it’s about how much of a hit you can take and keep going forward. It’s about the fundamentals: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge. THE FUNDAMENTALS!!!!! THAT’S HOW WINNING IS DONE!!!!!!! And as I leave you gentlemen and let you go out on that court today, I firmly believe that you will become winners on that battlefield. So fellas, do us all a favor, and win one for the Sobel Soup.
If you want to tell me to my face that my speech is neither inspiring nor stirring in any way, my reaction would be more emphatic than a Dikembe Mutumbo finger wag. It turns out the dodgeball tournament was cancelled because of a lack of participation. Some may view this as a wasted endeavor. Let me assure you, it was. The positive of this situation is that if I ever need an inspirational speech, I can just use this. Also, for those of you planning on using this, this speech has been trademarked by the Sobel Soup, so don't get any ideas.
___________________________________________________
As you may recall in my last post, I challenged Saumon Oboudiyat to complete Definition by Blackstar. Although you may think Saumon rapping Mos Def is more out of place than a Big Butts Spongebob Squarepants commercial, think again. I was quite impressed by his performance and have given it a passing grade. Congrats Saumon, I look forward to more great work.
___________________________________________________
As many of you have probably noticed, the Flyers have been knocked out of the playoffs. This is supremely disappointing, especially since I am subject to listening to Marc-Andre Fleury spew what some believe to be a primitive form of the English language out of his mouth for at least a few more weeks. As you may have guessed, the playoff beard has changed a bit. Although I am still growing for the Sixers, it would have been beyond me to not shave at least part of it of in honor of the Flyers. I ended up shaving off the 'stache, which I had nicknamed the trash 'stache, because it pretty much made the beard, and the Flyers were pretty much the reason why I started growing in the first place. I still have my chin stubbles, which are starting to become darker, growing out for the Sixers with my boy Fat Dub.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent into sobelsoupkitchen@gmail.com by an anonymous reader. While they didn't include their name and the email address was quite confusing, they did pick out an excellent clip from Seinfeld, which is probably in my top 10 favorite Seinfeld moments (believe me I have a lot of them).
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
To Whom It May Concern (I refuse to write “To Team Thriller,” that is the stupidest name ever),
Today, you young lads may have a chance to achieve greatness only a privileged few are able to reach. I am of course talking about the dodgeball tournament at stake on this fine April evening. As Lou Holtz once appropriately said, with his cute little lisp of his, “I can’t believe that God put us on this Earth to be ordinary.” I’m now paraphrasing with the line after that when he said “And I’ll be damned if (Team Thriller) isn’t (victorious in this dodgeball tournament).” Look, you guys just had a Lou Holtz pep talk. Yeah, it was pretty cool watching him give it in his personalized white tee, with his high socks of course. Let me assure you, he put more heart and soul into this speech than in the song, and believe me, that’s a lot. I literally felt like I was watching Braveheart. Now, I know exactly what we are thinking. You are going to save all of this heart and soul for the games that matter, and you will take it easy on the little guys. Well men, there would be no great ones if there were no little ones, like my main man George Herber used to say. That means I want you to step on the competition's throat. Castrate them if you must. Show no mercy. I don’t care if you have to kill someone in order to win. That is because sacrifices must be made in order to achieve greatness. I’m sure any one of you would be ready and willing to kill a man and spend your lifetime plus 20 years in prison to win this, simply because I know how committed to a man you are. If you do not win, I can guarantee a week won’t go by in your lives that you won’t regret letting them get the best of you. But I’m not worried about that because failure is not an option. Let no man, woman, or unknowing passer-by forget how menacing we are, we are lions. We are like a big bear, man. Nothing can stop this group, and you know why? Because he who reigns over his own domain, he who is the master of his own destiny, can conquer all burdens of which The Almighty may place upon him and emerge victorious. (Editor's Note: I totally made up that line for the sole purpose that it end up on a great quote page, so someone please do the Sobel Soup the favor of sending that in. If you do I will most definitely give you a personal shout-out.) So guys, this is your time. Victory or Death. At the end of the day, I want to be able to say to you fellas "Yo Adrian, we did it." And look guys. It’s not about how hard you hit them, it’s about how much of a hit you can take and keep going forward. It’s about the fundamentals: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge. THE FUNDAMENTALS!!!!! THAT’S HOW WINNING IS DONE!!!!!!! And as I leave you gentlemen and let you go out on that court today, I firmly believe that you will become winners on that battlefield. So fellas, do us all a favor, and win one for the Sobel Soup.
If you want to tell me to my face that my speech is neither inspiring nor stirring in any way, my reaction would be more emphatic than a Dikembe Mutumbo finger wag. It turns out the dodgeball tournament was cancelled because of a lack of participation. Some may view this as a wasted endeavor. Let me assure you, it was. The positive of this situation is that if I ever need an inspirational speech, I can just use this. Also, for those of you planning on using this, this speech has been trademarked by the Sobel Soup, so don't get any ideas.
___________________________________________________
As you may recall in my last post, I challenged Saumon Oboudiyat to complete Definition by Blackstar. Although you may think Saumon rapping Mos Def is more out of place than a Big Butts Spongebob Squarepants commercial, think again. I was quite impressed by his performance and have given it a passing grade. Congrats Saumon, I look forward to more great work.
___________________________________________________
As many of you have probably noticed, the Flyers have been knocked out of the playoffs. This is supremely disappointing, especially since I am subject to listening to Marc-Andre Fleury spew what some believe to be a primitive form of the English language out of his mouth for at least a few more weeks. As you may have guessed, the playoff beard has changed a bit. Although I am still growing for the Sixers, it would have been beyond me to not shave at least part of it of in honor of the Flyers. I ended up shaving off the 'stache, which I had nicknamed the trash 'stache, because it pretty much made the beard, and the Flyers were pretty much the reason why I started growing in the first place. I still have my chin stubbles, which are starting to become darker, growing out for the Sixers with my boy Fat Dub.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent into sobelsoupkitchen@gmail.com by an anonymous reader. While they didn't include their name and the email address was quite confusing, they did pick out an excellent clip from Seinfeld, which is probably in my top 10 favorite Seinfeld moments (believe me I have a lot of them).
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Catching Up On Lost Time
Chances are high that once you entered the Soup Kitchen, you noticed a large change about the site. Yes, I did change the background color for all of you who have been complaining to me about your eyes hurting. While it may seem like a subtle change, that is not all that will be changing on the Soup Kitchen. Jack Eiel has avoided contact with me at all costs during this entire week (not really, I see him everyday), and it seems that he is refusing to write another Soup Kitchen guest post. He says that he has writer's block, which doesn't make much sense, considering he would be writing a blog about nothing. For all of you who it so concerns, please belittle, bad-mouth, and blister Jack to no end. To take a page out of Samuel Gallu's book, "Give 'em Hell." Instead of having Jack post at every odd multiple of 500 views, I have now changed it to every 2,000 views from 500. So that means 2,500. I will be free to adjust it as I please, considering it is my blog, and I am the master of my own domain (literally).
I can make one promise to all of you, and I pinky-swear I won't go back on this one. This one takes a bit of explaining to get to, however. First, I have to let you all know that I first made this blog because of Mark Titus, the creator of Club Trillion. For those of you who do not read his blog, which I am assuming is most, if not all, of you, his arch-nemesis is Evan Turner. He received the nickname "The Villain," because, according to his Facebook status, Evan Turner is chillin'. Evan Turner somewhat resents this nickname, and calls himself "The Kid" (self-appointed nickname, mind you.) Being inspired by Mark Titus, I came to be comparing my blog situation with his own. I figured out that I was Titus, blogger extraordinaire, Jack (previously) was Keller, a not-so frequent guest poster, and Omar is Evan Turner, the arch-nemesis and receiver of much teasing from the blog. A similarity can clearly be seen between the two men* (debatable). Besides the fact that they look very similar, they both appoint nicknames for themselves (The Kid and O-Star Superstar), they are both stars on the basketball courts (but not in our hearts, like Rahlir), and are goons off of it. Furthermore, they both love Asher Roth. To quote the Villain: "OK, I know this is random, but for real y’all need to go get Asher Roth’s CD when it comes out next week. That dude opens his mouth and greatness flows out. Just a little advice from The Kid. Back to what I was saying." I also received an Instant Message tonight from none other than the Superstar saying "yo asher roth's new album is crazy, i love it." Clearly we have a case of long-lost brothers here. Recently, Club Trillion went over 1,000,000 hits, and to celebrate the occasion, Mark Titus allowed The Villain to guest post. I worked out a deal with Omar that at 15,000 views, I would let him get on and do a guest post. Yes, I realize it will most likely be awful, but you will just have to bear with it until the next post. Also, please give me your input with who you would like to have guest post on here with the poll in the right-hand column. If you want a shot, you are going to have to email me your post at sobelsoupkitchen@gmail.com. I will read over it and decide whether or not you have what it takes to make it in the Soup Kitchen.
___________________________________________________
While Sweater Vest Thursday has officially died, along with the counter, the Sobel Soup did rock the sweater vest better than Jim Tressel to one of his dances. Yeah, the ladies were impressed and yeah, I looked really good.
___________________________________________________
The playoff beard is growing strong, there is noticeable peach fuzz on my beard now and the 'stache is getting pretty junkie. I worked out a deal with Fat Dub, who is growing a Sixers playoff beard. This states that I will not shave my facial hair until both Philadelphia teams are out of the playoffs. Speaking of the playoff situation, I am thoroughly pleased with the way both teams performed today. The Flyers had won a must-win in Game 3, while the Sixers won Game 1 in thrilling fashion thanks to Andre Iguodala and my boy, Big D, Donyell Marshall. Also, I have to give AMPAP (look it up in my post to the ladies) to Xander "Cran" Rizzello for committing himself to the growth of a great playoff beard as well. His 'stache is more grown in, but his beard does not have as many peach fuzzies as mine does. Nonetheless, it takes a lot to be a team player and grow the beard, but X is doing it, and doing it big.
___________________________________________________
This video clip was sent into me by a devoted fan, Saumon Oboudiyat. He too shares the love for the Fresh Prince. I was conversing with Saumon recently when he told me he would try to do a cover of Definition by Blackstar, which includes the beginning by Mos Def. I personally thought it would be impossible, so I told him if he could pull that off, he would get a spot on the Soup Kitchen. Yes, I formally challenged him to do it, so we shall see indeed if he can complete his mission.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
I can make one promise to all of you, and I pinky-swear I won't go back on this one. This one takes a bit of explaining to get to, however. First, I have to let you all know that I first made this blog because of Mark Titus, the creator of Club Trillion. For those of you who do not read his blog, which I am assuming is most, if not all, of you, his arch-nemesis is Evan Turner. He received the nickname "The Villain," because, according to his Facebook status, Evan Turner is chillin'. Evan Turner somewhat resents this nickname, and calls himself "The Kid" (self-appointed nickname, mind you.) Being inspired by Mark Titus, I came to be comparing my blog situation with his own. I figured out that I was Titus, blogger extraordinaire, Jack (previously) was Keller, a not-so frequent guest poster, and Omar is Evan Turner, the arch-nemesis and receiver of much teasing from the blog. A similarity can clearly be seen between the two men* (debatable). Besides the fact that they look very similar, they both appoint nicknames for themselves (The Kid and O-Star Superstar), they are both stars on the basketball courts (but not in our hearts, like Rahlir), and are goons off of it. Furthermore, they both love Asher Roth. To quote the Villain: "OK, I know this is random, but for real y’all need to go get Asher Roth’s CD when it comes out next week. That dude opens his mouth and greatness flows out. Just a little advice from The Kid. Back to what I was saying." I also received an Instant Message tonight from none other than the Superstar saying "yo asher roth's new album is crazy, i love it." Clearly we have a case of long-lost brothers here. Recently, Club Trillion went over 1,000,000 hits, and to celebrate the occasion, Mark Titus allowed The Villain to guest post. I worked out a deal with Omar that at 15,000 views, I would let him get on and do a guest post. Yes, I realize it will most likely be awful, but you will just have to bear with it until the next post. Also, please give me your input with who you would like to have guest post on here with the poll in the right-hand column. If you want a shot, you are going to have to email me your post at sobelsoupkitchen@gmail.com. I will read over it and decide whether or not you have what it takes to make it in the Soup Kitchen.
___________________________________________________
While Sweater Vest Thursday has officially died, along with the counter, the Sobel Soup did rock the sweater vest better than Jim Tressel to one of his dances. Yeah, the ladies were impressed and yeah, I looked really good.
___________________________________________________
The playoff beard is growing strong, there is noticeable peach fuzz on my beard now and the 'stache is getting pretty junkie. I worked out a deal with Fat Dub, who is growing a Sixers playoff beard. This states that I will not shave my facial hair until both Philadelphia teams are out of the playoffs. Speaking of the playoff situation, I am thoroughly pleased with the way both teams performed today. The Flyers had won a must-win in Game 3, while the Sixers won Game 1 in thrilling fashion thanks to Andre Iguodala and my boy, Big D, Donyell Marshall. Also, I have to give AMPAP (look it up in my post to the ladies) to Xander "Cran" Rizzello for committing himself to the growth of a great playoff beard as well. His 'stache is more grown in, but his beard does not have as many peach fuzzies as mine does. Nonetheless, it takes a lot to be a team player and grow the beard, but X is doing it, and doing it big.
___________________________________________________
This video clip was sent into me by a devoted fan, Saumon Oboudiyat. He too shares the love for the Fresh Prince. I was conversing with Saumon recently when he told me he would try to do a cover of Definition by Blackstar, which includes the beginning by Mos Def. I personally thought it would be impossible, so I told him if he could pull that off, he would get a spot on the Soup Kitchen. Yes, I formally challenged him to do it, so we shall see indeed if he can complete his mission.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
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