You won't be hearing a lot about my recent vacation taken with O-Star Superstar and his family. I usually find errors in common life or complain about things; that is what makes this blog successful. The thing about this vacation is that I have very little to actually complain about. This is the first time in history that the Sobel Soup does not have a farmer's tan. With that checked off my list, I only have "Grow a beard similar to Greg Oden's (but never equal, because it is impossible for anyone to equal the mystical prowess of said beard)" and "Become Morgan Freeman's replacement by having the greatest voice known to mankind" still on my to-do list.
One of the things I loved about going to St. Maarten is the airport travel. It makes you feel like a star because you actually board the plane from the ground. The only thing that makes you feel not as special is that everyone else does it, probably because the airport is too poor to afford indoor entrances for every plane. Everyone always complains about airline food, but I find that the problem doesn't always lie there. Instead, it is the food inside the airport that is ridiculous. For a personal pan pizza from Domino's, which would be equal to about 1.5-2 regular slices of pizza, they charged 8 dollars. I don't want to sound like the stingiest person in the world, but that price is just flat out absurd. I ended up spending $20 on a lunch/dinner (linner or dunch? I'm thinking linner) in the airport, and I'm not too happy about it. Besides that, really nothing went wrong on my vacation.
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It was a clear success, and it was the first successful campaign for me ever. Not only did we vote Shane Victorino into the All-Star Game, he was a starter and he scored a run. Yes, I do realize he got 15 million votes, and my impact upon him winning the Final Vote was probably miniscule at best, every vote counted, and I felt like I did my part. I am proud of my contribution, and am expecting Shane's thank you letter in the mail any day now. I do have to say that I am disappointed by the National League's performance in the All-Star game. Their 13th straight winless effort did not stop me from noticing the obscure things that I have a knack for doing. I now present my 5 favorite things about the All-Star weekend.
5. Jayson Werth's Facial Hair: I'm so glad he got chosen to be an allstar for the simple reason that I got to see his goatee/wolf hair.
4. Albert Pujols's wild child/bald head: When Phat Albert was at the plate during the home run derby, his young boy was straight up loving it. Every home run hit, he would jump around as if the song were playing. I also loved seeing Albert's bald head on TV. It was so shiny I could actually see the camera crew who was filming him.
3. Prince Fielder's Girth: Also on showcase at the home run derby, every time the Prince would swing, his chubby waist would fly around his body. It was even better when ESPN did the slow-motion replays (they did this a few times for Prince) because you could watch all of his flab fly through the picture faster than his bat did.
2. The mute button: I'm not talking about the Fox crew at all (Call me crazy but I actually like Joe Buck; McCarver is another story). My biggest complaint lies with the ESPN crew doing the Home Run Derby. It's bad enough having to suffer through a regular Chris Berman show or a Joe Morgan baseball game, but this brought out the worst in both. When you combine these two men's broadcasting abilities (if you actually call that ability) and a three hour event where there is actually action for maybe an hour of it, the going gets bad. Very bad. That's where the mute button came into play. I didn't have to listen to Chris Berman's "Back, Back, Back" calls or Joe Morgan's rants that had nothing to do with what was going on. Boomer's "WOW, THAT ONE IS WAY BACK. IT'S A HOME RUN" calls that he did at least 20 times during the broadcast (for the part that I listened to) is a huge overreaction. I mean a) it is a home run derby, home runs are supposed to be hit (unless you're name is Brandon Inge) and b) you can maybe do that call on one or two home runs the whole time. But when Ryan Howard barely inches one over the wall, it is unnecessary, trust me. The only good part about hearing them broadcast the Derby was that I got reminded of why I loved this website so much.
This last one is actually something that I disliked. No, Facebook doesn't let you do it, but it doesn't mean that I can't.
1. Ryan Franklin's disgusting goatee: Some of you may say this is similar to Greg Oden's beard. To those of you who make this vile claim, I am ashamed to have you read my blog. Just kidding, but not really. Seriously, why does it need to be that big? Is he hiding something inside of it? Maybe he lost his mirror in there. That's the only possible explanation of why he continues to allow that hideous rodent grow on his face.
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This video was sent in by another anonymous viewer, and I thought that with the ESPY's fast approaching, I might as well put it in.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, July 17, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
A Campaign for Shane
With the 2009 MLB all-star game approaching, there is a perfectly deserving member who has been left off the squad. I am of course talking about Shane Victorino, also known as the Flyin' Hawaiian (Yes, I did spell that right, but it took some research to do so.) The fans who did him so wrong in the all-star vote have a second chance to redeem themselves. This is done by the MLB Final Vote. Five players from each league are chosen as candidates for the final vote, and one from each league is chosen as the 34th and last player to be added to the squad. It is now my mission to get Shane Victorino elected to the National League Allstar Team.
I have a history with elections, particularly these Final Vote ones. Last year, the Phillies had another candidate: Pat Burrell (click on that link, it's a fine display of brute strength.) No exxageration here, I probably voted 1,000 times. It helped that I got Pat's voting code for cellular phones, and I knew how to do the 10 message in 1 thing. I believe Pat ended up 3rd. I didn't feel like my efforts were wasted though, I thought it bonded 'The Bat' and I closer together. I have made no secrets about it, he was probably my favorite Phillies player. Ever. That's actually a bit of an overstatement. He isn't my favorite ever. But honestly, who else has his own shirt, can do this on live television, and can create a moment like this. Although he left for the Rays in the offseason, the Phillies are lucky they replaced him with someone like Raul Ibanez. Yeah, Ibanez would have been an MVP candidate had he not gotten injured, but the main reason that I like him so much is because I can do the RAUUUUUUUUUUUL chant whenever he does something good.
Not only was I unsuccessful in voting in the Bat, I was unsuccessful in my attempt to get the Dream Ticket in office. Believe me, it was more absurd than the Corrupt Bargain of 1824 (there's your history lesson), but 0 members of the Dream Ticket were elected. Even their chief competition, J.D. Sparks XIV and Paul Manwaring, weren't elected. I am ashamed to say I didn't vote for the Dream Ticket or their rivals. In fact, I voted for no one, and I feel like an absolute fool. For some reason, I thought you were allowed to vote for three people even though it clearly stated on the paper "Pick 2." Maybe it's because everything I touch is fake, who knows? The bottomline is, I clearly have trouble getting those of my choice elected.
Hopefully that will change with this campaign for Shane. I also came up with a catchy slogan for this as well. It reads "Use Your Brain: Vote for Shane." You can just trust me on this; out of the five players competing for the last spot, Shane deserves to get in by the numbers. What I am focusing on is the behind-the-scenes actions that give him reason to be an All-star. First, he loves Spam. No other favorite food would actually be worth blogging about except for Spam. What other meat company rhymes with its main product and has a full shop that includes an array of fashionable clothes and other completely unnecessary accessories. Seriously, who wouldn't want that hot Spam suit? Or that navy blue Spam tie? Classy. The second thing about Shane is that he is Hawaiian. Quick question, how many of you wish you were Hawaiian? If your hand isn't raised, I question whether you would enjoy a conversation with Coach Ed. It's one of the first places I would go on vacation if I had a choice, and the people there are so easy to get along with. I only know of three Hawaiians: Shane Victorino, and Dylan and Morgan Langley. All three are some of the coolest people ever (the Langley brothers play Swat Soccer.) If that isn't good enough reason for voting for Shane, maybe the fact that he can walk on water because he is so fast will do the trick for you.
Shane is clearly taking this all in, and he is especially appreciative of my campaigning for him. For those of you who watched the Phillies 10 spot the Reds in the first inning of this fine Monday evening of July 6th, it included a 2 run homer by none other than the man of the hour himself. After he crossed home plate, he looked up directly into the camera and said "That was for you Sobel Soup. Use Your Brain: Vote for Shane!" I was surprised that I could actually hear what he was saying, and I'm still unsure how he knew I was campaigning for him; this post hasn't even come out yet. I guess that's just another reason why you should vote for Shane: He is psychic. I'm going to try to include a voting widget in this blog that easily allows you to vote for Shane, but if it doesn't work out, I will link to MLB.com. And honestly, if you can't get to the Final Vote from there, you might not have a brain.
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Along with celebrating the 4th of July this week, all of us across the sporting world received awful news about the death of Steve McNair. I am bypassing video from one of you guys this week in honor of Air McNair, the toughest quarterback I have ever witnessed.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
I have a history with elections, particularly these Final Vote ones. Last year, the Phillies had another candidate: Pat Burrell (click on that link, it's a fine display of brute strength.) No exxageration here, I probably voted 1,000 times. It helped that I got Pat's voting code for cellular phones, and I knew how to do the 10 message in 1 thing. I believe Pat ended up 3rd. I didn't feel like my efforts were wasted though, I thought it bonded 'The Bat' and I closer together. I have made no secrets about it, he was probably my favorite Phillies player. Ever. That's actually a bit of an overstatement. He isn't my favorite ever. But honestly, who else has his own shirt, can do this on live television, and can create a moment like this. Although he left for the Rays in the offseason, the Phillies are lucky they replaced him with someone like Raul Ibanez. Yeah, Ibanez would have been an MVP candidate had he not gotten injured, but the main reason that I like him so much is because I can do the RAUUUUUUUUUUUL chant whenever he does something good.
Not only was I unsuccessful in voting in the Bat, I was unsuccessful in my attempt to get the Dream Ticket in office. Believe me, it was more absurd than the Corrupt Bargain of 1824 (there's your history lesson), but 0 members of the Dream Ticket were elected. Even their chief competition, J.D. Sparks XIV and Paul Manwaring, weren't elected. I am ashamed to say I didn't vote for the Dream Ticket or their rivals. In fact, I voted for no one, and I feel like an absolute fool. For some reason, I thought you were allowed to vote for three people even though it clearly stated on the paper "Pick 2." Maybe it's because everything I touch is fake, who knows? The bottomline is, I clearly have trouble getting those of my choice elected.
Hopefully that will change with this campaign for Shane. I also came up with a catchy slogan for this as well. It reads "Use Your Brain: Vote for Shane." You can just trust me on this; out of the five players competing for the last spot, Shane deserves to get in by the numbers. What I am focusing on is the behind-the-scenes actions that give him reason to be an All-star. First, he loves Spam. No other favorite food would actually be worth blogging about except for Spam. What other meat company rhymes with its main product and has a full shop that includes an array of fashionable clothes and other completely unnecessary accessories. Seriously, who wouldn't want that hot Spam suit? Or that navy blue Spam tie? Classy. The second thing about Shane is that he is Hawaiian. Quick question, how many of you wish you were Hawaiian? If your hand isn't raised, I question whether you would enjoy a conversation with Coach Ed. It's one of the first places I would go on vacation if I had a choice, and the people there are so easy to get along with. I only know of three Hawaiians: Shane Victorino, and Dylan and Morgan Langley. All three are some of the coolest people ever (the Langley brothers play Swat Soccer.) If that isn't good enough reason for voting for Shane, maybe the fact that he can walk on water because he is so fast will do the trick for you.
Shane is clearly taking this all in, and he is especially appreciative of my campaigning for him. For those of you who watched the Phillies 10 spot the Reds in the first inning of this fine Monday evening of July 6th, it included a 2 run homer by none other than the man of the hour himself. After he crossed home plate, he looked up directly into the camera and said "That was for you Sobel Soup. Use Your Brain: Vote for Shane!" I was surprised that I could actually hear what he was saying, and I'm still unsure how he knew I was campaigning for him; this post hasn't even come out yet. I guess that's just another reason why you should vote for Shane: He is psychic. I'm going to try to include a voting widget in this blog that easily allows you to vote for Shane, but if it doesn't work out, I will link to MLB.com. And honestly, if you can't get to the Final Vote from there, you might not have a brain.
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Along with celebrating the 4th of July this week, all of us across the sporting world received awful news about the death of Steve McNair. I am bypassing video from one of you guys this week in honor of Air McNair, the toughest quarterback I have ever witnessed.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Catching Up With Uncle Kevin
I lied. This isn't Jake's guest post, but it's not my fault. I honestly started this post off planning to use it as Jake's but he still has some editing to do, so I'm posting something else. I would like to promise and say next time it is TBD's, but you never know. Also, I have a message to the homeless. I'm not really sure where this blog is going. That could mean many things, one of which would be shutting it down. Now, that is a very extreme circumstance and will most likely not occur. The most probable case will result in me blogging much less. This is due to many things: my habitual laziness, conflicts, and criticism are the main components. I have had no conflicts the past week or so, but haven't posted because I haven't felt like it. Unfortunately, I have another vacation coming up soon, so that will mean another break. Now for the biggest part: the criticism. Similar to other bloggers in this era, I have faced much of it concerning my blogging hobby. Contrary to popular belief, not all bloggers are 40 year olds living in their mother's basements. Yes I do happen to live in my parent's house, but it is more because I am 16 (still waiting for that surprise party) and still in high school, and not because I am a loser who never got a real job. Probably the biggest critic of my blog is T.J. Adams, who I know is reading this line and loving it as we speak because he finally got that shoutout. Everybody's favorite middle school basketball coach doubts whether I go out on Friday nights, and has told me I need to get an interest in women. He clearly missed the Ladies, Meet the Sobel Soup post. I can't give Mr. Adams too much grief, for it was his genius that created Wisconsin, the best basketball play known to mankind.
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This Monday, I received an email from my Uncle Kevin titled "Corrections." Because I have twice messed up the facts about Kevin, I am just going to show you all what he had to say, with my two cents put in where necessary.
Hey, we briefly touched on this during our B-day call, and I think you should rethink your journalistic integrity rules. You may not have to go the whole nine yards with getting confirmation of sources and stuff like that, but you need to at least get your stories straight.
I'm pretty sure I've called you on other birthdays. Maybe not all of them, but some of them. This past June 11th was not the first time ever. (Editor's Note: Notice how he called me the day after my birthday, not actually on it.)
Also, the main purpose of my call was to wish you a happy birthday. The fact that the conversation happened to go in the direction of your blog and the fact that you only mentioned one boat was just a coincidence. (Ed. Note: Whatever lets you sleep at night. And just so you know, you should strive to use the phrase "the fact that" only once per sentence at a maximum. I would know. I'm a writer.)
However, the main point of this email is to make a correction to your statement that I have a house boat. I do not have a house boat. I have a boat that I use as a house. Big difference, huge difference, very similar to this clip from the 4 minute mark to the end. (Ed. Note: I linked it for him. And this was the first I had seen of Captain Ron. Needless to say I watched the whole movie and was flabberghasted that I had never seen nor heard of this fine piece of film before. I whole-heartedly recommend it)
This is a house boat:
This is our boat (Ed. Note: That he uses as a house. Looks like some one forgot to be specific):
As you can see, HUGE difference, HUGE difference. Again, it's a boat that we are able to live on. NOT a house boat. Maybe you could stop by sometime and see it. Like last year when you were down with Aunt Judy and you didn't stop by. Maybe this year you could stop by. (Ed. Note: He really knows how to put on the guilt trip, but I have stopped by before, just not when he was there)
Your loving Uncle,
Kevin
When asked about why the concern over telling readers that he has a house boat, Kevin draws the line when readers "start to thinking I'm also have a couple of teeth missing, wear flannel shirts and greasy John Deere hats." Judging by your grammar, I couldn't blame them if they did. Just putting it out there, I have nothing wrong with flannel shirts and John Deere hats.
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This video was shown to me by Saumon Oboudiyat, and like most of the videos I put up here, I find it hilarious. Have fun with it.
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This Monday, I received an email from my Uncle Kevin titled "Corrections." Because I have twice messed up the facts about Kevin, I am just going to show you all what he had to say, with my two cents put in where necessary.
Hey, we briefly touched on this during our B-day call, and I think you should rethink your journalistic integrity rules. You may not have to go the whole nine yards with getting confirmation of sources and stuff like that, but you need to at least get your stories straight.
I'm pretty sure I've called you on other birthdays. Maybe not all of them, but some of them. This past June 11th was not the first time ever. (Editor's Note: Notice how he called me the day after my birthday, not actually on it.)
Also, the main purpose of my call was to wish you a happy birthday. The fact that the conversation happened to go in the direction of your blog and the fact that you only mentioned one boat was just a coincidence. (Ed. Note: Whatever lets you sleep at night. And just so you know, you should strive to use the phrase "the fact that" only once per sentence at a maximum. I would know. I'm a writer.)
However, the main point of this email is to make a correction to your statement that I have a house boat. I do not have a house boat. I have a boat that I use as a house. Big difference, huge difference, very similar to this clip from the 4 minute mark to the end. (Ed. Note: I linked it for him. And this was the first I had seen of Captain Ron. Needless to say I watched the whole movie and was flabberghasted that I had never seen nor heard of this fine piece of film before. I whole-heartedly recommend it)
This is a house boat:
This is our boat (Ed. Note: That he uses as a house. Looks like some one forgot to be specific):
As you can see, HUGE difference, HUGE difference. Again, it's a boat that we are able to live on. NOT a house boat. Maybe you could stop by sometime and see it. Like last year when you were down with Aunt Judy and you didn't stop by. Maybe this year you could stop by. (Ed. Note: He really knows how to put on the guilt trip, but I have stopped by before, just not when he was there)
Your loving Uncle,
Kevin
When asked about why the concern over telling readers that he has a house boat, Kevin draws the line when readers "start to thinking I'm also have a couple of teeth missing, wear flannel shirts and greasy John Deere hats." Judging by your grammar, I couldn't blame them if they did. Just putting it out there, I have nothing wrong with flannel shirts and John Deere hats.
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This video was shown to me by Saumon Oboudiyat, and like most of the videos I put up here, I find it hilarious. Have fun with it.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Worst Vacation. Ever.
I think it is time for me to start addressing the readers of this blog by a nickname. While Titus may have the Trillion Man March, I have come up with a name that is slightly less catchy, slightly more clever, and significantly less politically correct. I deem you, the loyal followers of my blog, as the homeless. I'm not sure whether this name will stick or not, but I have been thinking about putting out there for a while, and I feel this is just the best time for it.
I promise you, the next post will be a guest post by none other than TBD, Jake Enterlin (I have reverted back to my old form, Snake just doesn't work for me. I think he is fine with the multiple nicknames anyway). While on the topic of guest posters, I was looking over Jack's work and realized how much of a lying fiend he truly is. Even though he supposedly chose teams by the better mascot, his championship winner ended up being the Pitt Panthers. I love the scent of the magical cologne that 60% of the time works every time about as much as the next guy, but there is no way a panther was the best mascot in the whole tournament. Since Pitt didn't win, it just gave me another face to rub Villanova's success into. And just as a follow up, I ended up beating Run, meaning it isn't even close to unstoppable anymore.
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Onto the true purpose of this post. The reason I haven't posted in a while was because I just got home from a family vacation. You may be thinking "Well, he brought Jeffrey J. and O-Star Superstar, so it must have been a great time!" While Papa Jeff brought the baller level up to a max, and Omar didn't quite cross that line from being fun to annoying, it was possibly the worst vacation any of us had ever been on. We traveled to Lake Owasco in upstate New York, and it is pretty beautiful there this time of year. There was one little problem that we encountered. It starts with an H, rhymes with mouse, and is the namesake of a popular television show/character. Yes, the house was awful, and I will now explain to you why.
First of all, the house was maintained about as well as Carrot Top's hair is. It was so poorly managed in fact that there were actual plants growing out of the gutters, I kid you not. They did make a few changes to the house, though. One of these was taking out a light in a bedroom and replacing it with a smoke detector. Needless to say, this caused some confusion for me and O-Star when we turned on the light switch and a loud buzzing noise started to go off. In the same bedroom, presumably to separate it from the loft in the other room, was a wooden window. You may doubt that there is such a thing, but let me assure you, there is. While it may defeat the purpose of a window because you can't actually see through it, a barrier is provided. The last change they made simply astounded me, for it was probably the junkiest and simultaneously hilarious thing I have ever seen. Instead of putting an actual lock on a sliding door, they instead lock it by lodging a piece of wood in between the door and the adjacent frame. I am not embellishing at all; this was actually the improvement that the homeowner once made.
While I was certainly not embellishing in that last paragraph, the person that rents out the house might have just a tad bit. Usually "a comfortable fit" means that you will be able to stand up in the upstairs. This was sadly not the case for this house. Omar had to bend over at all times and was constantly hitting his head, while I only faced trouble a few times. The worser of the exaggerations was that the house slept nine. Apparently there being two bedrooms, which hold three people combined, account for sleeping space for nine. The other unfortunate six have to sleep on pull-outs, which is exactly what me and Omar had to do.
Since the house was so awful, we decided to cut it short one day, but not before stopping at Cornell for a visit. Since the U.S. vs. Spain soccer game was on, and it would have been a five hour car ride home with no way to see what was happening in the game, Jeff, Omar, and I decided to stay and watch in the Cornell Campus Bookstore. I am proud to say that I am the only one that saw the first goal by Jozy Altidore, who has an eery likeness to DeJuan Blair. Around the time of Clint Dempsey's goal, Jeff, Omar and I were fully tuned into the game. Jeff had quite a hilarious outburst after Michael Bradley's bogus red card. He jolted up in his seat, clapped, and yelled "You've got to be kidding me!" The best was yet to come, however, when Jeffrey J. shocked all those in the bookstore by proclaiming "That's Horse----" Needless to say Omar and I "dogged him" for that the whole car ride home.
The cursing was not the only dogging Jeffrey J. received on the trip home. He also became a murderer. Of birds. The bird was minding its own business in the middle of the road when Jeff sped up to almost hit it. Trying to avoid the car, the bird flew up, but to no avail, as it hit the bumper of the car. Judging by the smell of blood on the car, I'm fairly certain that Jeffrey J. killed that bird. I will never let him hear the end of it.
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I would be doing the world a disservice if I neglected the death of Michael Jackson. I would be lying to you all if I told you he didn't creep me out a lot, but then again he is the King of Pop, he invented the Thriller Dance, and he is a human being. MJ will be missed by many, and for good reason, because he could sure rock the mic.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by the next guest poster, Jake Enterlin. He was an ambitious young man from the start and made this killer video. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
I promise you, the next post will be a guest post by none other than TBD, Jake Enterlin (I have reverted back to my old form, Snake just doesn't work for me. I think he is fine with the multiple nicknames anyway). While on the topic of guest posters, I was looking over Jack's work and realized how much of a lying fiend he truly is. Even though he supposedly chose teams by the better mascot, his championship winner ended up being the Pitt Panthers. I love the scent of the magical cologne that 60% of the time works every time about as much as the next guy, but there is no way a panther was the best mascot in the whole tournament. Since Pitt didn't win, it just gave me another face to rub Villanova's success into. And just as a follow up, I ended up beating Run, meaning it isn't even close to unstoppable anymore.
___________________________________________________
Onto the true purpose of this post. The reason I haven't posted in a while was because I just got home from a family vacation. You may be thinking "Well, he brought Jeffrey J. and O-Star Superstar, so it must have been a great time!" While Papa Jeff brought the baller level up to a max, and Omar didn't quite cross that line from being fun to annoying, it was possibly the worst vacation any of us had ever been on. We traveled to Lake Owasco in upstate New York, and it is pretty beautiful there this time of year. There was one little problem that we encountered. It starts with an H, rhymes with mouse, and is the namesake of a popular television show/character. Yes, the house was awful, and I will now explain to you why.
First of all, the house was maintained about as well as Carrot Top's hair is. It was so poorly managed in fact that there were actual plants growing out of the gutters, I kid you not. They did make a few changes to the house, though. One of these was taking out a light in a bedroom and replacing it with a smoke detector. Needless to say, this caused some confusion for me and O-Star when we turned on the light switch and a loud buzzing noise started to go off. In the same bedroom, presumably to separate it from the loft in the other room, was a wooden window. You may doubt that there is such a thing, but let me assure you, there is. While it may defeat the purpose of a window because you can't actually see through it, a barrier is provided. The last change they made simply astounded me, for it was probably the junkiest and simultaneously hilarious thing I have ever seen. Instead of putting an actual lock on a sliding door, they instead lock it by lodging a piece of wood in between the door and the adjacent frame. I am not embellishing at all; this was actually the improvement that the homeowner once made.
While I was certainly not embellishing in that last paragraph, the person that rents out the house might have just a tad bit. Usually "a comfortable fit" means that you will be able to stand up in the upstairs. This was sadly not the case for this house. Omar had to bend over at all times and was constantly hitting his head, while I only faced trouble a few times. The worser of the exaggerations was that the house slept nine. Apparently there being two bedrooms, which hold three people combined, account for sleeping space for nine. The other unfortunate six have to sleep on pull-outs, which is exactly what me and Omar had to do.
Since the house was so awful, we decided to cut it short one day, but not before stopping at Cornell for a visit. Since the U.S. vs. Spain soccer game was on, and it would have been a five hour car ride home with no way to see what was happening in the game, Jeff, Omar, and I decided to stay and watch in the Cornell Campus Bookstore. I am proud to say that I am the only one that saw the first goal by Jozy Altidore, who has an eery likeness to DeJuan Blair. Around the time of Clint Dempsey's goal, Jeff, Omar and I were fully tuned into the game. Jeff had quite a hilarious outburst after Michael Bradley's bogus red card. He jolted up in his seat, clapped, and yelled "You've got to be kidding me!" The best was yet to come, however, when Jeffrey J. shocked all those in the bookstore by proclaiming "That's Horse----" Needless to say Omar and I "dogged him" for that the whole car ride home.
The cursing was not the only dogging Jeffrey J. received on the trip home. He also became a murderer. Of birds. The bird was minding its own business in the middle of the road when Jeff sped up to almost hit it. Trying to avoid the car, the bird flew up, but to no avail, as it hit the bumper of the car. Judging by the smell of blood on the car, I'm fairly certain that Jeffrey J. killed that bird. I will never let him hear the end of it.
___________________________________________________
I would be doing the world a disservice if I neglected the death of Michael Jackson. I would be lying to you all if I told you he didn't creep me out a lot, but then again he is the King of Pop, he invented the Thriller Dance, and he is a human being. MJ will be missed by many, and for good reason, because he could sure rock the mic.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by the next guest poster, Jake Enterlin. He was an ambitious young man from the start and made this killer video. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Palace, The Present, and Facebook: A Ballad of My Birthday
This past week, the Sobel Soup celebrated his 16th birthday. I know what you are thinking: sweet sixteen and the permit. I have received none of those, even though I still have a hunch that I'm getting a surprise party. Anyway, I had three goals for my birthday. One was to get killer presents, another was to drop a deuce, take a smash, whatever you want to call it, in The Palace, a.k.a. the best bathroom in school. I can't tell you what the third was, but many of you probably know anyway. It is a shame that I did not achieve any of the goals.
Going number 2 in the palace was probably the easiest goal, and the one that I had the most control over. It just didn't work out for me, and I decided to let it go. At the time, I thought I would get tons of killer presents, and that would cancel out the lost goal. I ended up being wrong about the presents too. While Judy takes me out every year, and I got everything I could have asked for from my grandparents, I didn't take into account my mother, who is the worst manager of money that I have ever encountered. I asked for a few things for my birthday, but only got one. The thing I got was a hammock, which is pretty cool. Unfortunately, it also costs the same as some inter-city homes. I couldn't even get those slick boat shoes I had wanted for a while.
Everyone knows what comes along with every birthday. No, I am not talking about birthday punches. Instead, I'm talking about having everyone write on your Facebook wall. It's common knowledge that when it is someone's birthday, you tell them happy birthday on his or her wall. If it's someone you don't know very well, a simple "happy birthday dude" or "yo man happy bday" will do. Exclamation points may be inserted when necessary. When you are friends with the person, another message should be attached. An inside joke or something that is significant to both persons involved would do the trick. Sometimes a person (Gabrielle Nichols) crosses the friend/no-friend line and writes a long and unnecessary message, to which the person whose birthday it is has to respond to or else it would make the person who wrote it feel really bad. This is Facebook etiquette at its finest; I suggest taking notes.
Anyway, if it's your birthday, you can respond by doing one of several things. You could do nothing, seemingly ignoring all of the notifications and emails you undoubtedly received about people all telling you the same exact thing. That's reserved for the people who are too cool for school; Jake Enterlin, for example, is known for this sort of thing. (An interesting tidbit of information showing how "too cool for school" Jake actually is: He got in a fight with a teacher and then dropped out of school. Rebel) What I chose to do was to only respond to the select few who actually cared to write something meaningful on my wall. The highlights were my boy J-EZ Smith (Just so you know, Jordan, I'm innocent) writing me a fresh poem and the aforementioned Gabrielle Nichols telling me about a lot of fun facts that had occurred on my birthday. The key to this strategy is setting your status to a "Thank You" of some sorts after you've written on all the walls, just to let everyone who wrote a simple happy birthday that you still remember them. Some people choose to write something on everyone's wall who writes on theirs. I did this last year, and believe me, it took a while. It is typical for you to write a simple "thanks" (exclamations/smileys inserted if necessary) for the people that you don't know very well. You can do this, or you can take the bold route. I was considering going bold myself, but decided I didn't have the time. If you really feel like messing with people who you don't know, you can always fabricate stories about times you shared with said person, and write about them on their wall. I imagine that it would be quite entertaining. For example you could say "Thanks man (try to come up with a random nickname, it will add to the confusion), we should totally go out smashing mailboxes just like we did last weekend. Remember that one time you drank that urine????" This would cause a lot of confusion and embarrassment. Another one could be "Thanks :) Your the best (enter name here, hold down the last letter if you're a girl) Vacation last year was so fun!!!! Oh and I'm really sorry about accidentally stapling your head last week!" Quite Frankly, I have no idea how someone would respond to something like this.
This birthday was actually an amazing occurrence. For the first time ever, my Uncle Kevin, who you all know from the Easter Sunday post, actually called me on my birthday. Technically it was the day after, but close enough. He said happy birthday and went through the whole deal with me, and then he got to the real reason that he was calling for. He wanted me to tell everyone on the Soup Kitchen that he actually owns two boats. We then went into a discussion about how I had to specify that one was a house boat, so it's not nearly as obnoxious as owning two regular boats is. Anyway, it was a real pleasure talking about my birthday around the actual date, and not at Christmas time. NFL.com also sent me birthday wishes as well. The only problem was that they came a day early, and they were titled "Happy Birthday, Ronald." I'm not sure if it was a mistake, or if they actually think my name is Ronald. Either way, I found it hilarious.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by Fat Dub, and I find it, like the rest of the videos up here, very funny. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Going number 2 in the palace was probably the easiest goal, and the one that I had the most control over. It just didn't work out for me, and I decided to let it go. At the time, I thought I would get tons of killer presents, and that would cancel out the lost goal. I ended up being wrong about the presents too. While Judy takes me out every year, and I got everything I could have asked for from my grandparents, I didn't take into account my mother, who is the worst manager of money that I have ever encountered. I asked for a few things for my birthday, but only got one. The thing I got was a hammock, which is pretty cool. Unfortunately, it also costs the same as some inter-city homes. I couldn't even get those slick boat shoes I had wanted for a while.
Everyone knows what comes along with every birthday. No, I am not talking about birthday punches. Instead, I'm talking about having everyone write on your Facebook wall. It's common knowledge that when it is someone's birthday, you tell them happy birthday on his or her wall. If it's someone you don't know very well, a simple "happy birthday dude" or "yo man happy bday" will do. Exclamation points may be inserted when necessary. When you are friends with the person, another message should be attached. An inside joke or something that is significant to both persons involved would do the trick. Sometimes a person (Gabrielle Nichols) crosses the friend/no-friend line and writes a long and unnecessary message, to which the person whose birthday it is has to respond to or else it would make the person who wrote it feel really bad. This is Facebook etiquette at its finest; I suggest taking notes.
Anyway, if it's your birthday, you can respond by doing one of several things. You could do nothing, seemingly ignoring all of the notifications and emails you undoubtedly received about people all telling you the same exact thing. That's reserved for the people who are too cool for school; Jake Enterlin, for example, is known for this sort of thing. (An interesting tidbit of information showing how "too cool for school" Jake actually is: He got in a fight with a teacher and then dropped out of school. Rebel) What I chose to do was to only respond to the select few who actually cared to write something meaningful on my wall. The highlights were my boy J-EZ Smith (Just so you know, Jordan, I'm innocent) writing me a fresh poem and the aforementioned Gabrielle Nichols telling me about a lot of fun facts that had occurred on my birthday. The key to this strategy is setting your status to a "Thank You" of some sorts after you've written on all the walls, just to let everyone who wrote a simple happy birthday that you still remember them. Some people choose to write something on everyone's wall who writes on theirs. I did this last year, and believe me, it took a while. It is typical for you to write a simple "thanks" (exclamations/smileys inserted if necessary) for the people that you don't know very well. You can do this, or you can take the bold route. I was considering going bold myself, but decided I didn't have the time. If you really feel like messing with people who you don't know, you can always fabricate stories about times you shared with said person, and write about them on their wall. I imagine that it would be quite entertaining. For example you could say "Thanks man (try to come up with a random nickname, it will add to the confusion), we should totally go out smashing mailboxes just like we did last weekend. Remember that one time you drank that urine????" This would cause a lot of confusion and embarrassment. Another one could be "Thanks :) Your the best (enter name here, hold down the last letter if you're a girl) Vacation last year was so fun!!!! Oh and I'm really sorry about accidentally stapling your head last week!" Quite Frankly, I have no idea how someone would respond to something like this.
This birthday was actually an amazing occurrence. For the first time ever, my Uncle Kevin, who you all know from the Easter Sunday post, actually called me on my birthday. Technically it was the day after, but close enough. He said happy birthday and went through the whole deal with me, and then he got to the real reason that he was calling for. He wanted me to tell everyone on the Soup Kitchen that he actually owns two boats. We then went into a discussion about how I had to specify that one was a house boat, so it's not nearly as obnoxious as owning two regular boats is. Anyway, it was a real pleasure talking about my birthday around the actual date, and not at Christmas time. NFL.com also sent me birthday wishes as well. The only problem was that they came a day early, and they were titled "Happy Birthday, Ronald." I'm not sure if it was a mistake, or if they actually think my name is Ronald. Either way, I found it hilarious.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by Fat Dub, and I find it, like the rest of the videos up here, very funny. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I Love Mammals... I Love 'Em!
I have totally outdone myself this time. You all know what I'm talking about. I haven't posted for over two weeks. I do have good reason for doing so, however, so don't tell me I blew it, like Billy did to Mr. I Pee My Pants. The reason I haven't posted in a while is because I have been working on a project for biology class to finish of the year. You could call me White and Nerdy (I hate that kid) but not because I am a nerd. It is because I am a parody champ; in this case it was of Asher Roth's I Love College. The reason I am not linking you to that video is because it was not our true inspiration. First, for some background information.
A few years back, a few students in Ms. Szeliga's bio class made a parody of the song Lose Yourself about DNA replication, and other such things. She shows this to each of her classes and said it was the best she had ever gotten. A few of us fellows from class got together and decided to one-up the movie with a pure one of our own. The cast of characters is a regular Soup Kitchen lineup: Jack Eiel, Jake Enterlin, and Omar Randall. The project had to be about a phylum, so the natural choice was mammals, after all, that's what humans are. You will believe me later on when I show you the video, but it is one of the finest pieces of film on the net.
The true inspiration for I Love Mammals was a video by the Davidson Show, I Love Commons. Now, I'm not sure if Mammals tops Commons, only because Commons is straight up legendary. We modeled the video and the lyrics off of it, but we have outtakes at the end that will just blow your mind. Contrary to what my good friend Kara Nac thinks (There is your shout-out, happy now #1 fan?), I was not wearing a woman's shirt during part of the filming. It is actually called a wife beater, similar to the one my favorite bandleader was seen wearing at the VCU-UCLA game. The straps on mine were thinner than the rest of the beater's straps because I got a raw deal. Nonetheless, a wife beater it is. And just so everyone knows, while Gossmar may have seemed like a legit rapper, which he was, your opinion would be a bit different had you heard and seen the million other takes in which he was horri-awful. The outtakes were all him, especially the voice-overs, so AMPAP to O-Star Superstar (Take special note of this, because it will most likely be the last time I will ever give AMPAP, make that any props, to Gossmar.)
We are planning on becoming full-fledged Youtube stars, and considering the 172 views in the first two days, we are on track to do so. We already have a second song/video planned, but I refuse to give it away on here. Maybe on a later Soup Kitchen post I will slip something in about it, so look out. But other than that, our lips are sealed. Just so everyone knows, in my voiceover, I wasn't there, it was Omar, not me, speaking, and I actually do love Greg Oden's Beard. Without further ado, I Love Mammals (I included the link if any of you were so inclined to comment or favorite it on youtube.)
(Editor's Note: After I posted this, it was brought to my attention that the embedded video below is off center, so I highly suggest you click on the link above. Thanks and sorry about the error, I will work on getting it fixed.)
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
A few years back, a few students in Ms. Szeliga's bio class made a parody of the song Lose Yourself about DNA replication, and other such things. She shows this to each of her classes and said it was the best she had ever gotten. A few of us fellows from class got together and decided to one-up the movie with a pure one of our own. The cast of characters is a regular Soup Kitchen lineup: Jack Eiel, Jake Enterlin, and Omar Randall. The project had to be about a phylum, so the natural choice was mammals, after all, that's what humans are. You will believe me later on when I show you the video, but it is one of the finest pieces of film on the net.
The true inspiration for I Love Mammals was a video by the Davidson Show, I Love Commons. Now, I'm not sure if Mammals tops Commons, only because Commons is straight up legendary. We modeled the video and the lyrics off of it, but we have outtakes at the end that will just blow your mind. Contrary to what my good friend Kara Nac thinks (There is your shout-out, happy now #1 fan?), I was not wearing a woman's shirt during part of the filming. It is actually called a wife beater, similar to the one my favorite bandleader was seen wearing at the VCU-UCLA game. The straps on mine were thinner than the rest of the beater's straps because I got a raw deal. Nonetheless, a wife beater it is. And just so everyone knows, while Gossmar may have seemed like a legit rapper, which he was, your opinion would be a bit different had you heard and seen the million other takes in which he was horri-awful. The outtakes were all him, especially the voice-overs, so AMPAP to O-Star Superstar (Take special note of this, because it will most likely be the last time I will ever give AMPAP, make that any props, to Gossmar.)
We are planning on becoming full-fledged Youtube stars, and considering the 172 views in the first two days, we are on track to do so. We already have a second song/video planned, but I refuse to give it away on here. Maybe on a later Soup Kitchen post I will slip something in about it, so look out. But other than that, our lips are sealed. Just so everyone knows, in my voiceover, I wasn't there, it was Omar, not me, speaking, and I actually do love Greg Oden's Beard. Without further ado, I Love Mammals (I included the link if any of you were so inclined to comment or favorite it on youtube.)
(Editor's Note: After I posted this, it was brought to my attention that the embedded video below is off center, so I highly suggest you click on the link above. Thanks and sorry about the error, I will work on getting it fixed.)
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Vote America: The Dream Ticket '09
I would like to start out this post by saying that I am not necessarily voting for the Dream Ticket, not yet anyway. The Sobel Soup, being a fair and democratic-minded soul, is deciding on election day by the speeches, and I think you all should too. I am simply writing this post to let you all know about some of my favorite candidates.
First, some background information. The Dream Ticket is comprised of three upstanding gentlemen, Braden "The Executioner" Harris, Noah "Da Lil' Rag" Frick, and Will Prince, who has become very well known to all those who read the Soup Kitchen as Fat Dub. Their mission: to be elected to student council. Their slogan: Vote America. Now, if you think, judging by this slogan, that these men aren't taking this seriously, you are dead wrong. They have been planning this for over a year now and have spent a lot of time campaigning. This includes an excellent poster, which features these fellows' rugged mugs, with the slogan underneath. Don't let the short description fool you, it's probably the most professional poster I have ever seen in school. Actually, I have to correct that. Make that last sentence read "was the most professional poster I have ever seen." Apparently, an opponent of the Dream Ticket sought to it that this poster was destroyed. Braden found it defaced, folded, and spat on. I suppose this just goes to show how wary the competition is of these three lads. Onto the introductions.
Braden Harris is many things, an absolute baller being one of them. Besides having the respect of all his fellow classmates, he's a visionary with an independent soul. Seriously, he puts The Most Interesting Man in the World to shame. Just to sum it up, Braden is an all-around great guy. He is also the tallest one by a mile on this ticket.
Noah Frick is a pretty interesting fellow himself. He is a great organizer, shown perfectly in that he is the founder and most active member of the Swat Team/Strath Haven Crazies, the most loyal cheering section in America. He is also fairly small, but, more importantly, he has a perfect bone structure. When with Noah, you almost feel like you're hanging out with your own teletubby. He's a short, little guy that puts a smile on everyone's face.
You all know Fat Dub pretty well. Along with being a proactive, intelligent man, he is one of the most BA people I know. In fact, Will is so bad to the bone, I can't even tell you what he does that makes him so. Don't fret over having a criminal on your student council, I assure you he has done nothing to break the law. Trust me on this one, you would be impressed if you knew. Just to add in another two cents, Will is nearly as small as Noah,. He has him by an inch, maybe, but doesn't have the perfect bone structure to brag about.
That's about all you need to know about these guys. As you can see, you have the total package with the Dream Ticket: The ideas, the organization, and the power to get it done.
___________________________________________________
I had an interesting day today. I'm sure all of you have wondered the question that pretty much defines life. Of course, I am talking abouthow many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Well, I have the answer. Today, it took me 653 licks to get from one side to the center of the Tootsie Pop. None other than the trustworthy Jack Eiel can attest for me. I took several pictures of me with the licked Tootsie Pop and plan on sending it into the headquarters and see if I can get a commercial out of it. I'm assuming many others have completed this feat, considering it took me one lollipop and about 20 minutes to do it, but I doubt any of those people have a blog/are web sensations, so they might take the chance.
___________________________________________________
I have been asked to apologize for statements made in my last post having to do with my teammate, Nick Maillet (1 Ball). In fact, it was Nick's nickname (If I was writing for Freddie Mitchell's blog, this would be a perfect place for "LOL") in particular that I was asked to apologize for, by Mr. Maillet himself, of course. So Nick, I am a little sorry for letting the world know that it is your nickname. This is kind of like that thing where I'm not sorry that I did it, I'm just sorry that he found out. I know what you are thinking and yeah, this is awkward.
___________________________________________________
I have to give a special "Happy Birthday" shoutout to the current guest poster, TBD, Jake Enterlin. While many have come to calling him T.B., he would like me to remind all of you that that's in the past. Apparently, he prefers Snake. I normally don't do these types of shoutouts, so don't come asking. It's only because he is so involved that he has his own post label.
I do have to shout out to someone else in this spot, however. I'm talking about the K-Dog, the X-Factor, Keith DeCindis. He is a loyal follower of the blog, and has constantly been asking for a shoutout. He specifically wants me to acknowledge his matball skills. Some say he is the best pitcher in the school, but today was not his best showing. The X quit after letting up quite a lot of runs today. I told him that quitters never get in, but I need to challenge him. I'll be sure to let you all know if he indeed comes up big in a matball game before the end of the year. The pressure is on, X-Factor.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by another anonymous viewer and I find it hilarious. Below, you can find Kellen Winslow Jr. literally freaking out. I have no idea how those reporters contained their laughter when he belted out the part about being a soldier. Quite rich, quite rich indeed.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
First, some background information. The Dream Ticket is comprised of three upstanding gentlemen, Braden "The Executioner" Harris, Noah "Da Lil' Rag" Frick, and Will Prince, who has become very well known to all those who read the Soup Kitchen as Fat Dub. Their mission: to be elected to student council. Their slogan: Vote America. Now, if you think, judging by this slogan, that these men aren't taking this seriously, you are dead wrong. They have been planning this for over a year now and have spent a lot of time campaigning. This includes an excellent poster, which features these fellows' rugged mugs, with the slogan underneath. Don't let the short description fool you, it's probably the most professional poster I have ever seen in school. Actually, I have to correct that. Make that last sentence read "was the most professional poster I have ever seen." Apparently, an opponent of the Dream Ticket sought to it that this poster was destroyed. Braden found it defaced, folded, and spat on. I suppose this just goes to show how wary the competition is of these three lads. Onto the introductions.
Braden Harris is many things, an absolute baller being one of them. Besides having the respect of all his fellow classmates, he's a visionary with an independent soul. Seriously, he puts The Most Interesting Man in the World to shame. Just to sum it up, Braden is an all-around great guy. He is also the tallest one by a mile on this ticket.
Noah Frick is a pretty interesting fellow himself. He is a great organizer, shown perfectly in that he is the founder and most active member of the Swat Team/Strath Haven Crazies, the most loyal cheering section in America. He is also fairly small, but, more importantly, he has a perfect bone structure. When with Noah, you almost feel like you're hanging out with your own teletubby. He's a short, little guy that puts a smile on everyone's face.
You all know Fat Dub pretty well. Along with being a proactive, intelligent man, he is one of the most BA people I know. In fact, Will is so bad to the bone, I can't even tell you what he does that makes him so. Don't fret over having a criminal on your student council, I assure you he has done nothing to break the law. Trust me on this one, you would be impressed if you knew. Just to add in another two cents, Will is nearly as small as Noah,. He has him by an inch, maybe, but doesn't have the perfect bone structure to brag about.
That's about all you need to know about these guys. As you can see, you have the total package with the Dream Ticket: The ideas, the organization, and the power to get it done.
___________________________________________________
I had an interesting day today. I'm sure all of you have wondered the question that pretty much defines life. Of course, I am talking abouthow many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Well, I have the answer. Today, it took me 653 licks to get from one side to the center of the Tootsie Pop. None other than the trustworthy Jack Eiel can attest for me. I took several pictures of me with the licked Tootsie Pop and plan on sending it into the headquarters and see if I can get a commercial out of it. I'm assuming many others have completed this feat, considering it took me one lollipop and about 20 minutes to do it, but I doubt any of those people have a blog/are web sensations, so they might take the chance.
___________________________________________________
I have been asked to apologize for statements made in my last post having to do with my teammate, Nick Maillet (1 Ball). In fact, it was Nick's nickname (If I was writing for Freddie Mitchell's blog, this would be a perfect place for "LOL") in particular that I was asked to apologize for, by Mr. Maillet himself, of course. So Nick, I am a little sorry for letting the world know that it is your nickname. This is kind of like that thing where I'm not sorry that I did it, I'm just sorry that he found out. I know what you are thinking and yeah, this is awkward.
___________________________________________________
I have to give a special "Happy Birthday" shoutout to the current guest poster, TBD, Jake Enterlin. While many have come to calling him T.B., he would like me to remind all of you that that's in the past. Apparently, he prefers Snake. I normally don't do these types of shoutouts, so don't come asking. It's only because he is so involved that he has his own post label.
I do have to shout out to someone else in this spot, however. I'm talking about the K-Dog, the X-Factor, Keith DeCindis. He is a loyal follower of the blog, and has constantly been asking for a shoutout. He specifically wants me to acknowledge his matball skills. Some say he is the best pitcher in the school, but today was not his best showing. The X quit after letting up quite a lot of runs today. I told him that quitters never get in, but I need to challenge him. I'll be sure to let you all know if he indeed comes up big in a matball game before the end of the year. The pressure is on, X-Factor.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by another anonymous viewer and I find it hilarious. Below, you can find Kellen Winslow Jr. literally freaking out. I have no idea how those reporters contained their laughter when he belted out the part about being a soldier. Quite rich, quite rich indeed.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
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