With the internet taking over our everyday lives now more than ever, I figured there would be no better time than now to help the homeless out in gaining important knowledge about the Internet. Technically, I could go all Video Professor on you, but I'm going to cater to the people on this one. Since the majority of my readers are of the younger generation who use Facebook and AIM, I'll talk mostly about that. Originally, I was only going to do one post guiding the use of the Internet. Since seeing how much information I can put in just on AIM, this is going to be Part One of a Two (or maybe more) part series.
AIM stands for AOL Instant Messenger, and it is a useful way for young people, such as myself, to interact among each other. You have to be at least 13 years old to sign up for it, but everyone and their mother knows that if you don't sign up for it before you're 13, you're a square. I'm not certain if there is a maximum age you can be, but I've never seen a person over 25 use AIM. So to all of you older folks out there, if you don't want to be arrested by your local police force for child molestation, I whole-heartedly advise against the use of AIM.
That being said, the rest of this advice goes for those who are of age to be using such a tool. First things first: picking a screenname. I'm 100% sure that anyone reading this blog has made at least one screenname in their lifetime, but the number of you that have made a foolish one is probably a high one as well. I too am subject to abuse when it comes to bad choices of names. I once made one named, and I'm not kidding when I tell you this, "accheeriosbox913." That's right. Apple Cinnamon Cheerios Box. As my screenname. It humiliates me to this day that I made that, albeit in the seventh grade. What was going through my head you may ask? I have no idea. Other screenname failures include whosurdady82 and oxocrashintomeoxo. Putting any saying in your name, in this case an extremely ridiculous one, is never a good idea. Not only that, but the misspelling of "your" makes this abismal name worse. This masterpiece was thought up by none other than O-Star Superstar, basking in all of his glory. The other bad idea is a song name, or any other thing that could go with it. Crash into me is probably the cheesiest thing this side of nachos. This beaut of an sn was courtesy of Val Keller. Another bad idea for a screenname is using an athletes name. A perfect example of this is Fat Dub's adrianpeterson1. Even though he did make this way back in AP's freshman year at OU, it could confuse some people, maybe tricking them into thinking they are talking to the actual Adrian Peterson, and not just a rabid fan. Just clarification, if you would possibly make it something to the effect of PurpleJesus, or a different cool nickname, that would be totally fine. But the full name of an athelete just doesn't cut it.
That's the worst of the worst for bad screennames. But how do you make a good screenname? It usually involves some portion of your name and/or nickname and your favorite numbers. In my own case, I use my initals and my favorite numbers, as does Joe Raymond (who was the only other person I could find that did this). Other acceptable things to put in are a certain sport you play, a favorite sports team or anything concerning money. For guys, you are done making your screenname. For the females, you have a choice to make. You can keep it plain and simple or you can add a few variances to yours, just to add that special something that you presumably bring to the table. This can be done by putting x's or o's at the beginning and/or end of the screenname. If one chooses to put any x's or o's in the screenname, it is recommended that you align them from beginning to end. For example, xorandomgirlox is better than just xorandomgirl or randomgirlxo. Alignment of the x's and o's are key. Another choice a female can make is the adding of multiple letters to any part of the screenname she feels requires emphasis. Adding any of these features by a male could be harmful in more ways than one, and I forewarn all of you males to not do it.
That covers the screennames. Next is the lingo. Whether you are young or old, surely you have heard of an acronym of some sort. The most famous one is obviously lol, standing, of course, for laughing out loud. I have had countless arguments with Ali Lohan look-a-like Julia Reitenbach (I probably spelled that last name wrong, but I like it that way. It shows more disrespect) about the use of lol as an -ing or -ed verb. She seems to think if she is currently laughing out loud or if she just laughed out loud, she should describe it as loling or loled. As you can see, this is complete mockery of the english language. That translated out would be Laughing out loud-ing or Laughing out loud-ed. If you wanted to stress that you are laughing out loud at the current time, you can simply say lingol, or you could just not use it. But for the translations sake, it makes no sense. That is why I stay away from the lol's. I feel they are too impersonal anyway. This is why I suggest the use of haha's. Lol is too short of a saying to have any meaning, but haha's can be extended into hahah, hahaha, or if it's really funny, hahahaha. If something is so outrageous, one can even capitalize it to HAHAH. That is usually the furthest you can go with the capitalizations of haha's, because HAHAHAHA is just a little overbearing. But if you want to embellish upon the lol, LOL really doesn't change much, and lolololol really makes no sense. This is another instance when a female's version of haha differs from the male's. While men are strictly limited to haha, girls can usually get away with a bahahahaha, but it has to be a long laugh. The origin of the b replacing the h in the haha is an oft-debated subject. Some claim that it is representative of a long, evil laugh, explaining why it would have to be long to effective. A small following has come to believe that it was the love for the Baha Men that did it. And they have a good point. Seriously, show me one person whose life was not drastically changed after listening to "Who Let the Dogs Out?" for the first time. I know mine was. Again, it is forbidden for men to use the term bahaha.
You may find yourself in an AIM situation where you are talking to a total creeper who is trying to make way too many jokes for his or her own good. This is when the use of just "ha" is necessary and essential for you to keep your sanity in check. And the use of "ha" goes both ways. When someone says ha to you, take it as a message to stop telling jokes, and stop right now. This is not to be confused with hah, which is just a break from saying haha. That one h makes a huge differenece, trust me.
The general use of acronyms is not looked upon well if you are older than 12. It's like Jeffrey J. says: "If you want to be an adult, you have to talk like one." For that reason, typing mostly everything out is a must. Some things, such as idk- for I don't know, gtg/g2g- for gotta go, and others that I will name later, are acceptable. But ik- for I know, is pushing it, and anything beyond that is really unnacceptable. I'm going to tell you the golden rule of acronyms; remember it always. Like the Sobel Soup's Inspirational Speech, this too is copyrighted. When in doubt, write it out. It's as simple as that, boys and girls.
Just clarifying here, this is one of the most important points I have to tell you about. If you are a girl, feel free to hold down any letter at any time in any word. It just adds emphasis, and you are allowed to do it whenever: happy, sad, anything. For males, any and all use of letter-holding is strongly discouraged, and should only be used in a time of great confidence or great distress. Use this wisely or don't use it at all, because it has been known to be the downfall of many great AIM users who have never since recovered.
Now that you have the screennames and the abbreviations down, it is time for you to learn how to start your conversations. This is a very special tradition that has evolved over the years. No matter if you are in sixth grade or in college, you always start out the conversation with a version of a hello. It could be hello, hi, yo, hey, or anything else (girls can again hold down any letter), whether you start the conversation or answer a message, you should use a greeting. After that is when you ask what's up. It is acceptable for the person answering an IM to say what's up, or some version of it, as a greeting. Now, there are several different ways to ask and answer the question "What's up?" You could say sup, what up, whats up, whats good, whats goin on, or even whats cookin (Uncle Don's favorite). While it is grammatically correct to include the apostrophe, you usually shouldn't do it, because it will make the person you are talking to think you care too much about the conversation you are holding. And believe me, perception is everything in this situation. If you are bold enough, or if you are nearing the age of 10, you could go with whats ^ or even w^. Believe it or not, when I first got my screenname I asked what was up by saying w^. The w stands for what's and the ^ is pointing up, obviously. If you want to get bilingual, you can always go with a que tal, or my personal favorite, que paso. If asked in a different language, it is the norm to answer in that same language.
How does one answer to this? Presumably nothing is up, or, since you are on AIM, you are just relaxing. The typically answer is nothing, nothing much, or the acronym for that, nm (which is completely acceptable). Others include chillin, chillen (spelling variation shows you don't care), just chillin, or its acronym jc (also accepted). If you are the person who was asked, it is considered rude to not ask the person what is up with them. Never, under any circumstance, ask them whats up, or sup, or something that was just described in the paragraph above. You can include a "u" on the end of nm or jc, or you can just leave it by itself following your answer. A "you?" will do just fine, as will how about you, or its acronym hbu. Going with the bilingual theme, y tu or y usted is a must for a spanish whats up. Feel free to cut out the y (spanish for and) and to hold down the last letter in all of these if you are a female.
Back in the sixth grade, these were the extents of the conversations I had with 95% of my AIM friends. Seriously, if I saw a person sign on, I would go through with this, and at the end of all of it say something like "sweet" or "cool." They would typically respond with "yeah" and that would be the end of it. I would always hope to not be the person to ask what was up, so I could say sweet or cool at the end, just to feel superior, because everyone knows it's the cool kid who gets to say sweet or something to that effect. This was usually done when people greeted me first, but even if I greeted them first, at times I waited them out so they would be forced to say what's up. It would break all rules of AIM if no what's up was said. If I really wanted to have the last word, I would follow up a "yeah" from them with a "yeah" of my own. A typical conversation went as such:
Ben: yo
Other person: yo
Ben: w^
Other person: nmu
Ben: same jc
Other person: nice
Ben: yeah
While writing this, I have just realized that I currently have these AIM conversations with Pete, or tdgeo. Besides him, the other conversations I have go a little deeper than that, but they always start out the same way. It just wouldn't feel right any other way.
Now that you know how to start/sustain conversations, you need to learn about away messages and buddy profiles. First things first, away messages. It can sometimes get annoying if you talk to people with an away message up, because it always pops up after they send an IM to you, even if you IM them first. I am notorious for this, and I have even been taken off the buddy list of my dear friend Clay Packel for this reason. For clarification purposes, away messages are not the same as statuses. You can have a status even if you are not away, and Macs allow you to put the song you are listening to as your status. That is the coolest thing ever, and those of us without Macs (me) wish we could have it that way. I strongly advise any of you with Macs to turn this feature on. Only if listening to something fruity or down-right creepy should you take it off. But other than songs, don't update your status, just go away. If you are doing something witty/fun that you want people to know about, you can put it as your away message. For example, if you are going to a sporting event or a concert, you can leave it as your away message. Inside jokes or anecdotes are also accepted. An oddity can also be an away message. For example, one time last year I was getting an outdoor haircut from Aunt Judy. Since this was the first (and hopefully only time) this would be happening, I left my away message as "getting an outdoor haircut." While this is acceptable on occasion, away messages like these get a little old after a while. Try to limit them to twice a month at a maximum. Saumon Oboudiyat is known for these away messages. Except instead of leaving them up twice a month, he leaves them up about 10 times a day. It is acceptable for him, though, because he is small and dark-haired (that didn't make sense).When you don't feel like signing off, but you aren't doing anything of note, you can always leave an away message like bbl (be back later), or brb (be right back). Another option is to leave a blank away message, like Down-C does. I've never seen anyone else besides him do it, but it is effective. Or you could go with the default one of "I am away from my computer right now." If you are having a seemingly hilarious conversation with someone who makes some funny remarks, you can leave those remarks, screenname of the buddy included, up as your away message as well. This goes under the category of "AIM camaraderie," which is always accepted.
Also accepted under camaraderie is the use of funny quotes from a buddy into your profile as well. If something someone says is "profile-worthy" as I like to say, it can go in. It is all in the eye of the beholder as to what is profile-worthy. Also popular in buddy profiles are funny videos or other links. For example, in my buddy profile I currently have a link to the Soup Kitchen and to I Love Mammals. Countdowns that are updated daily are encouraged only for females, who again may use as many letters as they please, but they are not looked upon in a positive light for males to have such a thing in said profile. Some people can even put lyrics to a song in, even though that is usually, but not always, for girls. A buddy profile is pretty much your space to express yourself in.
The last thing you should edit is your buddy icon. This is similar to the buddy profile in that it allows for personal expression, in the form of a picture for the icon. It can be anything from a favorite picture of your own to an inside joke. For example, my buddy icon is Leonardo DiCaprio. I have it set as such because I think he is one of the most ballin' actors of this generation, and I love his movies. Others, especially those with Macs, have their own pictures for the icons. Other acceptable items are sports teams, old cartoon characters, or even an animated one. Seriously, nearly anything is inbounds here, because almost everything can be looked at as a joke. So have fun with this, if anything, because it almost has no boundaries.
One last tidbit of information: try not to go into chat rooms. Unless you are having a throw-back to middle school night (like me and the former TBD, Jake Enterlin, often have), you do not want to have a chat room. Even if you are trying to work something out between multiple buddies, you can do it without creating/joining a chat. It's just not worth taking the reputation hit. Trust me.
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With me just writing the longest post in the Soup Kitchen's history (does this rival any of Gusalina's posts for length? I doubt it), I figured I would end it with the shortest video in the history. Actually, I'm not sure if this counts as the shortest video, because it is 1:13. But technically these are all 1-second commercials, so it should count. Anyway, I hope you enjoy watching this guy as much as I do, because personally I think the commercial about the VIP section is one of the most HQ (high quality- an acronym for you) commercials I've ever seen ("Common Sense ain't on the guest list.")
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, August 14, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Soup's 17 Degrees of Separation
I probably sound like a broken record by now, but it has again been quite a while since I last posted. It's not like any of you check this everyday anyway (besides you, Grandmom and Grandpop (Parenthetical inside of a parenthetical: Many of you may think it is harmful to my psyche that my grandparents are my biggest fans. That's quite the contrary. If you knew my grandparents, you would be the happiest person in the world, as I presently am. Just as an example to show you how baller this duo is, Lisa Leslie was actually not the first woman to dunk. That would be my grandmother.)) so I'm not doing anyone any harm. Besides, like Jeffrey J. always told me, "If you don't have anything to say that is beneficial to society, don't say it all." ("It's funny because he actually said that"- Sam Soupy Huestis (PIP: AMPAP for the nickname. I love acronyms!!)) That has certainly been the case for me over the past few weeks. Anyway, I have actually counted out the days since I last posted, and the count is officially at 17. Since it's been so long, I've decided to give you all a gift in which I'm going to go all Kevin Bacon on you, and just do some weird rambling, so just bear with me. In all likelihood, you will be lost during this entire post. Now following the rules of their degrees of separation, this first connection technically is my 0th degree. Now let's get started.
0. Not blogging for a while has been very tough for me. I love blogging even more than I love O.A.R. And hey, I love me some O.A.R. Almost as much as...
1. Terrence Williams loves him some Jay Bilas. Seriously, when I heard about this, I could see the love affair happening right in front of me. I know it's random, but I had to put it in, just because of my love for college basketball, and my Villanova Wildcats. Speaking of which...
2. Reggie Redding has recently been arrested for possession of marijuana. I know it takes a little wind out of the sails of next season's NCAA Champions (yeah, I'm guaranteeing it right now), but I could sort of see it coming, at least for Redding. I personally know him from...
3. A broadcasting camp that I attended two years ago. That's right. Along with being a blogger extraordinaire, a frequent eater of big macs, and an all around baller, I am also a broadcaster. I'm what is known as a Renaissance man. Those activities listed above are not all I am good for, however. Sometimes I even do my own laundry. As if that were not enough, I have been known to dabble on a few intruments. Much like...
4. Saumon Oboudiyat. While his biggest claim to fame is clearlyhaving his own label on the Soup Kitchen, he also has his own Facebook music page, which is starting to gain more recognition. Besides that, he has a new album coming out, and trust me, it is going to be off the chain. How do I know this? I am actually his manager, so I have heard the whole thing. Saumon is actually the second musical act I have managed, the first being...
5. The now defunct Objects At Rest, also known as O.A.R. Even though I was appointed manager, I self-admittedly did absolutely nothing. This band featured Caleb Oaks singing, Eddie Palka on the drums, B-Murr on the bass, and a certain guitarist named...
6. Russell Gelman-Sheehan, aptly nicknamed Rufus. He has been asking for a shoutout for quite a while now, and I am finally giving it to him in the most flattering form that I can think of. If Russell's talents start at guitar playing, they stop at his shoe choice. Rufus infamously rocks...
7. Starburys. These are, for those of you who don't know, possibly the worst shoes ever. While being so bad, they do offer some type of individuality, which gives perfect reason as to why Rufus would wear them. Generally, the unique shoes are the expensive ones that no one can afford. In this case, Starburys are special because they are so bad that no one wants to buy them, even though they can easily be purchased for a small price of $14.98! Just to give you reference of how low quality these shoes are, Stephon Marbury wore these shoes himself for one game as a means of promotion. In that same game he turned his ankle. Coincidence? I think not. Talking about Stephon Marbury reminds me of that feud he had with...
8. Stephen A. Smith, former host of Quite Frankly. At the time of his show's start, he was on top of the world. He had his own television show, his own column in the Philadelphia Inquirer, and his daily spot on Sportscenter. Now, he very well may be out of work. But Stephen A. has affected my life in an extremely positive manner. He was the subject of...
9. A few great Youtube videos. I'll put the 2007 one below for this post's video, and I'll link you to the 2006 one right here. These videos were recommended to me by none other than...
10. Fat Dub. That's right, this frequent subject of the Soup Kitchen is probably the best at finding videos out of anyone I have ever met. Not only that, but he is also a ghost-riding pro, much like the old geezers in that video. When he does ghost-ride, he usually does it with...
11. Bryan, otherwise known as Down-C. You may be wondering: why link his name to the picture of a hoagie? It's simple. His head is shaped like a hoagie, thus the reason he is called Hoagiehead. Usually when I make fun of people on this blog, it is just so they can have the joy of seeing their name on the internet. That is not the case with Down-C. He is one of the few people I know that has never read the blog, at least that's what I believe to be true. How a person that is such good friends with me can not even monitor what I write on here is beyond me. If this continues, I'm going to have to treat him like he is Evan Turner, and abuse him to no end on here. He is almost he complete opposite of...
12. Jake Enterlin, the former TBD. Not only does he (usually) read the blog, he even guest posts on it. He isn't the first guest poster, however. That honor would belong to...
13. Jack Eiel. You all know that he lost it because he "had nothing to write about" and because he is the laziest person the world has ever seen. I have just realized that my past guest poster, my current guest poster, and my future guest poster (at 15,000 views) were all a part of I Love Mammals. Who is this future guest poster I speak of? He goes by the name of...
14. Omar Randall. I don't need to say anything about him, you all know everything there is to know about O-Star Superstar. Another thing I just realized is that all of the guys I just mentioned were all at C-Lunch (except Fat Dub, but that's the beside the point.) A lot of things went down at C-Lunch, and I won't describe them to you. I'll leave that up to TBD on his next guest post. One thing I will say is that one of my favorite parts was when Jake would tell a young man that he was "looking good today" every day of the week. This chap's name is...
15. Mikey Henderson. "Yo Mikey! You're lookin' good today!" was the frequent call of our table, and I'm not really sure why. Anyway, I promised Mikey I would let him get in the next blog post, just so I could show all the people how much of a nice guy he was. So there you go. This shoutout is the epitome of awesome shoutouts, just because of the person that is in it. Nearly the opposite could be said about the shoutout to...
16. Nick "One-Ball" Maillett. I don't even want to relive how awkward that situation was. Hopefully it won't ever be remembered. Mr. Maillett is however looking into season tickets for the Philadelphia Union, the expansion soccer team coming to Philadelphia next March. As it happens, so is...
17. The Sobel Soup. And that's your 17 degrees of separation. I hope you know I was legitimately about to stop at 6, because I had no idea what I was going to write about.
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Without further ado, here is the video for this week. As I promised, it is the Stephen A. Smith heckling video. "Spencer Hawes is gonna be a bust!"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
0. Not blogging for a while has been very tough for me. I love blogging even more than I love O.A.R. And hey, I love me some O.A.R. Almost as much as...
1. Terrence Williams loves him some Jay Bilas. Seriously, when I heard about this, I could see the love affair happening right in front of me. I know it's random, but I had to put it in, just because of my love for college basketball, and my Villanova Wildcats. Speaking of which...
2. Reggie Redding has recently been arrested for possession of marijuana. I know it takes a little wind out of the sails of next season's NCAA Champions (yeah, I'm guaranteeing it right now), but I could sort of see it coming, at least for Redding. I personally know him from...
3. A broadcasting camp that I attended two years ago. That's right. Along with being a blogger extraordinaire, a frequent eater of big macs, and an all around baller, I am also a broadcaster. I'm what is known as a Renaissance man. Those activities listed above are not all I am good for, however. Sometimes I even do my own laundry. As if that were not enough, I have been known to dabble on a few intruments. Much like...
4. Saumon Oboudiyat. While his biggest claim to fame is clearlyhaving his own label on the Soup Kitchen, he also has his own Facebook music page, which is starting to gain more recognition. Besides that, he has a new album coming out, and trust me, it is going to be off the chain. How do I know this? I am actually his manager, so I have heard the whole thing. Saumon is actually the second musical act I have managed, the first being...
5. The now defunct Objects At Rest, also known as O.A.R. Even though I was appointed manager, I self-admittedly did absolutely nothing. This band featured Caleb Oaks singing, Eddie Palka on the drums, B-Murr on the bass, and a certain guitarist named...
6. Russell Gelman-Sheehan, aptly nicknamed Rufus. He has been asking for a shoutout for quite a while now, and I am finally giving it to him in the most flattering form that I can think of. If Russell's talents start at guitar playing, they stop at his shoe choice. Rufus infamously rocks...
7. Starburys. These are, for those of you who don't know, possibly the worst shoes ever. While being so bad, they do offer some type of individuality, which gives perfect reason as to why Rufus would wear them. Generally, the unique shoes are the expensive ones that no one can afford. In this case, Starburys are special because they are so bad that no one wants to buy them, even though they can easily be purchased for a small price of $14.98! Just to give you reference of how low quality these shoes are, Stephon Marbury wore these shoes himself for one game as a means of promotion. In that same game he turned his ankle. Coincidence? I think not. Talking about Stephon Marbury reminds me of that feud he had with...
8. Stephen A. Smith, former host of Quite Frankly. At the time of his show's start, he was on top of the world. He had his own television show, his own column in the Philadelphia Inquirer, and his daily spot on Sportscenter. Now, he very well may be out of work. But Stephen A. has affected my life in an extremely positive manner. He was the subject of...
9. A few great Youtube videos. I'll put the 2007 one below for this post's video, and I'll link you to the 2006 one right here. These videos were recommended to me by none other than...
10. Fat Dub. That's right, this frequent subject of the Soup Kitchen is probably the best at finding videos out of anyone I have ever met. Not only that, but he is also a ghost-riding pro, much like the old geezers in that video. When he does ghost-ride, he usually does it with...
11. Bryan, otherwise known as Down-C. You may be wondering: why link his name to the picture of a hoagie? It's simple. His head is shaped like a hoagie, thus the reason he is called Hoagiehead. Usually when I make fun of people on this blog, it is just so they can have the joy of seeing their name on the internet. That is not the case with Down-C. He is one of the few people I know that has never read the blog, at least that's what I believe to be true. How a person that is such good friends with me can not even monitor what I write on here is beyond me. If this continues, I'm going to have to treat him like he is Evan Turner, and abuse him to no end on here. He is almost he complete opposite of...
12. Jake Enterlin, the former TBD. Not only does he (usually) read the blog, he even guest posts on it. He isn't the first guest poster, however. That honor would belong to...
13. Jack Eiel. You all know that he lost it because he "had nothing to write about" and because he is the laziest person the world has ever seen. I have just realized that my past guest poster, my current guest poster, and my future guest poster (at 15,000 views) were all a part of I Love Mammals. Who is this future guest poster I speak of? He goes by the name of...
14. Omar Randall. I don't need to say anything about him, you all know everything there is to know about O-Star Superstar. Another thing I just realized is that all of the guys I just mentioned were all at C-Lunch (except Fat Dub, but that's the beside the point.) A lot of things went down at C-Lunch, and I won't describe them to you. I'll leave that up to TBD on his next guest post. One thing I will say is that one of my favorite parts was when Jake would tell a young man that he was "looking good today" every day of the week. This chap's name is...
15. Mikey Henderson. "Yo Mikey! You're lookin' good today!" was the frequent call of our table, and I'm not really sure why. Anyway, I promised Mikey I would let him get in the next blog post, just so I could show all the people how much of a nice guy he was. So there you go. This shoutout is the epitome of awesome shoutouts, just because of the person that is in it. Nearly the opposite could be said about the shoutout to...
16. Nick "One-Ball" Maillett. I don't even want to relive how awkward that situation was. Hopefully it won't ever be remembered. Mr. Maillett is however looking into season tickets for the Philadelphia Union, the expansion soccer team coming to Philadelphia next March. As it happens, so is...
17. The Sobel Soup. And that's your 17 degrees of separation. I hope you know I was legitimately about to stop at 6, because I had no idea what I was going to write about.
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Without further ado, here is the video for this week. As I promised, it is the Stephen A. Smith heckling video. "Spencer Hawes is gonna be a bust!"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, July 17, 2009
All-Star Adventures
You won't be hearing a lot about my recent vacation taken with O-Star Superstar and his family. I usually find errors in common life or complain about things; that is what makes this blog successful. The thing about this vacation is that I have very little to actually complain about. This is the first time in history that the Sobel Soup does not have a farmer's tan. With that checked off my list, I only have "Grow a beard similar to Greg Oden's (but never equal, because it is impossible for anyone to equal the mystical prowess of said beard)" and "Become Morgan Freeman's replacement by having the greatest voice known to mankind" still on my to-do list.
One of the things I loved about going to St. Maarten is the airport travel. It makes you feel like a star because you actually board the plane from the ground. The only thing that makes you feel not as special is that everyone else does it, probably because the airport is too poor to afford indoor entrances for every plane. Everyone always complains about airline food, but I find that the problem doesn't always lie there. Instead, it is the food inside the airport that is ridiculous. For a personal pan pizza from Domino's, which would be equal to about 1.5-2 regular slices of pizza, they charged 8 dollars. I don't want to sound like the stingiest person in the world, but that price is just flat out absurd. I ended up spending $20 on a lunch/dinner (linner or dunch? I'm thinking linner) in the airport, and I'm not too happy about it. Besides that, really nothing went wrong on my vacation.
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It was a clear success, and it was the first successful campaign for me ever. Not only did we vote Shane Victorino into the All-Star Game, he was a starter and he scored a run. Yes, I do realize he got 15 million votes, and my impact upon him winning the Final Vote was probably miniscule at best, every vote counted, and I felt like I did my part. I am proud of my contribution, and am expecting Shane's thank you letter in the mail any day now. I do have to say that I am disappointed by the National League's performance in the All-Star game. Their 13th straight winless effort did not stop me from noticing the obscure things that I have a knack for doing. I now present my 5 favorite things about the All-Star weekend.
5. Jayson Werth's Facial Hair: I'm so glad he got chosen to be an allstar for the simple reason that I got to see his goatee/wolf hair.
4. Albert Pujols's wild child/bald head: When Phat Albert was at the plate during the home run derby, his young boy was straight up loving it. Every home run hit, he would jump around as if the song were playing. I also loved seeing Albert's bald head on TV. It was so shiny I could actually see the camera crew who was filming him.
3. Prince Fielder's Girth: Also on showcase at the home run derby, every time the Prince would swing, his chubby waist would fly around his body. It was even better when ESPN did the slow-motion replays (they did this a few times for Prince) because you could watch all of his flab fly through the picture faster than his bat did.
2. The mute button: I'm not talking about the Fox crew at all (Call me crazy but I actually like Joe Buck; McCarver is another story). My biggest complaint lies with the ESPN crew doing the Home Run Derby. It's bad enough having to suffer through a regular Chris Berman show or a Joe Morgan baseball game, but this brought out the worst in both. When you combine these two men's broadcasting abilities (if you actually call that ability) and a three hour event where there is actually action for maybe an hour of it, the going gets bad. Very bad. That's where the mute button came into play. I didn't have to listen to Chris Berman's "Back, Back, Back" calls or Joe Morgan's rants that had nothing to do with what was going on. Boomer's "WOW, THAT ONE IS WAY BACK. IT'S A HOME RUN" calls that he did at least 20 times during the broadcast (for the part that I listened to) is a huge overreaction. I mean a) it is a home run derby, home runs are supposed to be hit (unless you're name is Brandon Inge) and b) you can maybe do that call on one or two home runs the whole time. But when Ryan Howard barely inches one over the wall, it is unnecessary, trust me. The only good part about hearing them broadcast the Derby was that I got reminded of why I loved this website so much.
This last one is actually something that I disliked. No, Facebook doesn't let you do it, but it doesn't mean that I can't.
1. Ryan Franklin's disgusting goatee: Some of you may say this is similar to Greg Oden's beard. To those of you who make this vile claim, I am ashamed to have you read my blog. Just kidding, but not really. Seriously, why does it need to be that big? Is he hiding something inside of it? Maybe he lost his mirror in there. That's the only possible explanation of why he continues to allow that hideous rodent grow on his face.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by another anonymous viewer, and I thought that with the ESPY's fast approaching, I might as well put it in.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
One of the things I loved about going to St. Maarten is the airport travel. It makes you feel like a star because you actually board the plane from the ground. The only thing that makes you feel not as special is that everyone else does it, probably because the airport is too poor to afford indoor entrances for every plane. Everyone always complains about airline food, but I find that the problem doesn't always lie there. Instead, it is the food inside the airport that is ridiculous. For a personal pan pizza from Domino's, which would be equal to about 1.5-2 regular slices of pizza, they charged 8 dollars. I don't want to sound like the stingiest person in the world, but that price is just flat out absurd. I ended up spending $20 on a lunch/dinner (linner or dunch? I'm thinking linner) in the airport, and I'm not too happy about it. Besides that, really nothing went wrong on my vacation.
___________________________________________________
It was a clear success, and it was the first successful campaign for me ever. Not only did we vote Shane Victorino into the All-Star Game, he was a starter and he scored a run. Yes, I do realize he got 15 million votes, and my impact upon him winning the Final Vote was probably miniscule at best, every vote counted, and I felt like I did my part. I am proud of my contribution, and am expecting Shane's thank you letter in the mail any day now. I do have to say that I am disappointed by the National League's performance in the All-Star game. Their 13th straight winless effort did not stop me from noticing the obscure things that I have a knack for doing. I now present my 5 favorite things about the All-Star weekend.
5. Jayson Werth's Facial Hair: I'm so glad he got chosen to be an allstar for the simple reason that I got to see his goatee/wolf hair.
4. Albert Pujols's wild child/bald head: When Phat Albert was at the plate during the home run derby, his young boy was straight up loving it. Every home run hit, he would jump around as if the song were playing. I also loved seeing Albert's bald head on TV. It was so shiny I could actually see the camera crew who was filming him.
3. Prince Fielder's Girth: Also on showcase at the home run derby, every time the Prince would swing, his chubby waist would fly around his body. It was even better when ESPN did the slow-motion replays (they did this a few times for Prince) because you could watch all of his flab fly through the picture faster than his bat did.
2. The mute button: I'm not talking about the Fox crew at all (Call me crazy but I actually like Joe Buck; McCarver is another story). My biggest complaint lies with the ESPN crew doing the Home Run Derby. It's bad enough having to suffer through a regular Chris Berman show or a Joe Morgan baseball game, but this brought out the worst in both. When you combine these two men's broadcasting abilities (if you actually call that ability) and a three hour event where there is actually action for maybe an hour of it, the going gets bad. Very bad. That's where the mute button came into play. I didn't have to listen to Chris Berman's "Back, Back, Back" calls or Joe Morgan's rants that had nothing to do with what was going on. Boomer's "WOW, THAT ONE IS WAY BACK. IT'S A HOME RUN" calls that he did at least 20 times during the broadcast (for the part that I listened to) is a huge overreaction. I mean a) it is a home run derby, home runs are supposed to be hit (unless you're name is Brandon Inge) and b) you can maybe do that call on one or two home runs the whole time. But when Ryan Howard barely inches one over the wall, it is unnecessary, trust me. The only good part about hearing them broadcast the Derby was that I got reminded of why I loved this website so much.
This last one is actually something that I disliked. No, Facebook doesn't let you do it, but it doesn't mean that I can't.
1. Ryan Franklin's disgusting goatee: Some of you may say this is similar to Greg Oden's beard. To those of you who make this vile claim, I am ashamed to have you read my blog. Just kidding, but not really. Seriously, why does it need to be that big? Is he hiding something inside of it? Maybe he lost his mirror in there. That's the only possible explanation of why he continues to allow that hideous rodent grow on his face.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by another anonymous viewer, and I thought that with the ESPY's fast approaching, I might as well put it in.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, July 6, 2009
A Campaign for Shane
With the 2009 MLB all-star game approaching, there is a perfectly deserving member who has been left off the squad. I am of course talking about Shane Victorino, also known as the Flyin' Hawaiian (Yes, I did spell that right, but it took some research to do so.) The fans who did him so wrong in the all-star vote have a second chance to redeem themselves. This is done by the MLB Final Vote. Five players from each league are chosen as candidates for the final vote, and one from each league is chosen as the 34th and last player to be added to the squad. It is now my mission to get Shane Victorino elected to the National League Allstar Team.
I have a history with elections, particularly these Final Vote ones. Last year, the Phillies had another candidate: Pat Burrell (click on that link, it's a fine display of brute strength.) No exxageration here, I probably voted 1,000 times. It helped that I got Pat's voting code for cellular phones, and I knew how to do the 10 message in 1 thing. I believe Pat ended up 3rd. I didn't feel like my efforts were wasted though, I thought it bonded 'The Bat' and I closer together. I have made no secrets about it, he was probably my favorite Phillies player. Ever. That's actually a bit of an overstatement. He isn't my favorite ever. But honestly, who else has his own shirt, can do this on live television, and can create a moment like this. Although he left for the Rays in the offseason, the Phillies are lucky they replaced him with someone like Raul Ibanez. Yeah, Ibanez would have been an MVP candidate had he not gotten injured, but the main reason that I like him so much is because I can do the RAUUUUUUUUUUUL chant whenever he does something good.
Not only was I unsuccessful in voting in the Bat, I was unsuccessful in my attempt to get the Dream Ticket in office. Believe me, it was more absurd than the Corrupt Bargain of 1824 (there's your history lesson), but 0 members of the Dream Ticket were elected. Even their chief competition, J.D. Sparks XIV and Paul Manwaring, weren't elected. I am ashamed to say I didn't vote for the Dream Ticket or their rivals. In fact, I voted for no one, and I feel like an absolute fool. For some reason, I thought you were allowed to vote for three people even though it clearly stated on the paper "Pick 2." Maybe it's because everything I touch is fake, who knows? The bottomline is, I clearly have trouble getting those of my choice elected.
Hopefully that will change with this campaign for Shane. I also came up with a catchy slogan for this as well. It reads "Use Your Brain: Vote for Shane." You can just trust me on this; out of the five players competing for the last spot, Shane deserves to get in by the numbers. What I am focusing on is the behind-the-scenes actions that give him reason to be an All-star. First, he loves Spam. No other favorite food would actually be worth blogging about except for Spam. What other meat company rhymes with its main product and has a full shop that includes an array of fashionable clothes and other completely unnecessary accessories. Seriously, who wouldn't want that hot Spam suit? Or that navy blue Spam tie? Classy. The second thing about Shane is that he is Hawaiian. Quick question, how many of you wish you were Hawaiian? If your hand isn't raised, I question whether you would enjoy a conversation with Coach Ed. It's one of the first places I would go on vacation if I had a choice, and the people there are so easy to get along with. I only know of three Hawaiians: Shane Victorino, and Dylan and Morgan Langley. All three are some of the coolest people ever (the Langley brothers play Swat Soccer.) If that isn't good enough reason for voting for Shane, maybe the fact that he can walk on water because he is so fast will do the trick for you.
Shane is clearly taking this all in, and he is especially appreciative of my campaigning for him. For those of you who watched the Phillies 10 spot the Reds in the first inning of this fine Monday evening of July 6th, it included a 2 run homer by none other than the man of the hour himself. After he crossed home plate, he looked up directly into the camera and said "That was for you Sobel Soup. Use Your Brain: Vote for Shane!" I was surprised that I could actually hear what he was saying, and I'm still unsure how he knew I was campaigning for him; this post hasn't even come out yet. I guess that's just another reason why you should vote for Shane: He is psychic. I'm going to try to include a voting widget in this blog that easily allows you to vote for Shane, but if it doesn't work out, I will link to MLB.com. And honestly, if you can't get to the Final Vote from there, you might not have a brain.
___________________________________________________
Along with celebrating the 4th of July this week, all of us across the sporting world received awful news about the death of Steve McNair. I am bypassing video from one of you guys this week in honor of Air McNair, the toughest quarterback I have ever witnessed.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
I have a history with elections, particularly these Final Vote ones. Last year, the Phillies had another candidate: Pat Burrell (click on that link, it's a fine display of brute strength.) No exxageration here, I probably voted 1,000 times. It helped that I got Pat's voting code for cellular phones, and I knew how to do the 10 message in 1 thing. I believe Pat ended up 3rd. I didn't feel like my efforts were wasted though, I thought it bonded 'The Bat' and I closer together. I have made no secrets about it, he was probably my favorite Phillies player. Ever. That's actually a bit of an overstatement. He isn't my favorite ever. But honestly, who else has his own shirt, can do this on live television, and can create a moment like this. Although he left for the Rays in the offseason, the Phillies are lucky they replaced him with someone like Raul Ibanez. Yeah, Ibanez would have been an MVP candidate had he not gotten injured, but the main reason that I like him so much is because I can do the RAUUUUUUUUUUUL chant whenever he does something good.
Not only was I unsuccessful in voting in the Bat, I was unsuccessful in my attempt to get the Dream Ticket in office. Believe me, it was more absurd than the Corrupt Bargain of 1824 (there's your history lesson), but 0 members of the Dream Ticket were elected. Even their chief competition, J.D. Sparks XIV and Paul Manwaring, weren't elected. I am ashamed to say I didn't vote for the Dream Ticket or their rivals. In fact, I voted for no one, and I feel like an absolute fool. For some reason, I thought you were allowed to vote for three people even though it clearly stated on the paper "Pick 2." Maybe it's because everything I touch is fake, who knows? The bottomline is, I clearly have trouble getting those of my choice elected.
Hopefully that will change with this campaign for Shane. I also came up with a catchy slogan for this as well. It reads "Use Your Brain: Vote for Shane." You can just trust me on this; out of the five players competing for the last spot, Shane deserves to get in by the numbers. What I am focusing on is the behind-the-scenes actions that give him reason to be an All-star. First, he loves Spam. No other favorite food would actually be worth blogging about except for Spam. What other meat company rhymes with its main product and has a full shop that includes an array of fashionable clothes and other completely unnecessary accessories. Seriously, who wouldn't want that hot Spam suit? Or that navy blue Spam tie? Classy. The second thing about Shane is that he is Hawaiian. Quick question, how many of you wish you were Hawaiian? If your hand isn't raised, I question whether you would enjoy a conversation with Coach Ed. It's one of the first places I would go on vacation if I had a choice, and the people there are so easy to get along with. I only know of three Hawaiians: Shane Victorino, and Dylan and Morgan Langley. All three are some of the coolest people ever (the Langley brothers play Swat Soccer.) If that isn't good enough reason for voting for Shane, maybe the fact that he can walk on water because he is so fast will do the trick for you.
Shane is clearly taking this all in, and he is especially appreciative of my campaigning for him. For those of you who watched the Phillies 10 spot the Reds in the first inning of this fine Monday evening of July 6th, it included a 2 run homer by none other than the man of the hour himself. After he crossed home plate, he looked up directly into the camera and said "That was for you Sobel Soup. Use Your Brain: Vote for Shane!" I was surprised that I could actually hear what he was saying, and I'm still unsure how he knew I was campaigning for him; this post hasn't even come out yet. I guess that's just another reason why you should vote for Shane: He is psychic. I'm going to try to include a voting widget in this blog that easily allows you to vote for Shane, but if it doesn't work out, I will link to MLB.com. And honestly, if you can't get to the Final Vote from there, you might not have a brain.
___________________________________________________
Along with celebrating the 4th of July this week, all of us across the sporting world received awful news about the death of Steve McNair. I am bypassing video from one of you guys this week in honor of Air McNair, the toughest quarterback I have ever witnessed.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Catching Up With Uncle Kevin
I lied. This isn't Jake's guest post, but it's not my fault. I honestly started this post off planning to use it as Jake's but he still has some editing to do, so I'm posting something else. I would like to promise and say next time it is TBD's, but you never know. Also, I have a message to the homeless. I'm not really sure where this blog is going. That could mean many things, one of which would be shutting it down. Now, that is a very extreme circumstance and will most likely not occur. The most probable case will result in me blogging much less. This is due to many things: my habitual laziness, conflicts, and criticism are the main components. I have had no conflicts the past week or so, but haven't posted because I haven't felt like it. Unfortunately, I have another vacation coming up soon, so that will mean another break. Now for the biggest part: the criticism. Similar to other bloggers in this era, I have faced much of it concerning my blogging hobby. Contrary to popular belief, not all bloggers are 40 year olds living in their mother's basements. Yes I do happen to live in my parent's house, but it is more because I am 16 (still waiting for that surprise party) and still in high school, and not because I am a loser who never got a real job. Probably the biggest critic of my blog is T.J. Adams, who I know is reading this line and loving it as we speak because he finally got that shoutout. Everybody's favorite middle school basketball coach doubts whether I go out on Friday nights, and has told me I need to get an interest in women. He clearly missed the Ladies, Meet the Sobel Soup post. I can't give Mr. Adams too much grief, for it was his genius that created Wisconsin, the best basketball play known to mankind.
___________________________________________________
This Monday, I received an email from my Uncle Kevin titled "Corrections." Because I have twice messed up the facts about Kevin, I am just going to show you all what he had to say, with my two cents put in where necessary.
Hey, we briefly touched on this during our B-day call, and I think you should rethink your journalistic integrity rules. You may not have to go the whole nine yards with getting confirmation of sources and stuff like that, but you need to at least get your stories straight.
I'm pretty sure I've called you on other birthdays. Maybe not all of them, but some of them. This past June 11th was not the first time ever. (Editor's Note: Notice how he called me the day after my birthday, not actually on it.)
Also, the main purpose of my call was to wish you a happy birthday. The fact that the conversation happened to go in the direction of your blog and the fact that you only mentioned one boat was just a coincidence. (Ed. Note: Whatever lets you sleep at night. And just so you know, you should strive to use the phrase "the fact that" only once per sentence at a maximum. I would know. I'm a writer.)
However, the main point of this email is to make a correction to your statement that I have a house boat. I do not have a house boat. I have a boat that I use as a house. Big difference, huge difference, very similar to this clip from the 4 minute mark to the end. (Ed. Note: I linked it for him. And this was the first I had seen of Captain Ron. Needless to say I watched the whole movie and was flabberghasted that I had never seen nor heard of this fine piece of film before. I whole-heartedly recommend it)
This is a house boat:
This is our boat (Ed. Note: That he uses as a house. Looks like some one forgot to be specific):
As you can see, HUGE difference, HUGE difference. Again, it's a boat that we are able to live on. NOT a house boat. Maybe you could stop by sometime and see it. Like last year when you were down with Aunt Judy and you didn't stop by. Maybe this year you could stop by. (Ed. Note: He really knows how to put on the guilt trip, but I have stopped by before, just not when he was there)
Your loving Uncle,
Kevin
When asked about why the concern over telling readers that he has a house boat, Kevin draws the line when readers "start to thinking I'm also have a couple of teeth missing, wear flannel shirts and greasy John Deere hats." Judging by your grammar, I couldn't blame them if they did. Just putting it out there, I have nothing wrong with flannel shirts and John Deere hats.
___________________________________________________
This video was shown to me by Saumon Oboudiyat, and like most of the videos I put up here, I find it hilarious. Have fun with it.
___________________________________________________
This Monday, I received an email from my Uncle Kevin titled "Corrections." Because I have twice messed up the facts about Kevin, I am just going to show you all what he had to say, with my two cents put in where necessary.
Hey, we briefly touched on this during our B-day call, and I think you should rethink your journalistic integrity rules. You may not have to go the whole nine yards with getting confirmation of sources and stuff like that, but you need to at least get your stories straight.
I'm pretty sure I've called you on other birthdays. Maybe not all of them, but some of them. This past June 11th was not the first time ever. (Editor's Note: Notice how he called me the day after my birthday, not actually on it.)
Also, the main purpose of my call was to wish you a happy birthday. The fact that the conversation happened to go in the direction of your blog and the fact that you only mentioned one boat was just a coincidence. (Ed. Note: Whatever lets you sleep at night. And just so you know, you should strive to use the phrase "the fact that" only once per sentence at a maximum. I would know. I'm a writer.)
However, the main point of this email is to make a correction to your statement that I have a house boat. I do not have a house boat. I have a boat that I use as a house. Big difference, huge difference, very similar to this clip from the 4 minute mark to the end. (Ed. Note: I linked it for him. And this was the first I had seen of Captain Ron. Needless to say I watched the whole movie and was flabberghasted that I had never seen nor heard of this fine piece of film before. I whole-heartedly recommend it)
This is a house boat:
This is our boat (Ed. Note: That he uses as a house. Looks like some one forgot to be specific):
As you can see, HUGE difference, HUGE difference. Again, it's a boat that we are able to live on. NOT a house boat. Maybe you could stop by sometime and see it. Like last year when you were down with Aunt Judy and you didn't stop by. Maybe this year you could stop by. (Ed. Note: He really knows how to put on the guilt trip, but I have stopped by before, just not when he was there)
Your loving Uncle,
Kevin
When asked about why the concern over telling readers that he has a house boat, Kevin draws the line when readers "start to thinking I'm also have a couple of teeth missing, wear flannel shirts and greasy John Deere hats." Judging by your grammar, I couldn't blame them if they did. Just putting it out there, I have nothing wrong with flannel shirts and John Deere hats.
___________________________________________________
This video was shown to me by Saumon Oboudiyat, and like most of the videos I put up here, I find it hilarious. Have fun with it.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Worst Vacation. Ever.
I think it is time for me to start addressing the readers of this blog by a nickname. While Titus may have the Trillion Man March, I have come up with a name that is slightly less catchy, slightly more clever, and significantly less politically correct. I deem you, the loyal followers of my blog, as the homeless. I'm not sure whether this name will stick or not, but I have been thinking about putting out there for a while, and I feel this is just the best time for it.
I promise you, the next post will be a guest post by none other than TBD, Jake Enterlin (I have reverted back to my old form, Snake just doesn't work for me. I think he is fine with the multiple nicknames anyway). While on the topic of guest posters, I was looking over Jack's work and realized how much of a lying fiend he truly is. Even though he supposedly chose teams by the better mascot, his championship winner ended up being the Pitt Panthers. I love the scent of the magical cologne that 60% of the time works every time about as much as the next guy, but there is no way a panther was the best mascot in the whole tournament. Since Pitt didn't win, it just gave me another face to rub Villanova's success into. And just as a follow up, I ended up beating Run, meaning it isn't even close to unstoppable anymore.
___________________________________________________
Onto the true purpose of this post. The reason I haven't posted in a while was because I just got home from a family vacation. You may be thinking "Well, he brought Jeffrey J. and O-Star Superstar, so it must have been a great time!" While Papa Jeff brought the baller level up to a max, and Omar didn't quite cross that line from being fun to annoying, it was possibly the worst vacation any of us had ever been on. We traveled to Lake Owasco in upstate New York, and it is pretty beautiful there this time of year. There was one little problem that we encountered. It starts with an H, rhymes with mouse, and is the namesake of a popular television show/character. Yes, the house was awful, and I will now explain to you why.
First of all, the house was maintained about as well as Carrot Top's hair is. It was so poorly managed in fact that there were actual plants growing out of the gutters, I kid you not. They did make a few changes to the house, though. One of these was taking out a light in a bedroom and replacing it with a smoke detector. Needless to say, this caused some confusion for me and O-Star when we turned on the light switch and a loud buzzing noise started to go off. In the same bedroom, presumably to separate it from the loft in the other room, was a wooden window. You may doubt that there is such a thing, but let me assure you, there is. While it may defeat the purpose of a window because you can't actually see through it, a barrier is provided. The last change they made simply astounded me, for it was probably the junkiest and simultaneously hilarious thing I have ever seen. Instead of putting an actual lock on a sliding door, they instead lock it by lodging a piece of wood in between the door and the adjacent frame. I am not embellishing at all; this was actually the improvement that the homeowner once made.
While I was certainly not embellishing in that last paragraph, the person that rents out the house might have just a tad bit. Usually "a comfortable fit" means that you will be able to stand up in the upstairs. This was sadly not the case for this house. Omar had to bend over at all times and was constantly hitting his head, while I only faced trouble a few times. The worser of the exaggerations was that the house slept nine. Apparently there being two bedrooms, which hold three people combined, account for sleeping space for nine. The other unfortunate six have to sleep on pull-outs, which is exactly what me and Omar had to do.
Since the house was so awful, we decided to cut it short one day, but not before stopping at Cornell for a visit. Since the U.S. vs. Spain soccer game was on, and it would have been a five hour car ride home with no way to see what was happening in the game, Jeff, Omar, and I decided to stay and watch in the Cornell Campus Bookstore. I am proud to say that I am the only one that saw the first goal by Jozy Altidore, who has an eery likeness to DeJuan Blair. Around the time of Clint Dempsey's goal, Jeff, Omar and I were fully tuned into the game. Jeff had quite a hilarious outburst after Michael Bradley's bogus red card. He jolted up in his seat, clapped, and yelled "You've got to be kidding me!" The best was yet to come, however, when Jeffrey J. shocked all those in the bookstore by proclaiming "That's Horse----" Needless to say Omar and I "dogged him" for that the whole car ride home.
The cursing was not the only dogging Jeffrey J. received on the trip home. He also became a murderer. Of birds. The bird was minding its own business in the middle of the road when Jeff sped up to almost hit it. Trying to avoid the car, the bird flew up, but to no avail, as it hit the bumper of the car. Judging by the smell of blood on the car, I'm fairly certain that Jeffrey J. killed that bird. I will never let him hear the end of it.
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I would be doing the world a disservice if I neglected the death of Michael Jackson. I would be lying to you all if I told you he didn't creep me out a lot, but then again he is the King of Pop, he invented the Thriller Dance, and he is a human being. MJ will be missed by many, and for good reason, because he could sure rock the mic.
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This video was sent in by the next guest poster, Jake Enterlin. He was an ambitious young man from the start and made this killer video. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
I promise you, the next post will be a guest post by none other than TBD, Jake Enterlin (I have reverted back to my old form, Snake just doesn't work for me. I think he is fine with the multiple nicknames anyway). While on the topic of guest posters, I was looking over Jack's work and realized how much of a lying fiend he truly is. Even though he supposedly chose teams by the better mascot, his championship winner ended up being the Pitt Panthers. I love the scent of the magical cologne that 60% of the time works every time about as much as the next guy, but there is no way a panther was the best mascot in the whole tournament. Since Pitt didn't win, it just gave me another face to rub Villanova's success into. And just as a follow up, I ended up beating Run, meaning it isn't even close to unstoppable anymore.
___________________________________________________
Onto the true purpose of this post. The reason I haven't posted in a while was because I just got home from a family vacation. You may be thinking "Well, he brought Jeffrey J. and O-Star Superstar, so it must have been a great time!" While Papa Jeff brought the baller level up to a max, and Omar didn't quite cross that line from being fun to annoying, it was possibly the worst vacation any of us had ever been on. We traveled to Lake Owasco in upstate New York, and it is pretty beautiful there this time of year. There was one little problem that we encountered. It starts with an H, rhymes with mouse, and is the namesake of a popular television show/character. Yes, the house was awful, and I will now explain to you why.
First of all, the house was maintained about as well as Carrot Top's hair is. It was so poorly managed in fact that there were actual plants growing out of the gutters, I kid you not. They did make a few changes to the house, though. One of these was taking out a light in a bedroom and replacing it with a smoke detector. Needless to say, this caused some confusion for me and O-Star when we turned on the light switch and a loud buzzing noise started to go off. In the same bedroom, presumably to separate it from the loft in the other room, was a wooden window. You may doubt that there is such a thing, but let me assure you, there is. While it may defeat the purpose of a window because you can't actually see through it, a barrier is provided. The last change they made simply astounded me, for it was probably the junkiest and simultaneously hilarious thing I have ever seen. Instead of putting an actual lock on a sliding door, they instead lock it by lodging a piece of wood in between the door and the adjacent frame. I am not embellishing at all; this was actually the improvement that the homeowner once made.
While I was certainly not embellishing in that last paragraph, the person that rents out the house might have just a tad bit. Usually "a comfortable fit" means that you will be able to stand up in the upstairs. This was sadly not the case for this house. Omar had to bend over at all times and was constantly hitting his head, while I only faced trouble a few times. The worser of the exaggerations was that the house slept nine. Apparently there being two bedrooms, which hold three people combined, account for sleeping space for nine. The other unfortunate six have to sleep on pull-outs, which is exactly what me and Omar had to do.
Since the house was so awful, we decided to cut it short one day, but not before stopping at Cornell for a visit. Since the U.S. vs. Spain soccer game was on, and it would have been a five hour car ride home with no way to see what was happening in the game, Jeff, Omar, and I decided to stay and watch in the Cornell Campus Bookstore. I am proud to say that I am the only one that saw the first goal by Jozy Altidore, who has an eery likeness to DeJuan Blair. Around the time of Clint Dempsey's goal, Jeff, Omar and I were fully tuned into the game. Jeff had quite a hilarious outburst after Michael Bradley's bogus red card. He jolted up in his seat, clapped, and yelled "You've got to be kidding me!" The best was yet to come, however, when Jeffrey J. shocked all those in the bookstore by proclaiming "That's Horse----" Needless to say Omar and I "dogged him" for that the whole car ride home.
The cursing was not the only dogging Jeffrey J. received on the trip home. He also became a murderer. Of birds. The bird was minding its own business in the middle of the road when Jeff sped up to almost hit it. Trying to avoid the car, the bird flew up, but to no avail, as it hit the bumper of the car. Judging by the smell of blood on the car, I'm fairly certain that Jeffrey J. killed that bird. I will never let him hear the end of it.
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I would be doing the world a disservice if I neglected the death of Michael Jackson. I would be lying to you all if I told you he didn't creep me out a lot, but then again he is the King of Pop, he invented the Thriller Dance, and he is a human being. MJ will be missed by many, and for good reason, because he could sure rock the mic.
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This video was sent in by the next guest poster, Jake Enterlin. He was an ambitious young man from the start and made this killer video. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Palace, The Present, and Facebook: A Ballad of My Birthday
This past week, the Sobel Soup celebrated his 16th birthday. I know what you are thinking: sweet sixteen and the permit. I have received none of those, even though I still have a hunch that I'm getting a surprise party. Anyway, I had three goals for my birthday. One was to get killer presents, another was to drop a deuce, take a smash, whatever you want to call it, in The Palace, a.k.a. the best bathroom in school. I can't tell you what the third was, but many of you probably know anyway. It is a shame that I did not achieve any of the goals.
Going number 2 in the palace was probably the easiest goal, and the one that I had the most control over. It just didn't work out for me, and I decided to let it go. At the time, I thought I would get tons of killer presents, and that would cancel out the lost goal. I ended up being wrong about the presents too. While Judy takes me out every year, and I got everything I could have asked for from my grandparents, I didn't take into account my mother, who is the worst manager of money that I have ever encountered. I asked for a few things for my birthday, but only got one. The thing I got was a hammock, which is pretty cool. Unfortunately, it also costs the same as some inter-city homes. I couldn't even get those slick boat shoes I had wanted for a while.
Everyone knows what comes along with every birthday. No, I am not talking about birthday punches. Instead, I'm talking about having everyone write on your Facebook wall. It's common knowledge that when it is someone's birthday, you tell them happy birthday on his or her wall. If it's someone you don't know very well, a simple "happy birthday dude" or "yo man happy bday" will do. Exclamation points may be inserted when necessary. When you are friends with the person, another message should be attached. An inside joke or something that is significant to both persons involved would do the trick. Sometimes a person (Gabrielle Nichols) crosses the friend/no-friend line and writes a long and unnecessary message, to which the person whose birthday it is has to respond to or else it would make the person who wrote it feel really bad. This is Facebook etiquette at its finest; I suggest taking notes.
Anyway, if it's your birthday, you can respond by doing one of several things. You could do nothing, seemingly ignoring all of the notifications and emails you undoubtedly received about people all telling you the same exact thing. That's reserved for the people who are too cool for school; Jake Enterlin, for example, is known for this sort of thing. (An interesting tidbit of information showing how "too cool for school" Jake actually is: He got in a fight with a teacher and then dropped out of school. Rebel) What I chose to do was to only respond to the select few who actually cared to write something meaningful on my wall. The highlights were my boy J-EZ Smith (Just so you know, Jordan, I'm innocent) writing me a fresh poem and the aforementioned Gabrielle Nichols telling me about a lot of fun facts that had occurred on my birthday. The key to this strategy is setting your status to a "Thank You" of some sorts after you've written on all the walls, just to let everyone who wrote a simple happy birthday that you still remember them. Some people choose to write something on everyone's wall who writes on theirs. I did this last year, and believe me, it took a while. It is typical for you to write a simple "thanks" (exclamations/smileys inserted if necessary) for the people that you don't know very well. You can do this, or you can take the bold route. I was considering going bold myself, but decided I didn't have the time. If you really feel like messing with people who you don't know, you can always fabricate stories about times you shared with said person, and write about them on their wall. I imagine that it would be quite entertaining. For example you could say "Thanks man (try to come up with a random nickname, it will add to the confusion), we should totally go out smashing mailboxes just like we did last weekend. Remember that one time you drank that urine????" This would cause a lot of confusion and embarrassment. Another one could be "Thanks :) Your the best (enter name here, hold down the last letter if you're a girl) Vacation last year was so fun!!!! Oh and I'm really sorry about accidentally stapling your head last week!" Quite Frankly, I have no idea how someone would respond to something like this.
This birthday was actually an amazing occurrence. For the first time ever, my Uncle Kevin, who you all know from the Easter Sunday post, actually called me on my birthday. Technically it was the day after, but close enough. He said happy birthday and went through the whole deal with me, and then he got to the real reason that he was calling for. He wanted me to tell everyone on the Soup Kitchen that he actually owns two boats. We then went into a discussion about how I had to specify that one was a house boat, so it's not nearly as obnoxious as owning two regular boats is. Anyway, it was a real pleasure talking about my birthday around the actual date, and not at Christmas time. NFL.com also sent me birthday wishes as well. The only problem was that they came a day early, and they were titled "Happy Birthday, Ronald." I'm not sure if it was a mistake, or if they actually think my name is Ronald. Either way, I found it hilarious.
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This video was sent in by Fat Dub, and I find it, like the rest of the videos up here, very funny. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Going number 2 in the palace was probably the easiest goal, and the one that I had the most control over. It just didn't work out for me, and I decided to let it go. At the time, I thought I would get tons of killer presents, and that would cancel out the lost goal. I ended up being wrong about the presents too. While Judy takes me out every year, and I got everything I could have asked for from my grandparents, I didn't take into account my mother, who is the worst manager of money that I have ever encountered. I asked for a few things for my birthday, but only got one. The thing I got was a hammock, which is pretty cool. Unfortunately, it also costs the same as some inter-city homes. I couldn't even get those slick boat shoes I had wanted for a while.
Everyone knows what comes along with every birthday. No, I am not talking about birthday punches. Instead, I'm talking about having everyone write on your Facebook wall. It's common knowledge that when it is someone's birthday, you tell them happy birthday on his or her wall. If it's someone you don't know very well, a simple "happy birthday dude" or "yo man happy bday" will do. Exclamation points may be inserted when necessary. When you are friends with the person, another message should be attached. An inside joke or something that is significant to both persons involved would do the trick. Sometimes a person (Gabrielle Nichols) crosses the friend/no-friend line and writes a long and unnecessary message, to which the person whose birthday it is has to respond to or else it would make the person who wrote it feel really bad. This is Facebook etiquette at its finest; I suggest taking notes.
Anyway, if it's your birthday, you can respond by doing one of several things. You could do nothing, seemingly ignoring all of the notifications and emails you undoubtedly received about people all telling you the same exact thing. That's reserved for the people who are too cool for school; Jake Enterlin, for example, is known for this sort of thing. (An interesting tidbit of information showing how "too cool for school" Jake actually is: He got in a fight with a teacher and then dropped out of school. Rebel) What I chose to do was to only respond to the select few who actually cared to write something meaningful on my wall. The highlights were my boy J-EZ Smith (Just so you know, Jordan, I'm innocent) writing me a fresh poem and the aforementioned Gabrielle Nichols telling me about a lot of fun facts that had occurred on my birthday. The key to this strategy is setting your status to a "Thank You" of some sorts after you've written on all the walls, just to let everyone who wrote a simple happy birthday that you still remember them. Some people choose to write something on everyone's wall who writes on theirs. I did this last year, and believe me, it took a while. It is typical for you to write a simple "thanks" (exclamations/smileys inserted if necessary) for the people that you don't know very well. You can do this, or you can take the bold route. I was considering going bold myself, but decided I didn't have the time. If you really feel like messing with people who you don't know, you can always fabricate stories about times you shared with said person, and write about them on their wall. I imagine that it would be quite entertaining. For example you could say "Thanks man (try to come up with a random nickname, it will add to the confusion), we should totally go out smashing mailboxes just like we did last weekend. Remember that one time you drank that urine????" This would cause a lot of confusion and embarrassment. Another one could be "Thanks :) Your the best (enter name here, hold down the last letter if you're a girl) Vacation last year was so fun!!!! Oh and I'm really sorry about accidentally stapling your head last week!" Quite Frankly, I have no idea how someone would respond to something like this.
This birthday was actually an amazing occurrence. For the first time ever, my Uncle Kevin, who you all know from the Easter Sunday post, actually called me on my birthday. Technically it was the day after, but close enough. He said happy birthday and went through the whole deal with me, and then he got to the real reason that he was calling for. He wanted me to tell everyone on the Soup Kitchen that he actually owns two boats. We then went into a discussion about how I had to specify that one was a house boat, so it's not nearly as obnoxious as owning two regular boats is. Anyway, it was a real pleasure talking about my birthday around the actual date, and not at Christmas time. NFL.com also sent me birthday wishes as well. The only problem was that they came a day early, and they were titled "Happy Birthday, Ronald." I'm not sure if it was a mistake, or if they actually think my name is Ronald. Either way, I found it hilarious.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by Fat Dub, and I find it, like the rest of the videos up here, very funny. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
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