I don't fail at many things. Generally, I'm at least decent at everything I have ever done. This includes things ranging from rapping songs to wrapping gifts (God, I love puns). Even though I have been exposed to failures, I never really experienced it before.
There are plenty of examples of failure around us. Fail blog made a website about it. There is a movie made called The Failures. There are even examples in the NFL, in the form of the Washington Redskins. They are an awful team to start with, but their disastrous trick play they tried to pull last night on the Giants brought their atrocity of a season to a whole new level of bad. I actually saw this live last night, and started laughing before the play began. After seeing a few replays, I decided it was one of the funniest attempts and subsequent failures I had ever seen. Maybe that exposure to failure helped cause what happened to me today.
Today, I failed my driver's test. (This would be a perfect FML) Quite frankly, I am a fine driver. I'm probably the only person in the history of Pennsylvania to actually complete the required 50 hours of driving, yet I still failed. How, may you ask? I could tell from the start that it wasn't going to end well.
Jeffrey J. and I rolled up at the DMV looking fresh to death in our brand-spankin' new (read: several month old) Subaru. We both had on suits, since he went to work earlier, and I had to dress up for school, since I'm a basketball manager and all. We were just chilling there, jamming to some Christmas carols to get into the spirit. My test administrator came walking out of the building, and it was then that I had a bad feeling about what would happen next. This guy was really, really old. In fact, he had so many wrinkles, it looked like his face could be a topographic map of San Francisco. Once he stepped in the car, one thing was clear to both of us. He was intimidated by me, since I was obviously the better dressed of the two of us, and he was the one working. The elephant in the room, or car, just wouldn't leave. Fortunately for him, it didn't last long. We were driving to go take the parking portion of the test when we reached a stop sign. I stopped; naturally I didn't want to fail. Then I continued on to go park.
If any of you have ever parallel parked, it really is not that difficult. I am pretty good at it, or so I thought. I started out too far away, and went a little too fast. The old guy riding with me claims that I hit the barrel in the back. It was pretty obvious to me that I didn't come close to hitting it. He was probably just imagining things. I cut the guy a break; he was old after all. He told me pull out and pull down the driveway. I looked at him kind of funny, because I clearly had not parallel parked yet. I followed his instructions and pulled into a parking space. He told me I failed because I hit the barrel. Then he added on that I "rolled" the stop sign. Of course I was shocked, appalled, and very angry since neither of these things happened. It would have been impossible for him to determine whether or not I hit the barrel. Again, he was very old, so for him to hear or see something in the present conditions would have been very unlikely. Come to think of it, he definitely was imagining things. As for the stop sign, the Sobel Soup is a busy man. I have places to go and people to see, ladies and gentlemen, and if he can't accept that I guess I'll just have to ask for a new instructor next time.
He gave me some advice for next time: Stop at the sign, say S-T-O-P out loud, and then proceed. I wanted to ask him what the odds are that anyone has ever done that while actually driving a car, ever. I restrained, because I didn't want to get kicked out of the DMV, and not be able to retake my test. If anything, a person should be rewarded for not saying S-T-O-P out loud. Let's say someone did that out on the actual roads. Can you imagine what the guy behind him would do? I, for one, would lay down the horn. Plus, by concentrating so hard on saying S-T-O-P, a person would lose focus on the roads and might even get into a crash. It annoys the hell out of me already, and I'm just typing it.
Basking in my defeat, I had nothing else to do but to try and make a pun. Unfortunately, the only thing I came up with was Penn-Don't, a play off PennDot which is another failure in itself. I'm just going to stop while I'm ahead.
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One thing that didn't fail recently was Nota, who won the Sing Off title, and the 100 G's that go with it, last night. If you may recall, I predicted this almost a week ago. Sure enough it came true. What else do you expect?
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No one sent in a video for this post (a further example of my failure), so I decided to put in a video I have recently discovered. I used to not like Jared Allen very much, mainly because he has the dumbest sack dance known to man. But since I saw this video, he is instantly my favorite NFL player who is not on the Eagles. I would just like to say before you all watch this, that I have since followed Jared's advice about a few topics. If anyone ever asks me if I want extra mayonnaise, I will indeed say yes. And I will try to shape my chest hair in a heart, to see if it is as tight as he claims it to be.
"Damn, he likes to party. With two r's"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
The Return of the Sobel Soup
I know you can't believe your eyes right now. Neither can I. It had been way too long, and like Dan Quayle once said: "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." I thought I would take DQ's advice to heart and not waste my talents not writing on this blog. Then again, this was the same man who once said "We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century," so taking advice from him might not be the smartest idea. It wouldn't shock me if you were doubtful of the fact that Dan Quayle actually said those things, but trust me, he did. I found it on one of those quote pages. Speaking of which, I stumbled across one of those for me during English class this year with Squeaky Eiel. Even though he says it is pathetic to Google yourself, everybody and their mother does it from time to time. Some extremely kind reader submitted my quote to this website. Thanks to the person who submitted it, and to those of you who only rated it 3 stars, shame on you.
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As far as sports goes, I have missed a lot. This includes the Phillies unfortunate loss to the Yankees in the World Series. I did happen to be at Game 4 of the NLCS, yes that game. Needless to say, me and Jeffrey J. were jumping for joy at the end of the game. Oh yeah, we also happened to be on TV. I received a few texts saying that Jeff and I had been on the tube. Yes, it was probably the greatest night of my life. And yes, when I got home I did text everyone in my phonebook telling them that I was on television.
The Phillies have made big news today, as well. Of course I am talking about trading Cliff Lee and prospects to the Mariners and Blue Jays for Roy Halladay. My jury is still out on how much I like the deal. Also, I'm fairly disappointed in the fact that we traded away Michael Taylor, one of those prospects. Fat Dub went to see a Reading Phillies game once and saw Taylor play. What Fat Dub witnessed that night was legendary. Michael Taylor went 5-5, hit for the cycle, his second home run being the game winner. He was impressed, and I trust Fat Dub's scouting abilities.
The Eagles are looking fantastic, even without the baller of that defense, Stewart Bradley, who looks like Fletch with that haircut (props to Uncle Kevin on the Fletch information). The Flyers really aren't looking too good, and the Sixers are just downright pathetic.
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One reason for my neglect of the blog has been my constant school activities. I have started writing for the Panther Press, and in the latest issue I interviewed Gino 'Gig' Miraglia. Just as a preview, I'm looking to interview Wisconsin hero, and blog-hater, T.J. Adams next. I made a promise to TBD that I would interview him, but I'm saving that for baiseball season. I also played soccer for the school. Before the season started, after a long day of playing, the team decided to go out to get some food. Bradley Pratzner, a good friend of mine, discovered an all-you-can-eat chicken wings offer for that night. It was a great plan. The offer also happened to be at Hooters. That made it an even greater plan.
It was my first time eating at Hooters, and the food wasn't all that. I honestly have no idea how the place stays in business. Anyway, several guys were there, including my boy XR, Xander Rizzello, who said he would rather kill a human being than a dog, in defense of Donte Stallworth over Michael Vick. I'm going to stay away from those two specific cases, but I'm just going to say that what Xander said that day rivals Dan Quayle's quotes for the dumbest things I have ever heard. It's alright though, because X does a killer impersonation of Pete Luzak. Kelsey and Nick were also there, and you know from my past blog posts that they have an affinity for claiming it to be my birthday, when it really isn't. Of course, they told the waitresses there that it was my birthday. Now, this was one of the most humiliating moments of my life (so far). To put it simply, I was flustered. At first when they invited me up, I cowered in the corner for the whole restaurant to see. Then, when I finally gathered up the courage to walk to where they wanted me to, they asked me my age. This totally caught me off guard. At first I said 17, but then I quickly changed my answer to 16. I'm sure it made it sound as if it wasn't my birthday. That probably had something to do with what the Hooters girls made me do next. I was forced to stand up on a chair, holding a plastic cup with my mouth and holding two take-out trays under each arm. They were my beak and my wings, of course. Then the entire restaurant preceded to sing Happy Birthday to me, while I flapped my wings in shame. When I sat down, one of the Hooters girls pretty much pulled an Annalise Penikis and ate a Big Mac on me. (Shout-out! Even though she will probably kill me!!) Still basking in my embarrassment, I just wasn't having any of it. She got the message pretty quickly when I told her "I have no idea where I got my shirt, and I don't find it relevant at all." In retrospect, I totally spat in her Big Mac. So this is my formal apology: I'm sorry, Hooters girl.
Most of you know how I like following in the footsteps of my inspiration, Mark Titus. It's odd to say this, but I may have out-Titused Titus this year. First, I sat on the end of the bench all soccer season (I did happen to score one goal. It was glorious). It was a lot of fun, even though I wasn't high enough on the totem pole to be Strath Haven's version of the Human Victory Cigar. I'm not cool enough to be one, seeing as Omari was the first (and best) for Swarthmore last season. Besides sitting on the bench for soccer, I have also become the manager for the basketball team.
One of the reasons I have decided to start the blog up again is that I was specifically asked by K-Vale, Kevin Valentino, when the next post would be. He asked me this on the basketball bus, so I thought it was appropriate to include that in this section. Anyway, Mark Titus was the manager for the Ohio State basketball team too, before he started playing as a walk-on. The only difference between us is that he has a wet jumper, while I (only sometimes) have wet pants, thanks to the lady who spilled her water all over me during the Marple Newtown game.
Not only am I managing the basketball team, but I also run winter track. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. Winter track, basketball manager, soccer team, Panther Press, the Soup Kitchen, various other small-sided tasks. How do I do it? The truth is I'm not really sure. Even though I have more on my plate than Tiger Woods does, I'd say I'm handling it pretty well.
I joined winter track for a few reasons. One of them was that I thought it was called "Indoor track." I learned the hard way that distance runners don't run inside (By the way, have you ever noticed that distance runners is an extremely unspecific term. Everyone that does track runs at least some distance, so, technically, everybody is a distance runner). Another reason I saw fit to join was the fact that Coach Ed coaches winter track as well. This, believe it or not, has fallen to pieces too. The other day at intervals, Coach Ed started yelling at me. In hindsight, he didn't really yell at me, and I actually did deserve it. I sort of went on a full sprint in the outside lane (It only let me pass about half of the runners. Take that statistic as you will) and finished with a Desmond Howard Heisman pose. The last part probably would have been fine, if I wasn't supposed to be running while I was doing it. We had our first meet on Saturday, and I hate it already. Besides the fact that we have to wear really, really short shorts (repetition at its finest), I faced other kids who are more athletically-gifted and who have better work ethic than I do. Oh yeah, and we have to wake up at 6 in the morning. Track is seeming more and more like a great decision to me every day.
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In the past few days, I have taken a likening to the show The Sing Off. If you haven't been watching, you need to. And I'm saying this now so no one takes my idea: Nota is the best, and they are going to win the entire thing. Their rendition of Down last night was probably the best thing I have ever seen.
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Over Thanksgiving, I was lucky enough to spend time with my family. We happened to go to Midnight Madness at the Limerick Outlets, and it was truly Madness. We snuck in a backway to beat the traffic, and it was really a sight to behold, even though we didn't end up buying anything. We actually ended up going to the Ruby Tuesdays. Yes, it was 2 in the morning, but, just like Lucky Charms, their brunch menu was magically delicious. The person who was loving it the most was my cousin, David (For the record, the person who was loving it the least was my cousin Evan. He got left at home). He said he had the most fun he ever had in his life. The scary, and somewhat pathetic part (sorry Dave) is that he is being truthful. David also recommended a video for me to use for my next blog entry. He had been bugging me about it, so there was no way I wasn't going to use it. Also, it was a great selection. I had never seen this video of Carlton, and it is better than any Fresh Prince link I have ever put on here. Without further ado, the World Famous Carlton Dance.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
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As far as sports goes, I have missed a lot. This includes the Phillies unfortunate loss to the Yankees in the World Series. I did happen to be at Game 4 of the NLCS, yes that game. Needless to say, me and Jeffrey J. were jumping for joy at the end of the game. Oh yeah, we also happened to be on TV. I received a few texts saying that Jeff and I had been on the tube. Yes, it was probably the greatest night of my life. And yes, when I got home I did text everyone in my phonebook telling them that I was on television.
The Phillies have made big news today, as well. Of course I am talking about trading Cliff Lee and prospects to the Mariners and Blue Jays for Roy Halladay. My jury is still out on how much I like the deal. Also, I'm fairly disappointed in the fact that we traded away Michael Taylor, one of those prospects. Fat Dub went to see a Reading Phillies game once and saw Taylor play. What Fat Dub witnessed that night was legendary. Michael Taylor went 5-5, hit for the cycle, his second home run being the game winner. He was impressed, and I trust Fat Dub's scouting abilities.
The Eagles are looking fantastic, even without the baller of that defense, Stewart Bradley, who looks like Fletch with that haircut (props to Uncle Kevin on the Fletch information). The Flyers really aren't looking too good, and the Sixers are just downright pathetic.
___________________________________________________
One reason for my neglect of the blog has been my constant school activities. I have started writing for the Panther Press, and in the latest issue I interviewed Gino 'Gig' Miraglia. Just as a preview, I'm looking to interview Wisconsin hero, and blog-hater, T.J. Adams next. I made a promise to TBD that I would interview him, but I'm saving that for baiseball season. I also played soccer for the school. Before the season started, after a long day of playing, the team decided to go out to get some food. Bradley Pratzner, a good friend of mine, discovered an all-you-can-eat chicken wings offer for that night. It was a great plan. The offer also happened to be at Hooters. That made it an even greater plan.
It was my first time eating at Hooters, and the food wasn't all that. I honestly have no idea how the place stays in business. Anyway, several guys were there, including my boy XR, Xander Rizzello, who said he would rather kill a human being than a dog, in defense of Donte Stallworth over Michael Vick. I'm going to stay away from those two specific cases, but I'm just going to say that what Xander said that day rivals Dan Quayle's quotes for the dumbest things I have ever heard. It's alright though, because X does a killer impersonation of Pete Luzak. Kelsey and Nick were also there, and you know from my past blog posts that they have an affinity for claiming it to be my birthday, when it really isn't. Of course, they told the waitresses there that it was my birthday. Now, this was one of the most humiliating moments of my life (so far). To put it simply, I was flustered. At first when they invited me up, I cowered in the corner for the whole restaurant to see. Then, when I finally gathered up the courage to walk to where they wanted me to, they asked me my age. This totally caught me off guard. At first I said 17, but then I quickly changed my answer to 16. I'm sure it made it sound as if it wasn't my birthday. That probably had something to do with what the Hooters girls made me do next. I was forced to stand up on a chair, holding a plastic cup with my mouth and holding two take-out trays under each arm. They were my beak and my wings, of course. Then the entire restaurant preceded to sing Happy Birthday to me, while I flapped my wings in shame. When I sat down, one of the Hooters girls pretty much pulled an Annalise Penikis and ate a Big Mac on me. (Shout-out! Even though she will probably kill me!!) Still basking in my embarrassment, I just wasn't having any of it. She got the message pretty quickly when I told her "I have no idea where I got my shirt, and I don't find it relevant at all." In retrospect, I totally spat in her Big Mac. So this is my formal apology: I'm sorry, Hooters girl.
Most of you know how I like following in the footsteps of my inspiration, Mark Titus. It's odd to say this, but I may have out-Titused Titus this year. First, I sat on the end of the bench all soccer season (I did happen to score one goal. It was glorious). It was a lot of fun, even though I wasn't high enough on the totem pole to be Strath Haven's version of the Human Victory Cigar. I'm not cool enough to be one, seeing as Omari was the first (and best) for Swarthmore last season. Besides sitting on the bench for soccer, I have also become the manager for the basketball team.
One of the reasons I have decided to start the blog up again is that I was specifically asked by K-Vale, Kevin Valentino, when the next post would be. He asked me this on the basketball bus, so I thought it was appropriate to include that in this section. Anyway, Mark Titus was the manager for the Ohio State basketball team too, before he started playing as a walk-on. The only difference between us is that he has a wet jumper, while I (only sometimes) have wet pants, thanks to the lady who spilled her water all over me during the Marple Newtown game.
Not only am I managing the basketball team, but I also run winter track. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. Winter track, basketball manager, soccer team, Panther Press, the Soup Kitchen, various other small-sided tasks. How do I do it? The truth is I'm not really sure. Even though I have more on my plate than Tiger Woods does, I'd say I'm handling it pretty well.
I joined winter track for a few reasons. One of them was that I thought it was called "Indoor track." I learned the hard way that distance runners don't run inside (By the way, have you ever noticed that distance runners is an extremely unspecific term. Everyone that does track runs at least some distance, so, technically, everybody is a distance runner). Another reason I saw fit to join was the fact that Coach Ed coaches winter track as well. This, believe it or not, has fallen to pieces too. The other day at intervals, Coach Ed started yelling at me. In hindsight, he didn't really yell at me, and I actually did deserve it. I sort of went on a full sprint in the outside lane (It only let me pass about half of the runners. Take that statistic as you will) and finished with a Desmond Howard Heisman pose. The last part probably would have been fine, if I wasn't supposed to be running while I was doing it. We had our first meet on Saturday, and I hate it already. Besides the fact that we have to wear really, really short shorts (repetition at its finest), I faced other kids who are more athletically-gifted and who have better work ethic than I do. Oh yeah, and we have to wake up at 6 in the morning. Track is seeming more and more like a great decision to me every day.
___________________________________________________
In the past few days, I have taken a likening to the show The Sing Off. If you haven't been watching, you need to. And I'm saying this now so no one takes my idea: Nota is the best, and they are going to win the entire thing. Their rendition of Down last night was probably the best thing I have ever seen.
___________________________________________________
Over Thanksgiving, I was lucky enough to spend time with my family. We happened to go to Midnight Madness at the Limerick Outlets, and it was truly Madness. We snuck in a backway to beat the traffic, and it was really a sight to behold, even though we didn't end up buying anything. We actually ended up going to the Ruby Tuesdays. Yes, it was 2 in the morning, but, just like Lucky Charms, their brunch menu was magically delicious. The person who was loving it the most was my cousin, David (For the record, the person who was loving it the least was my cousin Evan. He got left at home). He said he had the most fun he ever had in his life. The scary, and somewhat pathetic part (sorry Dave) is that he is being truthful. David also recommended a video for me to use for my next blog entry. He had been bugging me about it, so there was no way I wasn't going to use it. Also, it was a great selection. I had never seen this video of Carlton, and it is better than any Fresh Prince link I have ever put on here. Without further ado, the World Famous Carlton Dance.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Sunday, September 20, 2009
The Best Beards in Baseball: The 2009 Philadelphia Phillies
It certainly has been a while since my last post. In fact, it has been five weeks by this Monday. I'm sure most, if not all, of you thought this blog was dead, but I'm here to quell those rumors. This post is probably going to be very rusty, but the potential of this comeback is limitless. Come to think of it, I feel eerily similar to Michael Vick. Except instead of being away for almost two years, it's only been a month. And instead of spending my time in federal prison, I spent it in the comfort of my own home and unfortunately, school.
That brings up another thing that has happened since I last posted. Summer has ceased to exist and the dreaded school year has started up again. I, for one, find it ironic how everyone painfully awaits the end of school to get here, only to do mostly nothing once it actually comes. All that talk is moot now, though, since summer is over.
One reason I like baseball is because the season goes from the end of one school year, through the summer months, and through the start of the new school year. Another reason why I like baseball is the facial hair stylings of my hometown Philadelphia Phillies.
It is no secret to anyone that I love beards. Whether it be Greg Oden's beard, in all its mystical glory, or Kurt Warner's buzz beard, I have repeatedly been mesmerized by beards, and my lack of ability to grow them, in the blog. It may be a coincidence that I am subject to viewing the team with the greatest collection of facial hair in the league. For example, if someone asks me Phillies or Yankees, you all know what I will answer (TBD has been notorious for asking this question, with the answer being a little different than mine. Think almonds). It will of course be the Phillies, just because of their beard-growing ability. The Yankees aren't even allowed to have facial hair. In fact, they robbed the world of viewing a real-life Geico caveman from playing in baseball. Even if Johnny Damon didn't shave, the Phillies could do them one better, leading us to the first Fightin' on our list: The Wolfman.
1. Jayson Werth. Although he isn't as close to being "Big Sexy with the Glasses" as he was with the Orioles (if you didn't click on that link, trust me, you want to), he still makes looks damn good with his skinny goatee. That along with his beard (when he wants to have it) make for a look anyone would be jealous of.
"I love em', I don't leave em'. I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed em'"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
That brings up another thing that has happened since I last posted. Summer has ceased to exist and the dreaded school year has started up again. I, for one, find it ironic how everyone painfully awaits the end of school to get here, only to do mostly nothing once it actually comes. All that talk is moot now, though, since summer is over.
One reason I like baseball is because the season goes from the end of one school year, through the summer months, and through the start of the new school year. Another reason why I like baseball is the facial hair stylings of my hometown Philadelphia Phillies.
It is no secret to anyone that I love beards. Whether it be Greg Oden's beard, in all its mystical glory, or Kurt Warner's buzz beard, I have repeatedly been mesmerized by beards, and my lack of ability to grow them, in the blog. It may be a coincidence that I am subject to viewing the team with the greatest collection of facial hair in the league. For example, if someone asks me Phillies or Yankees, you all know what I will answer (TBD has been notorious for asking this question, with the answer being a little different than mine. Think almonds). It will of course be the Phillies, just because of their beard-growing ability. The Yankees aren't even allowed to have facial hair. In fact, they robbed the world of viewing a real-life Geico caveman from playing in baseball. Even if Johnny Damon didn't shave, the Phillies could do them one better, leading us to the first Fightin' on our list: The Wolfman.
1. Jayson Werth. Although he isn't as close to being "Big Sexy with the Glasses" as he was with the Orioles (if you didn't click on that link, trust me, you want to), he still makes looks damn good with his skinny goatee. That along with his beard (when he wants to have it) make for a look anyone would be jealous of.
2. Eric Bruntlett. This is truly a beard that Greg Oden would be jealous of. The fact that it covers his whole face makes for a wonderful piece of facial hair, not to mention that the consistent thickness of the beard makes it fit for a lumberjack. Call me crazy, but Bruntlett being blonde makes for a unique, yet much appreciated change-up from dark beards everywhere. (Honorable mention for this type of beard: Pedro Feliz. Pete Happy's beard is neither as full nor is it as recognizable, but I applaud his effort.)
3. Raúl Ibáñez. Rauuuuuuuuul (which originated with Raul G. Ordoñez, the greatest player in Swarthmore basketball history) is more of a classy guy, so he doesn't have any absurd looking goatees or full beards like his counterparts. Instead, he goes all class, with a simple soul patch. It says "I'm a gentleman, but I know how to show a lady a good time." In particular, I imagine said good time going down at some type of 70's disco.
4/5. Brad Lidge and Scott Eyre. The reason I am grouping these two relievers together is because they are both Greg Oden beard wanna-be's. There is a downside to this pursuit, seeing as Eyre is on the disabled list and Brad Lidge is having a worse season than, well, I can't really think of anyone who has had a worse season than Brad Lidge right now.
6. Brett Myers. I'm not showing this beard on the blog because honestly, it is atrocious. I do not want to make the readers of this blog simultaneously vomit and laugh hysterically, even though I would like to see what something like that would look like. Anyway, it's almost as bad as Ryan Franklin's beard, which I'm not even going to link here. It's half out of laziness, and half out of the policy that I'm not allowed to link something that I can't even look at myself on the blog.
Honorable Mentions: Chad Durbin (just as much neck as it is chin), Chase Utley (rugged), and Ryan Howard (all chin).
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With the start of school also comes the start of football season. Don't be mistaken by my lack of talk about the Eagles, they are my team. By "my team," I mean my favorite team. Come to think of it, they aren't as beloved as the Swarthmore Garnet Men's Soccer team, but besides that, there is no team that rivals them. Not even the Villanova Wildcats.
Also coming with football is fantasy football. This was previously my territory, probably even more so than blogging. I figured out that I had literally won 40 straight games on Yahoo. That is before last week, when I was taken down by O-Star Superstar. It was only because of Drew Brees, who faced the Detroit Lions, and their pathetic secondary. I was thinking of having me, Fat Dub, Jeffrey J. and my Grandmom (the one that can dunk) guest start for the Lions' secondary just to stop Drew Brees in Week 1. I probably should have, since he threw for 6 touchdowns and all. Anyway, what's done is done, and the loss is overwith. I'll recover somehow. When I realized I had lost on Tuesday morning, I listened to my favorite post-loss song at least 1,341 times. Something tells me my three-headed running back tandem of Michael Turner, Steven Jackson, and LaToeInjury Tomlinson were listening to it as well.
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It has been a while since I've posted, so I'm bypassing the video requests this post in favor of one of my favorite videos. Ever. Shaq got a raw deal for this rap, because in my opinion (and in TBD's), it is one of the illest freestyles ever.
"I love em', I don't leave em'. I got a vasectomy, now I can't breed em'"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, August 14, 2009
A Guide to the Internet- Part One: AIM
With the internet taking over our everyday lives now more than ever, I figured there would be no better time than now to help the homeless out in gaining important knowledge about the Internet. Technically, I could go all Video Professor on you, but I'm going to cater to the people on this one. Since the majority of my readers are of the younger generation who use Facebook and AIM, I'll talk mostly about that. Originally, I was only going to do one post guiding the use of the Internet. Since seeing how much information I can put in just on AIM, this is going to be Part One of a Two (or maybe more) part series.
AIM stands for AOL Instant Messenger, and it is a useful way for young people, such as myself, to interact among each other. You have to be at least 13 years old to sign up for it, but everyone and their mother knows that if you don't sign up for it before you're 13, you're a square. I'm not certain if there is a maximum age you can be, but I've never seen a person over 25 use AIM. So to all of you older folks out there, if you don't want to be arrested by your local police force for child molestation, I whole-heartedly advise against the use of AIM.
That being said, the rest of this advice goes for those who are of age to be using such a tool. First things first: picking a screenname. I'm 100% sure that anyone reading this blog has made at least one screenname in their lifetime, but the number of you that have made a foolish one is probably a high one as well. I too am subject to abuse when it comes to bad choices of names. I once made one named, and I'm not kidding when I tell you this, "accheeriosbox913." That's right. Apple Cinnamon Cheerios Box. As my screenname. It humiliates me to this day that I made that, albeit in the seventh grade. What was going through my head you may ask? I have no idea. Other screenname failures include whosurdady82 and oxocrashintomeoxo. Putting any saying in your name, in this case an extremely ridiculous one, is never a good idea. Not only that, but the misspelling of "your" makes this abismal name worse. This masterpiece was thought up by none other than O-Star Superstar, basking in all of his glory. The other bad idea is a song name, or any other thing that could go with it. Crash into me is probably the cheesiest thing this side of nachos. This beaut of an sn was courtesy of Val Keller. Another bad idea for a screenname is using an athletes name. A perfect example of this is Fat Dub's adrianpeterson1. Even though he did make this way back in AP's freshman year at OU, it could confuse some people, maybe tricking them into thinking they are talking to the actual Adrian Peterson, and not just a rabid fan. Just clarification, if you would possibly make it something to the effect of PurpleJesus, or a different cool nickname, that would be totally fine. But the full name of an athelete just doesn't cut it.
That's the worst of the worst for bad screennames. But how do you make a good screenname? It usually involves some portion of your name and/or nickname and your favorite numbers. In my own case, I use my initals and my favorite numbers, as does Joe Raymond (who was the only other person I could find that did this). Other acceptable things to put in are a certain sport you play, a favorite sports team or anything concerning money. For guys, you are done making your screenname. For the females, you have a choice to make. You can keep it plain and simple or you can add a few variances to yours, just to add that special something that you presumably bring to the table. This can be done by putting x's or o's at the beginning and/or end of the screenname. If one chooses to put any x's or o's in the screenname, it is recommended that you align them from beginning to end. For example, xorandomgirlox is better than just xorandomgirl or randomgirlxo. Alignment of the x's and o's are key. Another choice a female can make is the adding of multiple letters to any part of the screenname she feels requires emphasis. Adding any of these features by a male could be harmful in more ways than one, and I forewarn all of you males to not do it.
That covers the screennames. Next is the lingo. Whether you are young or old, surely you have heard of an acronym of some sort. The most famous one is obviously lol, standing, of course, for laughing out loud. I have had countless arguments with Ali Lohan look-a-like Julia Reitenbach (I probably spelled that last name wrong, but I like it that way. It shows more disrespect) about the use of lol as an -ing or -ed verb. She seems to think if she is currently laughing out loud or if she just laughed out loud, she should describe it as loling or loled. As you can see, this is complete mockery of the english language. That translated out would be Laughing out loud-ing or Laughing out loud-ed. If you wanted to stress that you are laughing out loud at the current time, you can simply say lingol, or you could just not use it. But for the translations sake, it makes no sense. That is why I stay away from the lol's. I feel they are too impersonal anyway. This is why I suggest the use of haha's. Lol is too short of a saying to have any meaning, but haha's can be extended into hahah, hahaha, or if it's really funny, hahahaha. If something is so outrageous, one can even capitalize it to HAHAH. That is usually the furthest you can go with the capitalizations of haha's, because HAHAHAHA is just a little overbearing. But if you want to embellish upon the lol, LOL really doesn't change much, and lolololol really makes no sense. This is another instance when a female's version of haha differs from the male's. While men are strictly limited to haha, girls can usually get away with a bahahahaha, but it has to be a long laugh. The origin of the b replacing the h in the haha is an oft-debated subject. Some claim that it is representative of a long, evil laugh, explaining why it would have to be long to effective. A small following has come to believe that it was the love for the Baha Men that did it. And they have a good point. Seriously, show me one person whose life was not drastically changed after listening to "Who Let the Dogs Out?" for the first time. I know mine was. Again, it is forbidden for men to use the term bahaha.
You may find yourself in an AIM situation where you are talking to a total creeper who is trying to make way too many jokes for his or her own good. This is when the use of just "ha" is necessary and essential for you to keep your sanity in check. And the use of "ha" goes both ways. When someone says ha to you, take it as a message to stop telling jokes, and stop right now. This is not to be confused with hah, which is just a break from saying haha. That one h makes a huge differenece, trust me.
The general use of acronyms is not looked upon well if you are older than 12. It's like Jeffrey J. says: "If you want to be an adult, you have to talk like one." For that reason, typing mostly everything out is a must. Some things, such as idk- for I don't know, gtg/g2g- for gotta go, and others that I will name later, are acceptable. But ik- for I know, is pushing it, and anything beyond that is really unnacceptable. I'm going to tell you the golden rule of acronyms; remember it always. Like the Sobel Soup's Inspirational Speech, this too is copyrighted. When in doubt, write it out. It's as simple as that, boys and girls.
Just clarifying here, this is one of the most important points I have to tell you about. If you are a girl, feel free to hold down any letter at any time in any word. It just adds emphasis, and you are allowed to do it whenever: happy, sad, anything. For males, any and all use of letter-holding is strongly discouraged, and should only be used in a time of great confidence or great distress. Use this wisely or don't use it at all, because it has been known to be the downfall of many great AIM users who have never since recovered.
Now that you have the screennames and the abbreviations down, it is time for you to learn how to start your conversations. This is a very special tradition that has evolved over the years. No matter if you are in sixth grade or in college, you always start out the conversation with a version of a hello. It could be hello, hi, yo, hey, or anything else (girls can again hold down any letter), whether you start the conversation or answer a message, you should use a greeting. After that is when you ask what's up. It is acceptable for the person answering an IM to say what's up, or some version of it, as a greeting. Now, there are several different ways to ask and answer the question "What's up?" You could say sup, what up, whats up, whats good, whats goin on, or even whats cookin (Uncle Don's favorite). While it is grammatically correct to include the apostrophe, you usually shouldn't do it, because it will make the person you are talking to think you care too much about the conversation you are holding. And believe me, perception is everything in this situation. If you are bold enough, or if you are nearing the age of 10, you could go with whats ^ or even w^. Believe it or not, when I first got my screenname I asked what was up by saying w^. The w stands for what's and the ^ is pointing up, obviously. If you want to get bilingual, you can always go with a que tal, or my personal favorite, que paso. If asked in a different language, it is the norm to answer in that same language.
How does one answer to this? Presumably nothing is up, or, since you are on AIM, you are just relaxing. The typically answer is nothing, nothing much, or the acronym for that, nm (which is completely acceptable). Others include chillin, chillen (spelling variation shows you don't care), just chillin, or its acronym jc (also accepted). If you are the person who was asked, it is considered rude to not ask the person what is up with them. Never, under any circumstance, ask them whats up, or sup, or something that was just described in the paragraph above. You can include a "u" on the end of nm or jc, or you can just leave it by itself following your answer. A "you?" will do just fine, as will how about you, or its acronym hbu. Going with the bilingual theme, y tu or y usted is a must for a spanish whats up. Feel free to cut out the y (spanish for and) and to hold down the last letter in all of these if you are a female.
Back in the sixth grade, these were the extents of the conversations I had with 95% of my AIM friends. Seriously, if I saw a person sign on, I would go through with this, and at the end of all of it say something like "sweet" or "cool." They would typically respond with "yeah" and that would be the end of it. I would always hope to not be the person to ask what was up, so I could say sweet or cool at the end, just to feel superior, because everyone knows it's the cool kid who gets to say sweet or something to that effect. This was usually done when people greeted me first, but even if I greeted them first, at times I waited them out so they would be forced to say what's up. It would break all rules of AIM if no what's up was said. If I really wanted to have the last word, I would follow up a "yeah" from them with a "yeah" of my own. A typical conversation went as such:
Ben: yo
Other person: yo
Ben: w^
Other person: nmu
Ben: same jc
Other person: nice
Ben: yeah
While writing this, I have just realized that I currently have these AIM conversations with Pete, or tdgeo. Besides him, the other conversations I have go a little deeper than that, but they always start out the same way. It just wouldn't feel right any other way.
Now that you know how to start/sustain conversations, you need to learn about away messages and buddy profiles. First things first, away messages. It can sometimes get annoying if you talk to people with an away message up, because it always pops up after they send an IM to you, even if you IM them first. I am notorious for this, and I have even been taken off the buddy list of my dear friend Clay Packel for this reason. For clarification purposes, away messages are not the same as statuses. You can have a status even if you are not away, and Macs allow you to put the song you are listening to as your status. That is the coolest thing ever, and those of us without Macs (me) wish we could have it that way. I strongly advise any of you with Macs to turn this feature on. Only if listening to something fruity or down-right creepy should you take it off. But other than songs, don't update your status, just go away. If you are doing something witty/fun that you want people to know about, you can put it as your away message. For example, if you are going to a sporting event or a concert, you can leave it as your away message. Inside jokes or anecdotes are also accepted. An oddity can also be an away message. For example, one time last year I was getting an outdoor haircut from Aunt Judy. Since this was the first (and hopefully only time) this would be happening, I left my away message as "getting an outdoor haircut." While this is acceptable on occasion, away messages like these get a little old after a while. Try to limit them to twice a month at a maximum. Saumon Oboudiyat is known for these away messages. Except instead of leaving them up twice a month, he leaves them up about 10 times a day. It is acceptable for him, though, because he is small and dark-haired (that didn't make sense).When you don't feel like signing off, but you aren't doing anything of note, you can always leave an away message like bbl (be back later), or brb (be right back). Another option is to leave a blank away message, like Down-C does. I've never seen anyone else besides him do it, but it is effective. Or you could go with the default one of "I am away from my computer right now." If you are having a seemingly hilarious conversation with someone who makes some funny remarks, you can leave those remarks, screenname of the buddy included, up as your away message as well. This goes under the category of "AIM camaraderie," which is always accepted.
Also accepted under camaraderie is the use of funny quotes from a buddy into your profile as well. If something someone says is "profile-worthy" as I like to say, it can go in. It is all in the eye of the beholder as to what is profile-worthy. Also popular in buddy profiles are funny videos or other links. For example, in my buddy profile I currently have a link to the Soup Kitchen and to I Love Mammals. Countdowns that are updated daily are encouraged only for females, who again may use as many letters as they please, but they are not looked upon in a positive light for males to have such a thing in said profile. Some people can even put lyrics to a song in, even though that is usually, but not always, for girls. A buddy profile is pretty much your space to express yourself in.
The last thing you should edit is your buddy icon. This is similar to the buddy profile in that it allows for personal expression, in the form of a picture for the icon. It can be anything from a favorite picture of your own to an inside joke. For example, my buddy icon is Leonardo DiCaprio. I have it set as such because I think he is one of the most ballin' actors of this generation, and I love his movies. Others, especially those with Macs, have their own pictures for the icons. Other acceptable items are sports teams, old cartoon characters, or even an animated one. Seriously, nearly anything is inbounds here, because almost everything can be looked at as a joke. So have fun with this, if anything, because it almost has no boundaries.
One last tidbit of information: try not to go into chat rooms. Unless you are having a throw-back to middle school night (like me and the former TBD, Jake Enterlin, often have), you do not want to have a chat room. Even if you are trying to work something out between multiple buddies, you can do it without creating/joining a chat. It's just not worth taking the reputation hit. Trust me.
___________________________________________________
With me just writing the longest post in the Soup Kitchen's history (does this rival any of Gusalina's posts for length? I doubt it), I figured I would end it with the shortest video in the history. Actually, I'm not sure if this counts as the shortest video, because it is 1:13. But technically these are all 1-second commercials, so it should count. Anyway, I hope you enjoy watching this guy as much as I do, because personally I think the commercial about the VIP section is one of the most HQ (high quality- an acronym for you) commercials I've ever seen ("Common Sense ain't on the guest list.")
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
AIM stands for AOL Instant Messenger, and it is a useful way for young people, such as myself, to interact among each other. You have to be at least 13 years old to sign up for it, but everyone and their mother knows that if you don't sign up for it before you're 13, you're a square. I'm not certain if there is a maximum age you can be, but I've never seen a person over 25 use AIM. So to all of you older folks out there, if you don't want to be arrested by your local police force for child molestation, I whole-heartedly advise against the use of AIM.
That being said, the rest of this advice goes for those who are of age to be using such a tool. First things first: picking a screenname. I'm 100% sure that anyone reading this blog has made at least one screenname in their lifetime, but the number of you that have made a foolish one is probably a high one as well. I too am subject to abuse when it comes to bad choices of names. I once made one named, and I'm not kidding when I tell you this, "accheeriosbox913." That's right. Apple Cinnamon Cheerios Box. As my screenname. It humiliates me to this day that I made that, albeit in the seventh grade. What was going through my head you may ask? I have no idea. Other screenname failures include whosurdady82 and oxocrashintomeoxo. Putting any saying in your name, in this case an extremely ridiculous one, is never a good idea. Not only that, but the misspelling of "your" makes this abismal name worse. This masterpiece was thought up by none other than O-Star Superstar, basking in all of his glory. The other bad idea is a song name, or any other thing that could go with it. Crash into me is probably the cheesiest thing this side of nachos. This beaut of an sn was courtesy of Val Keller. Another bad idea for a screenname is using an athletes name. A perfect example of this is Fat Dub's adrianpeterson1. Even though he did make this way back in AP's freshman year at OU, it could confuse some people, maybe tricking them into thinking they are talking to the actual Adrian Peterson, and not just a rabid fan. Just clarification, if you would possibly make it something to the effect of PurpleJesus, or a different cool nickname, that would be totally fine. But the full name of an athelete just doesn't cut it.
That's the worst of the worst for bad screennames. But how do you make a good screenname? It usually involves some portion of your name and/or nickname and your favorite numbers. In my own case, I use my initals and my favorite numbers, as does Joe Raymond (who was the only other person I could find that did this). Other acceptable things to put in are a certain sport you play, a favorite sports team or anything concerning money. For guys, you are done making your screenname. For the females, you have a choice to make. You can keep it plain and simple or you can add a few variances to yours, just to add that special something that you presumably bring to the table. This can be done by putting x's or o's at the beginning and/or end of the screenname. If one chooses to put any x's or o's in the screenname, it is recommended that you align them from beginning to end. For example, xorandomgirlox is better than just xorandomgirl or randomgirlxo. Alignment of the x's and o's are key. Another choice a female can make is the adding of multiple letters to any part of the screenname she feels requires emphasis. Adding any of these features by a male could be harmful in more ways than one, and I forewarn all of you males to not do it.
That covers the screennames. Next is the lingo. Whether you are young or old, surely you have heard of an acronym of some sort. The most famous one is obviously lol, standing, of course, for laughing out loud. I have had countless arguments with Ali Lohan look-a-like Julia Reitenbach (I probably spelled that last name wrong, but I like it that way. It shows more disrespect) about the use of lol as an -ing or -ed verb. She seems to think if she is currently laughing out loud or if she just laughed out loud, she should describe it as loling or loled. As you can see, this is complete mockery of the english language. That translated out would be Laughing out loud-ing or Laughing out loud-ed. If you wanted to stress that you are laughing out loud at the current time, you can simply say lingol, or you could just not use it. But for the translations sake, it makes no sense. That is why I stay away from the lol's. I feel they are too impersonal anyway. This is why I suggest the use of haha's. Lol is too short of a saying to have any meaning, but haha's can be extended into hahah, hahaha, or if it's really funny, hahahaha. If something is so outrageous, one can even capitalize it to HAHAH. That is usually the furthest you can go with the capitalizations of haha's, because HAHAHAHA is just a little overbearing. But if you want to embellish upon the lol, LOL really doesn't change much, and lolololol really makes no sense. This is another instance when a female's version of haha differs from the male's. While men are strictly limited to haha, girls can usually get away with a bahahahaha, but it has to be a long laugh. The origin of the b replacing the h in the haha is an oft-debated subject. Some claim that it is representative of a long, evil laugh, explaining why it would have to be long to effective. A small following has come to believe that it was the love for the Baha Men that did it. And they have a good point. Seriously, show me one person whose life was not drastically changed after listening to "Who Let the Dogs Out?" for the first time. I know mine was. Again, it is forbidden for men to use the term bahaha.
You may find yourself in an AIM situation where you are talking to a total creeper who is trying to make way too many jokes for his or her own good. This is when the use of just "ha" is necessary and essential for you to keep your sanity in check. And the use of "ha" goes both ways. When someone says ha to you, take it as a message to stop telling jokes, and stop right now. This is not to be confused with hah, which is just a break from saying haha. That one h makes a huge differenece, trust me.
The general use of acronyms is not looked upon well if you are older than 12. It's like Jeffrey J. says: "If you want to be an adult, you have to talk like one." For that reason, typing mostly everything out is a must. Some things, such as idk- for I don't know, gtg/g2g- for gotta go, and others that I will name later, are acceptable. But ik- for I know, is pushing it, and anything beyond that is really unnacceptable. I'm going to tell you the golden rule of acronyms; remember it always. Like the Sobel Soup's Inspirational Speech, this too is copyrighted. When in doubt, write it out. It's as simple as that, boys and girls.
Just clarifying here, this is one of the most important points I have to tell you about. If you are a girl, feel free to hold down any letter at any time in any word. It just adds emphasis, and you are allowed to do it whenever: happy, sad, anything. For males, any and all use of letter-holding is strongly discouraged, and should only be used in a time of great confidence or great distress. Use this wisely or don't use it at all, because it has been known to be the downfall of many great AIM users who have never since recovered.
Now that you have the screennames and the abbreviations down, it is time for you to learn how to start your conversations. This is a very special tradition that has evolved over the years. No matter if you are in sixth grade or in college, you always start out the conversation with a version of a hello. It could be hello, hi, yo, hey, or anything else (girls can again hold down any letter), whether you start the conversation or answer a message, you should use a greeting. After that is when you ask what's up. It is acceptable for the person answering an IM to say what's up, or some version of it, as a greeting. Now, there are several different ways to ask and answer the question "What's up?" You could say sup, what up, whats up, whats good, whats goin on, or even whats cookin (Uncle Don's favorite). While it is grammatically correct to include the apostrophe, you usually shouldn't do it, because it will make the person you are talking to think you care too much about the conversation you are holding. And believe me, perception is everything in this situation. If you are bold enough, or if you are nearing the age of 10, you could go with whats ^ or even w^. Believe it or not, when I first got my screenname I asked what was up by saying w^. The w stands for what's and the ^ is pointing up, obviously. If you want to get bilingual, you can always go with a que tal, or my personal favorite, que paso. If asked in a different language, it is the norm to answer in that same language.
How does one answer to this? Presumably nothing is up, or, since you are on AIM, you are just relaxing. The typically answer is nothing, nothing much, or the acronym for that, nm (which is completely acceptable). Others include chillin, chillen (spelling variation shows you don't care), just chillin, or its acronym jc (also accepted). If you are the person who was asked, it is considered rude to not ask the person what is up with them. Never, under any circumstance, ask them whats up, or sup, or something that was just described in the paragraph above. You can include a "u" on the end of nm or jc, or you can just leave it by itself following your answer. A "you?" will do just fine, as will how about you, or its acronym hbu. Going with the bilingual theme, y tu or y usted is a must for a spanish whats up. Feel free to cut out the y (spanish for and) and to hold down the last letter in all of these if you are a female.
Back in the sixth grade, these were the extents of the conversations I had with 95% of my AIM friends. Seriously, if I saw a person sign on, I would go through with this, and at the end of all of it say something like "sweet" or "cool." They would typically respond with "yeah" and that would be the end of it. I would always hope to not be the person to ask what was up, so I could say sweet or cool at the end, just to feel superior, because everyone knows it's the cool kid who gets to say sweet or something to that effect. This was usually done when people greeted me first, but even if I greeted them first, at times I waited them out so they would be forced to say what's up. It would break all rules of AIM if no what's up was said. If I really wanted to have the last word, I would follow up a "yeah" from them with a "yeah" of my own. A typical conversation went as such:
Ben: yo
Other person: yo
Ben: w^
Other person: nmu
Ben: same jc
Other person: nice
Ben: yeah
While writing this, I have just realized that I currently have these AIM conversations with Pete, or tdgeo. Besides him, the other conversations I have go a little deeper than that, but they always start out the same way. It just wouldn't feel right any other way.
Now that you know how to start/sustain conversations, you need to learn about away messages and buddy profiles. First things first, away messages. It can sometimes get annoying if you talk to people with an away message up, because it always pops up after they send an IM to you, even if you IM them first. I am notorious for this, and I have even been taken off the buddy list of my dear friend Clay Packel for this reason. For clarification purposes, away messages are not the same as statuses. You can have a status even if you are not away, and Macs allow you to put the song you are listening to as your status. That is the coolest thing ever, and those of us without Macs (me) wish we could have it that way. I strongly advise any of you with Macs to turn this feature on. Only if listening to something fruity or down-right creepy should you take it off. But other than songs, don't update your status, just go away. If you are doing something witty/fun that you want people to know about, you can put it as your away message. For example, if you are going to a sporting event or a concert, you can leave it as your away message. Inside jokes or anecdotes are also accepted. An oddity can also be an away message. For example, one time last year I was getting an outdoor haircut from Aunt Judy. Since this was the first (and hopefully only time) this would be happening, I left my away message as "getting an outdoor haircut." While this is acceptable on occasion, away messages like these get a little old after a while. Try to limit them to twice a month at a maximum. Saumon Oboudiyat is known for these away messages. Except instead of leaving them up twice a month, he leaves them up about 10 times a day. It is acceptable for him, though, because he is small and dark-haired (that didn't make sense).When you don't feel like signing off, but you aren't doing anything of note, you can always leave an away message like bbl (be back later), or brb (be right back). Another option is to leave a blank away message, like Down-C does. I've never seen anyone else besides him do it, but it is effective. Or you could go with the default one of "I am away from my computer right now." If you are having a seemingly hilarious conversation with someone who makes some funny remarks, you can leave those remarks, screenname of the buddy included, up as your away message as well. This goes under the category of "AIM camaraderie," which is always accepted.
Also accepted under camaraderie is the use of funny quotes from a buddy into your profile as well. If something someone says is "profile-worthy" as I like to say, it can go in. It is all in the eye of the beholder as to what is profile-worthy. Also popular in buddy profiles are funny videos or other links. For example, in my buddy profile I currently have a link to the Soup Kitchen and to I Love Mammals. Countdowns that are updated daily are encouraged only for females, who again may use as many letters as they please, but they are not looked upon in a positive light for males to have such a thing in said profile. Some people can even put lyrics to a song in, even though that is usually, but not always, for girls. A buddy profile is pretty much your space to express yourself in.
The last thing you should edit is your buddy icon. This is similar to the buddy profile in that it allows for personal expression, in the form of a picture for the icon. It can be anything from a favorite picture of your own to an inside joke. For example, my buddy icon is Leonardo DiCaprio. I have it set as such because I think he is one of the most ballin' actors of this generation, and I love his movies. Others, especially those with Macs, have their own pictures for the icons. Other acceptable items are sports teams, old cartoon characters, or even an animated one. Seriously, nearly anything is inbounds here, because almost everything can be looked at as a joke. So have fun with this, if anything, because it almost has no boundaries.
One last tidbit of information: try not to go into chat rooms. Unless you are having a throw-back to middle school night (like me and the former TBD, Jake Enterlin, often have), you do not want to have a chat room. Even if you are trying to work something out between multiple buddies, you can do it without creating/joining a chat. It's just not worth taking the reputation hit. Trust me.
___________________________________________________
With me just writing the longest post in the Soup Kitchen's history (does this rival any of Gusalina's posts for length? I doubt it), I figured I would end it with the shortest video in the history. Actually, I'm not sure if this counts as the shortest video, because it is 1:13. But technically these are all 1-second commercials, so it should count. Anyway, I hope you enjoy watching this guy as much as I do, because personally I think the commercial about the VIP section is one of the most HQ (high quality- an acronym for you) commercials I've ever seen ("Common Sense ain't on the guest list.")
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, August 3, 2009
Soup's 17 Degrees of Separation
I probably sound like a broken record by now, but it has again been quite a while since I last posted. It's not like any of you check this everyday anyway (besides you, Grandmom and Grandpop (Parenthetical inside of a parenthetical: Many of you may think it is harmful to my psyche that my grandparents are my biggest fans. That's quite the contrary. If you knew my grandparents, you would be the happiest person in the world, as I presently am. Just as an example to show you how baller this duo is, Lisa Leslie was actually not the first woman to dunk. That would be my grandmother.)) so I'm not doing anyone any harm. Besides, like Jeffrey J. always told me, "If you don't have anything to say that is beneficial to society, don't say it all." ("It's funny because he actually said that"- Sam Soupy Huestis (PIP: AMPAP for the nickname. I love acronyms!!)) That has certainly been the case for me over the past few weeks. Anyway, I have actually counted out the days since I last posted, and the count is officially at 17. Since it's been so long, I've decided to give you all a gift in which I'm going to go all Kevin Bacon on you, and just do some weird rambling, so just bear with me. In all likelihood, you will be lost during this entire post. Now following the rules of their degrees of separation, this first connection technically is my 0th degree. Now let's get started.
0. Not blogging for a while has been very tough for me. I love blogging even more than I love O.A.R. And hey, I love me some O.A.R. Almost as much as...
1. Terrence Williams loves him some Jay Bilas. Seriously, when I heard about this, I could see the love affair happening right in front of me. I know it's random, but I had to put it in, just because of my love for college basketball, and my Villanova Wildcats. Speaking of which...
2. Reggie Redding has recently been arrested for possession of marijuana. I know it takes a little wind out of the sails of next season's NCAA Champions (yeah, I'm guaranteeing it right now), but I could sort of see it coming, at least for Redding. I personally know him from...
3. A broadcasting camp that I attended two years ago. That's right. Along with being a blogger extraordinaire, a frequent eater of big macs, and an all around baller, I am also a broadcaster. I'm what is known as a Renaissance man. Those activities listed above are not all I am good for, however. Sometimes I even do my own laundry. As if that were not enough, I have been known to dabble on a few intruments. Much like...
4. Saumon Oboudiyat. While his biggest claim to fame is clearlyhaving his own label on the Soup Kitchen, he also has his own Facebook music page, which is starting to gain more recognition. Besides that, he has a new album coming out, and trust me, it is going to be off the chain. How do I know this? I am actually his manager, so I have heard the whole thing. Saumon is actually the second musical act I have managed, the first being...
5. The now defunct Objects At Rest, also known as O.A.R. Even though I was appointed manager, I self-admittedly did absolutely nothing. This band featured Caleb Oaks singing, Eddie Palka on the drums, B-Murr on the bass, and a certain guitarist named...
6. Russell Gelman-Sheehan, aptly nicknamed Rufus. He has been asking for a shoutout for quite a while now, and I am finally giving it to him in the most flattering form that I can think of. If Russell's talents start at guitar playing, they stop at his shoe choice. Rufus infamously rocks...
7. Starburys. These are, for those of you who don't know, possibly the worst shoes ever. While being so bad, they do offer some type of individuality, which gives perfect reason as to why Rufus would wear them. Generally, the unique shoes are the expensive ones that no one can afford. In this case, Starburys are special because they are so bad that no one wants to buy them, even though they can easily be purchased for a small price of $14.98! Just to give you reference of how low quality these shoes are, Stephon Marbury wore these shoes himself for one game as a means of promotion. In that same game he turned his ankle. Coincidence? I think not. Talking about Stephon Marbury reminds me of that feud he had with...
8. Stephen A. Smith, former host of Quite Frankly. At the time of his show's start, he was on top of the world. He had his own television show, his own column in the Philadelphia Inquirer, and his daily spot on Sportscenter. Now, he very well may be out of work. But Stephen A. has affected my life in an extremely positive manner. He was the subject of...
9. A few great Youtube videos. I'll put the 2007 one below for this post's video, and I'll link you to the 2006 one right here. These videos were recommended to me by none other than...
10. Fat Dub. That's right, this frequent subject of the Soup Kitchen is probably the best at finding videos out of anyone I have ever met. Not only that, but he is also a ghost-riding pro, much like the old geezers in that video. When he does ghost-ride, he usually does it with...
11. Bryan, otherwise known as Down-C. You may be wondering: why link his name to the picture of a hoagie? It's simple. His head is shaped like a hoagie, thus the reason he is called Hoagiehead. Usually when I make fun of people on this blog, it is just so they can have the joy of seeing their name on the internet. That is not the case with Down-C. He is one of the few people I know that has never read the blog, at least that's what I believe to be true. How a person that is such good friends with me can not even monitor what I write on here is beyond me. If this continues, I'm going to have to treat him like he is Evan Turner, and abuse him to no end on here. He is almost he complete opposite of...
12. Jake Enterlin, the former TBD. Not only does he (usually) read the blog, he even guest posts on it. He isn't the first guest poster, however. That honor would belong to...
13. Jack Eiel. You all know that he lost it because he "had nothing to write about" and because he is the laziest person the world has ever seen. I have just realized that my past guest poster, my current guest poster, and my future guest poster (at 15,000 views) were all a part of I Love Mammals. Who is this future guest poster I speak of? He goes by the name of...
14. Omar Randall. I don't need to say anything about him, you all know everything there is to know about O-Star Superstar. Another thing I just realized is that all of the guys I just mentioned were all at C-Lunch (except Fat Dub, but that's the beside the point.) A lot of things went down at C-Lunch, and I won't describe them to you. I'll leave that up to TBD on his next guest post. One thing I will say is that one of my favorite parts was when Jake would tell a young man that he was "looking good today" every day of the week. This chap's name is...
15. Mikey Henderson. "Yo Mikey! You're lookin' good today!" was the frequent call of our table, and I'm not really sure why. Anyway, I promised Mikey I would let him get in the next blog post, just so I could show all the people how much of a nice guy he was. So there you go. This shoutout is the epitome of awesome shoutouts, just because of the person that is in it. Nearly the opposite could be said about the shoutout to...
16. Nick "One-Ball" Maillett. I don't even want to relive how awkward that situation was. Hopefully it won't ever be remembered. Mr. Maillett is however looking into season tickets for the Philadelphia Union, the expansion soccer team coming to Philadelphia next March. As it happens, so is...
17. The Sobel Soup. And that's your 17 degrees of separation. I hope you know I was legitimately about to stop at 6, because I had no idea what I was going to write about.
___________________________________________________
Without further ado, here is the video for this week. As I promised, it is the Stephen A. Smith heckling video. "Spencer Hawes is gonna be a bust!"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
0. Not blogging for a while has been very tough for me. I love blogging even more than I love O.A.R. And hey, I love me some O.A.R. Almost as much as...
1. Terrence Williams loves him some Jay Bilas. Seriously, when I heard about this, I could see the love affair happening right in front of me. I know it's random, but I had to put it in, just because of my love for college basketball, and my Villanova Wildcats. Speaking of which...
2. Reggie Redding has recently been arrested for possession of marijuana. I know it takes a little wind out of the sails of next season's NCAA Champions (yeah, I'm guaranteeing it right now), but I could sort of see it coming, at least for Redding. I personally know him from...
3. A broadcasting camp that I attended two years ago. That's right. Along with being a blogger extraordinaire, a frequent eater of big macs, and an all around baller, I am also a broadcaster. I'm what is known as a Renaissance man. Those activities listed above are not all I am good for, however. Sometimes I even do my own laundry. As if that were not enough, I have been known to dabble on a few intruments. Much like...
4. Saumon Oboudiyat. While his biggest claim to fame is clearlyhaving his own label on the Soup Kitchen, he also has his own Facebook music page, which is starting to gain more recognition. Besides that, he has a new album coming out, and trust me, it is going to be off the chain. How do I know this? I am actually his manager, so I have heard the whole thing. Saumon is actually the second musical act I have managed, the first being...
5. The now defunct Objects At Rest, also known as O.A.R. Even though I was appointed manager, I self-admittedly did absolutely nothing. This band featured Caleb Oaks singing, Eddie Palka on the drums, B-Murr on the bass, and a certain guitarist named...
6. Russell Gelman-Sheehan, aptly nicknamed Rufus. He has been asking for a shoutout for quite a while now, and I am finally giving it to him in the most flattering form that I can think of. If Russell's talents start at guitar playing, they stop at his shoe choice. Rufus infamously rocks...
7. Starburys. These are, for those of you who don't know, possibly the worst shoes ever. While being so bad, they do offer some type of individuality, which gives perfect reason as to why Rufus would wear them. Generally, the unique shoes are the expensive ones that no one can afford. In this case, Starburys are special because they are so bad that no one wants to buy them, even though they can easily be purchased for a small price of $14.98! Just to give you reference of how low quality these shoes are, Stephon Marbury wore these shoes himself for one game as a means of promotion. In that same game he turned his ankle. Coincidence? I think not. Talking about Stephon Marbury reminds me of that feud he had with...
8. Stephen A. Smith, former host of Quite Frankly. At the time of his show's start, he was on top of the world. He had his own television show, his own column in the Philadelphia Inquirer, and his daily spot on Sportscenter. Now, he very well may be out of work. But Stephen A. has affected my life in an extremely positive manner. He was the subject of...
9. A few great Youtube videos. I'll put the 2007 one below for this post's video, and I'll link you to the 2006 one right here. These videos were recommended to me by none other than...
10. Fat Dub. That's right, this frequent subject of the Soup Kitchen is probably the best at finding videos out of anyone I have ever met. Not only that, but he is also a ghost-riding pro, much like the old geezers in that video. When he does ghost-ride, he usually does it with...
11. Bryan, otherwise known as Down-C. You may be wondering: why link his name to the picture of a hoagie? It's simple. His head is shaped like a hoagie, thus the reason he is called Hoagiehead. Usually when I make fun of people on this blog, it is just so they can have the joy of seeing their name on the internet. That is not the case with Down-C. He is one of the few people I know that has never read the blog, at least that's what I believe to be true. How a person that is such good friends with me can not even monitor what I write on here is beyond me. If this continues, I'm going to have to treat him like he is Evan Turner, and abuse him to no end on here. He is almost he complete opposite of...
12. Jake Enterlin, the former TBD. Not only does he (usually) read the blog, he even guest posts on it. He isn't the first guest poster, however. That honor would belong to...
13. Jack Eiel. You all know that he lost it because he "had nothing to write about" and because he is the laziest person the world has ever seen. I have just realized that my past guest poster, my current guest poster, and my future guest poster (at 15,000 views) were all a part of I Love Mammals. Who is this future guest poster I speak of? He goes by the name of...
14. Omar Randall. I don't need to say anything about him, you all know everything there is to know about O-Star Superstar. Another thing I just realized is that all of the guys I just mentioned were all at C-Lunch (except Fat Dub, but that's the beside the point.) A lot of things went down at C-Lunch, and I won't describe them to you. I'll leave that up to TBD on his next guest post. One thing I will say is that one of my favorite parts was when Jake would tell a young man that he was "looking good today" every day of the week. This chap's name is...
15. Mikey Henderson. "Yo Mikey! You're lookin' good today!" was the frequent call of our table, and I'm not really sure why. Anyway, I promised Mikey I would let him get in the next blog post, just so I could show all the people how much of a nice guy he was. So there you go. This shoutout is the epitome of awesome shoutouts, just because of the person that is in it. Nearly the opposite could be said about the shoutout to...
16. Nick "One-Ball" Maillett. I don't even want to relive how awkward that situation was. Hopefully it won't ever be remembered. Mr. Maillett is however looking into season tickets for the Philadelphia Union, the expansion soccer team coming to Philadelphia next March. As it happens, so is...
17. The Sobel Soup. And that's your 17 degrees of separation. I hope you know I was legitimately about to stop at 6, because I had no idea what I was going to write about.
___________________________________________________
Without further ado, here is the video for this week. As I promised, it is the Stephen A. Smith heckling video. "Spencer Hawes is gonna be a bust!"
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, July 17, 2009
All-Star Adventures
You won't be hearing a lot about my recent vacation taken with O-Star Superstar and his family. I usually find errors in common life or complain about things; that is what makes this blog successful. The thing about this vacation is that I have very little to actually complain about. This is the first time in history that the Sobel Soup does not have a farmer's tan. With that checked off my list, I only have "Grow a beard similar to Greg Oden's (but never equal, because it is impossible for anyone to equal the mystical prowess of said beard)" and "Become Morgan Freeman's replacement by having the greatest voice known to mankind" still on my to-do list.
One of the things I loved about going to St. Maarten is the airport travel. It makes you feel like a star because you actually board the plane from the ground. The only thing that makes you feel not as special is that everyone else does it, probably because the airport is too poor to afford indoor entrances for every plane. Everyone always complains about airline food, but I find that the problem doesn't always lie there. Instead, it is the food inside the airport that is ridiculous. For a personal pan pizza from Domino's, which would be equal to about 1.5-2 regular slices of pizza, they charged 8 dollars. I don't want to sound like the stingiest person in the world, but that price is just flat out absurd. I ended up spending $20 on a lunch/dinner (linner or dunch? I'm thinking linner) in the airport, and I'm not too happy about it. Besides that, really nothing went wrong on my vacation.
___________________________________________________
It was a clear success, and it was the first successful campaign for me ever. Not only did we vote Shane Victorino into the All-Star Game, he was a starter and he scored a run. Yes, I do realize he got 15 million votes, and my impact upon him winning the Final Vote was probably miniscule at best, every vote counted, and I felt like I did my part. I am proud of my contribution, and am expecting Shane's thank you letter in the mail any day now. I do have to say that I am disappointed by the National League's performance in the All-Star game. Their 13th straight winless effort did not stop me from noticing the obscure things that I have a knack for doing. I now present my 5 favorite things about the All-Star weekend.
5. Jayson Werth's Facial Hair: I'm so glad he got chosen to be an allstar for the simple reason that I got to see his goatee/wolf hair.
4. Albert Pujols's wild child/bald head: When Phat Albert was at the plate during the home run derby, his young boy was straight up loving it. Every home run hit, he would jump around as if the song were playing. I also loved seeing Albert's bald head on TV. It was so shiny I could actually see the camera crew who was filming him.
3. Prince Fielder's Girth: Also on showcase at the home run derby, every time the Prince would swing, his chubby waist would fly around his body. It was even better when ESPN did the slow-motion replays (they did this a few times for Prince) because you could watch all of his flab fly through the picture faster than his bat did.
2. The mute button: I'm not talking about the Fox crew at all (Call me crazy but I actually like Joe Buck; McCarver is another story). My biggest complaint lies with the ESPN crew doing the Home Run Derby. It's bad enough having to suffer through a regular Chris Berman show or a Joe Morgan baseball game, but this brought out the worst in both. When you combine these two men's broadcasting abilities (if you actually call that ability) and a three hour event where there is actually action for maybe an hour of it, the going gets bad. Very bad. That's where the mute button came into play. I didn't have to listen to Chris Berman's "Back, Back, Back" calls or Joe Morgan's rants that had nothing to do with what was going on. Boomer's "WOW, THAT ONE IS WAY BACK. IT'S A HOME RUN" calls that he did at least 20 times during the broadcast (for the part that I listened to) is a huge overreaction. I mean a) it is a home run derby, home runs are supposed to be hit (unless you're name is Brandon Inge) and b) you can maybe do that call on one or two home runs the whole time. But when Ryan Howard barely inches one over the wall, it is unnecessary, trust me. The only good part about hearing them broadcast the Derby was that I got reminded of why I loved this website so much.
This last one is actually something that I disliked. No, Facebook doesn't let you do it, but it doesn't mean that I can't.
1. Ryan Franklin's disgusting goatee: Some of you may say this is similar to Greg Oden's beard. To those of you who make this vile claim, I am ashamed to have you read my blog. Just kidding, but not really. Seriously, why does it need to be that big? Is he hiding something inside of it? Maybe he lost his mirror in there. That's the only possible explanation of why he continues to allow that hideous rodent grow on his face.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by another anonymous viewer, and I thought that with the ESPY's fast approaching, I might as well put it in.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
One of the things I loved about going to St. Maarten is the airport travel. It makes you feel like a star because you actually board the plane from the ground. The only thing that makes you feel not as special is that everyone else does it, probably because the airport is too poor to afford indoor entrances for every plane. Everyone always complains about airline food, but I find that the problem doesn't always lie there. Instead, it is the food inside the airport that is ridiculous. For a personal pan pizza from Domino's, which would be equal to about 1.5-2 regular slices of pizza, they charged 8 dollars. I don't want to sound like the stingiest person in the world, but that price is just flat out absurd. I ended up spending $20 on a lunch/dinner (linner or dunch? I'm thinking linner) in the airport, and I'm not too happy about it. Besides that, really nothing went wrong on my vacation.
___________________________________________________
It was a clear success, and it was the first successful campaign for me ever. Not only did we vote Shane Victorino into the All-Star Game, he was a starter and he scored a run. Yes, I do realize he got 15 million votes, and my impact upon him winning the Final Vote was probably miniscule at best, every vote counted, and I felt like I did my part. I am proud of my contribution, and am expecting Shane's thank you letter in the mail any day now. I do have to say that I am disappointed by the National League's performance in the All-Star game. Their 13th straight winless effort did not stop me from noticing the obscure things that I have a knack for doing. I now present my 5 favorite things about the All-Star weekend.
5. Jayson Werth's Facial Hair: I'm so glad he got chosen to be an allstar for the simple reason that I got to see his goatee/wolf hair.
4. Albert Pujols's wild child/bald head: When Phat Albert was at the plate during the home run derby, his young boy was straight up loving it. Every home run hit, he would jump around as if the song were playing. I also loved seeing Albert's bald head on TV. It was so shiny I could actually see the camera crew who was filming him.
3. Prince Fielder's Girth: Also on showcase at the home run derby, every time the Prince would swing, his chubby waist would fly around his body. It was even better when ESPN did the slow-motion replays (they did this a few times for Prince) because you could watch all of his flab fly through the picture faster than his bat did.
2. The mute button: I'm not talking about the Fox crew at all (Call me crazy but I actually like Joe Buck; McCarver is another story). My biggest complaint lies with the ESPN crew doing the Home Run Derby. It's bad enough having to suffer through a regular Chris Berman show or a Joe Morgan baseball game, but this brought out the worst in both. When you combine these two men's broadcasting abilities (if you actually call that ability) and a three hour event where there is actually action for maybe an hour of it, the going gets bad. Very bad. That's where the mute button came into play. I didn't have to listen to Chris Berman's "Back, Back, Back" calls or Joe Morgan's rants that had nothing to do with what was going on. Boomer's "WOW, THAT ONE IS WAY BACK. IT'S A HOME RUN" calls that he did at least 20 times during the broadcast (for the part that I listened to) is a huge overreaction. I mean a) it is a home run derby, home runs are supposed to be hit (unless you're name is Brandon Inge) and b) you can maybe do that call on one or two home runs the whole time. But when Ryan Howard barely inches one over the wall, it is unnecessary, trust me. The only good part about hearing them broadcast the Derby was that I got reminded of why I loved this website so much.
This last one is actually something that I disliked. No, Facebook doesn't let you do it, but it doesn't mean that I can't.
1. Ryan Franklin's disgusting goatee: Some of you may say this is similar to Greg Oden's beard. To those of you who make this vile claim, I am ashamed to have you read my blog. Just kidding, but not really. Seriously, why does it need to be that big? Is he hiding something inside of it? Maybe he lost his mirror in there. That's the only possible explanation of why he continues to allow that hideous rodent grow on his face.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by another anonymous viewer, and I thought that with the ESPY's fast approaching, I might as well put it in.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, July 6, 2009
A Campaign for Shane
With the 2009 MLB all-star game approaching, there is a perfectly deserving member who has been left off the squad. I am of course talking about Shane Victorino, also known as the Flyin' Hawaiian (Yes, I did spell that right, but it took some research to do so.) The fans who did him so wrong in the all-star vote have a second chance to redeem themselves. This is done by the MLB Final Vote. Five players from each league are chosen as candidates for the final vote, and one from each league is chosen as the 34th and last player to be added to the squad. It is now my mission to get Shane Victorino elected to the National League Allstar Team.
I have a history with elections, particularly these Final Vote ones. Last year, the Phillies had another candidate: Pat Burrell (click on that link, it's a fine display of brute strength.) No exxageration here, I probably voted 1,000 times. It helped that I got Pat's voting code for cellular phones, and I knew how to do the 10 message in 1 thing. I believe Pat ended up 3rd. I didn't feel like my efforts were wasted though, I thought it bonded 'The Bat' and I closer together. I have made no secrets about it, he was probably my favorite Phillies player. Ever. That's actually a bit of an overstatement. He isn't my favorite ever. But honestly, who else has his own shirt, can do this on live television, and can create a moment like this. Although he left for the Rays in the offseason, the Phillies are lucky they replaced him with someone like Raul Ibanez. Yeah, Ibanez would have been an MVP candidate had he not gotten injured, but the main reason that I like him so much is because I can do the RAUUUUUUUUUUUL chant whenever he does something good.
Not only was I unsuccessful in voting in the Bat, I was unsuccessful in my attempt to get the Dream Ticket in office. Believe me, it was more absurd than the Corrupt Bargain of 1824 (there's your history lesson), but 0 members of the Dream Ticket were elected. Even their chief competition, J.D. Sparks XIV and Paul Manwaring, weren't elected. I am ashamed to say I didn't vote for the Dream Ticket or their rivals. In fact, I voted for no one, and I feel like an absolute fool. For some reason, I thought you were allowed to vote for three people even though it clearly stated on the paper "Pick 2." Maybe it's because everything I touch is fake, who knows? The bottomline is, I clearly have trouble getting those of my choice elected.
Hopefully that will change with this campaign for Shane. I also came up with a catchy slogan for this as well. It reads "Use Your Brain: Vote for Shane." You can just trust me on this; out of the five players competing for the last spot, Shane deserves to get in by the numbers. What I am focusing on is the behind-the-scenes actions that give him reason to be an All-star. First, he loves Spam. No other favorite food would actually be worth blogging about except for Spam. What other meat company rhymes with its main product and has a full shop that includes an array of fashionable clothes and other completely unnecessary accessories. Seriously, who wouldn't want that hot Spam suit? Or that navy blue Spam tie? Classy. The second thing about Shane is that he is Hawaiian. Quick question, how many of you wish you were Hawaiian? If your hand isn't raised, I question whether you would enjoy a conversation with Coach Ed. It's one of the first places I would go on vacation if I had a choice, and the people there are so easy to get along with. I only know of three Hawaiians: Shane Victorino, and Dylan and Morgan Langley. All three are some of the coolest people ever (the Langley brothers play Swat Soccer.) If that isn't good enough reason for voting for Shane, maybe the fact that he can walk on water because he is so fast will do the trick for you.
Shane is clearly taking this all in, and he is especially appreciative of my campaigning for him. For those of you who watched the Phillies 10 spot the Reds in the first inning of this fine Monday evening of July 6th, it included a 2 run homer by none other than the man of the hour himself. After he crossed home plate, he looked up directly into the camera and said "That was for you Sobel Soup. Use Your Brain: Vote for Shane!" I was surprised that I could actually hear what he was saying, and I'm still unsure how he knew I was campaigning for him; this post hasn't even come out yet. I guess that's just another reason why you should vote for Shane: He is psychic. I'm going to try to include a voting widget in this blog that easily allows you to vote for Shane, but if it doesn't work out, I will link to MLB.com. And honestly, if you can't get to the Final Vote from there, you might not have a brain.
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Along with celebrating the 4th of July this week, all of us across the sporting world received awful news about the death of Steve McNair. I am bypassing video from one of you guys this week in honor of Air McNair, the toughest quarterback I have ever witnessed.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
I have a history with elections, particularly these Final Vote ones. Last year, the Phillies had another candidate: Pat Burrell (click on that link, it's a fine display of brute strength.) No exxageration here, I probably voted 1,000 times. It helped that I got Pat's voting code for cellular phones, and I knew how to do the 10 message in 1 thing. I believe Pat ended up 3rd. I didn't feel like my efforts were wasted though, I thought it bonded 'The Bat' and I closer together. I have made no secrets about it, he was probably my favorite Phillies player. Ever. That's actually a bit of an overstatement. He isn't my favorite ever. But honestly, who else has his own shirt, can do this on live television, and can create a moment like this. Although he left for the Rays in the offseason, the Phillies are lucky they replaced him with someone like Raul Ibanez. Yeah, Ibanez would have been an MVP candidate had he not gotten injured, but the main reason that I like him so much is because I can do the RAUUUUUUUUUUUL chant whenever he does something good.
Not only was I unsuccessful in voting in the Bat, I was unsuccessful in my attempt to get the Dream Ticket in office. Believe me, it was more absurd than the Corrupt Bargain of 1824 (there's your history lesson), but 0 members of the Dream Ticket were elected. Even their chief competition, J.D. Sparks XIV and Paul Manwaring, weren't elected. I am ashamed to say I didn't vote for the Dream Ticket or their rivals. In fact, I voted for no one, and I feel like an absolute fool. For some reason, I thought you were allowed to vote for three people even though it clearly stated on the paper "Pick 2." Maybe it's because everything I touch is fake, who knows? The bottomline is, I clearly have trouble getting those of my choice elected.
Hopefully that will change with this campaign for Shane. I also came up with a catchy slogan for this as well. It reads "Use Your Brain: Vote for Shane." You can just trust me on this; out of the five players competing for the last spot, Shane deserves to get in by the numbers. What I am focusing on is the behind-the-scenes actions that give him reason to be an All-star. First, he loves Spam. No other favorite food would actually be worth blogging about except for Spam. What other meat company rhymes with its main product and has a full shop that includes an array of fashionable clothes and other completely unnecessary accessories. Seriously, who wouldn't want that hot Spam suit? Or that navy blue Spam tie? Classy. The second thing about Shane is that he is Hawaiian. Quick question, how many of you wish you were Hawaiian? If your hand isn't raised, I question whether you would enjoy a conversation with Coach Ed. It's one of the first places I would go on vacation if I had a choice, and the people there are so easy to get along with. I only know of three Hawaiians: Shane Victorino, and Dylan and Morgan Langley. All three are some of the coolest people ever (the Langley brothers play Swat Soccer.) If that isn't good enough reason for voting for Shane, maybe the fact that he can walk on water because he is so fast will do the trick for you.
Shane is clearly taking this all in, and he is especially appreciative of my campaigning for him. For those of you who watched the Phillies 10 spot the Reds in the first inning of this fine Monday evening of July 6th, it included a 2 run homer by none other than the man of the hour himself. After he crossed home plate, he looked up directly into the camera and said "That was for you Sobel Soup. Use Your Brain: Vote for Shane!" I was surprised that I could actually hear what he was saying, and I'm still unsure how he knew I was campaigning for him; this post hasn't even come out yet. I guess that's just another reason why you should vote for Shane: He is psychic. I'm going to try to include a voting widget in this blog that easily allows you to vote for Shane, but if it doesn't work out, I will link to MLB.com. And honestly, if you can't get to the Final Vote from there, you might not have a brain.
___________________________________________________
Along with celebrating the 4th of July this week, all of us across the sporting world received awful news about the death of Steve McNair. I am bypassing video from one of you guys this week in honor of Air McNair, the toughest quarterback I have ever witnessed.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Catching Up With Uncle Kevin
I lied. This isn't Jake's guest post, but it's not my fault. I honestly started this post off planning to use it as Jake's but he still has some editing to do, so I'm posting something else. I would like to promise and say next time it is TBD's, but you never know. Also, I have a message to the homeless. I'm not really sure where this blog is going. That could mean many things, one of which would be shutting it down. Now, that is a very extreme circumstance and will most likely not occur. The most probable case will result in me blogging much less. This is due to many things: my habitual laziness, conflicts, and criticism are the main components. I have had no conflicts the past week or so, but haven't posted because I haven't felt like it. Unfortunately, I have another vacation coming up soon, so that will mean another break. Now for the biggest part: the criticism. Similar to other bloggers in this era, I have faced much of it concerning my blogging hobby. Contrary to popular belief, not all bloggers are 40 year olds living in their mother's basements. Yes I do happen to live in my parent's house, but it is more because I am 16 (still waiting for that surprise party) and still in high school, and not because I am a loser who never got a real job. Probably the biggest critic of my blog is T.J. Adams, who I know is reading this line and loving it as we speak because he finally got that shoutout. Everybody's favorite middle school basketball coach doubts whether I go out on Friday nights, and has told me I need to get an interest in women. He clearly missed the Ladies, Meet the Sobel Soup post. I can't give Mr. Adams too much grief, for it was his genius that created Wisconsin, the best basketball play known to mankind.
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This Monday, I received an email from my Uncle Kevin titled "Corrections." Because I have twice messed up the facts about Kevin, I am just going to show you all what he had to say, with my two cents put in where necessary.
Hey, we briefly touched on this during our B-day call, and I think you should rethink your journalistic integrity rules. You may not have to go the whole nine yards with getting confirmation of sources and stuff like that, but you need to at least get your stories straight.
I'm pretty sure I've called you on other birthdays. Maybe not all of them, but some of them. This past June 11th was not the first time ever. (Editor's Note: Notice how he called me the day after my birthday, not actually on it.)
Also, the main purpose of my call was to wish you a happy birthday. The fact that the conversation happened to go in the direction of your blog and the fact that you only mentioned one boat was just a coincidence. (Ed. Note: Whatever lets you sleep at night. And just so you know, you should strive to use the phrase "the fact that" only once per sentence at a maximum. I would know. I'm a writer.)
However, the main point of this email is to make a correction to your statement that I have a house boat. I do not have a house boat. I have a boat that I use as a house. Big difference, huge difference, very similar to this clip from the 4 minute mark to the end. (Ed. Note: I linked it for him. And this was the first I had seen of Captain Ron. Needless to say I watched the whole movie and was flabberghasted that I had never seen nor heard of this fine piece of film before. I whole-heartedly recommend it)
This is a house boat:
This is our boat (Ed. Note: That he uses as a house. Looks like some one forgot to be specific):
As you can see, HUGE difference, HUGE difference. Again, it's a boat that we are able to live on. NOT a house boat. Maybe you could stop by sometime and see it. Like last year when you were down with Aunt Judy and you didn't stop by. Maybe this year you could stop by. (Ed. Note: He really knows how to put on the guilt trip, but I have stopped by before, just not when he was there)
Your loving Uncle,
Kevin
When asked about why the concern over telling readers that he has a house boat, Kevin draws the line when readers "start to thinking I'm also have a couple of teeth missing, wear flannel shirts and greasy John Deere hats." Judging by your grammar, I couldn't blame them if they did. Just putting it out there, I have nothing wrong with flannel shirts and John Deere hats.
___________________________________________________
This video was shown to me by Saumon Oboudiyat, and like most of the videos I put up here, I find it hilarious. Have fun with it.
___________________________________________________
This Monday, I received an email from my Uncle Kevin titled "Corrections." Because I have twice messed up the facts about Kevin, I am just going to show you all what he had to say, with my two cents put in where necessary.
Hey, we briefly touched on this during our B-day call, and I think you should rethink your journalistic integrity rules. You may not have to go the whole nine yards with getting confirmation of sources and stuff like that, but you need to at least get your stories straight.
I'm pretty sure I've called you on other birthdays. Maybe not all of them, but some of them. This past June 11th was not the first time ever. (Editor's Note: Notice how he called me the day after my birthday, not actually on it.)
Also, the main purpose of my call was to wish you a happy birthday. The fact that the conversation happened to go in the direction of your blog and the fact that you only mentioned one boat was just a coincidence. (Ed. Note: Whatever lets you sleep at night. And just so you know, you should strive to use the phrase "the fact that" only once per sentence at a maximum. I would know. I'm a writer.)
However, the main point of this email is to make a correction to your statement that I have a house boat. I do not have a house boat. I have a boat that I use as a house. Big difference, huge difference, very similar to this clip from the 4 minute mark to the end. (Ed. Note: I linked it for him. And this was the first I had seen of Captain Ron. Needless to say I watched the whole movie and was flabberghasted that I had never seen nor heard of this fine piece of film before. I whole-heartedly recommend it)
This is a house boat:
This is our boat (Ed. Note: That he uses as a house. Looks like some one forgot to be specific):
As you can see, HUGE difference, HUGE difference. Again, it's a boat that we are able to live on. NOT a house boat. Maybe you could stop by sometime and see it. Like last year when you were down with Aunt Judy and you didn't stop by. Maybe this year you could stop by. (Ed. Note: He really knows how to put on the guilt trip, but I have stopped by before, just not when he was there)
Your loving Uncle,
Kevin
When asked about why the concern over telling readers that he has a house boat, Kevin draws the line when readers "start to thinking I'm also have a couple of teeth missing, wear flannel shirts and greasy John Deere hats." Judging by your grammar, I couldn't blame them if they did. Just putting it out there, I have nothing wrong with flannel shirts and John Deere hats.
___________________________________________________
This video was shown to me by Saumon Oboudiyat, and like most of the videos I put up here, I find it hilarious. Have fun with it.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Worst Vacation. Ever.
I think it is time for me to start addressing the readers of this blog by a nickname. While Titus may have the Trillion Man March, I have come up with a name that is slightly less catchy, slightly more clever, and significantly less politically correct. I deem you, the loyal followers of my blog, as the homeless. I'm not sure whether this name will stick or not, but I have been thinking about putting out there for a while, and I feel this is just the best time for it.
I promise you, the next post will be a guest post by none other than TBD, Jake Enterlin (I have reverted back to my old form, Snake just doesn't work for me. I think he is fine with the multiple nicknames anyway). While on the topic of guest posters, I was looking over Jack's work and realized how much of a lying fiend he truly is. Even though he supposedly chose teams by the better mascot, his championship winner ended up being the Pitt Panthers. I love the scent of the magical cologne that 60% of the time works every time about as much as the next guy, but there is no way a panther was the best mascot in the whole tournament. Since Pitt didn't win, it just gave me another face to rub Villanova's success into. And just as a follow up, I ended up beating Run, meaning it isn't even close to unstoppable anymore.
___________________________________________________
Onto the true purpose of this post. The reason I haven't posted in a while was because I just got home from a family vacation. You may be thinking "Well, he brought Jeffrey J. and O-Star Superstar, so it must have been a great time!" While Papa Jeff brought the baller level up to a max, and Omar didn't quite cross that line from being fun to annoying, it was possibly the worst vacation any of us had ever been on. We traveled to Lake Owasco in upstate New York, and it is pretty beautiful there this time of year. There was one little problem that we encountered. It starts with an H, rhymes with mouse, and is the namesake of a popular television show/character. Yes, the house was awful, and I will now explain to you why.
First of all, the house was maintained about as well as Carrot Top's hair is. It was so poorly managed in fact that there were actual plants growing out of the gutters, I kid you not. They did make a few changes to the house, though. One of these was taking out a light in a bedroom and replacing it with a smoke detector. Needless to say, this caused some confusion for me and O-Star when we turned on the light switch and a loud buzzing noise started to go off. In the same bedroom, presumably to separate it from the loft in the other room, was a wooden window. You may doubt that there is such a thing, but let me assure you, there is. While it may defeat the purpose of a window because you can't actually see through it, a barrier is provided. The last change they made simply astounded me, for it was probably the junkiest and simultaneously hilarious thing I have ever seen. Instead of putting an actual lock on a sliding door, they instead lock it by lodging a piece of wood in between the door and the adjacent frame. I am not embellishing at all; this was actually the improvement that the homeowner once made.
While I was certainly not embellishing in that last paragraph, the person that rents out the house might have just a tad bit. Usually "a comfortable fit" means that you will be able to stand up in the upstairs. This was sadly not the case for this house. Omar had to bend over at all times and was constantly hitting his head, while I only faced trouble a few times. The worser of the exaggerations was that the house slept nine. Apparently there being two bedrooms, which hold three people combined, account for sleeping space for nine. The other unfortunate six have to sleep on pull-outs, which is exactly what me and Omar had to do.
Since the house was so awful, we decided to cut it short one day, but not before stopping at Cornell for a visit. Since the U.S. vs. Spain soccer game was on, and it would have been a five hour car ride home with no way to see what was happening in the game, Jeff, Omar, and I decided to stay and watch in the Cornell Campus Bookstore. I am proud to say that I am the only one that saw the first goal by Jozy Altidore, who has an eery likeness to DeJuan Blair. Around the time of Clint Dempsey's goal, Jeff, Omar and I were fully tuned into the game. Jeff had quite a hilarious outburst after Michael Bradley's bogus red card. He jolted up in his seat, clapped, and yelled "You've got to be kidding me!" The best was yet to come, however, when Jeffrey J. shocked all those in the bookstore by proclaiming "That's Horse----" Needless to say Omar and I "dogged him" for that the whole car ride home.
The cursing was not the only dogging Jeffrey J. received on the trip home. He also became a murderer. Of birds. The bird was minding its own business in the middle of the road when Jeff sped up to almost hit it. Trying to avoid the car, the bird flew up, but to no avail, as it hit the bumper of the car. Judging by the smell of blood on the car, I'm fairly certain that Jeffrey J. killed that bird. I will never let him hear the end of it.
___________________________________________________
I would be doing the world a disservice if I neglected the death of Michael Jackson. I would be lying to you all if I told you he didn't creep me out a lot, but then again he is the King of Pop, he invented the Thriller Dance, and he is a human being. MJ will be missed by many, and for good reason, because he could sure rock the mic.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by the next guest poster, Jake Enterlin. He was an ambitious young man from the start and made this killer video. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
I promise you, the next post will be a guest post by none other than TBD, Jake Enterlin (I have reverted back to my old form, Snake just doesn't work for me. I think he is fine with the multiple nicknames anyway). While on the topic of guest posters, I was looking over Jack's work and realized how much of a lying fiend he truly is. Even though he supposedly chose teams by the better mascot, his championship winner ended up being the Pitt Panthers. I love the scent of the magical cologne that 60% of the time works every time about as much as the next guy, but there is no way a panther was the best mascot in the whole tournament. Since Pitt didn't win, it just gave me another face to rub Villanova's success into. And just as a follow up, I ended up beating Run, meaning it isn't even close to unstoppable anymore.
___________________________________________________
Onto the true purpose of this post. The reason I haven't posted in a while was because I just got home from a family vacation. You may be thinking "Well, he brought Jeffrey J. and O-Star Superstar, so it must have been a great time!" While Papa Jeff brought the baller level up to a max, and Omar didn't quite cross that line from being fun to annoying, it was possibly the worst vacation any of us had ever been on. We traveled to Lake Owasco in upstate New York, and it is pretty beautiful there this time of year. There was one little problem that we encountered. It starts with an H, rhymes with mouse, and is the namesake of a popular television show/character. Yes, the house was awful, and I will now explain to you why.
First of all, the house was maintained about as well as Carrot Top's hair is. It was so poorly managed in fact that there were actual plants growing out of the gutters, I kid you not. They did make a few changes to the house, though. One of these was taking out a light in a bedroom and replacing it with a smoke detector. Needless to say, this caused some confusion for me and O-Star when we turned on the light switch and a loud buzzing noise started to go off. In the same bedroom, presumably to separate it from the loft in the other room, was a wooden window. You may doubt that there is such a thing, but let me assure you, there is. While it may defeat the purpose of a window because you can't actually see through it, a barrier is provided. The last change they made simply astounded me, for it was probably the junkiest and simultaneously hilarious thing I have ever seen. Instead of putting an actual lock on a sliding door, they instead lock it by lodging a piece of wood in between the door and the adjacent frame. I am not embellishing at all; this was actually the improvement that the homeowner once made.
While I was certainly not embellishing in that last paragraph, the person that rents out the house might have just a tad bit. Usually "a comfortable fit" means that you will be able to stand up in the upstairs. This was sadly not the case for this house. Omar had to bend over at all times and was constantly hitting his head, while I only faced trouble a few times. The worser of the exaggerations was that the house slept nine. Apparently there being two bedrooms, which hold three people combined, account for sleeping space for nine. The other unfortunate six have to sleep on pull-outs, which is exactly what me and Omar had to do.
Since the house was so awful, we decided to cut it short one day, but not before stopping at Cornell for a visit. Since the U.S. vs. Spain soccer game was on, and it would have been a five hour car ride home with no way to see what was happening in the game, Jeff, Omar, and I decided to stay and watch in the Cornell Campus Bookstore. I am proud to say that I am the only one that saw the first goal by Jozy Altidore, who has an eery likeness to DeJuan Blair. Around the time of Clint Dempsey's goal, Jeff, Omar and I were fully tuned into the game. Jeff had quite a hilarious outburst after Michael Bradley's bogus red card. He jolted up in his seat, clapped, and yelled "You've got to be kidding me!" The best was yet to come, however, when Jeffrey J. shocked all those in the bookstore by proclaiming "That's Horse----" Needless to say Omar and I "dogged him" for that the whole car ride home.
The cursing was not the only dogging Jeffrey J. received on the trip home. He also became a murderer. Of birds. The bird was minding its own business in the middle of the road when Jeff sped up to almost hit it. Trying to avoid the car, the bird flew up, but to no avail, as it hit the bumper of the car. Judging by the smell of blood on the car, I'm fairly certain that Jeffrey J. killed that bird. I will never let him hear the end of it.
___________________________________________________
I would be doing the world a disservice if I neglected the death of Michael Jackson. I would be lying to you all if I told you he didn't creep me out a lot, but then again he is the King of Pop, he invented the Thriller Dance, and he is a human being. MJ will be missed by many, and for good reason, because he could sure rock the mic.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by the next guest poster, Jake Enterlin. He was an ambitious young man from the start and made this killer video. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Palace, The Present, and Facebook: A Ballad of My Birthday
This past week, the Sobel Soup celebrated his 16th birthday. I know what you are thinking: sweet sixteen and the permit. I have received none of those, even though I still have a hunch that I'm getting a surprise party. Anyway, I had three goals for my birthday. One was to get killer presents, another was to drop a deuce, take a smash, whatever you want to call it, in The Palace, a.k.a. the best bathroom in school. I can't tell you what the third was, but many of you probably know anyway. It is a shame that I did not achieve any of the goals.
Going number 2 in the palace was probably the easiest goal, and the one that I had the most control over. It just didn't work out for me, and I decided to let it go. At the time, I thought I would get tons of killer presents, and that would cancel out the lost goal. I ended up being wrong about the presents too. While Judy takes me out every year, and I got everything I could have asked for from my grandparents, I didn't take into account my mother, who is the worst manager of money that I have ever encountered. I asked for a few things for my birthday, but only got one. The thing I got was a hammock, which is pretty cool. Unfortunately, it also costs the same as some inter-city homes. I couldn't even get those slick boat shoes I had wanted for a while.
Everyone knows what comes along with every birthday. No, I am not talking about birthday punches. Instead, I'm talking about having everyone write on your Facebook wall. It's common knowledge that when it is someone's birthday, you tell them happy birthday on his or her wall. If it's someone you don't know very well, a simple "happy birthday dude" or "yo man happy bday" will do. Exclamation points may be inserted when necessary. When you are friends with the person, another message should be attached. An inside joke or something that is significant to both persons involved would do the trick. Sometimes a person (Gabrielle Nichols) crosses the friend/no-friend line and writes a long and unnecessary message, to which the person whose birthday it is has to respond to or else it would make the person who wrote it feel really bad. This is Facebook etiquette at its finest; I suggest taking notes.
Anyway, if it's your birthday, you can respond by doing one of several things. You could do nothing, seemingly ignoring all of the notifications and emails you undoubtedly received about people all telling you the same exact thing. That's reserved for the people who are too cool for school; Jake Enterlin, for example, is known for this sort of thing. (An interesting tidbit of information showing how "too cool for school" Jake actually is: He got in a fight with a teacher and then dropped out of school. Rebel) What I chose to do was to only respond to the select few who actually cared to write something meaningful on my wall. The highlights were my boy J-EZ Smith (Just so you know, Jordan, I'm innocent) writing me a fresh poem and the aforementioned Gabrielle Nichols telling me about a lot of fun facts that had occurred on my birthday. The key to this strategy is setting your status to a "Thank You" of some sorts after you've written on all the walls, just to let everyone who wrote a simple happy birthday that you still remember them. Some people choose to write something on everyone's wall who writes on theirs. I did this last year, and believe me, it took a while. It is typical for you to write a simple "thanks" (exclamations/smileys inserted if necessary) for the people that you don't know very well. You can do this, or you can take the bold route. I was considering going bold myself, but decided I didn't have the time. If you really feel like messing with people who you don't know, you can always fabricate stories about times you shared with said person, and write about them on their wall. I imagine that it would be quite entertaining. For example you could say "Thanks man (try to come up with a random nickname, it will add to the confusion), we should totally go out smashing mailboxes just like we did last weekend. Remember that one time you drank that urine????" This would cause a lot of confusion and embarrassment. Another one could be "Thanks :) Your the best (enter name here, hold down the last letter if you're a girl) Vacation last year was so fun!!!! Oh and I'm really sorry about accidentally stapling your head last week!" Quite Frankly, I have no idea how someone would respond to something like this.
This birthday was actually an amazing occurrence. For the first time ever, my Uncle Kevin, who you all know from the Easter Sunday post, actually called me on my birthday. Technically it was the day after, but close enough. He said happy birthday and went through the whole deal with me, and then he got to the real reason that he was calling for. He wanted me to tell everyone on the Soup Kitchen that he actually owns two boats. We then went into a discussion about how I had to specify that one was a house boat, so it's not nearly as obnoxious as owning two regular boats is. Anyway, it was a real pleasure talking about my birthday around the actual date, and not at Christmas time. NFL.com also sent me birthday wishes as well. The only problem was that they came a day early, and they were titled "Happy Birthday, Ronald." I'm not sure if it was a mistake, or if they actually think my name is Ronald. Either way, I found it hilarious.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by Fat Dub, and I find it, like the rest of the videos up here, very funny. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Going number 2 in the palace was probably the easiest goal, and the one that I had the most control over. It just didn't work out for me, and I decided to let it go. At the time, I thought I would get tons of killer presents, and that would cancel out the lost goal. I ended up being wrong about the presents too. While Judy takes me out every year, and I got everything I could have asked for from my grandparents, I didn't take into account my mother, who is the worst manager of money that I have ever encountered. I asked for a few things for my birthday, but only got one. The thing I got was a hammock, which is pretty cool. Unfortunately, it also costs the same as some inter-city homes. I couldn't even get those slick boat shoes I had wanted for a while.
Everyone knows what comes along with every birthday. No, I am not talking about birthday punches. Instead, I'm talking about having everyone write on your Facebook wall. It's common knowledge that when it is someone's birthday, you tell them happy birthday on his or her wall. If it's someone you don't know very well, a simple "happy birthday dude" or "yo man happy bday" will do. Exclamation points may be inserted when necessary. When you are friends with the person, another message should be attached. An inside joke or something that is significant to both persons involved would do the trick. Sometimes a person (Gabrielle Nichols) crosses the friend/no-friend line and writes a long and unnecessary message, to which the person whose birthday it is has to respond to or else it would make the person who wrote it feel really bad. This is Facebook etiquette at its finest; I suggest taking notes.
Anyway, if it's your birthday, you can respond by doing one of several things. You could do nothing, seemingly ignoring all of the notifications and emails you undoubtedly received about people all telling you the same exact thing. That's reserved for the people who are too cool for school; Jake Enterlin, for example, is known for this sort of thing. (An interesting tidbit of information showing how "too cool for school" Jake actually is: He got in a fight with a teacher and then dropped out of school. Rebel) What I chose to do was to only respond to the select few who actually cared to write something meaningful on my wall. The highlights were my boy J-EZ Smith (Just so you know, Jordan, I'm innocent) writing me a fresh poem and the aforementioned Gabrielle Nichols telling me about a lot of fun facts that had occurred on my birthday. The key to this strategy is setting your status to a "Thank You" of some sorts after you've written on all the walls, just to let everyone who wrote a simple happy birthday that you still remember them. Some people choose to write something on everyone's wall who writes on theirs. I did this last year, and believe me, it took a while. It is typical for you to write a simple "thanks" (exclamations/smileys inserted if necessary) for the people that you don't know very well. You can do this, or you can take the bold route. I was considering going bold myself, but decided I didn't have the time. If you really feel like messing with people who you don't know, you can always fabricate stories about times you shared with said person, and write about them on their wall. I imagine that it would be quite entertaining. For example you could say "Thanks man (try to come up with a random nickname, it will add to the confusion), we should totally go out smashing mailboxes just like we did last weekend. Remember that one time you drank that urine????" This would cause a lot of confusion and embarrassment. Another one could be "Thanks :) Your the best (enter name here, hold down the last letter if you're a girl) Vacation last year was so fun!!!! Oh and I'm really sorry about accidentally stapling your head last week!" Quite Frankly, I have no idea how someone would respond to something like this.
This birthday was actually an amazing occurrence. For the first time ever, my Uncle Kevin, who you all know from the Easter Sunday post, actually called me on my birthday. Technically it was the day after, but close enough. He said happy birthday and went through the whole deal with me, and then he got to the real reason that he was calling for. He wanted me to tell everyone on the Soup Kitchen that he actually owns two boats. We then went into a discussion about how I had to specify that one was a house boat, so it's not nearly as obnoxious as owning two regular boats is. Anyway, it was a real pleasure talking about my birthday around the actual date, and not at Christmas time. NFL.com also sent me birthday wishes as well. The only problem was that they came a day early, and they were titled "Happy Birthday, Ronald." I'm not sure if it was a mistake, or if they actually think my name is Ronald. Either way, I found it hilarious.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by Fat Dub, and I find it, like the rest of the videos up here, very funny. Enjoy.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I Love Mammals... I Love 'Em!
I have totally outdone myself this time. You all know what I'm talking about. I haven't posted for over two weeks. I do have good reason for doing so, however, so don't tell me I blew it, like Billy did to Mr. I Pee My Pants. The reason I haven't posted in a while is because I have been working on a project for biology class to finish of the year. You could call me White and Nerdy (I hate that kid) but not because I am a nerd. It is because I am a parody champ; in this case it was of Asher Roth's I Love College. The reason I am not linking you to that video is because it was not our true inspiration. First, for some background information.
A few years back, a few students in Ms. Szeliga's bio class made a parody of the song Lose Yourself about DNA replication, and other such things. She shows this to each of her classes and said it was the best she had ever gotten. A few of us fellows from class got together and decided to one-up the movie with a pure one of our own. The cast of characters is a regular Soup Kitchen lineup: Jack Eiel, Jake Enterlin, and Omar Randall. The project had to be about a phylum, so the natural choice was mammals, after all, that's what humans are. You will believe me later on when I show you the video, but it is one of the finest pieces of film on the net.
The true inspiration for I Love Mammals was a video by the Davidson Show, I Love Commons. Now, I'm not sure if Mammals tops Commons, only because Commons is straight up legendary. We modeled the video and the lyrics off of it, but we have outtakes at the end that will just blow your mind. Contrary to what my good friend Kara Nac thinks (There is your shout-out, happy now #1 fan?), I was not wearing a woman's shirt during part of the filming. It is actually called a wife beater, similar to the one my favorite bandleader was seen wearing at the VCU-UCLA game. The straps on mine were thinner than the rest of the beater's straps because I got a raw deal. Nonetheless, a wife beater it is. And just so everyone knows, while Gossmar may have seemed like a legit rapper, which he was, your opinion would be a bit different had you heard and seen the million other takes in which he was horri-awful. The outtakes were all him, especially the voice-overs, so AMPAP to O-Star Superstar (Take special note of this, because it will most likely be the last time I will ever give AMPAP, make that any props, to Gossmar.)
We are planning on becoming full-fledged Youtube stars, and considering the 172 views in the first two days, we are on track to do so. We already have a second song/video planned, but I refuse to give it away on here. Maybe on a later Soup Kitchen post I will slip something in about it, so look out. But other than that, our lips are sealed. Just so everyone knows, in my voiceover, I wasn't there, it was Omar, not me, speaking, and I actually do love Greg Oden's Beard. Without further ado, I Love Mammals (I included the link if any of you were so inclined to comment or favorite it on youtube.)
(Editor's Note: After I posted this, it was brought to my attention that the embedded video below is off center, so I highly suggest you click on the link above. Thanks and sorry about the error, I will work on getting it fixed.)
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
A few years back, a few students in Ms. Szeliga's bio class made a parody of the song Lose Yourself about DNA replication, and other such things. She shows this to each of her classes and said it was the best she had ever gotten. A few of us fellows from class got together and decided to one-up the movie with a pure one of our own. The cast of characters is a regular Soup Kitchen lineup: Jack Eiel, Jake Enterlin, and Omar Randall. The project had to be about a phylum, so the natural choice was mammals, after all, that's what humans are. You will believe me later on when I show you the video, but it is one of the finest pieces of film on the net.
The true inspiration for I Love Mammals was a video by the Davidson Show, I Love Commons. Now, I'm not sure if Mammals tops Commons, only because Commons is straight up legendary. We modeled the video and the lyrics off of it, but we have outtakes at the end that will just blow your mind. Contrary to what my good friend Kara Nac thinks (There is your shout-out, happy now #1 fan?), I was not wearing a woman's shirt during part of the filming. It is actually called a wife beater, similar to the one my favorite bandleader was seen wearing at the VCU-UCLA game. The straps on mine were thinner than the rest of the beater's straps because I got a raw deal. Nonetheless, a wife beater it is. And just so everyone knows, while Gossmar may have seemed like a legit rapper, which he was, your opinion would be a bit different had you heard and seen the million other takes in which he was horri-awful. The outtakes were all him, especially the voice-overs, so AMPAP to O-Star Superstar (Take special note of this, because it will most likely be the last time I will ever give AMPAP, make that any props, to Gossmar.)
We are planning on becoming full-fledged Youtube stars, and considering the 172 views in the first two days, we are on track to do so. We already have a second song/video planned, but I refuse to give it away on here. Maybe on a later Soup Kitchen post I will slip something in about it, so look out. But other than that, our lips are sealed. Just so everyone knows, in my voiceover, I wasn't there, it was Omar, not me, speaking, and I actually do love Greg Oden's Beard. Without further ado, I Love Mammals (I included the link if any of you were so inclined to comment or favorite it on youtube.)
(Editor's Note: After I posted this, it was brought to my attention that the embedded video below is off center, so I highly suggest you click on the link above. Thanks and sorry about the error, I will work on getting it fixed.)
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Vote America: The Dream Ticket '09
I would like to start out this post by saying that I am not necessarily voting for the Dream Ticket, not yet anyway. The Sobel Soup, being a fair and democratic-minded soul, is deciding on election day by the speeches, and I think you all should too. I am simply writing this post to let you all know about some of my favorite candidates.
First, some background information. The Dream Ticket is comprised of three upstanding gentlemen, Braden "The Executioner" Harris, Noah "Da Lil' Rag" Frick, and Will Prince, who has become very well known to all those who read the Soup Kitchen as Fat Dub. Their mission: to be elected to student council. Their slogan: Vote America. Now, if you think, judging by this slogan, that these men aren't taking this seriously, you are dead wrong. They have been planning this for over a year now and have spent a lot of time campaigning. This includes an excellent poster, which features these fellows' rugged mugs, with the slogan underneath. Don't let the short description fool you, it's probably the most professional poster I have ever seen in school. Actually, I have to correct that. Make that last sentence read "was the most professional poster I have ever seen." Apparently, an opponent of the Dream Ticket sought to it that this poster was destroyed. Braden found it defaced, folded, and spat on. I suppose this just goes to show how wary the competition is of these three lads. Onto the introductions.
Braden Harris is many things, an absolute baller being one of them. Besides having the respect of all his fellow classmates, he's a visionary with an independent soul. Seriously, he puts The Most Interesting Man in the World to shame. Just to sum it up, Braden is an all-around great guy. He is also the tallest one by a mile on this ticket.
Noah Frick is a pretty interesting fellow himself. He is a great organizer, shown perfectly in that he is the founder and most active member of the Swat Team/Strath Haven Crazies, the most loyal cheering section in America. He is also fairly small, but, more importantly, he has a perfect bone structure. When with Noah, you almost feel like you're hanging out with your own teletubby. He's a short, little guy that puts a smile on everyone's face.
You all know Fat Dub pretty well. Along with being a proactive, intelligent man, he is one of the most BA people I know. In fact, Will is so bad to the bone, I can't even tell you what he does that makes him so. Don't fret over having a criminal on your student council, I assure you he has done nothing to break the law. Trust me on this one, you would be impressed if you knew. Just to add in another two cents, Will is nearly as small as Noah,. He has him by an inch, maybe, but doesn't have the perfect bone structure to brag about.
That's about all you need to know about these guys. As you can see, you have the total package with the Dream Ticket: The ideas, the organization, and the power to get it done.
___________________________________________________
I had an interesting day today. I'm sure all of you have wondered the question that pretty much defines life. Of course, I am talking abouthow many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Well, I have the answer. Today, it took me 653 licks to get from one side to the center of the Tootsie Pop. None other than the trustworthy Jack Eiel can attest for me. I took several pictures of me with the licked Tootsie Pop and plan on sending it into the headquarters and see if I can get a commercial out of it. I'm assuming many others have completed this feat, considering it took me one lollipop and about 20 minutes to do it, but I doubt any of those people have a blog/are web sensations, so they might take the chance.
___________________________________________________
I have been asked to apologize for statements made in my last post having to do with my teammate, Nick Maillet (1 Ball). In fact, it was Nick's nickname (If I was writing for Freddie Mitchell's blog, this would be a perfect place for "LOL") in particular that I was asked to apologize for, by Mr. Maillet himself, of course. So Nick, I am a little sorry for letting the world know that it is your nickname. This is kind of like that thing where I'm not sorry that I did it, I'm just sorry that he found out. I know what you are thinking and yeah, this is awkward.
___________________________________________________
I have to give a special "Happy Birthday" shoutout to the current guest poster, TBD, Jake Enterlin. While many have come to calling him T.B., he would like me to remind all of you that that's in the past. Apparently, he prefers Snake. I normally don't do these types of shoutouts, so don't come asking. It's only because he is so involved that he has his own post label.
I do have to shout out to someone else in this spot, however. I'm talking about the K-Dog, the X-Factor, Keith DeCindis. He is a loyal follower of the blog, and has constantly been asking for a shoutout. He specifically wants me to acknowledge his matball skills. Some say he is the best pitcher in the school, but today was not his best showing. The X quit after letting up quite a lot of runs today. I told him that quitters never get in, but I need to challenge him. I'll be sure to let you all know if he indeed comes up big in a matball game before the end of the year. The pressure is on, X-Factor.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by another anonymous viewer and I find it hilarious. Below, you can find Kellen Winslow Jr. literally freaking out. I have no idea how those reporters contained their laughter when he belted out the part about being a soldier. Quite rich, quite rich indeed.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
First, some background information. The Dream Ticket is comprised of three upstanding gentlemen, Braden "The Executioner" Harris, Noah "Da Lil' Rag" Frick, and Will Prince, who has become very well known to all those who read the Soup Kitchen as Fat Dub. Their mission: to be elected to student council. Their slogan: Vote America. Now, if you think, judging by this slogan, that these men aren't taking this seriously, you are dead wrong. They have been planning this for over a year now and have spent a lot of time campaigning. This includes an excellent poster, which features these fellows' rugged mugs, with the slogan underneath. Don't let the short description fool you, it's probably the most professional poster I have ever seen in school. Actually, I have to correct that. Make that last sentence read "was the most professional poster I have ever seen." Apparently, an opponent of the Dream Ticket sought to it that this poster was destroyed. Braden found it defaced, folded, and spat on. I suppose this just goes to show how wary the competition is of these three lads. Onto the introductions.
Braden Harris is many things, an absolute baller being one of them. Besides having the respect of all his fellow classmates, he's a visionary with an independent soul. Seriously, he puts The Most Interesting Man in the World to shame. Just to sum it up, Braden is an all-around great guy. He is also the tallest one by a mile on this ticket.
Noah Frick is a pretty interesting fellow himself. He is a great organizer, shown perfectly in that he is the founder and most active member of the Swat Team/Strath Haven Crazies, the most loyal cheering section in America. He is also fairly small, but, more importantly, he has a perfect bone structure. When with Noah, you almost feel like you're hanging out with your own teletubby. He's a short, little guy that puts a smile on everyone's face.
You all know Fat Dub pretty well. Along with being a proactive, intelligent man, he is one of the most BA people I know. In fact, Will is so bad to the bone, I can't even tell you what he does that makes him so. Don't fret over having a criminal on your student council, I assure you he has done nothing to break the law. Trust me on this one, you would be impressed if you knew. Just to add in another two cents, Will is nearly as small as Noah,. He has him by an inch, maybe, but doesn't have the perfect bone structure to brag about.
That's about all you need to know about these guys. As you can see, you have the total package with the Dream Ticket: The ideas, the organization, and the power to get it done.
___________________________________________________
I had an interesting day today. I'm sure all of you have wondered the question that pretty much defines life. Of course, I am talking abouthow many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Well, I have the answer. Today, it took me 653 licks to get from one side to the center of the Tootsie Pop. None other than the trustworthy Jack Eiel can attest for me. I took several pictures of me with the licked Tootsie Pop and plan on sending it into the headquarters and see if I can get a commercial out of it. I'm assuming many others have completed this feat, considering it took me one lollipop and about 20 minutes to do it, but I doubt any of those people have a blog/are web sensations, so they might take the chance.
___________________________________________________
I have been asked to apologize for statements made in my last post having to do with my teammate, Nick Maillet (1 Ball). In fact, it was Nick's nickname (If I was writing for Freddie Mitchell's blog, this would be a perfect place for "LOL") in particular that I was asked to apologize for, by Mr. Maillet himself, of course. So Nick, I am a little sorry for letting the world know that it is your nickname. This is kind of like that thing where I'm not sorry that I did it, I'm just sorry that he found out. I know what you are thinking and yeah, this is awkward.
___________________________________________________
I have to give a special "Happy Birthday" shoutout to the current guest poster, TBD, Jake Enterlin. While many have come to calling him T.B., he would like me to remind all of you that that's in the past. Apparently, he prefers Snake. I normally don't do these types of shoutouts, so don't come asking. It's only because he is so involved that he has his own post label.
I do have to shout out to someone else in this spot, however. I'm talking about the K-Dog, the X-Factor, Keith DeCindis. He is a loyal follower of the blog, and has constantly been asking for a shoutout. He specifically wants me to acknowledge his matball skills. Some say he is the best pitcher in the school, but today was not his best showing. The X quit after letting up quite a lot of runs today. I told him that quitters never get in, but I need to challenge him. I'll be sure to let you all know if he indeed comes up big in a matball game before the end of the year. The pressure is on, X-Factor.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by another anonymous viewer and I find it hilarious. Below, you can find Kellen Winslow Jr. literally freaking out. I have no idea how those reporters contained their laughter when he belted out the part about being a soldier. Quite rich, quite rich indeed.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Entertaining Week That Was
A lot has happened over the past week, and it would be really tough for me not to let you all in on what went down. Just a word of advice: you might want to break this one up into sections if you don't have that much time on your hands because it's pretty long. I don't want to hear any complaining, so tough it out if you want to read the whole thing.
First things first, I was told by Sam Pinecone, who is the 3rd fastest, that I had the 5th fastest 800 time in the school, according to PennTrackXC.com. For those of you who are saying "Wow, only 5th fastest. That's really not something to be showing off about," you don't even know the half of it. First of all, I am not the 5th fastest 800 time in the school. I am probably around 11th or 12th. That's not the most important thing that came out of this situation, however. You see, this website allows the athletes to make their own personal profiles. While most people would blow this off as a waste of time, I am a web sensation, so I had to personalize it. At first, I made my picture George Clooney. Then I changed my athletic achievements to the following:
Gym Class Hero: Straight A+'s 2 years running. PR's: Flex Arm Hang- 33.2 seconds. Yeah, 33.2... wasn't even trying. Pushups- 93. In 60 seconds. I showed off my bulging muscles for the last 10. A member of the International Curling Hall of Fame for innovative techniques now used across the sport. Has thrown 3 no-hitters, including one perfect game, in wiffleball. Nolan Ryan should probably watch out. Recorded the game-winning hit in first round Texas League Baseball Playoff game (Note: Highlight of baseball career). Shot a course record of 9 strokes at Pirate Putt-Putt Golf in Avalon. This was done over 18 holes.
Unfortunately, Jeffrey J. caught wind of this and made me take them down. I did leave up my personal information, as follows:
Enjoys wearing a nice pair of slacks. Has a hit blog, a web sensation. Witty, great personality. Traveled across the world last year and has a profound view on life since his trip. Now refers to himself in third person. Lack of modesty dully noted. Hopes to live on the moon, not for the advancement of world technological gains, but rather to use it as own personal golf course as seen in Tiger Woods Gatorade commercial.
Unfortunately, it is impossible to view my personal information regardless of whether you are a member or not. Thanks a lot, PennTrackXC, for providing me with humor for at least a few minutes.
___________________________________________________
Besides creating a profile that no one can see, the Sobel Soup also got his haircut. Trying to stay cool for the summer, I went with a bit of a shorter cut. Somehow, this resulted in me receiving an uptown fade, similar to the one 'Nique can be seen sporting in that fantastic cartoon drawing. This of course drew the ire of many of my friends, mostly O-Star Superstar. I have learned to ignore the criticism and to love my uptown fade.
___________________________________________________
Late one night this week, I saw Jeffrey J. jamming out to a song on his laptop. Now, he had his earphones in, and was totally getting into it, so I just had to see what it was. I walked over and asked what he was listening to, while grabbing the mouse to click on iTunes to see for myself. Jeff was unprepared to say the least when he squeaked out a "Just..." I would finish his sentence myself after seeing what it was. My father was listening to How To Save a Life by The Fray (of course I gave the Grey's Anatomy version, what else would you expect.) I was shocked and ashamed, and at the same time gave Jeffrey J. non-stop grief for the unspeakable act he had just committed. He tried to play it off by saying it just landed on that, but the song was clearly just clicked on, considering it had the dark blue line on it. I came back later and checked on him again, and he was listening to The Boss, also known as The King to a fool known as Colin Campies (By the way, check out Clarence in the orange jumpsuit in that video). Not even that could make up for Jeff's indulgence in a popular but awful pop rock group.
___________________________________________________
On Friday, Strath Haven students all received their yearbooks. I was pretty happy with it, except for one HUGE mistake. I am of course talking about the Celebrity Look Alikes section. I know what you are thinking, and yes, they did neglect to put in the Sobel Soup and Michael Phelps. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it. To add insult to injury, there were some weak matches in there too. Julia Reitenbach and Ali Lohan?!?!? Seriously?!? (To quote Keller/K-Smoove, "The question mark/exclamation point combo is just genius. It's like, I really want to know your answer!!!") If the Sobel Soup doesn't get in there next year, he will have some problems to take up with the Yearbook Staff, to say the least.
___________________________________________________
The most enjoyable part of my week had to be the weekend. This was spent in Maryland for a soccer tournament. Friday night, I went out to eat at Longhorn Steakhouse with two of my teammates, Nick Maillet (also known as 1-Ball, don't ask) and Kelsey Beck-Cullen. While ordering my food, I was interrupted by loud clapping and a ridiculously long chant about food that somehow had to do with birthdays at another table. To say the least, we laughed heartily about the chant for a few minutes. Kelsey then got up, I assumed it was for a trip to the restrooms. He came back and informed us both that it was my birthday tonight. This was obviously a lie, considering my birthday is not for another 2 and a half weeks. Kelsey, however, told the waiter that it was just so he would be able to see the chant done to me. He was considering not telling me, but thankfully I was notified so I wasn't totally shocked. We ate maybe half of the delicious food that we ordered, they serve them big over at Longhorn, and awaited the moment of truth. We heard the clapping start from all the way across the restaurant and knew it was coming. It turned out not to be as long or as embarrassing as I thought it would have been, and I got a free dessert out of it. The whole experience was, however, ridiculously funny. That would just be the beginning of interesting eateries in Maryland. The following night I went to The Cheesecake Factory, accompanied by Nick, Kelsey, Xander Rizzello (of previous Soup Kitchen fame), and his parents. Our waitress started off by asking us if we could see alright. It being very dark in the restaurant, we asked for some more light, a candle maybe. Judging by her supremely awkward response and by the fact that she didn't bring us any light, she clearly used this as a comedic opening line that most people probably don't think is funny. At all. This waitress also loved the menu. We could tell because after each of us ordered our stuff, she would say "Oh, that's really good, one of my favorites." Not only that, but she had a nickname for everything on the menu. For example, she asked us how we enjoyed the Spicy Buffalo Chicken Fingers, and we said they were quite good. She responded by saying that "Oh good, I love The Blasts." Towards the end of the night, we were all making comments about her very portly figure. Xander's dad said it best when he emphasized that "she can't resist the Cheesecake!!!!" Unfortunately for all of us, the waitress was standing very close to our table and may or may not have heard the comments. We probably deserved spit in our cheesecakes at the end, and we probably got it anyway. They were delicious nonetheless.
Not only did The Cheesecake Factory have great food, the trip there also taught me a number of lessons. The first one was that The Cheesecake Factory does not only serve cheesecake. Judging by the name, I had previously thought that they sold cheesecake there, but nothing else. I was totally wrong. It probably had the biggest selection of food I have ever seen. Besides learning not to judge a book by its cover, I found out about how to get parmesan cheese put on your dish by an employee. A helper came over with parmesan cheese and asked if anyone would like it on their meal. I said I would, and she proceeded to grate the cheese onto my plate. Now, I had no idea that you were supposed to tell the person when to stop putting it on. Because of that little mix-up in communication, she grated cheese for literally 25 seconds while I looked around in wonder at the others at my table. Finally she stopped and walked away, but by that point I probably had more parmesan cheese on my plate than I did pasta. I will never forget that valuable lesson that was taught to me at Cheesecake. The meal was still pretty good, too.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by The Big Kit, Ankit Prasad, a huge fan of the Soup Kitchen. He has been waiting for a while for me to put in this video, and he is pretty obsessed with the guy in it. While not loving it on Kit's level, I do think his rendition of Lollipop is excellent.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
First things first, I was told by Sam Pinecone, who is the 3rd fastest, that I had the 5th fastest 800 time in the school, according to PennTrackXC.com. For those of you who are saying "Wow, only 5th fastest. That's really not something to be showing off about," you don't even know the half of it. First of all, I am not the 5th fastest 800 time in the school. I am probably around 11th or 12th. That's not the most important thing that came out of this situation, however. You see, this website allows the athletes to make their own personal profiles. While most people would blow this off as a waste of time, I am a web sensation, so I had to personalize it. At first, I made my picture George Clooney. Then I changed my athletic achievements to the following:
Gym Class Hero: Straight A+'s 2 years running. PR's: Flex Arm Hang- 33.2 seconds. Yeah, 33.2... wasn't even trying. Pushups- 93. In 60 seconds. I showed off my bulging muscles for the last 10. A member of the International Curling Hall of Fame for innovative techniques now used across the sport. Has thrown 3 no-hitters, including one perfect game, in wiffleball. Nolan Ryan should probably watch out. Recorded the game-winning hit in first round Texas League Baseball Playoff game (Note: Highlight of baseball career). Shot a course record of 9 strokes at Pirate Putt-Putt Golf in Avalon. This was done over 18 holes.
Unfortunately, Jeffrey J. caught wind of this and made me take them down. I did leave up my personal information, as follows:
Enjoys wearing a nice pair of slacks. Has a hit blog, a web sensation. Witty, great personality. Traveled across the world last year and has a profound view on life since his trip. Now refers to himself in third person. Lack of modesty dully noted. Hopes to live on the moon, not for the advancement of world technological gains, but rather to use it as own personal golf course as seen in Tiger Woods Gatorade commercial.
Unfortunately, it is impossible to view my personal information regardless of whether you are a member or not. Thanks a lot, PennTrackXC, for providing me with humor for at least a few minutes.
___________________________________________________
Besides creating a profile that no one can see, the Sobel Soup also got his haircut. Trying to stay cool for the summer, I went with a bit of a shorter cut. Somehow, this resulted in me receiving an uptown fade, similar to the one 'Nique can be seen sporting in that fantastic cartoon drawing. This of course drew the ire of many of my friends, mostly O-Star Superstar. I have learned to ignore the criticism and to love my uptown fade.
___________________________________________________
Late one night this week, I saw Jeffrey J. jamming out to a song on his laptop. Now, he had his earphones in, and was totally getting into it, so I just had to see what it was. I walked over and asked what he was listening to, while grabbing the mouse to click on iTunes to see for myself. Jeff was unprepared to say the least when he squeaked out a "Just..." I would finish his sentence myself after seeing what it was. My father was listening to How To Save a Life by The Fray (of course I gave the Grey's Anatomy version, what else would you expect.) I was shocked and ashamed, and at the same time gave Jeffrey J. non-stop grief for the unspeakable act he had just committed. He tried to play it off by saying it just landed on that, but the song was clearly just clicked on, considering it had the dark blue line on it. I came back later and checked on him again, and he was listening to The Boss, also known as The King to a fool known as Colin Campies (By the way, check out Clarence in the orange jumpsuit in that video). Not even that could make up for Jeff's indulgence in a popular but awful pop rock group.
___________________________________________________
On Friday, Strath Haven students all received their yearbooks. I was pretty happy with it, except for one HUGE mistake. I am of course talking about the Celebrity Look Alikes section. I know what you are thinking, and yes, they did neglect to put in the Sobel Soup and Michael Phelps. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it. To add insult to injury, there were some weak matches in there too. Julia Reitenbach and Ali Lohan?!?!? Seriously?!? (To quote Keller/K-Smoove, "The question mark/exclamation point combo is just genius. It's like, I really want to know your answer!!!") If the Sobel Soup doesn't get in there next year, he will have some problems to take up with the Yearbook Staff, to say the least.
___________________________________________________
The most enjoyable part of my week had to be the weekend. This was spent in Maryland for a soccer tournament. Friday night, I went out to eat at Longhorn Steakhouse with two of my teammates, Nick Maillet (also known as 1-Ball, don't ask) and Kelsey Beck-Cullen. While ordering my food, I was interrupted by loud clapping and a ridiculously long chant about food that somehow had to do with birthdays at another table. To say the least, we laughed heartily about the chant for a few minutes. Kelsey then got up, I assumed it was for a trip to the restrooms. He came back and informed us both that it was my birthday tonight. This was obviously a lie, considering my birthday is not for another 2 and a half weeks. Kelsey, however, told the waiter that it was just so he would be able to see the chant done to me. He was considering not telling me, but thankfully I was notified so I wasn't totally shocked. We ate maybe half of the delicious food that we ordered, they serve them big over at Longhorn, and awaited the moment of truth. We heard the clapping start from all the way across the restaurant and knew it was coming. It turned out not to be as long or as embarrassing as I thought it would have been, and I got a free dessert out of it. The whole experience was, however, ridiculously funny. That would just be the beginning of interesting eateries in Maryland. The following night I went to The Cheesecake Factory, accompanied by Nick, Kelsey, Xander Rizzello (of previous Soup Kitchen fame), and his parents. Our waitress started off by asking us if we could see alright. It being very dark in the restaurant, we asked for some more light, a candle maybe. Judging by her supremely awkward response and by the fact that she didn't bring us any light, she clearly used this as a comedic opening line that most people probably don't think is funny. At all. This waitress also loved the menu. We could tell because after each of us ordered our stuff, she would say "Oh, that's really good, one of my favorites." Not only that, but she had a nickname for everything on the menu. For example, she asked us how we enjoyed the Spicy Buffalo Chicken Fingers, and we said they were quite good. She responded by saying that "Oh good, I love The Blasts." Towards the end of the night, we were all making comments about her very portly figure. Xander's dad said it best when he emphasized that "she can't resist the Cheesecake!!!!" Unfortunately for all of us, the waitress was standing very close to our table and may or may not have heard the comments. We probably deserved spit in our cheesecakes at the end, and we probably got it anyway. They were delicious nonetheless.
Not only did The Cheesecake Factory have great food, the trip there also taught me a number of lessons. The first one was that The Cheesecake Factory does not only serve cheesecake. Judging by the name, I had previously thought that they sold cheesecake there, but nothing else. I was totally wrong. It probably had the biggest selection of food I have ever seen. Besides learning not to judge a book by its cover, I found out about how to get parmesan cheese put on your dish by an employee. A helper came over with parmesan cheese and asked if anyone would like it on their meal. I said I would, and she proceeded to grate the cheese onto my plate. Now, I had no idea that you were supposed to tell the person when to stop putting it on. Because of that little mix-up in communication, she grated cheese for literally 25 seconds while I looked around in wonder at the others at my table. Finally she stopped and walked away, but by that point I probably had more parmesan cheese on my plate than I did pasta. I will never forget that valuable lesson that was taught to me at Cheesecake. The meal was still pretty good, too.
___________________________________________________
This video was sent in by The Big Kit, Ankit Prasad, a huge fan of the Soup Kitchen. He has been waiting for a while for me to put in this video, and he is pretty obsessed with the guy in it. While not loving it on Kit's level, I do think his rendition of Lollipop is excellent.
Always Serving,
Sobel Soup
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